The art of communication
September 2011 Monthly Bulletin
Communicating in today’s world
Your body language speaks volumes
Did you know that over 50 percent of communication is sent through body language?¹ Words
carry only half the message. The rest is sent through gestures, eye contact, facial expressions,
tone of voice and the way we carry ourselves. More...
Worklife balance
Listen up for better communication
At work, home or in any other situation, your listening skills affect your relationships and
interactions. Here are some ways to improve your communication through better listening.
More...
Communicating with teens
Improving communication with teens
The teen years — what a challenge for parents and kids! Teens struggle to break away from the
family “nest” and fit in with their friends. Yet they still have childhood needs for your protection
and care. More...
Getting past getting your way
A guide to cooperation
Have you ever thought or said, “It’s my way or the highway?” More often than not, this is not a
good stance to take. Why? More...
¹ www.changingminds.org
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44.22.909.1-HH (09/11)
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September 2011
Monthly Bulletin
Communicating in
today’s world
Your body language speaks volumes
Did you know that over 50 percent of
communication is sent through body
language?¹ Words carry only half the
message. The rest is sent through
gestures, eye contact, facial expressions,
tone of voice and the way we carry
ourselves.
Making verbal and nonverbal messages match
Why is this important? We interact and
build relationships through
communication. Since body language is
part of communicating effectively, it’s
essential to learn about it.
■ What does your body
language say?
Do you ever read the newspaper while
someone is trying to talk to you? If so,
you’re likely sending a non-verbal message
that you’re not listening. Do you jump up
and down or clap when your team scores?
These are also non-verbal messages. Here
are some other samples:
This body language:
Body language can add or detract from
your message. It can also be puzzling if
what you’re doing doesn’t “match” what
you’re saying!
If you look happy while giving bad news,
it can cause confusion. Are you joking?
Are you being uncaring or cruel?
It would be clearer if you looked happy
when giving good news and seemed
concerned when giving bad news. The
same goes for other messages — for
clear communication, words and body
language need to match.
■ Getting Help
For help with personal or workplace
issues, contact your Employee Assistance
Program (EAP). These confidential services
are available 24/7 to employees, their
eligible household members and adult
children under age 26, whether they live
at home or not.
¹ www.changingminds.org
Speak volumes with good
communication
We can all use body language to make
communication more effective. Start by
Says:
Making eye contact when talking or listening
to another person
You’re really focused on the communication
Looking away or at something else while
talking or listening
You’re feeling uncomfortable or distracted
Extending your hand or making casual
contact while talking or listening
You’re showing friendship, understanding
and support
Standing with your arms crossed over your
chest while talking or listening
You’re trying to intimidate or place a barrier
between you and the other person
Smiling, giving a thumbs-up or high five
You’re showing agreement or saying “nice
work!”
Rolling your eyes or turning your back while
someone is talking to you
You strongly disagree or don’t care what the
other is saying
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paying attention to what you’re “saying”
with your body language, and make sure
those messages are what you mean!
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September 2011
Monthly Bulletin
Worklife balance
Listen up for better communication
At work, home or in any other situation,
your listening skills affect your
relationships and interactions. Here are
some ways to improve your
communication through better listening:
Give your full attention to the
speaker. Stop whatever else you’re
doing and tune in.
■
■ Show that you’re listening
—— Make eye contact. This shows you
are paying attention.
■ —— Empathize. You can say something
like, “That sounds pretty amazing/
upsetting/exciting” or “What a moment that must’ve been.”
—— Give verbal encouragements
like “Ummhmm,” or “I see” while
you’re listening.
■
■
■
Try not to think about what you’re
going to say next while the other
person is talking. Then you’re not
really listening!
■
Respond. Once the speaker is finished,
it’s your turn. Try to stick with “I”
messages rather than “you” messages.
For instance, “I wish I had known how
you felt” rather than “You should’ve
said something sooner.”
Ask questions. Good questions show
that you’ve been listening and want
more information. Keep questions openended by avoiding “why” questions
since they often make the other person
feel defensive. Try “how,” “what,” or
“when” questions.
Getting Help
For help with personal or workplace
issues, contact your Employee Assistance
Program (EAP). These confidential services
are available 24/7 to employees, their
eligible household members and adult
children under age 26, whether they live
at home or not.
It’s not easy!
Listening “by the rules” is difficult. At
times, we all interrupt, get distracted or
make assumptions. Like any skill, practice
helps. Over time, you’ll find that effective
listening leads to better communication
and relationships.
Don’t interrupt. You’ll get your chance
for questions later. Right now, the
speaker has “the floor.”
At the end, restate what you’ve
heard. This lets you check out your
understanding and gives the speaker a
chance to clarify. You can use phrases
like, “So what I think you’re saying is…”
or “Let me make sure I understand.
You’re feeling….”
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September 2011
Monthly Bulletin
Communicating
with teens
Improving communications with teens
The teen years — what a challenge for
parents and kids! Teens struggle to break
away from the family “nest” and fit in
with their friends. Yet they still have
childhood needs for your protection and
care.
■
Teetering between adolescence and
adulthood, teens can come across with
lots of bravado. They may really want your
advice but hesitate to ask for it. They may
believe that adults won’t “understand” or
will step in and tell them what to do.
■
You can work on staying connected to
your teens by using the communication
tips below.
Be a good listener
■
■
■
■
■
Listen with an open mind.
■
Be honest but not hurtful.
■
Listen to teens and also observe body
language for the deeper meaning
behind the words.
■
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For help with personal or workplace
issues, contact your Employee Assistance
Program (EAP). These confidential services
are available 24/7 to employees, their
eligible household members and adult
children under age 26, whether they live
at home or not.
Avoid saying the dreaded “I told you
so.”
■
■
Ask for your teens’ input on family issues
so they feel their ideas are valued.
Never attack or put down your teens or
their friends.
Getting Help
Help teens feel comfortable
talking to you
Teens are sensitive. Even if their
problems seem minor to you, express
sympathy and understanding.
Increase teens’ sense of
responsibility
■
Avoid hurting feelings
When your teen wants to talk, stop and
listen. If you’re too busy, set a later time
to talk – and keep the date!
Focus on conversation, not
confrontation.
Guide your teens in the right direction
and give choices. Rather than tell them
what to do, try to allow them to make
some decisions for themselves.
■
■
Use open-ended questions. For example,
instead of “Was the party fun?” try
“Who was at the party?” That way,
you’ll learn who attended and, if you
nod and stay quiet, you may even hear
more!
If you have a strong, negative reaction to
something your teen says, take some
time to calm down before commenting.
Focus on the positive and work together
to solve problems. Stress that mistakes
are stepping-stones to successes.
Use times like running errands, exercising
or cooking together as opportunities to
talk.
Pay attention and support activities in
which your kids are involved. While
they’re trying to be independent, they
still want you to love, support and be
interested in them!
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September 2011
Monthly Bulletin
Getting past
getting your way
A guide to cooperation
Have you ever thought or said, “It’s my way or the highway?” More often than not, this
is not a good stance to take. Why? It can hurt relationships and limit your ability to
explore other viable options.
Keeping an open mind to others’ ideas allows you to:
Send the message, “I care about you and what you think”
■ Grow and expand your own thinking
■ Getting Help
For help with personal or workplace
issues, contact your Employee Assistance
Program (EAP). These confidential services
are available 24/7 to employees, their
eligible household members and adult
children under age 26, whether they live
at home or not.
Create harmony with others at work and at home
■ Gain respect as others come to know you as a team player
■ Feel good about yourself as you develop acceptance and appreciation of others’
opinions
■ For all of these reasons, cooperation is the way toward healthier relationships. Try it today!
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The art of communication
September 2011 Monthly Bulletin
All EAP calls are confidential, except as required by law (i.e., when a person’s emotional condition
is a threat to himself/herself or others, or there is suspected abuse of a minor child, and in some
areas, spousal or elder abuse).
Information is believed to be accurate as of the production date; however, it is subject to change.
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