bandersnatch
Sending MIOs to all the C.A.L.L. students since 1971
CSKY needs DJs
In This Issue
MIO folly goes too far
Alex Callard
Office Manager
In only a couple of days, hundreds of students’ mailboxes have
filled up with nonsensical MIOs.
It began when a C.A.L.L. student
accidentally sent all the C.A.L.L.
students an MIO regarding information on a French book.
For over 25 years, CSKY
radio has been a part of
campus life at John Abbott
College. DJs circumventing
traditional radio to broadcast the music they think the
Cegep should hear, CSKY is
one of the oldest established
production clubs, not unlike our own Bandersnatch.
“We turn you on, because
you can’t turn us off !” was
their apt slogan, as CSKY
broadcast in the Munchbox,
the Cafeteria, the Agora and
the Oval Cafe. CSKY has no
actual frequency, so these
places were the only places
students could get their fix.
Recently, new Oval Cafe manager Allyson Haring stopped
broadcasting CSKY in the
Oval in favour of playing an
iPod and using a song request system to
give students more control over what they
listen to. While this may be good for the
Oval, this still leaves one less place in the
school where students can hear the already
limited CSKY being broadcast.
As it stands, CSKY is only broadcast
in the Munchbox, the Cafeteria and the
Agora, and due to general noisiness and
low volume, most students can’t even hear
the programs. Many students we polled
said that they would listen more actively
if CSKY would broadcast over a frequency,
Page 2
Poland mourns leaders
Page 4
On April 10, an aging airliner
crashed in Smolensk, Russia. From
1950 to 2009, there have been approximately 1,300 commercial
airline crashes worldwide. 50% of
all of these accidents, including the
most recent Russian one, were due to
pilot error. However, this Saturday,
the passengers on the fatal flight
included the Polish President and
members of the political, military
and church elite of Poland.
Heroes of comedy
Page 8
It was Sunday, April 11th and I
was contemplating how much I hate
the music I was being forced to listen
to. With the phone relentlessly held
to my ear, I endured every painful
second of the soft, new-age noise
pollution that filled my brain but like
Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart,
I soldiered through because I knew
it was for a good reason. I knew
that at any moment, I would have
the chance to speak with two of my
idols in comedy: Chris Rock and
Tracy Morgan.
Sections
Campus Life...................... 1
News . ................................ 4
Arts..................................... 5
Entertainment................... 7
Opinions............................. 9
Games................................ 11
or stream shows over the internet. We
spoke to Serag Bulur, CSKY Production
Manager, to see if there were any plans
to incorporate any systems like this. “We
have wanted to broadcast for awhile, and
I think we have the tech to do so but if
we do broadcast then we really have to
be on top of our game and be incredibly
professional. I’m not saying we’re lazy but
we are still students playing music and the
consequences would be greater if we were
to swear on air, for example, or forget to
play ads.”
Woman vs. Man: Sex Off
Sarah Sin
Sex Columnist
If you haven’t already noticed, men and
women are biologically very different beings,
therefore have different needs when it comes
to pleasuring each other. Though men generally respond to sexual suggestion faster than
women do, there are exceptions in both beings
that may cause a change in the pattern, usually
due to a dysfunction or extensive psychological
and physical practice. Biological differences
in the male and female are also an important
aspect in how the individual views sexuality
and what it takes to get aroused.
Some major differences in the male and
female brains consist of what parts are being
used more, what they are being used for and
how they perceive situations. For starters,
men are more capable of focusing on one
issue whereas the woman has tendencies to
look at the big picture. The problem with this
is that while men can focus their attention on
the moment, the women are thinking about
the moment along with the next 10 minutes
as well as the week ahead. Since women are
more sexually demanding in the first place,
this takes that much more away from the moment. In addition to this, men are more likely
to isolate feelings so to avoid being distracted
whereas women will tend to blend all of their
feelings and emotions together, only to cause
that much more difficulty.
Another prime issue are the differences in
senses: men are very visual beings and women
are naturally more emotionally developed and
dependant on feelings rather than just sight.
Women are more likely to get turned on by
touch or sex talk or foreplay than simply seeing their partners naked body. Of course, this
isn’t all women. As I mentioned above, there
are exceptions. Certain people are more sexually developed or have more advanced senses
than others which will make things easier, and
it works the other way around too.
The main differences men and women
have in common are related to emotions.
Women are more likely to see things through
their emotions, unlike men who process things
Wednesday, April 14th, 2010
Volume 39, Issue 13
Another problem facing CSKY that
is hindering their ability to put out
quality programming is the lack of DJs.
CSKY this semester is seeing a dangerously low number of DJs, meaning
CSKY has been unable to fill up all their
time slots. If they were to broadcast over
a frequency, they would need to keep up
the content. But why are there so few DJs
this semester?
We spoke to a former DJ who wishes
to remain anonymous. She stopped doing her show midway through this semester. For each show, she would write
the script for herself and her co-hosts,
compile a good mix of songs to fit her
alotted timeslot, and censor language
for every song that featured risky language, as per CSKY standards. So why
did she leave?
“I left CSKY because I felt as though
I wasn’t included in it at all, and that
it wasn’t as serious as the other clubs
at Abbott. CSKY was facing problems
of interest. Because it lacked interest,
those who were a part of CSKY lost
interest, but it was a vicious circle,” she
told Bandersnatch. Bill Mahon, director of
Student Activities at John Abbott, agrees.
“They’ve gone a bit lax in their mission,” he
told us. Like Bandersnatch, CSKY is a production club, and to continue being funded
both clubs need to produce content.
Unless CSKY quality improves, the
club is at risk of being shut down. However,
it’s a cycle; if there is enough DJs, CSKY
will be able to improve broadcast technology. If you are interested in becoming a DJ,
stop by H-038 for information.
as they see them. For example, a man seeing
a sexual organ is enough to turn him on- the
simple knowing of what it is, is enough for
the male to get horny. Women seeing a sexual
organ, on the other hand, will be more likely
to think of love, passion, affection, physical
touch…which can all be just as exciting as the
orgasm itself.
Between the man and the woman, the
woman will, more often than not, require more
attention. It doesn’t matter what your sexuality
is, if you’re planning on being with a woman
treat her well. Most women depend on emotions to guide them and if you are capable of
understanding that and how it affects them,
you’ve got the right tools to make your sex
life (and hers) a great, great thing. Now go put
those tools to good use!
If you’ve got any questions, concerns or if
there is something you would like to see covered in the sex column, please don’t hesitate to
contact me. sarahsin@ymail.com
“Don’t have sex, man. It leads to kissing and
pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
– Steve Martin
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 1
With Will Attar
Campus Life
A fair chance well denied - Part 1
Sarah Michaud
Contributor
Every year literally thousands of high
school students send in college applications in hopes of furthering their studies
in a chosen field, or maybe just to figure
things out. More and more however, there’s
been an increase in the number of mature
and returning students applying to college
programs in order to either finish something they may have dropped out of, change
their career path or get a post-secondary
education to begin with. To add to that
rising number, the time has come for the
products of the Baby Boom generation to
attend college, therefore causing another
major increase in applicants.
This year at John Abbott College alone
there has been an increase of almost 19%
since 2007. That’s about a 700 applicant
increase at John Abbott College only. The
number might seem small, but current
students can already vouch for the lack of
space due to over-populated classrooms and
registration difficulties, imagine with that
extra 700. This creates a whole variety of issues, including how the College is allowing
those who wish to return after a probation
contract breach to prove themselves when
it’s their only way.
The increase in applicants on both ends
make sense. People had a lot of babies a
long time ago and now the kids have to
go to college. People are also realizing that
in order to make lots of money and have
recognizable careers one needs a post-secondary education of sorts at the very least.
So those who’ve either started and never
finished any post-secondary program, those
who’ve never had a chance to attend postsecondary schooling or even those who’ve
been dismissed for breaching a probation
contract and wish to return to further
their studies are making the decision to go
back to school and make something more
of themselves. Despite the fact that this is
an inconvenient time for everyone to be
thinking about going to school, something
must be done about this. Out of the 4,021
applicants this year over 2,000 will be accepted. How much over, we do not know.
What I can tell you is that admissions are
especially tough this year and if you’ve got
siblings who are having a hard time or if you
are a student on a hiatus wishing to return,
competition will be tough.
Some elements that affect the number
of students that can be admitted include
Government funding, number of students
continuing their studies at the college and
the number of students leaving. It’s hard to
determine a limit to the number of people
that can be admitted with such varying factors, however one thing I can figure out is
just what the determining factors are when
BANDERSNATCH
deciding who to admit.
Most of you know that with your generic cegep application you should submit
a letter of intent, which should include a
statement regarding why you are choosing
to pursue a certain program and why you
are deserving of the opportunity. From
my experience, the determining factor in
admission to the college is based solely on
grades: who’s got the best grades is admitted
before everyone else, no matter what their
motives are. Think about this for a second:
why is it fair to admit someone based on
high school grades alone? Wouldn’t it make
more sense to admit someone with average
grades based on their drive, their passion
for something they maybe didn’t get to pursue in high school as opposed to someone
who got the best grades in high school and
has little motivation, simply a natural flair
for getting good grades? There is something
wrong with the admissions system. Most
people don’t get great grades in high school.
Many people in fact, have no idea what they
want until it’s too late to better themselves
in high school. Many people also have parents who never attended College and grew
up with that influence. Now that they are
aware of the importance of an education,
they aren’t able to get one and pursue their
chosen field of study.
The purpose of this article was to simply
address the issue and raise some awareness.
There are many questions in relation to
this topic and though I could not get them
all for this week I will continue to do the
necessary research to answer the questions.
If you have any concerns regarding this,
please don’t hesitate to contact me through
the Bandersnatch e-mail: bandersnatch@
johnabbott.qc.ca
MIO folly evolves into flame wars thread
Will Attar
Campus Life Editor
In only a couple of days, hundreds of
students’ mailboxes have filled up with
nonsensical MIOs. It began when a C.A.L.L.
student accidentally sent all the C.A.L.L.
students an MIO regarding information on
a French book. It seems that she used the
Reply All function to an MIO sent out by
Film teacher Yudi Sewraj who originally
sent a production assistant opportunity to
all C.A.L.L. students. Students then began
responding to the MIO while continuing to
use the Reply All function. At the time that
this is being written, 83 MIOs have been
sent out. Some of these messages have been
friendly and silly in hopes of relieving some
end-of-semester stress, others have been replies of rage and annoyance. Some see this as
a great opportunity for all C.A.L.L. students
to communicate with each other, while
others see this as pure spam that overloads
their email and MIO inboxes. As the thread
expanded over time, more than just C.A.L.L.
2 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
student became involved. Students from all
programs began receiving the MIO thread,
including some students who have graduated
already. I would like to share some of these
MIOs with you in case you were not part of
this mass thread. The following is copy and
pasted. There has been no correcting of any
sort and everything is as originally written.
As of April 13, all MIOs relating to this
thread have been deleted.
The Love:
SMILE! :D HERE COMES THE SUNSHINE!
AND THE END OF SCHOOL FOR SUMMMMMMMMER!! PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE
AIR PEOPLE! :D
-C.C.
We should get the rest of the school in on the
fun.
-V.D.
Guys, I really like this. It’s bringing us together.
I’ve never felt closer to the CALL program.
-A.C.
1st of all Unircorns are real // Oumpa Loupas
do exsist // and water has zero calories, kind
of life you weren’t drinking at all // I was born
in a stable, like Jesus // My mother has four
arms // Chinease fried rice contains CAT MEAT!
// To be more energy efficient, we should drive
golf carts and not cars. // An asian is standing
John Abbott College
21275 Lakeshore Road
P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue,
Quebec, Canada H9X 3L9
Phone: (514) 457-6610 ext. 5389
Fax:
(514) 457-6091
Office: H-041
Web:
http://www.bandersnatch.ca/
E-mail: bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
Matt Guité
Editor-in-Chief
Stephanie Hunziker
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Lance Bui
News Editor
Will Attar
Campus Life Editor
Dominique Daoust
Entertainment Editor
Patricia Fitzgibbon
Arts Editor
François Dumouchel
Opinions Editor
Andrew Hachey
Games Editor
Amanda Gallo
Sports Editor
David Alexander
Production Manager
Alex Callard
Office Manager
Scott Brereton
Webmaster
next to me, His name is Wayne // 1-800-6682253 Kraft foods customers service hotline
// DO you all know Andy Milonakis? // NO!? :0
well google that shit NOWWWW // KBYEE
-R.S.
The Hate:
Woww. How immature can people get. Are you
sure you are attending college and not high
school?
-E.L.
first all of all I am extremely unhappy with
you people who waste my time by sending me
spam.
-C.C
THIS IS WHY I HATE THE KIDS IN CREATIVE
ARTS AND LITERATURE! SUCK IT!!! -C.E.
Okay, so now that we all see how immature our
program is, everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP. This
is getting ridiculous. Grow up, or take this elsewhere, 560 people don’t need to read random
song lyrics you post or read about what you’re
eating; we have that enough on facebook, keep
it away from mio, where people only check this
thinking that it may actually be useful information. I’m aware that i’m complaining about
messages while sending one, but hopefully this
will be the LAST. (or somebody explain to me
how I can be removed.) THANKS.
-J.S
Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at
John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks
and is partially funded by the Student Activities
Commitee and by advertising solicited members.
Submissions are welcome and become property of
Bandersnatch. Submissions must be sent via E-mail to
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca and must be in Plain
Text format (.txt) or Microsoft Word Document format
(.doc). All submissions must include the full name and
telephone number of the contributor, as well as the
e-mail address if applicable. Bandersnatch reserves the
right to reject submissions or to edit any submissions
for length, legality, or clarity. Submissions should be
a maximum of 500 words but may be printed if they
are worthwhile. Spelling and grammar will not be
corrected on submissions as it is the responsibility of
the contributor to correct them. Submissions should
be dropped off at the Bandersnatch office, located in
the basement of Herzberg, room H-041 (across from
the hallway entrance of The Oval).
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Campus Life
No-otropics
more extreme student, their strategy might
include nootropics.
Nootropics are ‘low-risk’, high gain mental
cognitive performance enhancement drugs.
Many of them are also legal, making it an
increasingly popular choice for students, and
have even sprouted the existence of online
forums dedicated to recording the effects of
nootropics tested by the users. The drugs include a lot of the perpetrators you would (or
wouldn’t?) expect; Ritalin, caffeine, nicotine,
ginseng, ginko biloba, tea, melatonin and
moderate use of alcohol. However, all of these
substances have been argued for and against
their place on nootropics list, as substances
must be tested, and meet a strict set of characteristics before being considered nootropics.
Real nootropics have met these characteristics; they should enhance learning and
memory, they should enhance the resistance
of these drugs are actually found in common food items such as chocolate and tea
and have similar effects to caffeine, although
taken in pill form in large dosages as opposed
to eating a chocolate bar can lead to several
complications. They have also been cited to be
the cause of addiction to certain food items or
can cause an addiction to the drug itself- many
other nootropics have also been cited to have
these effects.
Other drugs such as Rolipram are used
in the long term to improve memory and in
the short term improve wakefulness with few
side effects. Tinaneptine is a nootropic used to
regulate mood, especially used to fight major
fits of depression, however it also induces
several unpleasant side effects such as constipation to insomnia. Despite the fact that on paper
these drugs are listed as low-risk, high gain
stimulants and stabilizers, they are not without
a darker side- the repetitive and constant use
of any drug can lead to psychological dependency, in which the repetitive user begins to
believe that he or she can only perform more
difficult mental tasks by using drugs.
The best nootropics remains a balanced
diet, which includes fats, vitamins, protein,
antioxidants and minerals. A balanced and
nourishing diet combined with calming and
Genocide Seminar
Matt Guité
Editor-in-Chief
As students, we often spend hours of
our time on projects and essays which,
in the end, will only ever be seen by our
teacher and by ourselves. The effort put
into these works is substantial, but we
rarely have the means or the responsibility to share it with others.
This semester, however, I find myself in a very unusual situation. In my
English class “Documenting Barbarism”,
the class has been split up into several
groups, each assigned with putting together a display focusing on one of the
eight stages of Genocide: Classification,
S y m b o l i z at i o n , D e hu m a n i z at i o n ,
Organization, Polarization, Preparation,
Extermination and Denial.
These displays will be part of a presentation in the Agora on April 20 and
22. I spoke with my teacher, Nazareth, in
order to find out a bit more behind the
inspiration for this project.
Matt: What gave you the idea for this
project in the Agora?
Nazareth: The idea for the genocide
student seminar took fruit during a
conversation I had with my colleague
Abe Sosnowicz, who teaches a course
on the Holocaust. I know of different colleges that propose symposia on
genocide, but few actually involved the
students. We both wanted to introduce
a “hands-on” activity that would get
our students involved in every facet of
the project, from its conception to its
look.
Bandersnatch Campus Life
The idea also comes out of a question I ask myself every time I begin to
build a course and prepare instructional
strategies: Isn’t it a cardinal objective of
the humanities and literature to engage
students morally and ethically with the
very world in which they position themselves? Thus, what informs the “idea” of
the project is that it is meant to complicate the student’s thinking processes: to
push the learner to call into question
his or her own sets of tacit prejudices
(“beliefs” or “principles” or “values”); to
confront difficult questions about human
behavior; and to explore those questions
authentically with a mixture of righteous
indignation and academic objectivity,
empathy and intellectual acumen.
Me: What are you hoping your stu-
dents will gain from this project? What
do you hope students of John Abbott
will gain from it?
Nazareth: Besides offering an academic/creative challenge that requires
devotion and engagement, the collective project in the Agora is, in the end,
meant to allow students to showcase
not only the learning they’ve acquired
throughout the semester, but also to
push them to come up with insightful
ways to inform the student body at Abbott and to encourage them to take an
interest in history by looking beyond
stats, facts, and dates. The message
physically demanding activities such as yoga
or cardiovascular exercise influences memory,
learning, concentration and wakefulness.
Above all else, keeping a positive attitude and
straying away from depression is the most
sure-fire way to improve cognitive ability, as
studies have shown that happier students are
better students. So keep this in mind for the
exams and stay healthy!
to students is clear: the focus of their
study is to vindicate the humanness
of history without which no compassion and empathy is occasioned. By
researching and piecing together the
project in groups, I expect the students
to construct a type of learning experience that no book and no lecture can
teach as effectively.
Another important thing I hope
students at Abbott will gain by visiting
the Agora and taking an interest in what
their peers have done is that apathy is
not an option in and outside an academic
institution. Personally, I suppose a major
reason why I do this course is because I
wish to share with students my refusal
to live in a world where apathy and indifference are the common currency.
I suspect there are many students who
share the sentiment that cynicism and a
je-m’en-foutiste attitude just doesn’t and
won’t ever cut it.
In working on these projects, students, I believe, open themselves up to
the idea that history and learning about
the lives of others is a necessary step toward understanding the reasons behind
hatred and prejudice.
Put curtly, empathy is the emotional
willingness to enter another’s skin so
as to better appreciate, recognize, and
understand features of that person’s life
experience, an act of sympathetic identification with the non-me, the you, the
other. Empathy is an infectious catalyst:
it inspires emotional and intellectual
awareness that prompts individuals to
perceive and evaluate their engagement
with and responsibility to the historical
moments that have shaped and continue
to shape the world in which they live.
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 3
Creative advertisement pays off
Poland mourns it’s leaders
Lance Bui
News Editor
Stephanie Blakely
Staff Writer
Creative advertisement pays off
On April 10, an aging airliner crashed in
Smolensk, Russia. From 1950 to 2009, there
have been approximately 1,300 commercial
airline crashes worldwide. 50% of all of these
accidents, including the most recent Russian
one, were due to pilot error. However, this
Saturday, the passengers on the fatal flight
included the Polish President and members
of the political, military and church elite of
Poland.
Russia’s Emergency Ministry said there
were 97 dead, 88 from the Polish state delegation. President Lech Kaczynski and his wife,
the national bank president, deputy foreign
minister, army chaplain, head of the National
Security Office, deputy parliament speaker,
Olympic Committee head, civil rights
commissioner and at least two presidential
aides and three lawmakers died in the crash
last Saturday. Also among the dead were
the army chief of staff, the navy chief commander, heads of the air and land forces as
well as relatives of the Polish officers slain in
1940. They were en route to a commemoration ceremony in the Russian Katyn forest
where 22,000 Polish officers were killed by
Soviet secret police seven decades ago in one
Rona was recently awarded for a creative
advertisement that appeared for only 24 hours
in Montreal, Quebec.
The billboard ad was placed sometime during
the night under one featuring the new iPod nano.
This alteration of the iPod nano poster effectively
reads “We collect the leftover paint” and this publicity stunt was clever enough to get Rona and its
publicity agency the Grand Créa 2010.
The 5th Créa awards, organized by Les
Éditions Infopresse in Montreal, recognized Rona
for the audacious move and for the brief lapse of
time when the stunt went viral over the internet
and in the media.
Old news, same controversial sandwich
Almost eight months ago, Kentucky Fried
Chicken (KFC) introduced a new sandwich
named the Double Down. The sandwich is nothing more than two pieces of bacon, two pieces
of cheese and the Colonel’s secret sauce stuck
between two pieces of fried chicken.
A quick search of the Double Down in a few
news outlets shows many headlines that read
“How to have a heart attack” and other variations
of the same idea. When mock estimations of
the nutritional values were made public in The
Vancouver Sun, KFC public relations representative Rick Maynard had to come forward.
By fast-food standards, the Double Down is
right there at the top of the “food chain” with 590
calories, 31 g total fat content, 10 g saturated fat
and 190 mg cholesterol..
The Double Down is deemed successful in
the few KFC outlets where it has been tested in
the United States.
of Poland’s worst massacres.
It was a historical event that created
deep rooted tension between Poland and
Russia. Nevertheless, the Russian Prime
Minister Dmitry Medvedev has declared that
“On this difficult day, the people of Russia
stand with the Polish people”. Also, Russian
Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has publicly
extended his condolences and has headed
the investigation of the crash swiftly. Both
black boxes have been found. Preliminary
data indicated that the plane hit the treetops
as it was making the approach to the airport
in poor visibility. Early indications have
determined that the cause of the crash was
most likely due to pilot error in the heavy
fog conditions which is common in the area
during the spring and fall.
Polish Parliament Speaker Bronislaw
Komorowski, who became acting president,
addressed his country saying “Poland is in
mourning, we have suffered a dramatically
painful loss.” He said he would announce
early elections within 14 days of the president’s death, in line with the constitution.
The vote must be held within another 60
days. Overall, this event may have opened
communication between Russia and Poland
and possibly have started the process of
reconciliation, but it has left both nations in
a state of shock and grief.
Solving hunger with lightning
Ryan Perrin
Contributor
Right now the planet has a population of
just under 7 billion people, and that number
is expected to rise to 8 billion by 2025. This
means that there will be many more mouths
to feed, and there already are too many hungry people on the planet. That being said, it
would be very useful if we could find ways
to produce more food than we do now. One
possible way to increase harvests that Japanese
scientists have been researching is the use of
lightning.
T h a t ’s r i g h t ,
lightning. As part
of a four year study,
researchers at Iwata
University in Japan
have recently confirmed local legends
that said that lightning increases mushroom yields. More
specifically, they
found that with jolts
of lightning strength electricity they could
double the yields of certain varieties of mushrooms, compared to traditional cultivation
methods. Out of the ten types of mushrooms
they tested, eight showed positive results, with
the shiitake and nameko varieties showing the
highest increases.
While zapping mushrooms with up to
a billion volts, for example with lightning,
4 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
would simply fry the fungi, by zapping the
logs the mushrooms are found on with between 50,000 and 100,000 volts for one tenmillionth of a second they found an increase
in the harvest. This is more like what would
happen in nature, with the mushrooms being exposed to the weakened charge from
the lightning travelling through the ground.
While they aren’t sure, the researchers believe
that the mushrooms do this as a self defence
mechanism. When they encounter such high
bursts of energy, they feel like they are in danger, and boost their reproductive processes
to increase their odds of survival. At first
they are damaged by the electrical bursts, but
quickly increase their
protein and enzyme
secretion.
There are two avenues to explore now,
say the researchers.
Firstly, they plan on
trying to find ways to
make the technology
necessary to deliver
the jolts of the electricity commercial
and safe. This way the farmers would simply
be able to add it to their cultivation methods.
Secondly, they are doing more research to see
if other types of produce respond well to being
given jolts of electricity. There have already
been positive results in tests with radishes, and
testing on beans is already being planned. This
is just another example of how mad scientistlike science can benefit all of humanity.
Hello John Abbott College!
SUJAC Executive Elections are
coming up on Monday, April 19,
in P-222. Your Congress student
representatives will be voting for
your new slate of SUJAC Executives
2010-2011: President and VicePresidents Inter nal, Academic,
Finance, and External. Watch The
Info for the announcement of who
will be protecting your rights next
year!
Elections are also approaching for Academic Council student
reps—3 Regular and 3 Replacement.
Academic Council advises
the College on various academic matters, esp e ci a l ly
programs of study and evaluation procedures. Visit the
SUJAC Office for more info
or to find out how you can
be nominated. All students
are eligible to vote during the
Academic Council student
rep election, which will take
place on Monday, April 26,
in Penfield 222.
Many of you enj o y e d t h e r e c e nt f e s t i v i ties of Multicultural Week
and we want to extend our
“C o n g r at u l at i o n s” t o t h e B e s t
B o ot h w i n n e rs : Sr i L an k a an d
Pakistan.
Three more weeks to go til the
last day of school and the famous
JAC Spr i ng fe st - - c om i ng up on
Tuesday, May 11. Let’s hope for
great weather and hope to see you
all there!
Keep in mind that your Student
Union is here for you! If you have
any problems or suggestions, come
see us in Penfield 101.
S
The
Bandersnatch News
“Mr Brindelson”
By Eleanor Winters - Contributor
There’s a giant who lives
at the end of our street,
his name is Mr. Brindelson.
He wears a black hat.
They say he’ll come into your house at night,
when Mummy is asleep,
and crack your bones
and eat your meat.
He’s skinny like an old, bent pipecleaner
and he always smells like leather.
We’re afraid.
They tell us not to be,
but I think that’s so
they don’t have to worry about
the animal bones we found under his porch.
Or the way he stares at the girls in their summer dresses,
lips tight and wizened.
“Tenticles Over Testicles”
By Tricia Fitz - Arts Editor
“Mechanics:
Cold Skin & A Battery For a Heart.”
By Jess Abran - Staff Writer
I was born in a factory.
Made by man with a lack of creativity.
I was born in a factory
Just another tool for the industry
I was made in a factory.
Yet another way to settle the economy.
I was born in a factory,
An assembly line will be the death of me.
I was born in a factory
My life pretty much consists of a Duracell battery.
I want to be free
Please let me be
My heart is lurking for some sympathy.
My skin is cold, my arms are to old for this rust has now
taken a tole me.
Just cause I’m alone, I still need a home this world is not fit
for this factory drone.
Bandersnatch Arts
We steal flowers from his lawn for dares,
hiding behind the big tree until it’s safe to run.
We throw rotten plums,
at his window;
ever since our cat went missing last summer.
His blinds are slanted
like the slits of his eyes.
We are afraid.
We’ve heard the pitter patter of little feet,
that disappeared at the end of the street.
We know the giant got Katie Wallace.
But we also know,
where my dad keeps his gun,
So we’re not afraid,
of Mr Brindelson.
“I Am Pro Death”
By Niles Vita - Contributor
I am pro death
Because I don’t have the choice
One day I will die
You and me both
I won’t take my life
I’ll leave it flourish then, decay
But feel free to take yours
Won’t dim a moment of my day
You can argue until you can only sigh
For the wrongs and for the rights
But I live by what the rocket man says
It’s the circle of life
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 5
“Beatnik beatoff”
By Dillpiks and Silvermen - Contributors
Round 1
Dillpiks:
Potatoes, Darkness, Russia
Too far
Basho.
Silvermen:
Skinny jeans, self hating, suicidal,
Not far enough
Emo.
Round 2:
Dillpiks:
Tin cans, broken bottles, newspapers
Any change?
Hobos.
Silvermen:
Sausage, member, dicks
Wanna’ drink?
Bros.
Round 3:
Dillpiks:
Bruskies, collahs, tan
Just joshin’ ya’
Cool story bro.
Silvermen:
Crunk juice, grillz, dirty clubzz
All night
All hoes.
All the hoes.
“Who’s Afraid of?”
By Eleanor Winters - Contributor
Tide; ebbs and flows in recognition.
A seagull cries out poignantly,
searching for it’s mate.
There are seashells between my toes;
sharp slivers simulating sadness,
scintillating - marked by the sun.
The sand smells rich and thick,
dusty with the nostalgia of the time
you brought me here.
We ate ice-cream,
Coupled and Doubled
and perfectly sweet.
I walk to the water,
wetness lapping at my shell-cut feet,
Rocks in my pocket;
a wannabe Virginia Woolfe.
My waist greets the ocean with abandon
and it responds with the eternal lovers caress,
slipping between me,
kissing me,
drawing me inwards.
I think of your mouth and
the sticky-lipped kiss you gifted,
when we were twelve.
I let my jacket sink,
weighted by pointless,
romantic (naive) pebbles.
The shore welcomes me
as eagerly as the waves;
sucking at my water-coated feet in gladness.
Lips that stick, sugary sweet,
eyes that squint at the sun.
Even memories leave something to live for.
“Lipan Conjuring”
By Sofia Ajram - Contributor
6 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
Bandersnatch Arts
One of Montreal’s hidden talents
Sarah Michaud
Contributor
Montreal Native Daniel Ghattas is an act
slowly but surely blooming onto the local music
scene. Though he’s been working on his music
for about a decade, only recently has Montreal
really gotten to know Ghattas, in my case
through popular social networking, something
that is giving that little bit of visibility to help
artists get out publicly. Daniel Ghattas has a style
reminiscent of a John Mayer-esque/1990’s soft
rock fusion with a hint of electro-pop and a dol-
I will remember
Abbie-Marie Green
Contributor
Remember Me is a movie to remember.
A mid-budget Romantic Drama starring
Twilight‘s Robert Pattison, James Bond‘s
Pierce Brosnan, Emile De Ravin and Chris
Cooper. Robert Pattison breaks away from his
pale, white-faced, red-lipped brooding teen
vampire to a brooding 22 year-old. Pattison’s
co-star Emile De Ravin plays a woman who
is desperate to break out of herself. The plot
line follows Tyler Hawkins (Pattison) and Ally
Craig’s (De Ravin) journey to recover from the
heartaches of their pasts. Those of you who
have seen the Remember Me trailer will expect
this movie to be a moral billboard on how to
live your life, as well as your typical love story.
The trailer failed to show that this story is very
real. In a world of depression and war we
seek happy-go-lucky movies that escort us to
wonderland. Remember Me does not send us
falling down a rabbit hole but instead drives
us head first into our reality.
Pierce Brosnan embodies the personality
of a father who has lost a son with beautiful grace. The viewers are shown his lack
of fathering towards his daughter through
Tyler’s eyes. The onscreen chemistry between
Brosnan and Pattison is like a thundercloud
of passion. The two act through the rage of
their relationship beautifully. Ruby Jerins is
a wonderful actress, who portrays her role
Bandersnatch Entertainment
lop of the beloved acoustic sound, his professed
influences, such as Our Lady Peace, Oasis, Third
Eye Blind, Jack’s Mannequin, Muse, Michelle
Branch and many more are evident.
Though working without any record label or deal at all, Ghattas is a self-proclaimed
singer/songwriter/producer who also takes
care of the drums, piano, bass, keyboards and
programming and mixes and/or masters most
of his songs. After having worked on his music
for almost a decade, he released a self-titled
album composed of ten songs, as well as a few
singles here and there, all of which are available
through iTunes.
On both his MySpace and
Facebook pages, Ghattas states “I
write, sing and record pop/rock
songs from the heart.” Despite
the generic, formulated pop/rock
moments that give off a Simple
Plan sound, as in “Can’t Let Go”,
songs like “What You Do” and
“Beautiful” bring the whole “from
the heart” feeling back to life. I
must say, however, that every
song is different and- all electronic
instruments aside, true to human
emotion. Most of his lyrics are of
simple, human moments. They
tell stories of love and loss, of
wandering through the thoughts
of life. Lyrics like ‘Why do I try
to forget you/‘Cause I can’t let go,
can’t let go/Pieces of you still remind me/That
I can’t let go of you’ (“Can’t Let Go”, written by
Daniel Ghattas, mastered by Luc Tellier. A free
download.) are, though I will admit cliché, very
relatable on many levels and people like that. In
Summer Time Ghattas writes: ‘Think I need a
good vacation/Need to get away from town/
No more choices or decisions/To think about’…
‘Summer time don’t go/Ocean water brings me
shelter/And flushes out the old/Leaving me with
something better…’ Again, something most
people can sympathize with.
The writing isn’t great, but the catchy tunes
and relatable topics make the songs what they
are: charming. I do think Ghattas has a limited
crowd however, as the music is over all simple
and modest and appealing to those who enjoy
that style of music. As someone who enjoys
both simple, catchy music and complex nonformulated, non-generic sounds but gets bored
easily, I can say that though I get a kick out of the
music I don’t think it’s something I’ll be listening
to for a long time.
One thing I must say however is that though
generic, the lyrics reflect true human emotion
without too many metaphors. Ghattas manages
to capture certain feelings and thoughts every
person has at some point and forgets about
and makes them into something accessible by
anyone who wants to find that again.
Daniel Ghattas’ music is available on iTunes
and CD Baby and you can find him both on
MySpace and Facebook.
honesty as well as having believable family
relationships with her co-stars. As a viewer
your heart goes out to this young girl. Chris
Cooper and Emile De Ravin offer the other
example of a domestic relationship. Their
relationship is tainted with the death of her
mother, yet they are still able to show the love
both of them share. If you enjoy comedies,
Remember Me offers comedic relief in Tate
Ellington’s character Aidan Hall with his
drunken antics.
I would suggest going to see this movie
for two reasons: firstly Remember Me is one
of the truest portrayals of our reality that’s
been produced in years. Secondly, the movie
is granted to touch you in one way or another.
While watching the movie, the audience were
truly connected to the characters, and they
swore and cried at the action on the screen.
The main problem with the movie is that
the pacing is relatively slow at parts. As well,
the ending is controversial since it’s not your
typical romantic ending. Without giving the
ending away, the heartaching and shocking
events we have lived through is shown truthfully in this film. Critics have a problem with
the romantic drama genre, so those of you
who have been discouraged by them, ignore
their comments and go along the journey
Remember Me offers.
New Releases
In Theaters
Date Night
Clash of the Titans
The Ghost Writer
The Bounty Hunter
CDs
MGMT - Congratulations
Sightings - City of Straw
Dosh - Tommy
Kaki King - Junior
DVDs
Defendor
La Donation
Pirate Radio
Red Cliff
Upcoming Releases
In Theaters
Death at a Funeral
April 16
Kick-Ass
April 16
The Square
April 16
Ocean
April 22
CDs
Aqualung - Magnetic North
April 20
Caribou - Swim
April 20
Cypress Hill - Rise Up
April 20
DVDs
Crazy Heart
April 20
A Dangerous Man
April 20
The Lovely Bones
April 20
The Young Victoria
April 20
Upcoming Events
Jason Collett
April 15
Petit Campus
Hawksley Workman
April 16
La Tulipe
Gogol Bordello
April 18
Metropolis
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 7
Heroes of comedy
Francois Dumouchel
Opinions Editor
It was Sunday, April 11th and I was
contemplating how much I hate the music
I was being forced to listen to. With the
phone relentlessly held to my ear, I endured
every painful second of the soft, new-age
noise pollution that filled my brain but
like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart, I
soldiered through because I knew it was for
a good reason. I knew that at any moment,
I would have the chance to speak with two
of my idols in comedy: Chris Rock and
Tracy Morgan.
A remake of the 2007 British film
Death at a Funeral is set to open in theaters
April 16th. Chris Rock and Tracy Morgan
– who co-starred in the film – agreed to
an interview to promote the anticipated,
upcoming film.
The interview started off with a bang!
When asked to explain how the film differed from the original version Chris Rock
exclaimed: “Tracy Morgan’s in it! Anything
with Tracy Morgan is different! If you got
Tracy Morgan playing Malcolm X, you got
a different movie!” Rock later explained
that the style of comedy in his version was
different than the style of the British version. “The British,” Rock stated, “are very
mannered – very polite” and this version
was “a funkier version” or “a Timbaland
remix!” However, Rock quickly stated that
this film was for everyone saying, “this isn’t
Soul Plane!”
Both Rock and Morgan stated that the
film should appeal to everyone because
it is about acceptance. In relevance to
the movie, they have to accept the fact
that their deceased father was having a
homosexual relationship with a white
midget. This white midget was played
by Peter Dinklage who also appeared in
the 2007 British version portraying the
same character. The 2010 version of the
film contains a rather large cast of actors
including Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson
and Danny Glover to name a few. This
didn’t intimidate Morgan although this
It’s the story of a summer romance
Emily Sweer
Staff Writer
When the waves are f looding the
shore, and I can’t find my way home
anymore, that’s when I look at you
Miley Cyrus, known as Disney’s
Hannah Montana, is not only a huge
musical star, but also a breakout actress
in The Last Song. She acts alongside
fellow actors Greg Kinnear, B obby
C ol e m an and L i am He ms wor t h . I
went to see this movie the day it came
out in theatres on March
31st, 2010. I have to say,
I thought it was going to
b e anot he r one of t ho s e
“happy-go-lucky-HannahMont an a - h appy - e n d i ng”
movies. Actually, it was really deep.
This is the story about a
girl named Ronnie and her
brother Jonah who go to
live with their father over
the summer on the beach.
Since Ronnie’s parents got
divorced, Ronnie has rebelled and forgotten about
her passion for music that
she has shared with her father since she was a child.
During the movie, we see
maj or t r ans it i ons i n t he
family. Transitions go from
hatred and independence
to love: love for your father
a n d y o u r f i r s t l ov e a n d
romance.
8 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
The writer of the story and screenwriter for the film, Nicolas Sparks,
a famous romance novelist, has also
written “The Notebook” and “A Walk
to Remember” that became two outstanding feature films as well. He is
an excellent writer and determined to
give good morals and endings to his
stories along with a spark of romance
and a lot of love.
The Last Song is such a meaningful
movie that can make you feel such pain
for the characters but also such happiness. It is hard not to cry in a movie
that really makes you think about the
joys and the rough times in life. What
I absolutely loved about this movie
is the way it can relate to everyone.
I am sure there are times when you,
without a doubt, hate your parents and
want them to leave you alone. That is
how Ronnie felt but then learned that
everything takes time and things will
fall into place.
Something I loved about the movie
was that the characters Ronnie and her
first love Will had such chemistry! On
and off set too! Interestingly enough,
was his first “big movie” (this was done
before Cop Out).
Morgan started working on this film
after a season of NBC’s 30 Rock and after
being on Saturday Night Live, so he felt that
he brought with him a lot of momentum.
Also, after hearing that Rock wanted him
to play in this movie, Morgan became more
confident. Morgan agreed that working on
a set with so many people that have worked
in comedy felt more like “hanging out,”
and it was like working with “big brothers”
where he felt he had to step up to the challenge. Rock explained that although he was
mentored as a young comedian by Eddie
Murphy, his relationship with Morgan is
closer to that of a friend, one that he can
give advice to here and there.
Rock explained that he is currently
working on another documentary about
credit debts in black communities and
although it sounds like a dark and depressing subject, it will be funny (kind of like
making a comedy out of a family’s funeral.)
Although Death at a Funeral is a comedy
with a somewhat dark sense of humour, it
is not a “black” comedy in the sense that it
is aimed towards a black audience. When
asked about the comedy that is, however,
aimed at black audiences, Rock thought
that it had become “a little cliché” and
stated, “I don’t know where “black” comedy
is going but we’re taking it somewhere else.”
Miley Cyrus is dating her love partner
in the movie, Liam Hemsworth. It just
goes to show how much better a movie
can be if the actors have feelings for
each other already.
Greg Kinnear who played the father, made everyone want to cry out
of love for him. The story itself was
so intense, it was hard to take my eyes
off the screen.
The movie was a great success,
partly because the actors worked well
off-screen as well as on-screen and also
because the story is so brilliant.People
say that Miley had to
learn the piano in order to get this role, but
you never know if they
hired a professional as
well. Miley Cyrus wrote
a beautiful song for this
movie called “When I
look at you” that thousands of people have
downloaded over the
past couple of weeks. I
recommend this movie
to everyone, due to the
fact that it will affect
you d e e p l y an d it i s
must-see movie of the
Spring! So I’ll leave you
with this:
Everybody needs ins p i rat i o n , e v e r y b o d y
needs a soul, a beautiful
melody, when the night’s
so long because there is
no guarantee that this
life is easy.
Bandersnatch Entertainment
This issue’s debate: Should Ke$ha songs be regarded as art?
Tricia Fitz
Arts Editor
Although I am the Arts Editor, my
knowledge of art is perhaps not as vast
when compared to true art experts.
But, according to the book of everything I know, art does not consist of
torturing innocent people and making
them want to die for 3 minutes and 20
seconds. In addition to that, art is not
meant to cause sound pollution either.
So how much of a coincidence is it that
the song “Tik Tok” by Kesha is guilty
of all those factors? Not just that one
particular song, but the rest of her
songs as well.
It’s as if all the city’s dying crows
were to join up and record an album.
Kesha, Ke[e]sha, Ke$ha, Ke-kachingha, or whatever the hell you feel like
calling her, has proven to me that, yes,
things can get worse and levels of quality can drop beyond what is expected.
Just when I thought “Boom Boom Pow”
was bad enough, Ke$ha came along and
probably said, “Oh no you don’t BEP; It
is I who is going to be the most annoying!” and wrote “Tik Tok”. It’s exactly
what we don’t need; a song with lyrics
talking about pedicures, boys blowing
up phones (whatever that means), getting drunk on purpose and once again a
LOL of the ages
Tim “Dorothy” Gale
Staff Writer
Throughout the years, comedy has been
changing. Well duh, obviously. But if you just
look at how much it has, it’s actually pretty
astounding. When you look back and see comedians like Johnny Carson, Bob Hope, and
Rodney Dangerfield and then compare them
to the comedians of today such as Daniel Tosh,
David Cross and Demetri Martin, well there’s a
huge difference between the type of humour and
the style in which it’s presented. The oldies were
mostly guys in suits doing monologues which
consisted of fun and cute topical jokes that relied
on current affairs and headlining news; you can
also add in some observational humour. This
style of humour is so beloved that it’s still used
in most late night talk shows. One of comedy’s
greatest, George Carlin, is an example of comedy
changing with the times. When Carlin started out
early in his career he wasn’t the pissed off, bitter
and philosophical comedian that we know him
as now, but was more like one of those suited
comedians that I mentioned above. During the
60’s, he used the conventional humour, wore suits
and short trimmed hair while having regular
appearances on the Tonight Show. But when the
70’s came, Carlin changed along with the times
by changing his appearance and routine. He
became more rebelious (which stayed with him
for the rest of his career) and had more offensive
Bandersnatch Opinions
person who believes the party doesn’t
start without their presence (I thought
that was Pink’s title). Where are the
aesthetics in order to call it “art”?
Now, I know that technically, by
definition, Ke$ha’s noise is considered “art”, but whenever I hear those
devastating first words, “Wake up in
the morning feeling like P-Diddy”, my
ears begin to bleed, I remind myself
that there is no possible way that in
the future, people will study about
Ke$ha or her shitty music in any sort
of art class. I know tons of other good
artists won’t be mentioned either
but I’m just
hoping humanity will
not commit
the mistake
of including Kesha
in any cate r g o r y. I
am begging you
people to
please keep
her AWAY
from the
“go o d ar t”
category.
humour, most notably his “Seven Words You Can
Never Say on Television”. Around this time, Steve
Martin and Andy Kaufman were doing comedy
in their own physical and goofy way. Meanwhile,
Richard Pryor was (like Carlin) an uncompromising comedian who observed topical views
with lots and lots of vulgarity. During this era,
the traditional way of comedy was ending; as
the counter culture was taking comedy to a new,
edgier and confrontational level that would go on
to influence up and coming comedians. Comedy
clubs were also popping up everywhere because
of this wave of comedy. Comedy was now a
legitimate art form and in the 80’s there was an
explosion of comedic talent. The likes of Eddie
Murphy, Sam Kinison and Steven Wright were
bringing their own type of humour. Murphy’s
material was influenced by the likes of Pryor,
Kinison who brought passion into everything
he said and was famous for his screaming, and
Wright is one of the best in terms of the deadpan
style of comedy. One of the most important of
this era was Bill Hicks. He, like Kinison, brought
passion into his performance, yet went well
above that and changed the way people thought
about politics, religion and everyday life. He was
the dark poet who challenged the mainstream
beliefs of society and tried to get people to think
for themselves with his brutally honest material.
He criticized mediocrity and corruption of the
media, saying that the media and pop culture
lowered the standards. His material and legacy,
along with George Carlin and Lenny Bruce,
François Dumouchel
Opinions Editor
Knowing that I would have to defend
Ke$ha’s music as a legitimate form of art, I was
ready to do some research. After listening to
her entire album multiple times throughout
the past weekend, I came to the conclusion that
Ke$ha is brilliant!
Many musicians have tried to record songs
that would make you cringe and reduce your
central nervous system to rubble and many of
them come very close. Remember the songs
“Convulsion” by Skinny Puppy, “Good Friends
and a Bottle of
Pills” by Pantera,
“Tourette’s” by
Nirvana or anything ever done
by the band
Anal Cunt? If
not, don’t even
bother looking them up
because Ke$ha
has destroyed
them all.
Within
Ke$ha, you have
an artist who
has successfully
captured the
sound of what
shows that not only can one make people laugh,
but also challenge your beliefs and help make
you think for yourselves. If it were up to me, I’d
nominate Hicks for a posthumous Nobel Peace
Prize for his efforts to better humanity and spread
socio-political awareness amongst the apathetic
masses. By the time the 90’s were here, comedy
was everywhere. This made it harder and harder
for people to differentiate good comedy and bad
comedy. You had acts like Carrot Top and Jay
Leno appealing to the masses with their basic
and simple comedy while people like Jon Stewart,
Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock achieved success
with their material. Stewart with his politically
charged satire continues to this day to have a
huge influence on not just comedians, but on
how people perceive what’s going on in the news.
Which brings
us to present
time, the 2000s.
We have comedians such as
Dave Chappelle,
Stephen Colbert
and David
Cross that give
us a wide array
of comedy and
truth. Chappelle
was not only
known for just
being hilarious
on his sketch
I can only imagine to be the cries of three or
four helpless kittens in a large eco-friendly and
biodegradable sac which was repeatedly smashed
against a brick wall before being manipulated by
auto-tune. This pushes music to a new level.
I realize that it may seem odd that I am
defending Ke$ha by inadvertently mocking her
very existence but this is how I interpret her art.
Let me break it down. I believe that pop music is
meant to be annoying and catchy... kind of like
herpes and when it comes to Ke$ha, she’s basically
the AIDS of pop music. Ke$ha is the most annoying creator of sound to date. Actually, I think
that labeling her as a “creator” would be giving
her too much credit which only strengthens my
argument, proving that she is horrible. The only
thing worse than doing pop music is taking credit
for the shitty pop music of someone else. She is
so horrible that it has become impressive. Thus,
this makes her #1 at something. The simple fact
that she is at the extreme end of anything makes
her work a legitimate form of art.
If you were to tell me that there was an artist
out there who’s music was more annoying than
the whining of a thousand children who have just
found out that they have been adopted on the day
of their seventh birthday, I would have shook my
head in disbelief. If you were to tell me that there
was an artist out there who was so trashy that,
in comparison, Courtney Love and G.G. Allin
would appear to be clean cut, I would have accused you of spreading malicious fibs. However,
now I know that there’s Ke$ha.
show, but watching his specials, you see that his
material hints at how people are divided by race,
David Cross likes to rant on how everything
around you (especially religion) is just bullshit,
Colbert however uses his satire to show you how
politicians and the media is not just hypocritical, but also lie all the time. So this new wave of
comedy we have today focuses on telling the truth
and informing in any way possible. Well, that’s the
important comedy anyways. Comedians today,
like Azis Ansari and Daniel Tosh also like to be
with the times and have material that covers pop
culture and make jokes that are exaggerated and
can be very offensive. So all in all, comedy has
come from being a very conservative way for
us to entertain ourselves to an art form that can
inspire us all.
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 9
Nintendo: The day I stopped loving you
plus, the Wii Sunday paper. You get the idea.
And let’s not forget that money grabbing Nerf
sports add-on for the Wii-motes. Like the tennis racquet and golf club. Those are the most
useless objects ever conceived by man and yet
Nintendo agreed that they should be sold in
stores so that they may be bought by parents
who can barely tell the difference between an
Xbox and a box with a methodically placed X
on it. It seems any company with an idea can
produce something and sell it. I guess that’s
where Team Nintendo would make some
kind of argument that the Wii is a system
that appeals to all ages. So basically Nintendo
system. Remember the Game Boy Camera?
It’s probably better you don’t. Virtual Boy is
a classic on Nintendo’s one night stands of
ideas. Even the new DSi takes from Nintendo’s
early years by adding the world’s crap-tacular
camera and built in software known as DSi
Ware.Granted it’s good that they think outside
the box but must they throw all sensibility and
common sense out of the window when they
do? And the baby of all things gimmicky is
the Wii. What a terrible idea, plain and simple. Motion sensor controls that only work
properly on Nintendo made games and
never for any third party games. A system
that requires you to buy new things for it
to make life for the Wii easier i.e. The Wii
fit, the Wii Zapper, the Wii motion sensor
just gave a big fat F U to all the hardcore fans
out there. “Thanks for sticking with us for the
past 25+ years but now we got to teach your
grandma how to play Wii Bowling.” I mean
really for every good Nintendo Wii game,
there’s easily over 15 bad ones. You all know
what I’m talking about. You’ve seen them in
the bargain bin games at Wal-Mart .
Speaking of games, it’s as if Nintendo has
just been thinking of the same idea for every
series they’ve ever created. “A new Zelda
game?” The execs at Nintendo all say, “Well
Mathew Guite
Editor-in-Chief
So recently, my plans for my life changed
a bit. I decided to take a few years off before
going to University, travel to Europe and
live in Scotland for a year or two. In light
of this (very important) decision, I began
really investigating the area of Scotland I
would be staying in, a small town just a
short drive away from Glasgow. During
the course of my research, I found out
something really interesting: Glasgow was
the Murder Capital of Western Europe!
Isn’t that cool? I certainly thought so, even
if my already-fretting mother didn’t quite
agree. But then, just as I was really starting
to think about this fun fact, tragedy struck:
I found out that very recently, Glasgow
was dethroned! And who took the crown
from them? A god-damn town called
LIMERICK.
Limerick, a city roughly one-tenth the
size of Montreal, is located in the Republic
of Ireland, and is apparently some frenzied
madhouse of murder if I’m to judge by my
brief skimming of their Wikipedia page
combined with the fact that I now hate the
city of Limerick. Journalistic integrity aside,
10 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
I’m really quite pissed about this. I know
it’s a stupid thing to be mad about, but
I’m mad anyways! Until recently, the
only reason I had to go to Scotland was
to be with my fiancee, and while that IS
a pretty great reason (I’m gonna be in
trouble when she reads this) it was cool
to suddenly have yet another reason, especially one as quirky as “Oh yeah, I can’t
wait to go live within spitting distance of
the Murder Capital of Europe!”
But now that dream is dead, all
thanks to a stupid town called Limerick.
Murdered, if you will, by the bloodthirsty inhabitant. I can only assume the
locals decided to show the world what
living in a town with a stupid name can
do to your mental health, but all they’ve
accomplished is ruining a cool aspect
of my trip. Let me put it this way: how
would you feel if you went to go see the
Grand Canyon, only to find out moments before leaving that some assholes
in Brazil made an even BIGGER canyon?
Wouldn’t your trip suddenly seem that
much less cool? Who cares about the
world’s second biggest canyon? Now
imagine that exact scenario, but with a
canyon full of murders.
I think I’ve made my point.
THIS IS WHAT YOUR
TAX REFUND COULD
LOOK LIKE:
NEWSPAPERS:
A god damn town called
Limerick
then let’s have the same story and the same
puzzles but the player can touch the screen
or shake the remote to the point where they
develop carpal tunnel syndrome. Don’t worry
the kids will love it”. The new Pokémon games
that are currently everywhere are just remakes
of old Pokémon games we played ten years
ago! But at least this time it comes with a pedometer. What would I do without it? Look at
the new Mario Bros. game that came out for
the holidays. I saw people at EB Games shelling
out $85 for essentially old school Mario...with
a 4 player co-op! Are you serious?! Because
for no money I can just play any other Mario
game on any other system! If all else fails
though just release a new Super Smash
Bros or Mario Kart. It must really be
easy being Nintendo. And then you got
people like Sony and Microsoft (who
are standing between the fine line that
separates trustworthy company and
clinically insane) that struggle to make
games for those who truly appreciate the
art. That’s right, video games can be an art,
deal with it.
In the end, I think I’m just going to boycott
Nintendo games until I feel they’re worthy of
me again. I’m not saying you have to do the
same. I’m definitely not saying you should
agree with me. I just felt like venting on a
subject that was once something that meant a
lot to me. So until Nintendo is finished being
so crazy that they have to eat their own shit
and apply it to their games then I just won’t
buy any of their products...except for the new
Zelda game (Damn it!).
An average refund with us is $1,000.
We get you an average of $1,000 on your tax refund,
so you can do more of what you want to do. Get It Right.
SM
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Bandersnatch Opinions
JOB NAME: CAMPUS NEWSPAPER
Now, now everyone put away those Wii
Zappers and please don’t get antsy. It’s not as
bad as you think. Well maybe it is but I need
to vent and only you can listen. These last
couple months have been one of great disappointment towards a good childhood friend
of mine, Nintendo.
Once upon a time, Nintendo was a very
reputable company that made games that
completely redesigned the genre. They single
handedly saved the video game industry after
the big uh-oh that Atari had created. They
gave us true handheld gaming. They made
the greatest system of all time, the Super
Nintendo, (I’ll start a bar fight if I have
to). They probably even have enough
money to end all global disputes and
cure all diseases. But let’s not forget their
most important gift of all, Mario! The blatantly racist Italian plumber, who can simultaneously play any sport flawlessly and ride a
go-kart with ease; he can organize 8 intricate
parties and have an entire civilization of hard
working mushroom-headed weaklings that
worship his every command. His best friend
is a dinosaur and his brother clearly hates his
guts. He even gets into these absurd Fight Club
situations and beats the ever loving crap out
of his peers. But, most of all, he constantly has
to save his girlfriend/princess from the same
fire-breathing demon turtle monster. Whether
it’s on an island, in the princess’ own freaking
castle or even the infinite void of space itself,
she always gets kidnapped and Mario has to
suck it up like Vin Diesel and kick some ass.
That being said, I would like to mention that I
didn’t always “dislike” Nintendo. I’m probably
one of their biggest fans. My entire family
became slaves to Nintendo’s awesome “buy
this useless gimmick crap” and we did! I own
all their systems. I even had a functioning
Virtual Boy! Now, however, it just sits there
and takes up space, like Jersey Shore. So, I’m
quite knowledgeable at nitpicking the hell out
of Nintendo. So let us nitpick shall we?
A word that I’m bringing up a lot is gimmick. What is a gimmick? Well look it up in a
dictionary and get back to me. It’s okay, take
your time sweetheart. Well this is ridiculous
I’m starting with or without you! Nintendo is
the king at thinking up useless gizmos for a
DOCKET/AD#: 09-HRB-067-BW-SE-9
Serag Bulur
Staff Writer
Sims Files: Episode 08
“Trash and Treasure”
Tricia Fitzgibbon
Arts Editor
This issue’s episode of “The Sims Files”
will be dedicated to discovering unknown
items in the game. It’s not as exciting as the
usual sacrificing of Sims, but I figured they
needed a break from dying and suffering.
After all, experiments are not only about
killing others but also finding out new
things in life, and in this case it’s the Sims’
lives. So in this episode, we send out two
Sims to search through their neighbour’s
garbage and see what they can find.
Meet DJ and Tina Guido. Two overlytanned people living on the beach shore
that we chose to make dig through trash.
We send DJ out first at 6:00am sharp. He
goes deep, travelling from can to can, all
day long looking for what could possibly
be considered as “treasure”. I watch his
inventory fill up with newspapers, trash,
rotten food and other random objects
such as a candle, teddy bears, bubble bath
soap, and rubber ducks. Then, surprisingly he encounters different objects such
as iron, space rocks and precious stones
like Emerald and Ruby worth an average
amount of Simoleons. More astonishingly,
he later finds a Pink Diamond worth 1,473
Simoleons and Plutonium worth 1,404
(and last time I checked, Plutonium was
radioactive).
After 24 hours of digging, DJ is sent
home to get some rest and Tina goes out
for day 2. We send her to the exact same
trash bins and let her do her work. Like her
partner, she finds the typical old newspapers, trash, teddy bears, rubber ducks, soap,
and rotten fruits. Soon enough she finds
Tanzanite; which I personally had never
heard of in my life but after a quick google
check I find out it is another precious stone.
Also, to add to the
collection, she finds
a yellow sapphire
worth 53 Simoleons
and a large space
ro ck wor t h 125
Simoleons.
Although you
may or may not find
much, if you’re ever
short on cash, why
not dig through
some of your neigh-
Final Fantasy Sucks
Matt Guité
Editor-in-Chief
Recently, a certain video game was released
for the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3. The
latest installment in a long-running series, the
game received plenty of great reviews and nearuniversal praise from everybody I know who
played it. That game was Final Fantasy XIII,
and I am here to explain why it is not only the
worst Final Fantasy game ever made, but also
a terrible video game in general.
Let’s step back a bit: when FFXIII was first
released, I was among the group of people who
picked it up on launch day. I was eager, I was
excited, and I had been waiting ever since I
learned that the game would be coming out for
the Xbox 360 as well as the PS3. When I finally
got my copy, I rushed home to begin playing.
Five hours later, I turned the machine off, took
my copy of Final Fantasy XIII, and returned it.
Never, in my long years of gaming, have I
ever been so disgusted by a video game. Five
years of waiting, for this? Five years so we could
Bandersnatch Games
run down a straight path, with no deviations
of any kind, and fight the same monsters over
and over for fourty hours? How am I the only
one who sees what a slap in the face this game
is? I played for five hours, and every minute
was a steaming waste of time. Sure, the first ten
minutes were cool! I liked all the characters, I
was willing to accept the battle system, and the
first few fights were alright But then that was
all the game had to deliver for FIVE HOURS.
Many of my friends were appalled at hearing my tale. You didn’t give it a fair chance, they
said. It gets better, they said. Well I’m here to
publicly state that I don’t give a crap. A video
game has no right to be praised this much if it
spends the first five hours boring the player to
tears. I don’t care if it gives you flowers and starts
treating you right at the ten hour mark, that
doesn’t excuse the lazy game design, awful combat system and pointless, repetitive fights that
came before it! Nothing excuses those things!
It’s hard to understand why this insults me
so, but maybe if I break it down a bit it’ll be
easier. If a movie starts with a half hour of somebody walking down a tunnel, and then spends
the next hour
and a half being
amazing, is that
movie good? If a
book starts with
a hundred pages
describing paint
drying, then becomes an epic
journey of heroism
and valor, is that
book still good? If
somebody invites
bour’s garbage? Apparently the famous
phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s
treasure” is proven true in The Sims 3. I
find it strange that Sims are throwing out
rare diamonds and radioactive objects, but I
guess those things are not that useful in the
game as they are in real life. My experiment
towards these items is not done yet for I still
have to figure out how they can be used
in the game. Who knows about the many
mysteries hidden throughout the codes still
left to uncover? I encourage you all to take
the time and let your Sims explore the wonders of the trash bins in their community.
Perhaps you may find something worthy
and if you do, let me know!
Editor’s Choice
Splinter Cell
Yet another Tom Clancy game has
been released: Tom Clancy’s Spinter
Cell: Conviction. I have liked the previous games to a certain extent, but
this one goes too far. I HATE the fact
that when you are not visible, the game
goes black and white which makes
it nearly impossible to see lights you
want to shoot down. I don’t understand
what went through the minds of the
developpers to implement this change
to an already succesful “hiding in the
shadows” mechanics. I guess they
wanted to have an artistic effect, but it
failed on a gameplay level. If you enjoy
the series, you might want to rent or
borrow it from a friend once they are
sick and tired of the cheasy effect.
New Releases
T.C Splinter Cell: Conviction
[PC,360,DS]
Shepherd’s Crossing 2
[DS]
you to a party, and the first two hours consist
solely of people standing around in total silence,
is that party still a great one when things later
pick up? In my mind, because the latter portions
being good don’t excuse the first parts from
being AWFUL.
I understand that FFXIII gets better later.
I do. And I understand that (in my mind) the
story is a great one, the characters are interesting, and the settings are all very intriguing. But
that doesn’t matter. That’s not enough. The
game is thirty hours of fighting down a long
tunnel, followed by a single area at the end that
you can actually explore and do missions in. It
narrows the strategy from three party members
to ONE, something I cannot excuse from this
series. And last but not least, it has, quite easily,
the worst introduction of any video game I have
ever played. The most important part of any
game is the beginning, where players are drawn
in and immersed into all the best aspects of the
game. With that missing, why would somebody
ever try this game? Why would anybody play
it a second time? Why would you waste those
hours of your life AGAIN? Trust me, dear
reader, I want to love this game so much, but
IT WON’T LET ME.
So I’m done, Final Fantasy. I wash my hands
of thee. And to all other gamers, I wish you good
luck. I hope you turn back now, renounce this
awful game, or get used to playing shit like this
in another five years time. Because if people
insist on ignoring all the terrible flaws of this
game, then this is all you’ll get next time, and the
time after that. If you want change, if you want
improvement, if you want to play a GOOD
GAME, then you must denounce this game and
declare it to be what it truly is. Shit.
Sea Park Tycoon
[DS]
Dawn of Heroes
[DS]
GTA IV: The Lost and Damned
[PS3]
Animal Country: Life on the..
[DS]
Final Fight: Double Impact
[PS3,360]
Upcoming Releases
Sherlock Homes vs. Jack...
[PC,360]
April 20
After Burner Climax
[360 Arcade]
April 21
Super Street Fighter IV
[PS3,360]
April 27
2010 FIFA World Cup S.A
[PS3,360,Wii,PSP]
April 27
Nier Replicant
[PS3,360]
April 27
Wednesday April 14th, 2010 • 11
The Best in
the West!
Live Music Fridays
Wii Rock Band Sundays
Free Pool Sundays
All WWE & UFC Pay Per View
Giant Screen TVs
Wing Night Tuesday & Thursday
Karaoke Mondays
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514-683-5000
12 • Wednesday April 14th, 2010
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