PAX BOOK SERIES
REFLECTION GUIDE

I. Being the Beloved p. 25
A secular friend asked Nouwen to write on the spiritual life and the word that emerged for
Nouwen was “ beloved .” Nouwen states, “You are the beloved.” p.26
When you hear the word beloved, what comes to mind? What stirs in you?
Nouwen states upfront what he sees as the enemy to the spiritual life--self rejection
(p.28)
Is self-rejection something you struggle with? Why or why not? How is it your enemy in the spiritual life?
“That soft, gentle voice that calls me the Beloved has come to me in countless ways...” p.
29
What are the ways the voice of the Beloved comes to you?
II Becoming the Beloved p.37
“You are the Beloved now become it.”
Nouwen calls us to the spiritual journey to become who we are, “Becoming the Beloved is the great spiritual journey we have to make...to close the gap between what exists between what I know myself to be and the countless specific realities of everyday life...pulling the truth revealed to me from above down into the ordinariness of what I am, in fact, thinking of, talking about and doing from hour to hour.” p.39
How is being the beloved vs. becoming the beloved different for you? What does “closing the gap” mean/look like for you?
“So my task now is to write about that process of becoming the Beloved as it can be pinpointed in our very concrete daily lives...What I want to describe is how the movements of the Spirit of love manifest themselves in our daily struggles and how we can develop disciplines to identify these movements and respond to them in our actions.” p.40 & 41

To identify those movements of the Spirit, Nouwen has found it helpful to use four words: taken, blessed, broken and given
III. Taken p.43
“To become the beloved we, first of all, have to claim that we are taken.” p.43
“...the first step in the spiritual life is to acknowledge with our whole being that we already have been taken.” And then Nouwen exchanges the word taken for chosen, as a softer word.
‘We are God’s chosen ones...seen by God from all eternity and seen as unique special, precious beings.” p.45
How do you respond to being chosen? When someone chooses you, what does that communicate to you? (Nouwen’s quote on p.45 at the top of page expresses what it means to him).
How does the reality of being chosen by God affect your spiritual life?
“We touch here a great spiritual mystery: to be chosen does not mean that others are rejected...It is not a competitive, but a compassionate choice.” p.45 & 47
Does it make any difference to you that it does not mean someone is excluded or rejected in you being chosen? Why or why not?
“When you lose touch with your chosenness, you expose yourself to the temptation of selfrejection, and that temptation undermines the possibility of ever growing as the Beloved.” p. 47
“How do we get in touch with our chosenness?” p.49
1. Unmask the world for what it is: manipulative, controlling, power-hungry etc.
2. Keep looking for people and places where your truth is spoken and where you are reminded of your deepest identity
3. Celebrate your chosenness...this means saying thank you to God...constantly
What are some of the ways you might “lose touch” with your chosenness? What might help you to get back in touch with it?
Does “losing touch” tempt you to move into self -rejection? Why or why not?
IV. Blessed p.55
Being chosen is the basis for being the beloved and now Nouwen turns to another aspect of being the Beloved: our blessedness.

Nouwen defines blessedness for us--In Latin, to bless is benedicere. The word
“benediction” that is used in many churches means literally: speaking (dictio) well (bene) or saying good things of someone. “To give a blessing is to affirm, to say “yes” to a person’s Belovedness.” p.56
Nouwen states that “Without affirmation, it is hard to live well. To give someone a blessing is the most significant affirmation we can offer.” p.56
Is it hard for you to live well without affirmation? Why or why not?
Have you ever experienced being “blessed”? What was that like for you? (story of Janet and other members of the community receiving Nouwen’s blessing p.58ff)
“When we continue to hear the deep gentle voice that blesses us, we can walk through life with a stable sense of well-being and true belonging.” p.60 Nouwen suggests two ways to claim and listen for the blessing: Prayer and presence.
A. Prayer : the work of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice of love...and he offers concrete suggestions for prayer (p.64).
B. Cultivation of Presence or attentiveness to the blessings that come to you day after day....receive gracefully what is offered to us complements etc. “Without a conscious desire to “waste” our time, it is hard to hear the blessing.” p.65 & 66
How have you heard a blessing through prayer and/or presence?
What are familiar vehicles of prayer for you?
How do you respond/react to the idea of presence being a willingness to “waste time” ?
If you are in a small group, turn to your neighbor and “be present to them” and speak a word of blessing to each other.
V. Broken p.69
“I now feel ready to write about the hardest truth to put into words: the truth of our common brokenness. We are chosen and blessed. When we have truly owned this, have said “Yes” to it, then we can face our own and others’ brokenness with open eyes.”

How does being chosen and blessed help you to face your brokenness?
What difference does it make to you that chosen and blessedness come first?
Nouwen claims the truth that we are all broken and that “it reveals something about who we are and...we experience our brokenness as highly personal,intimate and unique.” p.71
How do you experience your “brokenness?” Does it reveal something about you? Why or why not.
Nouwen asks the question: How can we respond to our brokenness and goes on to suggest two ways (p.75):
1. Befriending it
2. Putting it under the blessing
Befriending : “My own pain in life has taught me that the first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it.” p.75
How have you seen or not seen the truth of this statement in your own life?
Putting it under the blessing : “The great task becomes that of allowing the blessing to touch us in our brokenness. Then our brokenness will gradually come to be seen as an opening toward the full acceptance of ourselves as the Beloved.” p.80
How have you experienced the blessing of God touching your brokenness?
Is it hard for you to allow God to touch your brokenness? Why or why not?
How would receiving the blessing become an opening of acceptance for you?
“The great secret to the spiritual life, the life of the beloved, is that everything we live be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity...nonetheless, real care means the willingness to help each other in making our brokenness into the gateway to joy” p.77-78
“I never realized broken glass could shine so brightly.” p.83
If you are in a small group, turn to your neighbor and share a place of brokenness; pray for each other.
VI. Given p.84
“We are chosen, blessed and broken so as to be given...personally, this means that it is only as people who are given that we can fully understand our being chosen, blessed and broken. In the giving, it becomes clear that we are chosen, blessed and broken not simply

for our own sakes, but so that all we live finds its final significance in its being lived for others.” p.84
“What a wonderful mystery this is! Our greatest fulfillment lies in giving ourselves to others...our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving.” p.85
How is being given an expression for you of your being chosen, blessed and broken?
Do you feel in “bloom” when you give? Why or why not?
How does being “broken”, affect/impact your ability to “give”?
VII. Living as the Beloved p.103
“God not only says: “You are my Beloved.” God asks: “Do you love me?” and offers us countless chances to say “Yes.” That is the spiritual life: the chance to say “Yes” to our inner truth. Thus understood, the spiritual life radically changes everything because...
how would you finish that sentence for yourself? p.107
“Our whole life is a journey back to the One from whom we come and who calls us the Beloved.” p.109
Spend some time with God reflecting on where you are on the journey of returning to His love for you...
Note: These reflection guides were created by Rama Ziegenhals as a resource to aid
you in your study and growth and therefore do not contain the opinions or
commentary of the authors.