Authentic Leadership Conversation™
Action Worksheet - The Inner Critic
The following worksheet will assist you in becoming more aware of “the inner critic”
as it relates to your leadership and your life. It will also support you in taking the
first steps to beginning to lead, and live, with a bit more freedom from your inner
critic.
Three to consider about the inner critic:
 First, it will always be there and as you become aware of it, it may
become even louder,
 Second, it is possible to shift how you experience the inner critic when
it comes up and to reduce it’s impact on your life, and
 Third, compassion is the gateway – both for others and for yourself.
1. Exercise to develop awareness of the specifics of your inner critic:
The first step is to become aware of your inner critic – what it sounds like, what
looks like (Do you have just one critical voice, or do you have an entire committee?)
and most importantly - what the messages are that it is saying to you.
Because the inner critic may have been a part of your mind for a very long time, it
may always be there. What we are trying to do with these exercises is to support
you in seeing it for what it is, and to grow your capability to step back when you
hear it, to keep your perspective and to minimize the impact it is having on your
leadership and your life.
Is the critic correct? Or is it a “tape” that is just playing over and over again from an
earlier part of your life that is no longer serving you?
Answer the following questions to get to know your inner critic a bit better:
1. What does my inner critic sound like? (high pitched, low volume, soft, loud,
etc.)
2. What does my inner critic (s) look like? (an angry schoolmaster, a monster, a
troll, etc.)
3. What are the messages my inner critic is saying to me? (that’s stupid, who do
you think you are?, you’re ugly, what a failure, etc.). Note – this may take
time and be different in different situations.
4. How are these messages impacting my leadership? My life?
©2011 Authentic Leadership Global, Inc.
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5. What would I be like if I lived free of this inner critical voice? What would it
feel like? How much less energy would I expend on worry?
6. What am I learning about myself?
result?
What one thing can I do differently as a
2. Practice to take action to live in spite of your inner critic 1:
When you begin working with the inner critic you are learning to create a different
way of thinking about your life (imagine re-hardwiring your brain) – a new way that
may feel uncomfortable if your automatic pattern (like many others) is to adopt a
negative perspective most the time. Give yourself a chance. Remember it will take
time and compassion for yourself as you begin these practices.
Use the following Action Plan to become aware of your choices regarding what to
pay attention to, and to begin rebalancing your thoughts:
1. Once a week, see if you can catch your inner critic in the act. As soon as you
become aware, take 10 minutes to complete this exercise. It is important to
rebalance the thoughts as soon after as possible in order to minimize the energy
you spend on the situation, and to begin training your mind. Write down exactly
what it is saying to you and how you are feeling as a result.
My inner critic is saying the following right now (i.e. “that person thought what you
said was stupid – didn’t you see her furrowed brow”):
2. Write down an alternative, more balanced message for yourself.
A more balanced way for me to think about this situation is the following (i.e. “I
noticed that the person I was talking to had a furrowed brow – they may have been
thinking of a question about what I was presenting”):
3. Notice how each feels when you re-read them to yourself. It is important to
begin to notice how the inner critic is impacting you physically so you can learn to
let this go.
When I read the inner critic’s statement I feel:
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Adapted from Byron Katie “Loving What is”.
©2011 Authentic Leadership Global, Inc.
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When I read the more balanced statement I feel:
4. Ask yourself how you would interpret this situation from authentic self (without
the filters of your critical voice). Listen to your intuition regarding what your
truth is in the situation. Re-interpret it using this perspective. And notice how it
feels to let your inner critic go (for now).
The balanced, objective way to think about this situation, when I listen to my
intuition, and am aware of my inner critic, is (i.e. I am learning that I am an
extrovert and as such I process by talking through things. Others may be introverts,
and they may process by thinking through things before they respond. This person
may be processing and when they do, they furrow their brow. I notice my inner
critic, and the assumptions it is causing me to make, and I need to check them out
before I come to a conclusion. I need to ask the person next time I see him/her,
what was on his/her mind when I noticed their furrowed brow.”):
The more balanced, and emotionally mature way to interpret this situation is:
©2011 Authentic Leadership Global, Inc.
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3. A Practice for checking out projections
One of the things that can be occurring when we are critical of others and making
judgments, is that our inner critic is being misplaced onto them. This is called
projection. We project something onto them when it is too uncomfortable to see it in
our self. (i.e. that person is so loud and talks to much; vs. I can be loud and talk
too much). Becoming aware of these parts of ourselves and accepting them can be
helpful to developing compassion / empathy for ourselves and others.
When you are having a hard time with a person and you notice your judgments
arising answer the following questions:
1. What is it about this person that I am having such a hard time with? Specifically
it is the following (i.e. He is so controlling and is micromanaging me on this project):
2. Using the word “I am” – substitute in the behavours that are bothering you about
the other person (i.e. I am so controlling and I micromanage others at times) and
write a statement about yourself:
I am also:
3. Write down an example of a time you experienced this in yourself:
An example of when I was like this was:
4. Once we realize that we are all just trying to be the best we can be, and we are
perfect including our imperfections, we can have more compassion (or empathy) for
ourselves and others.
5. Reflect on how having more empathy (one of the foundational competencies of
emotional intelligence) can support you in your leadership and your life?
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4. Two other practices for “in the moment” inner critic management:
a) When we have an orientation to the critical, it helps to develop a different inner
voice – one of compassion. For the next 6 months - Whenever you are meeting with
someone and you notice your judgments arising, practice staying curious with the
person and staying connected. Notice how this feels vs other times when you go to
immediately to judgment and criticism. Notice how the person responds in each
situation and how it feels for you. How can this support you in having compassion
for yourself as a leader? Compassion for others? What can you do differently as a
result?
b) In the moment when you catch your inner critic at play, notice it for what it is –
just one of the many thoughts that will occupy your mind today. Laugh and say –
“oh that’s interesting”, and let it go. By giving the inner critic less “air play” we give
it less energy and it dissipates more quickly.2
The arc of intensity occurs with every breath and is amplified during difficult and or
uncomfortable situations.
It can be difficult to stay present in each moment and particularly to uncomfortable
emotions that feel like a wave of intense energy which builds and builds and then
eventually dissipates – this experience is depicted below as an arc.
When you are unaware, at the peak of the arc, you go to old, automatic patterns to
deal with situations. When you are aware, on the other hand, you are able begin to
notice the energy intensifying, you practice deep breathing, feeling the emotions as
they arise, you listen to the guidance of your intuition as you sense something going
on internally, and you are able to maintain your perspective and can choose a
response that is appropriate for the moment.
This is an advanced ability found in an emotionally mature and authentic individual
and takes time and practice to be able to master.
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Adapted from Pema Chodron, “Don’t Bite the Hook – Finding freedom from anger,
resentment and other destructive emotions”.
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Think of how self managing through the arc of intense energy will support you with
this topic. What is your old, automatic pattern? What is a new behaviour or belief or
attitude you would like to choose instead?
Practice noticing your breath as your body goes into fight or flight. Begin deepening
your breathing. Also ask a question using the word “curious” to distract your mind
and give you just a moment to regain your perspective and return to present in the
conversation.
5. Resources:
“Loving What is”, Byron Katie.
“Taming Your Gremlin”, Rick Carson.
Quote for reflection:
“As we learn to be present to our lives and open to the moment, miracles
begin to happen.
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One of the greatest miracles is that we can drop a habit that has plagued us
for many years in a minute.
When we are fully present, the old habit lets go, and we are no longer the
same.
To experience the healing of our oldest and deepest wounds through the
action of awareness is the miracle we can all count on.
If we follow this map of the soul into the depths of our hearts, hatred will
turn into compassion, rejection into acceptance, and fear into wonder.” 3
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Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, “The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p 41, 1999.
©2011 Authentic Leadership Global, Inc.
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