THREE BENEFITS OF OLD AGE
By Rev. Yushi Mukojima, Resident Minister
My daughter turned eight months in May. Recently she has grown
remarkably and we have seen many new behaviors. After learning to crawl, she
now tries to touch the TV, the fireplace, the outlets, and everything which
immediately attracts her attention. She also wants to lick and put things into her
mouth—electrical cords and slippers, dangerous and dirty things, whatever she
can lay her hands—so we cannot take our eyes away from her even for a
second. Although we have tried to give her toys in order to distract her, we don’t
know why she pays little attention to things she is allowed to touch and seems
attracted only to things we don’t want her to touch.
Although she only just learned to crawl, we are extremely worried about
what she will get into when she learns to walk. When I think about my wife, who
has taken such good care of our daughter around the clock without rest, I fully
realize the greatness of mothers. My wife celebrated her first Mother’s Day last
month so I would like take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude for her
unconditional love and affection for Kurumi.
I had a phone conversation with my parents the other day. When I told
them what is going on with Kurumi and that she now weighs over 23 pounds,
they were very surprised. Our parents are looking forward to the time when
Kurumi visits them this summer, but for my father, who celebrated his 70th
birthday last year, it will be kind of difficult to hold such a heavy baby. Babies
grow day by day, while grandparents decline day by day. My father, who really
likes to hold and play with his grandchildren, muttered to himself over the phone,
“I don’t want to go downhill anymore.”
Even I often get a backache and shoulder pain after holding Kurumi for a
while. I think that if this were a couple of years ago, I would not have any
problems. But when I realize that aging has made steady progress even on me, I
feel really sad. Although there are some people who say, “Sensei, you are still
young!” when I realize that, from this point, I just keep getting older, I only feel
fear. “The suffering of old age,” which Shakyamuni Buddha preached about, is a
really serious problem.
So now I would like to share my feelings about aging with you.
First, growing old starts as soon as we are born. People categorized as
newborn, toddler, teenager, and young adult are not called old, but if you think
deeply about it, old age is an unceasing progression even through these stages.
If we are fortunate, we reach adulthood, then middle and early old age. Then we
attain old age and will surely die.
From old times in Japan, it has been said that when we grow old, we lose
three things. Have you ever heard this saying before?
First, we lose health. As I mentioned, when we are young, our bodies are
strong and full of energy. But as we age, our bodies begin to ache and functions
begin to slow.
Second, we lose our livelihood. Even if one believes that he can still keep
up with young people and has a strong will to work hard, when a person reaches
retirement age, he must leave his job, his company, school, or workplace. Even
an executive at his firm who handles his work competently must eventually give
up his high position to the next generation.
Third, we lose our companions. Inevitably, we lose the partner with whom
we shared life together for a long time. Even the couple who quarreled constantly
throughout their relationship will eventually be separated by death. Even our dear
old friends will depart from us.
We call this the Three Great Losses of Old Age.
However, when I was at the university, my teacher told us an interesting
story which challenges this old saying. He said that a person who listens to the
Nembutsu teaching will be able to gain, rather than lose, three important things.
What is it that can only be gained by growing old?
First, as one grows older, one becomes more agreeable. Even a person
who lived abrasively or stubbornly in his youth, wanting to be second to none, will
mellow out and develop a benevolent mind and a gentle look, like Buddha’s, as
he gets older. Even a parent who was very rigid in disciplining his children will
grow more relaxed over the years. Certainly, my father was very strict with me
when I was child and I remember clearly that I was often scolded for bad
behavior. However, as I see my father now, his gaze at his grandchildren when
dandling them is very calm and it is as if I were looking at Buddha.
Second, with the Nembutsu teaching, one can have a rich experience in
tasting both the sweetness and bitterness of life. By understanding
impermanence, which is hard to grasp in one’s youth, we will be able to live life
treasuring each day. We can go through life doing our best to carry out tasks
which can be finished today and never put them off until tomorrow. And one who
fully realizes that the nature of life has always been to support one another, will
never hurt others’ feelings, but live treasuring the harmony of others.
At this stage, one accepts a mission to hand down this spirit to the next
generations. What is important is not to tell younger people what to do but to
show them by one’s quiet daily practice. I believe that sutra chanting before the
Obutsudan every morning and evening at home, and joining the Sunday Service
at the temple, are habits that will be handed down like this.
Third is that we can enjoy a deep and meaningful life by living each day
based on the first two benefits. This way of life values each day with the deepest
feeling of gratitude for the blessings which allow us to be alive.
Rather than focus on Three Great Losses of Old Age, my teacher told us
to consider the Three Great Benefits made possible through the Nembutsu
teaching. These are very important gifts which we only receive with old age.
Certainly, as we attain old age, we assume we will lose many advantages.
To the contrary, we also gain a precious way of life of immeasurable depth. I
hope that each of us will treasure and rejoice in the precious three benefits
assured by the Nembutsu teaching which make old lives shine more and more
brilliantly. In Gassho...