Molly Stephens
Literature Review
December 2, 2008
Communications 305
General Statement of the Problem
Relational Dialects is a dynamic knot of contradictions in personal relationships; and
unceasing interplay between contrary or opposing tendencies. It highlights the tension
struggle, and general messiness of close personal ties. This theory that was studied by Leslie
Baxter and Barbara Montgomery analyzes the tensions inherent in romantic relationships. This
theory includes 3 dialects that affect relationships and has an aesthetic appeal because
sometimes we cannot imagine what the other is thinking in our relationships. What is most
important in this theory is to ask how do our relationships help to build our communication
skills? The focus question of this over view is “How do relationships help to build our
communication skills”?
This theory came together when Baxter conducted a series of in-depth interviews with
people about their personal relationships. Baxter says, “ I was struck by the contradictions,
contingencies, non-rationalities, and multiple realities to which people gave voice in their
narrative sense-making of their relational lives”. She found instead, people struggling to
respond to conflicting tugs they felt winthin their relationships. Baxter and Montgomery each
analyzed tensions inherent in romantic relationships and began to catalogue the contradictions
that couples faced. Baxter and Montgomery make it clear that the forces that strain romantic
relationships are also at work among close friends, and family members.
Mikhail Bakhtin, a Russian intellectual; saw dialectical tension as the “deep structure” of
all human experience. This force can either pull us together, or push us apart. Baxter and
Montgomery found that contradiction is a core concept of relational dialects. Contradiction is
the “dynamic interplay between unified oppositions.” A contradiction is said to be formed with
two tendencies or forces are interdependent yet mutually negate one another. According to
Baxter, every personal relationship faces the same tension. From a relational dialects
perspective, , bonding occurs in both interdependence with the other and independence from
the other”. One without the other diminishes the relationship. Bakhtin wrote that dialectical
moments are occasions for dialogues.
While listening to numerous men and women talk about their relationships Baxter
spotted three recurring contradictions. Baxter and Montgomery’s research have focused on
three relational dialects that affect almost every close relationship. The three types of dialects
that affect our relationships are; Integration/Separation, Stability/Change, and
Expression/Nonexpression. Each of these falls into the category of Internal and External
Dialects. Internal Dialect exists within the relationship, whereas, External Dialect occurs
between the couple and the community.
Internal Dialectic
(Within the relationship)
Integration/Separation
Stability/Change
Expression/Nonexpression
Connectedness-Separateness
External Dialectic
(between couple and community)
Inclusion-Seclusion
Certainty-Uncertainty
Conventionality-Uniqueness
Openness-Closedness
Revelation-Concealment
Integration and Separation says that no relationship can exist by definition unless the
parties sacrifice some individual autonomy. However, too much connection paradoxically
destroys the relationship because the individual identities become lost. Integration and
Separation is a class of relational dialectics that includes connectedness-separateness,
inclusion-seclusion, intimacy-independence, and closeness-autonomy. Baxter and Montgomery
regard the contradiction between connectedness and separateness as a primary strain within
all relationships.
Stability and Change is a class of relational dialects that includes certainty-uncertainty,
conventionally-uniqueness, predictability-surprise, and routine-novelty. Charles Berger
Uncertainty Reduction Theory makes a strong case for the idea that people strive for
predictability in their relationships. His theory deals with this concept and how different
aspects of communication can increase or decrease our uncertainty level about others. Baxter
and Montgomery however claim that Berger makes a mistake by ignoring our simultaneous
efforts to its opposite, novelty. We seek the mystery and spontaneity and surprise that are
necessary for having fun.
Expression and Nonexpression is a class of relational dialects that includes opennessclosedness, revelation-concealment, candor-secrecy, and transparency-privacy. Irwin Altman,
one of the founders of social penetration theory, ultimately came to the conclusion that selfdisclosure and privacy operate a cyclical, or wavelike, fashion over time. Baxter and
Montgomery picked up on this idea of Altman’s recognition that relationships aren’t on a
straight line path to intimacy. Baxter and Montgomery note that each possible advantage of
“going public” is offset by a corresponding potential danger. For example, public disclosure is a
relational rite of passage signaling partners and others that the tie that binds them together is
strong.
All researchers who explore contradictions in a close relationship agree that there is no
limited list of relational dialects. William Rawlins of Ohio University studies “communicative
predicaments of friendship”. Rawlins finds that one of the dialects friends continually have to
deal with the paradox of judgment and acceptance. [Moreover, Rawlins's studies of young
adults' friendships indicate that communication in friendship is problematic and involves
inherent dialectical tensions. Friends continually face the contradictions between expressive
and protective communication and independence and dependence within their relationships.]