Zen Zin
Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really. ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t live with animals; I also can’t remember ever
having a perfectly clean house, a failing for which I would like to continue blaming my
pets. Perhaps I would be able to see clearer with the dog sneeze removed from the
windows, perhaps I could breathe deeper if the rays of sun didn’t host a ballet of pet
dander. If the house was clean, so necessarily would be I?
So when the cleaning mood strikes, I usually begin confining the dogs to the mudroom in
order that I may prevent the drag and spread of any debris in the main living area. I
remind them that the ordeal will be short lived but nevertheless “ don’t get in my way as
you know it will irritate me” Avoiding any eye contact they usually, obediently, curl up
on their cushions. But not Xena.
It was recycling day and the electrifying prospect of an empty green box clouded my
awareness. Disobeying my orders to couche, Xena darted out between my
legs…unbalancing me sufficiently – did I mention that she was a 90 lb Bouvier – to tip
the recycle bin I was carrying onto the driveway. “Xena!” I crouched over the remnants
of the green box, muttering profanities while catching glimpses of Xena having the time
of her life chasing a squirrel. Finished, fuming and filthier, I grabbed a dog biscuit, took a
deep breath and in the sweetest of tones, feigned unconditional love so convincingly; she
actually turned to look at me. And just at that moment a man with the felt hat and a
woman with a pink scarf walked past my driveway. Xena didn’t even bother to ask, she
simply took off.
Now because Xena was such a bad dog, I had on occasion, screamed at her hysterically to
come back only to watch red-faced as she ran the other way. Sometimes the dog biscuit
had actually made a dent in my hand from the sheer force of my clenched fist. Sometimes
I considered hurling it at her, bribing her to come back for more, but would resist afraid
to miss and perhaps injure an eye and have to spend thousands in vet fees.
Xena ran to the couple and recounted her particularly neglected day, not being allowed
on the couch and having already been yelled at that morning for stealing an empty yogurt
container from the recycle bin. She was a narcissist, abandoning her family for something
better was not an issue. So I had to go and get her, in my ratty house cleaning attire and
worse, having to swallow my – obviously have no control over my dog - burgeoning
rage.
I smiled sheepishly as Xena eyes became bigger and browner gazing loyally into the
man’s eyes. The couple glowed with love for my bad dog and told me wonderful things
about her. The man in the felt hat and the woman in the pink scarf knew Xena well, they
had been feeding her far more frequently than I first suspected. In fact they had been
feeding the dog I had before Xena for many years. They had, from the distance of the
road, watched my boys grow up. They complimented me on my friendly dogs, “some are
not nice, that is why we carry dog biscuits, to protect ourselves.” Xena began to drool as
the man disclosed the treats from his pocket. Unlike the generic brand I forced Xena to
eat, his contained real meat. Then noticing some sour milk on my sleeve I remembered
the recycle bin incident and glared at Xena. She laughed in my face, oblivious of any
guilt, secure that I would not reprimand her in front of strangers.
The woman told me that her husband had been sick, he had a heart condition and that he
had to go for a walk every day, “no matter what.” The illness had given them a new
outlook on life; they appreciated everything, even apparently, bad dogs! They thanked
me for sharing her for a few minutes a day. Xena howled demanding another biscuit and
inviting us to accompany her in laughter.
Xena – Zin Zin- went to never never land a few years ago. I miss her. When we said
goodbye, I had already forgotten about her garbage addiction and her selective hearing. I
held her in my arms as she passed and thanked her for laughing at my threats of adoption,
for reminding me that control is an inside job and for her daily teachings on
unconditional love.