Macbeth (My Name Is)
I wanna tell you a story full of blood, murder and death
(My Name is) Macbeth
I was the baddest gangster in Scotland
Whichland? Whereland? Whatland?
I won a battle at the head of my legions
Showing my allegiance slapping down Norwegians
Bearing a grievance they came to attack
But ain’t nobody mess with Big Mac
On my way home I met these three mystic bitches
Of a kind in those days were commonly referred to as witches
And they gave me some big news that I had not been seeking
They told me that one day I would eventually be king
They got the part right about being Thane of Cawdor
I started thinking thoughts that I knew I shouldn’t oughta
I shared the good news with my good lady
I was getting kinda scared but she stayed slim and shady
She said “What do you owe this king?
Why you wanna be so nice to him?
If you’d left it up to me I already woulda iced him”
She was going on and on it was starting to bore me
About then I think I saw a dagger before me
If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s naggers
So I done the deed and she ditched the daggers
Now I had the crown but I didn’t feel like no winner
I whacked my best buddy Banquo but he still turned up for dinner
I went back to the witches though this time they didn’t expect me
Some spirits gave me some knowledge
They said they would protect me
They said “You’re cool ‘til the trees come attackin’ your castle
And watch out for Macduff” – Man, I knew he was an a**hole
“Thouh your deeds may be dark and your doings despicable
By man born of woman, yo’ ass is un-kickable”
I came swaggering home with my new information
And had Macduff’s family murdered by way of celebration
Now Malcolm was the name of the old king’s son
And on the day I done his dada in England he had run
And ever since then well I hadn’t heard jack
But now he was back to attack and harass the Mac with a pack
of Sassenachs!
My kneeswas knockin’ my head was hurtin’
My defences were down and my troops were desertin’
I strapped on my armour my mood was improvin’
‘Til some kid said “Check it out, dude, the trees are movin”
The thanes were a strain on my brain they were feeling the pain,
they decided they didn’t haveta
My lady went crazy and done herself in she shoulda died
hereafter
There mighta been a time to feel some pain or
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Hey Macduff what is your problem man, where is it that you get
off?
You break into my castle tryin’ to cut my flipin’ head off?
Yeah give it your best shot, lay on your nut
No man born of woman can kick this butt
Turns out my charm didn’t offer no protection
The gangster was delivered by caesarean section
Damn
That’s the last you’ll hear from me all things being equal
Until some dumb gangster tries to write a sequel