THEORIES OF RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT
Evolutionary Theory
Originally evolutionary theories suggested that males and females entered into a more
complex arrangement one million years ago, when a hunter-gatherer lifestyle began whereby
males embarked on hunting expeditions in order to provide for their offspring, mates and
selves. According to this view the development of more enduring relationships would have
provided a motive for the males return and ultimately helped new societies to begin and
thrive. (Gleitman et al, 1999).
Social Exchange Theory (SET)
SET is similar to the reinforcement theory as it is based on the idea that we form
relationships because of the rewards or positive reinforcement we receive through others.
For example, approval, smiling, status, love, help, money, agreement etc.
Thibaut & Kelley (1959) assume that everyone tries to maximise rewards (affection,
attention) that they obtain from a relationship and try to minimise costs (effort, time,
coping with emotional problems). Therefore if a relationship is to continue, people will
expect the other person to reward them as much as they reward the other person.
When applied specifically to intimate relationships, research suggests that the proportion
of rewards to costs can determine the duration of a relationship, especially in the early
stages. Furthermore, most intimate relationships do not seem to encounter detrimental
problems (costs) at the beginning, as the pair is in the throes of excitement that the new
venture brings.
Rusbult (1983) estimated that approximately 12 weeks into a relationship ‘costs’ were
starting to affect the satisfaction the couple had about their relationship. Several
elements are important to the social exchange theory including the expectations each
partner has before they enter into a relationship. Kelley (1983) argues the ‘investment’
each partner commits to the relationship. That is, resources such as time put into the
friendship to ensure the relationship succeeds.
In a way relationships are a form of psychological commitment and if it fails, their
‘investment’ is lost, i.e. the physical and mental effort contributed cannot be retrieved. In
this way, the rewards of a satisfying and meaningful relationship far outweigh any costs
incurred through devoting mental and physical energy to the process.
Evaluations
The SET suggests that we humans are selfish since we are only interested in what we can
gain for ourselves. Even though we like to believe that the joy of giving is as important as
the desire to receive, we must admit we always think about what is in it for us, Rubin (1973).
It is assumed that how satisfied people are with the rewards and costs of the relationship
will depend on what they have come to expect from past relationships. They will have a
comparison level CL representing the outcomes they believe they deserve on the basis of
past experiences. So if in the past they had a very poor relationship they will expect very
little from subsequent ones.
Blau (1964) argues that relationships can be expensive. They take up time, energy and
commitment. This would explain that what we get out of a relationship must be more than
what we put in.
Equity Theory
Some theorists (Hatfield, Utne & Traupmann, 1979) have extended the exchange theory to
include more of an emphasis on fairness or equity. According to the equity theory, people
expect to receive rewards from a relationship which are proportional to the rewards they
provide for the other person. However it is assumed within the theory that imbalance can
be tolerated if two people in the relationship accept the situation.
Walster et al 1978 expressed some features of equity theory in relationships, for example
couples will negotiate certain chores and if the relationship is unfair or inequitable it
produces more distress especially to the disadvantaged person and the disadvantaged
person will try and make it more equitable.
Hatfield et al (1979) asked newlyweds to indicate the extent to which they felt that they
were receiving/contributing to their marriage. They were also asked to indicate their level
of contentment, happiness, anger and guilt. The under-benefited had the lowest level of
overall satisfaction with their marriage and the over benefited had were most happy. The
finding that those who perceive their marriage as equitable are happiest.
Evaluations
The equity theory seems more plausible than the exchange theory. It takes into account
both rewards and costs but also the individuals concerned. Again however the major
criticism of the approach is that it assumes humans are selfish. The problem also is that it
is difficult to apply these findings to collectivist cultures, for example Gergen, Morse and
Gergen (1980) found that whereas European students were more likely to favour equality
with a distribution of rewards, American students preferred rewards to input.
Filter theory
Kerckhoff and Davis (1962) argued that relationships go through a series of filters, which
are important if the relationship is to begin or progress. The first filter revolves around
the fact that we only meet a very small fraction of people living in our area (proximity
filter). Most of those we meet tend to be of a similar social class, education level and
maybe even the same ethnicity or racial group (similarity filter). The third filter is based
on psychological factors. The chances of a short term relationship becoming more
permanent depended most on shared beliefs and values. The fourth filter surrounds our
emotional needs as the best predictor of relationship survival.
Evaluations
There are considerable factors that are important in the early stages of a relationship
compared to those that matter later on. The main problem with this theory is that it
focuses more on romantic relationships instead of the formation of friendships.
Balance Theory
Heider (1958) proposes that individuals seek consistency (or balance) in their relationship
with others and that any sources of imbalance render the person in an uncomfortable
psychological state that they are motivated to avoid.
For example if Connor likes Sally but Sally dislikes Connor then a relationship between the
two is unlikely to prosper. So any unbalanced states shows how they are simply unworkable
or under threat of breakdown.
Evaluations
Despite the fact the theories above can help us to explain and understand the development
of relationships they all have their problems.
Evolutionary Theory has biological roots and so implies that much of our behaviour within
relationships follows a natural order thereby ignoring the learning and cognitive processes.
Hill (1998) points out that models offered such as the social exchange theory are largely
based on the beliefs and values of a capitalist culture where greater emphasis is placed
upon gains and losses, rewards and costs (i.e. in an economic sense). Also this approach
implies that such motives are at the core of our choices and decisions within relationships,
which are rather cold, calculating interpretation, would seem to ignore genuine love and
affection.
Balance theory is centered upon two to three individuals and so literally restricts the
number of people involved in any one interaction.