Service Attendance Requirements for B'nai Mitzvah
A Summary of a Discussion Held on EdTalk in December, 2000
Prepared by Moti Rieber
Policy Summaries:
Policy Debate:
Allison Kaplan, DE
Alice Bechtolsheim, IL
Sharon Schwartz, NJ
Mike Salmi, NE
Sylvia Jacobs, NY
Lori Rubin, PA
Benjy Ben-Baruch, MI
Melissa Segal, NC
Jody Bessner, NY
Shai Gluskin, PA
Jeffrey Schein, OH
Anecdotes:
Allison Kaplan, DE
Barbara Carr, CA
Introduction
The question was raised on about synagogue attendance requirements for prospective
b'nai mitzvah. The responses ran the gamut, from many requirements to few. The
enforcement of these requirements also varied from congregation to congregation. All
agreed that personal and family involvement was much preferable to enforced attendance
aimed at children only, but there were differences as to how realistic that was in the
present circumstances.
Two related questions were raised along the way: Do congregations have requirements
that do not involve synagogue attendance, such as community service and social action
projects, and what are the consequences for students who do not fulfill the requirements?
Policy Summaries
Allison Kaplan of Temple Beth El in Newark, Delaware described a graduated
requirement scale: 5 Fridays in Aleph class, 10 Fridays in Beit class, 10 Fridays and 5
Saturdays in Gimmel class, 10 Fridays and 10 Saturdays in Daled class, and 15 each
Friday and Saturday in Hay class, leading up to the bar/bat mitzvah. Some folks thought
that was an outsized requirement, but Allison says that the kids mostly do it, as much for
the social aspect of being with their friends as for any spiritual aspect.
Alice Bechtolsheim is the Education Director of a smaller congregation -- Shir
Hadash in Northbrook, Illinois -- and they have fewer requirements: six services all
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together, four of which have to be at Shir Hadash and at least one of which has to be a
bar/bat mitzvah service. Enforcement, however, is a big issue.
The question of what to do in the situation where a child does not fulfill the requirements
thus was raised. Even Newark, with its stringent requirements, rarely if ever postpones a
bar/bat mitzvah in such situations.
Sharon Schwartz says that her congregation, Kehillat HaNahar in New Hope, PA,
requires attendance at 10 services, preferably during the twelve-month period preceding
bar/bat mitzvah. Their issue has been providing enough opportunity for the students to
fulfill these requirements, as the congregation meets three Fridays a month, and Shabbat
morning has not been a part of their culture. The rabbi has therefore instituted a Learners'
minyan one Saturday morning a month. Students are also encouraged to attend the
bar/bat mitzvah services of their classmates as part of the attendance requirements. The
congregation feels that these requirements help give their students an opportunity to
become familiar and comfortable with the service, more so than they would be just
practicing the services in class.
Mike Salmi of Beyt Shalom says that in Omaha, NE, they phrase their requirements in
the language of the students taking greater part in the life of the synagogue. They
encourage the student to "establish a regular active participation in both weekly (Shabbat)
and holiday observances" in the two years prior to bar/bat mitzvah. In the year prior to
bar/bat mitzvah, the student is required to actively participate in 50-75% of the scheduled
services. These requirements seem to be working very well for them.
Sylvia Jacobs of the Reconstructionist Congregation of the North Shore in
Plandome, NY says that her congregation has no requirements at all - "Much to my
dismay!"
Lori Rubin, Education Director of Or Hadash in Fort Washington, PA reported that
they have graduated requirements: attendance at 1 service for first graders, attendance at
2 services for second graders etc. Synagogue attendance is reported on the student's
report card, and those who meet the requirements receive a certificate.
Benjy Ben-Baruch of Congregation T'chiyah in Bloomfield, MI says that an
"exceptional circumstance" involves children who, for whatever reason, did not receive a
Jewish education until very close to the bar/bat mitzvah. In such circumstances, some
congregations require education but will shorten or otherwise modify the educational
requirements. In such cases the bar/bat mitzvah may be delayed until the child is 14 or
even 15 or 16. Educational requirements are also frequently waived or modified for
children who have special needs that cannot be met by the religious school.
Congregation T'chiyah itself has very minimal bar/bat mitzvah requirements. One unique
feature is that the individual is inaugurated into the key adult obligation of co-leading
services 2 or 3 times a year. This continues until the youth leaves their parents' home
(usually at about age 18 and usually for college).
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From the Chapel Hill Kehillah in Chapel Hill, NC, Melissa Segal writes, seventh-grade
students must attend Sunday school each week, attend two services a month, and do a
mitzvah project - this year, this involves leading a Friday night service at an assisted
living home. They are willing to postpone the bar/bat mitzvah service for anyone who
does not fulfill these requirements.
Policy Debate
There now arose a challenge to the very idea of "requirements.” To Jody Bessner,
Education Director at West End Synagogue in New York, NY, the idea of requiring X
number of hours of synagogue attendance leads to a number of problems: it encourages
people to merely fulfill the requirements, overemphasizes the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony,
and encourages "retirement" from synagogue life after completion of this rite. She would
much prefer that synagogue attendance be considered a communal norm, rather than a
"requirement.” This would, in her opinion, be more in keeping of the Reconstructionist
value of maximizing involvement. She also admits that she belongs to a shul where the
cultural change she is encouraging has not taken place, much to her chagrin.
A number of folks expressed support for Jody's position, and shared requirements that fit
in with it, such as Chapel Hill's encouraging of family involvement by having several
potluck Shabbat dinners at people's homes during the course of the year.
Shai Gluskin of JRF chimed in to attempt to balance Jody's visionary impulses with the
observation that congregations establish requirements because they fulfill some need in
the synagogue's life, even if it does cause some other problems as a result. Shai feels that
such requirements are an attempt to create "a community standard that tries to express a
core belief.” He emphasized for the standards to work, the community must be fully
behind them.
Jody disagreed, saying that these standards are a throwback to failed Reform and
Conservative education policies of the 50s and 60s, rather than the "outside-the-box" type
of thinking that we expect from Reconstructionism. She proposed some alternatives: a
family contract which commits the family to involvement in the synagogue, rather than
the minimalism of b'nai mitzvah requirements; interviewing a family on what they hope
to get out of the synagogue experience, and exactly what they're willing to commit to it;
and working with a family as they join a community in seeing their involvement as "the
path to increasing their commitment level.” If the family doesn't want to do all this, well,
there are plenty of other synagogues in the world.
Jeffrey Schein, JRF's Education Director, then chimed in with a recap of many of the
arguments made, and ranked them as "worst arguments, better arguments, and best
arguments."
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WORST ARGUMENTS
1. That this will compensate for other lacks in a student's/child's Jewish life.
2. That you can "impose" commitment on the student/family through these
requirements.
3. That they will self-regulate themselves once the holy name of the educator or
rabbi or religious service committee appears on the letter indicating that there are
requirements... whole systems are required to make this work.
4. That it will lead to a better "performance" at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
5. It will get a better turn out for Shabbat morning or Friday evening services.
BETTER ARGUMENTS
1. The "collective life" of the Jewish people requires participation.
2. B'nai Mitzvah is a form of apprenticeship. You can't take on the responsibilities
of the service without knowledge and familiarity.
3. This actually is an educative process that leads to students feeling more
comfortable, competent and creative when they assume the role of shaliach tzibur
(prayer leader).
BEST ARGUMENTS
1. Na'aseh v'nishmah. We do and then understand. Kids and families will spin their
wheels and live in an experiential vacuum in regard to prayer and community
unless they experience it. The joys of Jewish living can only be experienced from
the inside.
2. Mordecai Kaplan's "principled pragmatism.” From such American
psychologists/philosophers as John Dewey and William James, as well as his own
understanding of Jewish tradition, Kaplan fashioned a philosophy of religious
experimentation. Again, you can't experiment from the outside.
3. Perhaps most profoundly, b'toch lo b'shma ba l'shma. Something starts out for
extrinsic reasons (it is required of me). If the experience is worthwhile, students
and families begin to appreciate the intrinsic value of the experience.
Anecdotes
Allison from Delaware added a touching story about two sisters, the younger of whom
belonged to a synagogue and gave her children a Jewish education, and the elder of
whom didn't belong to a congregation and gave her children horseback riding and skiing
lessons. When the elder said, "What will you do when they leave the synagogue?” – as
she believed they were sure to do – the younger responded that the children would have
the necessary resources available to them when they decided to return later in life, and
that a positive experience in synagogue has a lot more spiritual/personal value in the long
run than horseback riding lessons.
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The key for Allison is a positive experience in shul, which doesn't mean having no
requirements. "Attending services and classes is their way of making contributions to the
community."
Barbara Carr, Education Director from Congregation Dor Hadash in San Diego
also told an anecdote, about a mother who couldn't understand why her child's Hebrew
school and synagogue attendance requirements were so onerous - especially in view of all
her daughter's other extracurricular activities -- until the rabbi reminded her that this
might be the only year in her child's life that she would be fully engaged in Judaism, and
the mother owed it to her daughter, and to her family, to have that experience. The
engagement worked, and now the woman advocates the requirement to others.
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