Rifts Earth Eateries/Taverns
by: Talis Merrill
“WHAT do we eat, WHY do we eat? ....WHERE are we going to eat?”
(Douglas Adams----”Restaurant at the End of the Universe’)
“We must be getting close to civilization...”
“How can you tell?”
“Styrofoam burger packs, milkshake cups, and pie boxes...there’s an Emperor Burger somewhere nearby...”
“It was a dark and stormy night...”.....
It seems that the most often used plot device in RPGs is the bar, cantina, tavern, or other place of booze and eats
where player characters inevitably congregate to get information, meet new people, pick fights, and get a handle
on where in an adventure they’re heading next. PCs will typically hit one of these once an adventure, if not use
one as a base of operations (and run up a tab, or crash under their favorite table).
The situation is no different on Rifts Earth. Local eateries are the most popular place in the community to pick
up info, meet people, get a feel for the local situation, and maybe land a job....on top of the obvious reasons:
refuel, get drunk, and get in fights. Several hundred years after the Coming of the Rifts, eateries are booming
businesses again, despite the lack of continental transportation and franchise networks. Most places depend on
locally grown supplies to stay in business. The massive fast food franchise logistical networks of the Golden Age
are a thing of the past, so local ‘mom and pop’ places are the general rule. And, especially in the less civilized
areas, standards of quality and hygiene can be downright primitive. However, restaurants and eateries typically
don’t stay in business by being more disgusting and dangerous than their patrons’ own homes, so often the local
greasy-spoon IS the apex of civilization in many a town.
In the more civilized and organized regions, like the New German Republic, the Coalition States, especially in
the New Republic of Japan, and arguably in places like Splynn, more familiar franchises are seen, with the sort
of brand-name public relations blitz-exposure and logistical backup not seen since the Golden Age and the
Golden Arches. Here, though, one might also see the proliferation of more elite and selective dining
establishments, though they may be little more than upscale snob appeal for providing the same services (a place
to eat fatty foods and get blitzed).
Since the Coming of the Rifts, the extra element of the interdimensional has entered the ring. From D-Bees
trying to replicate the familiar dining establishments and experiences of their lost home worlds, to local humans
trying to make use of whatever exotic new foods have been brought to their tables by the Rifts (even if they’re
not immediately identifiable as such). Some mages have gotten around the lack of an interstate road system by
using teleportation and rifts to journey to distant lands and secure a steady supply of fresh foods, opening the
possibility of magic-linked franchises of their own.
And there are those nostalgics who seek to resurrect the ancient glories of the past, renovating such shrines that
they discover as Wendy’s, Burger King, and McDonalds. though they have little idea of what such places served
and how they operated in their heyday (spawning such bizarre cults as the Order of Ronald with their clown getups and Franchise Bible).
So, while one might be in a local nondescript bar or greasy-spoon for the purpose of meeting other PCs or NPCs,
and getting into trouble, there’s no reason why the joint itself can’t be effectively an NPC, or more involving
setting for some roleplaying. Like admiring the mad-scientist decor in ‘Burger Reanimator’, sneaking into the
poshest five-star restaurant in Chi-Town with Karl Jr.’s stolen credit card, making a Mental Endurance roll once
you discover what that succulent steak you just ate at Cartier-Fury REALLY was, trying all fifty flavors of
Magic Ice in the Mystic Grotto, or opening up a holo-menu in a quaint little eatery in Splynn and discovering
that the display of the “Breaded McHuman” looks suspiciously like your missing teammate.....
Some Free Rifts Examples:
Emperor Burger (Coalition States) “Come in Now and Get a FREE Emperor Prosek, Defender of Humanity
Action Figure Playset with Every Juvey-Meal!”
Angina’s Bar & Grill -“Home of the Leviathan Burger”
Four Flies Diner -“You die here, you clean yourself off the floor!”
To Serve Man (Splynn)
Blue Flame Bar -“Go on, try it, our homebrew’s that proof!”
Live Prey (Psi-Stalker eatery)
Godzilla Burgers (Hiroshima)
Soylent Green Cafe -“We won’t tell, if you don’t ask.”
Pit of Evil Diner
Texacalithulu’s -”Sometimes you eat the worm, sometimes the worm eats you.”
!&&&&&&&&&&&&! (we’re not certain who goes there to eat, but someone must)
Designer's Note: I’ve elected to make this a set of random roll charts rather than a point-construction chart, to
reflect the fact that most players will be patronizing a bar or eatery, rather than actually RUNNING one.
Type of Establishments
01-30: Bar - Call it a grog-shop, a saloon, a slop-shop, gin mill, speak easy, or a meadery, it’s a bar....It’s a place
primarily dedicated to distributing alcohol, with food a distant second concern.
31-50: Tavern - Taverns tend to be rather more upscale than your average bar, with as much emphasis on
serving quality food as booze, though alcohol is still the main attraction.
51-70: Greasy Spoon - Your lowest common denominator eatery or hash-house, dedicated to serving up solid,
basic, fast foods for the common palate. May or may not serve alcohol, typically light drinks like beer or watered
wine; the real business is food....cheap stick-to-your-ribs food. Most eateries from old-style 'railroad car' and
roadside diners to McDonald’s fall into this category.
71-80: Themed Restaurant - ’Themed’ eateries tend to be more organized and elaborate than the humble
greasy spoon, with the food, services, and architecture based around a particular theme: Tex-Mex culture, Thai
cooking, sushi, Italian, or other ethnicity. Some themed eateries may be based on particular franchises
(amusement parks, mass-media tie-ins, or local celebrities) or dietary philosophies (low-carb, vegetarianism,
blood/PPE-dependent diets, eating in total darkness, etc.). Catering, hosted reserved events (like parties), and
takeout are also profitable sidelines of this class of eatery. This category tends to bridge the gap between Greasy
Spoons and more upscale Dining Clubs. ‘Family Restaurants’ are typically Themed, with performers and big
photogenic mascots for the kids.
81-94: Cafe - Cafes are “restaurant lites”, serving hot drinks (tea, coffee, chocolate, etc.) and light repasts
(sandwiches, pastries, relishes, etc.) rather than alcohol and solid entrees. Cafes/Coffee Houses/Chocolate
Houses/Tea Gardens tend to aim for a more gentile clientèle and cultivate the intelligentsia, though historically,
cafes have also been hotbeds of political dissent. Interestingly, cafes have regained their past stature as places of
the elite and affluent in the post-Rifts era, owing to the difficulty of obtaining real tea, coffee, and chocolate.
95-00: Dining Club - These are the apex of eatery evolution, with as much going into the overall look and
atmosphere of the place as the services it provides. The idea is to provide a quality dining experience (or at least
the illusion of one). Dining Clubs tend to be rather discriminating as to customers; one has to pay for a
membership to eat there, or otherwise meet the approval of the establishment (typically on the basis of perceived
social class).
Size of Establishment
01-20: Shack - Enough space for 4-8 people to belly up to the counter and not get their elbows in each other’s
faces.
21-40: Small - Diner-sized, typically with enough space for 8-20 customers
41-89: Mid-size - About the size of a modern fast food joint, with accommodations for 20-50 people
90-00: Large - Massive place with room for 50-100 people; likely has special facilities set aside for banquets
and large bookings, and will frequently cater to larger outside events.
Dress Code
01-25: Come As You Are - These places will let anyone in the front door, as long as they don’t smell too bad
and look like they can pay.
26-60: Certain Restrictions - Same as above, but a few restrictions do apply, such as leaving weapons and pets
outside, no bare feet, and no open wounds.
61-90: Clean Shirt - More restrictive than above. Customers are expected to dress with at least some attention to
personal hygiene, and leave the heavy hardware and armor off.
91-00: Dress Code - The eatery expects patrons to adhere to a strict dress code when visiting, for appearance's
sake....Suits and black ties may be mandatory for men. If the patrons cannot acquire the required dress, the
establishment may rent or sell it to them.
Quality of Service
01-15: Minimal - Pretty much self-service; not necessarily a bad thing (buffet-style).
16-30: Poor - The food is late in coming, the help is either surly or incompetent (or both), and orders are
frequently messed up. Tips tend to be rather rare and small.
31-89: Efficient - Food comes on time, service is polite, and there’s a ready supply of basic drink (water, tea, or
beer, typically) refills at your request
90-00: Superb - Service not seen since the ultra-ritzy establishments of the Golden Age. Fast, courteous service
with a smile, complaints are immediately handled by the senior staff, and special orders are taken with gusto
(“Clean and cook that Sea Maw carcass you hauled in? SURE we can! And do you want that with a white
ambrosia sauce or tartar sauce?”)
Quality of Food/Drink
01-10 - ”You Call this Food? I’ve seen better grub on week-old roadkill!”
11-30: Basic - You could probably prepare better if you had the time and wanted to go to the trouble. The food
is occasionally under or over-done...still, it’s less trouble than making it yourself
31-64: Solid - The food is done well; few complaints
65-94: Just Like Momma Used to Make - Provided that Mom was a professional chef.
95-00: Excellent! - Extremely high quality food. Does things with the local foodstuffs that reveal a whole new
side to the staples, and will frequently feature rare or exotic foodstuffs and spices.
Selection
01-30: Limited/Monotonous - The establishment prepares maybe a half-dozen dishes, occasionally with other
dishes (when the harvest is good or there’s a sale). They concentrate on one or two specialty items (Spam, spam,
spam, spam.......)
31-69: Basic - The eatery provides a selection of inoffensive, basic foods. You wouldn’t starve or suffer from
malnutrition, but nothing particularly exotic. D-bees or gourmands looking for exotic foods will be disappointed.
Some items are seasonal and appear only on the menu with seasonally available supplies. “I’m sorry, no more
cherry pie until the snows in the mountain passes melt, but we have some excellent mincemeat!”
70-94: Large - The eatery’s larder is stocked with a large assortment of foodstuffs, including out of season items
and more expensive foods, including terrestrial imports (“I’ll have...is that Meisterbrau Golden from New
Munich!?”).
95-00: Deluxe - The restaurant has access to an incredible range of foods and beverages, including exotic items
such as extra-dimensional imports. It is likely to have something for a variety of metabolisms. “Yep, Thraxus
himself gave me this bottle...I’ve been saving it for a special occasion, and this seems like it...”
Prices
01-15: Cheap - Incredibly low prices; 1-5 credits for a meal?!
16-39: Low - Prices a shade to the low; 5-9 credits a plate
40-74: Modest - Expect to spend about 10-15 bucks for a good meal
75-89: Expensive - Expect to pay 30-50 credits for a seating.
90-00: Exorbitant - Expect to dig deep into your pockets and start inventorying your possessions to pay off the
bill. 100 credits or more for a meal (for one person!)
Species Tolerance
01-30: Xenophobic - The place is for the known locals only...anyone else is not welcome
31-59: Racist - The locals refuse to serve certain races (“We don’t serve droids here!”)
60-00: Open - Everyone is free to come in.
Magic/Psionic Tolerance
01-30: Intolerant - The place is for mundanes; no magic, no psionics, and known psionic races and magic-users
will be refused entry and service (might still let other races/species in...see above)
31-59: Don’t Show Off - The locals don’t care to know if you’re a magic-user or a psychic---they just don’t
want you showing off in the place (likely to get you a serving of cold shoulder or heated harassment if you do).
In the alternative, the establishment uses magic and psionics in preparing food and/or policing the customers, but
doesn’t openly advertise it for fear of alienating customers.
60-00: Open - Everyone is free to come in.
General Attitude
01-20: Frosty - Everyone minds their own business, eats, pays, and leaves. Outsiders are given a particularly
cold shoulder.
21-79: Institutional - Formal and courteous, but not particularly personal. Emphasis is on serving you and
getting you moving. Patrons tend to mind their own business, but a few, out of sheer boredom or opportunism,
will strike up a conversation with newcomers.
80-00: Family - Very open, very friendly. Everybody knows your name (or soon will).
Security
01-30: None - Every man for himself, watch your wallet. On the plus side, if you pay the proprietor enough, he
might dispose of the body for you...
31-64: Minimal - The proprietor keeps a baseball bat (or rifle) under the counter, and will glare menacingly at
anyone trying to use his premises for criminal activities...Given that some proprietors are dragons or fullconversion ‘borgs, that glare can be pretty menacing.
65-90: Secure - One or more bouncers wait ready to deal with unruly customers, the back rooms are well
secured, and the doors have good stout locks to keep people out (or in). Bill-skippers will likely receive a warm
welcome and a quick escort to the dish washing racks....
91-00: Paranoid - A lot of effort has gone into making sure that the dining area is effectively a no-problems
sanctuary. The staff are well-armed (beware the ninja-waitresses) and the premises have a top-notch security
system (including closed-circuit television monitors, auto-locking doors, weapons scanners). Anyone trying to
skip out on the bill had better pray the police are outside to rescue them. Magical establishments might have a
Rune Statue or Sanctuary spell to insure peace.
Other Services/Features
01-15: Farm - The eatery is adjacent to a farm that provides most, if not all, of the produce served. A good place
to pick up fresh produce as well.
16-20: Distillery/Winery - The establishment makes its own booze, which is the primary draw.
21-24: Boarding House - Eating establishment backs onto rooms and boarding facilities for travelers.
25-30: Dance Hall - The establishment doubles as a local nightclub featuring a dance floor, music (live band or
recorded), light show, and community social.
31-34: Gambling Den - Back rooms set aside for high-stakes gambling with catered service.
35-36: Brothel/Strip Club - Often features an exotic dance show.
37-40: Local Political Headquarters - This particular eatery is the de facto public headquarters of a local (if not
THE local) political party/ruling body. The local Black Market family has a table reserved here, or the resident
wheelers and dealers maintain a smoke-filled room in the back for conducting business. May or may not
appreciate strange customers nosing about their business.
41-43: Local Police Hangout - Whatever passes for law enforcement in the area, this particular eatery is their
favorite hangout; by arrangement, the owners give preference to the local enforcers, and there will be 1-6 off
duty officers/enforcers hanging around the place at any given time.
44-50: Local Thieves Hangout - The place is a front for a gang of criminals, thieves, slavers, or ruffians, who
come here to hang out and count their loot. The bad guys get the best service and call the shots around the place.
Outsiders who come in will likely be harassed if they’re not there to do business, and given the boot.
Troublemakers will find themselves beaten up, enslaved, robbed, or killed for a floor show.
51-60: Truck Stop - The eatery is the favored hangout of merchants traveling through the area; either the
caravan owners who arrange business, or the drovers who actually move stuff. There will tend to be 1-6 (or
more) caravaners and mercantile travelers in the place at any given time. 50% chance of a garage or stable
nearby.
61-63: Resident Body Fixer - The place is the established haunt of a local doctor, Cyber Doc, or healer whose
office is nearby
64-70: Resident Information Broker - The man to see for information (for a price).
71-75: Resident Operator - Something got broke? Buy this lady a drink and start negotiating.
76 -79: Backroom Weapons Dealer - Need a piece for some peace? Talk 'em up and arrange for a buy.
80-84: Resident Hero - A veteran champion (Cyber-Knight, Headhunter, superbeing, dragon, etc....) uses the
place as his base of operations. If you need the services of a hero, and your cause is just, you just might be able
to get his attention and hire...the ‘Z Team’....
85-91: Mercenary Recruitment Center - The establishment is a popular mercenary recruitment location for
hiring soldiers of fortune and finalizing deals. At any given time, there are 1-6 soldiers of fortune on the
premises. Alternatively, this is where unscrupulous recruiters (including ship captains in coastal regions) get
chummy with marks, get them drunk, then dragoon them into service....
92-97: Coalition Front - The establishment is a covert front for a military operation; either a secret espionage
station, logistics depot, communications drop point, or trap for unwary enemies of the CS. Or simply
sympathetic to the CS and a place where a Deadboy can take off his helmet and get a beer at a 20% discount (or
free). Alternatively, the place is a front set up by some other power, including such groups with n agenda like the
Federation of Magic, NGR, ARCHIE-3, or the Splugorth.
98-99: Mobile! - Yes, the entire place is on the move! This could be a single wagon ‘roach coach’, a small
caravan, river steamboat, robot vehicle, or magically floating palace, but the eatery moves around. Great for
following the seasons and the markets, or for going to customers.
00: Dimensional Gateway - The establishment is a front for interdimensional travelers. There’s a miniature Rift
(or other interdimensional gateway) hidden on the premises, used by the proprietors and a few special
regulars....for a fee, and if you know the right people you might get to use it too.