Congratulations You Lost!
Congratulations you lost! Now there is a statement you do not hear
everyday. In a fast paced, win at all cost, no child left behind society, the lessons
learned from failure are often overlooked. Failure is not fun, especially after a lot
of hard work dedicated to a moment of being the champion. The only trouble is
there is only one winner in a game. What we learn from not succeeding many times
can be more powerful and life changing.
Watching the Olympics this summer we are all amazed by the dedication of
athletes who spend their lives working for the opportunity to have one moment to
be an Olympic champion. How many people fail at winning? Is it a wasted life? Was
it all for nothing? Or are the lessons learned from trying to succeed just as
important as succeeding itself.
Ever consider what professional athletes have to go through, making their
living on winning. They are the hero’s we cheer for; we want to know all about
them. Even wear the same brand of underwear they do. But for all of the glamor
and the glory, many of us have come to realize there is a very dark story on the
other side. Steroids, drugs, gambling, cheating, womanizing; all of these are very
real aspects of people focused on winning. When our hero’s fall from glory it leaves
a deep scar on us all. Pete Rose, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong; names of athletes
when you hear their names you have to think twice, once about their athletic
greatness, and once about their fall from glory.
Now do not get me wrong, I feel competition is very important, and I’m not
talking about being competitive and working hard to win. What I really want to talk
about is what happens when you don’t win. It is not time to have a pity party, rather
a time to celebrate your willingness to compete. Celebrate the courage you have of
putting yourself on the stage to be vulnerable to failure. An opportunity to learn
what your weaknesses are so you can come back next time as a stronger, wiser,
better competitor.
Being a healthy person requires three things; you have to think well, move
well, and eat well. Thinking well takes practice, perseverance, and a good
foundation on which to build from. However not many people take time to stop and
consider their thinking. Do you meditate each day? Are you critical about what you
are listening to? Do you question what you hear and ask why? If you are answering
no to these questions you have a little work to do.
Competition and sports give us great metaphors for life, and with big
publicity, and commercialization of athletics most of us are familiar with the latest
star icons. But its not just sports, television shows like American Idol, the Voice,
Dancing with the Stars, The Biggest Loser, Survivor; as American’s we are obsessed
with competition. I feel its time to look at the competition as opportunity, not life or
death and win at all cost.
From a developmental stand point we don’t get very far without learning
how to pick ourselves up after failure. We don’t go from crawling to walking
without a few “fall down go booms”. After we fall down we pick ourselves back up
and take a few more steps until walking becomes second nature. What about if you
stopped dating after your first love dumped you? The human race sure wouldn’t be
the same.
Its common sense that we don’t stop walking because we fall down, and we
don’t stop dating because we get dumped. However when it comes to bigger arenas
like getting cut from the high school team, or not getting the part in the musical that
you wanted it can be the end of your career. Many talented people never actualize
their potential because they throw in the towel too early. Or they are criticized so
much they feel its better to quit because they will never be good enough and they
are tired of hearing all the negative feedback.
As a fan, as a spectator, as a parent, as a coach, next time you witness failure I
hope you will think twice before you spew out any criticism. Think about the
positive lesson to be learned from the failure. Acknowledge the failure because that
is what happened, but then explain why it happened, or how a different approach
could have made a different more positive outcome. Think about the opportunity at
hand for learning and growing, and then sit back and watch what happens the next
time around. Remember the definition of insanity; “doing the same thing over and
over again and expecting different results”. If you learn what you did wrong the first
time your chances are better of staying out of the loony bin.
Sports and competition are easy to talk about and relate to, but failure
doesn’t always happen in an arena. Tried to quit smoking and failed, tried to loose
weight on a diet but failed, tried to finish your degree but failed, I want you to know
its ok. It is ok as long as you take the opportunity to think about why you failed. Be
honest with yourself; write down what your goal is and the challenges to
accomplishing it. Next write down solutions to the challenges. Its ok if the first
solution doesn’t work or if it takes many, many tries to get it right. It took Thomas
Edison 100 tries to make a light bulb. He didn’t fail 99 times, he had 99
opportunities to learn how not to make a light bulb. Remember failure isn’t falling
down it is staying down. Get up, get going, and your failures will be the fuel for your
next success.