Bug C Malone
Scene 1
(All on stage in various positions, all frozen, when silly stringed all turn to look then cross
them selves)
KNUCKLES
Someone once said, if it was raining brains Roxy Robinson wouldn’t even
get wet. In all of New York they didn’t come much dumber than Roxy the
Weasel. To be frank, Roxy as a dope!
CHARLIE
I gotta get to the alley way quick. He's making for Perito's. Benny you cover
the back. Yonkers, watch the sidewalk.
LOUIS
Dumb as Roxy was, she could smell trouble like other people could smell
gas. But she should never have taken the alley behind Perito's
Bakery.
CHARLIE
Your name Robinson?
ROXY
Uh huh (Nods)
BENNY
Roxy Robinson?
ROXY
Uh huh (Nods)
YONKERS
Also known as Roxy the Weasel?
ROXY
Uh huh (Nods)
BENNY
The same Roxy the weasel who works for fat Sam?
ROXY
Uh huh (Nods)
(Gang Silly string Roxy, falls to the floor as if dead)
ANGELO
Whatever game it was that everyone was playing, sure as eggs is eggs, Roxy
Robinson had been well and truly scrambled.
(Funeral music. Gang pick him up and carry him off slowly)
(Beautician and Fran enter, bring on salon chair, sit C stage)
MOLLIE
Now, the girl in the chair here is Flash Fran. The best lawyer in New York,
she's a little shady but she's the best…believe me. Flash Fran's silver tongue
can get a guy out of jail quicker than a truck load of dynamite.
1
(Gang enter and silly string the beautician and Fran, fall back in chair dead.
(Gang pick up chairs and carry off stage to funeral music)
SCENE 2
YONKERS
BUG
Now as you can see, something kind of fishy is going on here. To be
perfectly honest, i'm beginning to wonder what's going on myself. I mean,
this plays only just started and already the stage is full of stiffs! Oh by the
way, you're probably wondering who he is.
(Appearing at back of audience)
Well, my name's Bugsy, Bug C Malone
BUGSY MALONE (ALL)
He's a sinner
Candy-coated
For all his friends
He always seems to be alone
But they love him
Bugsy Malone
A city slicker
He can charm you
With a smile and a style all his own
Everybody loves that man
Bugsy Malone
Hot-headed Bugsy makes his mind up
Don't mess with Bugsy or you'll wind up
Wishing you'd left well enough alone
He's a man, a mountain
He's a rolling stone
And will he leave you
Sad and lonely, crying
I couldn't say, but it's known
That everybody wants that man
Bugsy Malone
(All one doing different things in their sections, i.e. playing cards, cleaning, warming up,
doing makeup, sat in office. Blousey walks past with directions like she's looking for
something)
BUG
Hi, how you doing? I'm Bugsy Malone. (Blousey ignore him)
BUG
You a dancer? A singer, right? Oh, a base-ball player. (He pulls bat out of her bag)
BLOUSEY
Zip the lip wisey. I'm in no mood for conversation.
2
BUG
Ahh, you don’t wanna be my friend?
BLOUSEY
Listen wise guy, I'm surprised you don't fall over with that big head of yours!
FIZZY
You can go in now. (Blousey goes past her) Fat lot of good it will do her
though, ever day they just tell us to come back tomorrow!
BUG
Now, I bet your wondering what kind of joint this is. Well this is Fat Sam's
place, Fat Sam's Grand slam, the hippest place in town, the place to see and
be seen.
FAT SAM'S GRAND SLAM (ALL)
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy
always able to find you a table there’s room for just one more
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speaskeasy
Once you get here feel the good cheer
like they say in the poem
Fat Sam's ain't humble
but it's your home sweet home
plans are made here,
games are played here
I could write me a book
each night astounds you
rumors are a-buzzin
stories by the dozen
look around your cousin at the news we're making here.
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy
(instrumental)
da da da da da da
da da da da da da
da da da da da da da
ooh yeah ooh yeah da da da da da da da
see the politician
sitting by the kitchen
said he caught his fingers
in the well he was wishing in
Once you get here
feel the good cheer
like they say in the poem
Fat Sam's ain't humble but its your home sweet home
plans are made here
games are played here
I could write me a book
each night astounds you
rumors are a-buzzin
stories by the dozen
look around your cousin at the news we're making here
3
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy!
Music continue under next scene, abruptly stop as Gang enter
(Bug and Blousey bump into each other)
BUG
Ouch, look where you're going will you.
BLOUSEY
Oh I'm so sorry. Oh! It's you, the wise guy!
BUG
That bat could be classed as a dangerous weapon you know.
BLOUSEY
My mum made me pack it!
BUG
Why, 'cause you’re a sports nut?
BLOUSEY
It's for protection, in case I get robbed!
BUG
You’re a singer right?
BLOUSEY
Depends what you want me to be, I dance and I sing, that’s why I'm here, to
see about a job
BUG
So, did you get the job then?
BLOUSEY
Nah, not yet, they said come back tomorrow.
BUG
Yeah, that’s what they always say! What's your name anyway?
BLOUSEY
Brown
BUG
Sounds like a loaf of bread!
BLOUSEY
Blousey Brown.
BUG
Sounds like a stale loaf of bread! Well, I'm Malone, Bug C Malone.
(Dandy Dan's Gang enter with lots of noise etc.
People running everywhere and hiding to try and get away. Gang leave and everyone slowly
comes back on, starts tidying up etc)
FAT SAM
Ok everyone, it's ok, nothing to worry about now. Back to your tables, back to
the bar. Girls get back on the floor! I wanna see everyone enjoying
themselves. Free drinks on the house. It's just a little excitement that’s all. No
one can say Fat Sam's ain't the liveliest club in town!
(Beckons to his boys to come round)
4
LIGHTS FADE TO A SPOT WHERE THEY ARE.
Boys, this means war! Dandy Dan's gang are going down!
SPOTLIGHT FADE TO BLACK. MUSIC
SCOOP
We interrupt this programme to bring you an important news flash….Reports
are coming in of a gangland incident on the Lower East Side, involving Roxy
Robinson, believed to be a member of the gang of Fat Sam Staccato.
Robinson was a victim of a sensational event and we go over to our reporter
on the spot for a . . . . FADE TO BLACK
SCENE 3
FAT SAM
So, tell me how you allowed this to happen? Roxy was one of my best men!
What have you got to say for yourselves you bunch of dummies? Knuckles?
Louis? Angelo? You’re a disgrace to your profession. Do you hear me? A
disgrace! And most of all you’re a disgrace to me, Fat Sam!
And we all know who’s behind this, don’t we?
GANG
Sure boss
FAT SAM
Don’t need a hatful of brains to know that do you?
GANG
Certainly not boss.
FAT SAM
So, who is it then you dummies?
GANG
umm, umm, Dandy Dan Boss?
FAT SAM
(Falls off chair) Don’t you dare mention his name in my presence you hear
me?
FIZZY
Er Boss, um how about our audition? You said come back tomorrow.
KNUCKLES
Not the best time right now Fizzy, can you come back tomorrow?
TILLIE
But today is tomorrow knuckles?
ANGELO
Will you two just get out of here!
(DOWN STAIRS SLOWLY AND SADLY, LIGHTS FADE ON GANG AS GANG TRYING TO CONSOLE
FAT SAM)
5
BUG
Can I give you a lift?
BLOUSEY
You got a car?
BUG
Erm, no!
BLOUSEY
Then how you gonna give me a lift, put me in an elevator?
BUGSEY
It's a nice night, we could walk. Which way you going?
BLOUSEY
Which way you going?
BUG
This way
BLOUSEY
Then I'm going this way!
BUG
Hay, have you eaten?
BLOUSEY
Ever since I was a child!
BUG
Haha! You hungry?
BLOUSEY
No! . . . I'm starving!
BUG
Are you going back to the speakeasy tomorrow?
BLOUSEY
Er no, I'm gonna try my luck at the Bijoux Theatre.
BUG
The Lena Marelli Show?
BLOUSEY
She walked out. They’re looking for a replacement.
BUG
Oh she walks our every week and every week they have auditions and every
week she walks right back in again. . . But don’t let me put you off!
BLOUSEY
I won’t! What do you do?
BUG
I find fighters, boxers. In fact I was a fighter myself once, pretty good too.
BLOUSEY
You were?
BUG
Sure, I could have been a champion.
BLOUSEY
You could?
BUG
Sure, but for a couple of things.
6
BLOUSEY
Like what?
BUG
Like jelly legs and a glass jaw.
BLOUSEY
Some champion.
WAITRESS
Look buddy, in case you’re wondering, I ain’t part of the furniture. Are you
eatin’ or are you meetin’?
BUG
Er . . . no we’ll have two Banana splits with double ice cream, nuts and
chocolate sauce, two cream Arizona doughnuts and a coke with two straws.
(DANDY DAN’S GANG ENTER AND START FIRING
B & B HIDE UNDER TABLE)
BLOUSEY
We can’t go on meeting like this.
SCENE 4
(LOUELLE & DANDY & GANG INTO LOUNGE. MUSIC PLAYING)
LOU
Oh honey, don’t switch that off, i was enjoying that!
DAN
I have to concentrate princess. I have a little business to attend to.
LOU
But ain’t you gonna play no more?
DAN
Later my rose, later.
Hi boys, relax will you! I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for
all your hard work so far. Everything has gone swell, just swell.
GANG
Thanks Boss!
DAN
Fat Sam must have had quite a shock. Soon all he will have is the clothes he
stands up in and a suitcase full of memories.
SCENE 5
(FIZZY, TILLIE, LORETTA AND BANGLES CLEANING AND TIDYING DRESSING ROOM AND CLUB.
TALLULAH DOING MAKEUP. FAT SAM AND KNUCKLES IN OFFICE)
FAT SAM
Stop crackin’ your knuckles Knuckles.
KNUCKLES
But its how I got my name boss!
FAT SAM
Well cut it out or I'll change your name! (Calls to Tallulah)
Tallulah you ready yet? How much longer do you want us to wait?
7
TALLULAH
Coming honey, you don’t want me to look a mess do you?
(FS paces up and down, Knuck copies)
FIZZY
Er, Mr Sam, about our audition?
FAT SAM
Later Fizzy, I'm busy right now, tell those girls to keep practicing and I'll see
you tomorrow, I promise you, tomorrow Fizzy!
FIZZY
But boss, yesterday you said tomorrow.
FAT SAM
TALLULAH! You spend more time prettying yourself up than there’s time in
the day. I’ll see you in the car. (As he turns Knuckles is right behind)
KNUCKLES! Get out of my way!
KNUCKLES
Sorry boss
TALLULAH
Night Fizzy, night girls. I hope you get your audition.
TOMORROW SONG (Fiz, Tillie, Lor, Mollie)
Tomorrow
Tomorrow never comes
What kind of a fool
Do they take me for?
Tomorrow
A resting place for bums
A trap set in the slums
But I know the score
I won't take no for an answer
I was born to be a dancer now, Yeah!
Tomorrow
Tomorrow, as they say
Another working day and another chore
Tomorrow
An awful price to pay
I gave up yesterday
But they still want more
They are bound to compare me
To Fred Astaire when I'm done
Anyone who feels the rhythm
Movin' through em
Knows it's gonna do em good
To let the music burst out
When you feel assured
Let the people know it
Let your laughter loose
Until your scream
Becomes a love-shout, ah
8
Tomorrow
Tomorrow's far away
Tomorrow, as they say,
Is reserved for dreams
Tomorrow
Tomorrow's looking grey
A playground always locked
Trains no winning teams
I won't take no for an answer
I was born to be a dancer now
Anyone who feels the rhythm through em
Knows it's gonna do em good
To let the music burst out
When you feel assured
Let the people know it.
Let your laughter loose
Until your scream becomes a love shout
Ah
SCENE 6
OP SING
(Opera singer on and sings badly)
OLIVIA DV
NEXT!
OP SING
But I have other songs.
OLIVIA DV
Yes honey, but do you have another voice? NEXT
MAGICIAN
Good evening, I am the great Marbini! From this hat I will produce not one,
not two, but three rabbits!
OLIVIA DV
NEXT, NEXT! Don’t give up the day job!
(Dancers onto stage, do terrible ballet dancing)
OLIVIA DV
Get off my stage, NEXTTTTT!
DANCER
What does she mean next? Doesn’t she like us? I’ll punch her right on the
nose!
BLOUSEY
Blousey Brown, singer.
OLIVIA
The light honey
BLOUSEY
Er, sorry Mrs De Velt, I didn’t quite catch that?
OLIVIA
The light honey, step into the light, I need to see your face, this show ain’t set
down a mine!
9
(Piano starts and as Blousey opens her mouth to sing,
LENA storms down the centre aisle and shouting)
LENA
Olivia, Olivia, I'm back! I’ll give you one more chance or else I'm out for good!
You hear me? Olivia Out! Out! OUT! (Onto stage and barges Blousey off stage)
Ok honey beat it! This show has got its star back! Lena’s come home! Hit it
Buckley!
LENA’S SONG (Lena)
BUG
Cheer up honey, there’s a million jobs out there!
BLOUSEY
Sure, on the street corner with a hat to catch dimes in!
BUG
It takes time to me a movie star! We could come back tomorrow.
BLOU
Come back tomorrow! Come back tomorrow! That's all I ever hear! I spend my
whole life coming back tomorrow!
SCOOP
We interrupt this show to bring you a further bulletin on developments in the
latest outbreak of hoodlum gang warfare.
Captain O'Dreary, Seymour Scoop RTZ Radio. Can you tell us if you have
located the weapons used by the gangs yet?
O'Dreary
No comment!
SCOOP
Have you located the source?
O'Dreary
Sure I had it on my hamburger at lunch!
SCOOP
No Captain, the source of the guns?
O'Dreary
Oh, then no comment!
SCENE 7
LOUELLA
As you can see O'Dreary and Scoop have about as much chance of solving
this case as I have of becoming the president of the United States!
Meanwhile back In our story, Fat Sam is definitely getting a little nervous - I
mean if you had a gang of dumb bums to relay on you'd be nervous! And
trust me, Dandy Dan's lot ain't all that either!
10
BAD GUY'S SONG (Boys)
We could of been anything that we wanted to be,
But don't it make your heart glad,
That we decided a fact we take pride in,
To become the best at being bad,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be
With all the talent we had,
No doubt about it, we fight and we tout it,
We're the very best at being bad guys,
We're rotten to the core,
My congratulations no one likes you anymore,
Bad guys, we're the very worst,
Each of us contemptible when criticised and cursed,
We made the big time malicious and mad,
We're the very best at being bad,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be,
We took the easy way out,
With little training we mastered complaining,
Manners seemed unnecessary we're so rude it's almost scary,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be,
With all the talent we had,
With little practice we made every black list,
We're the very best at being bad,
We're the very best at being bad,
We're the very best at being bad,
ANGELO
Hello Sam
FAT SAM
Yeah, start gabbin
ANGELO
I located the guns
FAT SAM
Spill then snake eyes, spill
ANGELO
You know the Hung Fu Laundry?
FAT SAM
On East 13th Street?
ANGELO
That’s it. 2nd Floor, behind the laundry.
FAT SAM
Good work Angelo, you go and tell the rest of the boys and get your selves
over there pronto, I wanna know what’s going on in that place!
ANGELO
Hay Dan, it’s Angelo, I spoke to Fat Sam, and he fell for it!
DAN
Good work, you’ve earned your place in this group. Sam’s boys are in for
quite a party.
(Dan’s group on, hide in behind tables and walls and things, shh each other etc.
11
Sam’s gang in and start looking round etc)
CHARLIE
Got you! FIRE!!
(Dan’s gang jump out and splurge Knuckles,
he falls to the ground Louis and Angelo escape. )
DAN
Sorry Knuckles, but you should never trust a gangster! Take him away
(Gang on and carry off snake eyes and Louis)
LOUELLA
Yuck what a mess!
DAN
Just a day’s work my rose, just a day’s work!
LOUELLA
Sam ain’t gonna like this one little bit!
DAN
He ain’t gonna be able to do nothing about it though, soon he’ll be throwin’
in the towel.
SCENE 8
FAT SAM
WHAT! I don’t believe it! Another two of them gone, not knuckles, not snake
eyes NOOO!
LOUIS
What we gonna do boss, there’s only the two of us left.
ANGELO
Yeah boss, they’re taking us out one by one!
FAT SAM
Nothing, we do nothing! We act like is everything ok, like nothings happened.
Carry on as normal, “Tutto casa sono buono”.
LOUIS
Umm, what does that mean boss?
FAT SAM
You don’t speak Italian?
L/A
No boss!
FAT SAM
You call yourselves gangsters and you don’t even speak Italian?
L/A
No boss!
FAT
Just play it cool boys, that’s what it means, just play, it, cool!
(Knock on the door, boys jump out of their skins; Boys go to see who it is)
12
LOUIS
It’s that broad about her audition again.
ANGELO
He’s busy lady, come back tomorrow!
FAT SAM
No wait honey! (turns to boys) We need to act normal remember!
We’ll be right there honey, make yourself comfortable, we’ll be down in a
minute. (To boys) See just like I said, normal! We need some help boys, some
serious help, we need a specialist.
LOUIS
A Doctor boss?
FAT SAM
NO! Not a doctor you dummie, a hoodlum and a gang.
(Bug, Leroy, Cagey Joe, Jo, Tillie, Loretta, Fizzy all girls all down stairs cleaning etc)
DOWN AND OUT (Bug, Leroy, CJ, Jo, Fizzy, Tillie, Loretta, Velma, Bonny)
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
You don't have to sit around
Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up
Think of all the time you waste
And time's a precious thing to let go by
Sure you've hit the bottom
But remember you'll be building from the ground up
Ev'ry day's another step
That takes you even closer to the sky, so give a try
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
You don't have to sit around
Depressed about the way that luck deceived you
Fortune sailed away, you missed that boat
And found that you'd been left behind
Fight and fight some more
Until you know the world is ready to receive you
Lady luck's a fickle bird
But a lady is allowed to change her mind
You don't have to sit around
Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up
So be a man you know you can't be certain
That you'll lose until you try
You don't have to sit around
Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up
So be a man you know you can't be certain
That you'll lose until you try, so give it a try
We are marching up, up, up and out
(Repeat and fade)
13
BUG
So guys, Fat Sam needs our help, he needs a gang. Are you up for it?
ALL
Yeah, we’ll help you, were in etc . . .
BUG
Then let’s go,
FAT SAM
Thank you guys, you’ve saved our bacon, now we need a plan, everyone think
....
FAT SAM
Got it, we a arrange a meeting with Dandy Dan, Angelo and Louis you’ll be in
the bar with me and Bug C and your gang will be hiding around the corner
ready to pounce.
Oh hello! Is that Dandy Dan’s residence? Could I speak to himself please? This
is Sam Stacetto. Don’t worry about what it’s about, he’ll know me.
DAN
Hello! Oh hello Sam, what can I do for you?
FAT SAM
I want to meet you Dan, to do some talking.
DAN
Where?
FAT SAM
The club?
DAN
Yeah ok Sam, you're on, but you come alone, no gangs, though, you come on
your own!
FAT SAM
No gangs Dan, you have my word.
What’s he talking about don’t bring your gang, he’s wiped out all my gang!
Just you and me
DAN
Agreed (Both put phone down together)
Got him, the knucklehead!
FAT SAM
Got him, the big salami!
(Bug, Leroy, cagey Joe, Jo, Tillie, Loretta, Molly, Fizzy all cleaning etc)
SCENE 9
BUG
Hi guys.
All
Hi Bugsy!
BUG
How you doing? Still practicing?
FIZ
Yeah, still practising!
14
MOLLY
You know us, Bug all work no play!
BUG
Have you guys seen Blousey? I thought she was here for her audition?
TILLIE
Oh yeah, she was here, but she went to get some air.
LORETTA
Yeah, she got tired of waiting!
JO
But she's left her bag, so I guess she's coming back!
(Tallulah enters with the dancers/singers Velma, Bonny, Tilly & Olivia)
TALL
Suddenly everyone wants to be in show business!
BUG
Oh, hi Tallulah, hi girls!
GIRLS
Hi Bugsy!
LEROY
Sam's busy Bugsy, why don’t you have a drink while your waiting?
TALL
Ok girls, time to rehearse!
VELMA
Oh come on Tallulah!
BONNY
Yeah Tallulah we've been rehearsing all morning!
OLIVIA
Yeah and my feet are killing me
TALL
I said beat it!
OLIVIA
Sometimes she can be such a cow! (All girls exit)
TALL
You know what I think of you Bugsy; I've always found you kind of . . . special.
BUG
Careful Tallulah.
TALL
Come on Bugsy, give a girl a break
BUG
You sure you got the right guy?
TALL
Come on Bugsy, how about smearing my lipstick?
(As she's leaning closer for a kiss Blousey enters and sees them. FS's gang & FS enter)
BUG
Oh um hi Blousey I has just looking for you?
15
TALL
Where were you looking? In Tallulah's mouth? Hush your mouth I'm only
here to sing.
FAT SAM
Ok honey, I'm all ears.
I'm Feeling Fine (Blousy) (Tillie, Loretta, Mollie backing)
I'm feeling fine
filled with emotions
stronger than wine
they give me the notion
that this strange new feeling
is something that your feeling too
matter of fact
I’m forced to admit it
caught in the act
and maybe we've hit it
is this strange new feeling
something that your feeling too
Chorus
if this is love its a rhapsody
I’m gonna sing it like a song
and if you're singing it back to me
forget about sophistication
keep it simple
that’s my style
**love at its best
a pleasure to make it
a chance that I’ve test
I’m willing to take it
if this strange new feeling
is something that you're feeling too
repeat chorus
repeat **
FAT SAM
Ok honey I've heard enough, you’re hired. Let's go guys
SCENE 10
BUG
That was great Blousey, really great. Are you mad 'cause of Tallulah? I can
explain everything . . . Blousey! Blousey!
LOUIS
Hay Bugsy, can you come up here a minute, Fat Sam wants a word.
16
FAT SAM
I need you and your guys do to a job for me Bugsy, you wanna earn yourself
some extra dosh Bugsy?
BUG
Doing what? Something dodgy no doubt?
ANG
No, no nothing like that Bugsy, don’t worry we just need some bodies that’s
all, nothing dodgy at all!
BUG
Everything's dodgy with you Sam! But yeah, I'm on board, so what we gotta
do?
FAT SAM
Well Bugsy . . .
BUGSY MALONE (All)
He's a sinner
Candy-coated
For all his friends
He always seems to be alone
But they love him
Bugsy Malone
A city slicker
He can charm you
With a smile and a style all his own
Everybody loves that man
Bugsy Malone
Hot-headed Bugsy makes his mind up
Don't mess with Bugsy or you'll wind up
Wishing you'd left well enough alone
He's a man, a mountain
He's a rolling stone
And will he leave you
Sad and lonely, crying
I couldn't say, but it's known
That everybody wants that man
Bugsy Malone
(Singers sing song round mic, all gangs sorting themselves out etc, getting silly string ready)
SCENE 11
DAN
So, what can I do for you then Sam?
FAT SAM
How about some straight talking Dan?
LOUIS
You guys have been taking liberties
17
CHARLIE
We've been taking what's ours
ANGELO
Trouble is, it belongs to us
BENNY LEE
Too bad, possession is nine tenths of the law
KNUCKLES
Now hang on a minute; we need to talk this all out sensibly.
YONKERS
You're in the wrong gang Jo, why you wanna be with this dime a dozen
gangster!
FAT SAM
You button your lip Yonkers! I have to be shown some respect!
DAN
Zip your lip Sam, nobody talks to my boys like that!
BUG
Well tell them to keep their wise cracks to themselves!
FAT SAM
Ok enough with this, guys let them have it!
DAN
It's a double cross! Let them have it guys!
(Bugsy grabs Sam's arm and they run up the aisle, the rest of the guys splurge each other)
BUG
Never again Sam, never again!
WE COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
And it's not too late to change
I'd be delighted to give it some thought
May-be you'll agree that we really ought
Two, three, four
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision was ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double up our powers
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
And I'm not saying that we should
But if we try it, we'd learn to abide it
We could be the best at bein' good guys
Flowers of the earth
Who can even guess how much
A real friend is worth?
Good guys, shake an open hand
May-be trusting
If we try to understand
No doubt about it
It must be worthwhile
18
Good friends do tend to make you smile
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision is ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double our powers
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
(Repeat and fade)
__________________________________ACT 2___________________________________
SCENE 12
MY NAME IS TALLULAH (Tallulah & girls)
My name is Tallulah
My first rule of thumb
I don't say were I'm going
Or where I'm coming from
I try to leave a little reputation behind me
So if you really need to
You'll know how to find me
My name is Tallulah
I live till I die
I'll take what you give me
And I won't ask why
I made a lot of friends
In some exotic places
I don't remember names
But I remember faces
Lonelyyyy
You don't have to be lonely
Come and see Tallulah
we can chase your troubles away (ohhh)
If your lonely
You don't have to be lonely
When they talk about Tallulah
You know what they say
Know one south of heaven's gonna treat you finer
Tallulah had her training in North Carolina
19
My name is Tallulah
and soon I'll be gone
an open invitation is, the road I'll travel on
I never say goodbye because the words upset me
you may for give my going
but you won't for get me
OLIVIA
So Blousey, how things going with Bugsy?
BLOUSEY
Ok I think, he apologised about Tallulah, we all know what she's like. I'm
meeting him in a minute actually; apparently he's just done a job for Fat Sam
and got himself 200 dollars so he's treating me to dinner.
MOLLIE
Well I'm giving up on guys, they're nothing but trouble. From now on, I'm
looking for a husband.
BONNY
Yeah me too, I ain't getting too attached, I'm gonna change guys regularly,
like a library book.
VELMA
Hay guys, what do you think? Do you think I look cute? What do you think of
my skirt?
SOPHIE
Well, um, I don’t know it's um . . .
VELMA
Daisy what do you think?
DAISY
Um well I'm not sure, maybe the colours wrong?
TALLULAH
I think it's cute, it matches the colour of the veins in your legs!
FIZZY
Nice Tallulah! Maybe it's the length?
RACHEL
That's the latest length, I read it in a magazine.
FLO
Maybe it's the frills; they do stick out a bit!
LORETTA
Yeah, they stick out like your ears!
OLIVIA
Oh so you think it'll look better on you do you?
MOLLIE
It'll look better on a horse!
VELMA
You're just jealous! Can I help it if my looks are ahead of my time?
TILLIE
They're what?
VELMA
Full of personality and character, kind of earthy . . .
20
TALL
Yeah like a bucket of mud!
BLOUSEY
Well girls as much as I would like to stay and chat, I gotta go.
FLO
Where you going Blousey?
BLOUSEY
Can you keep a secret? I'm meeting Bugsy, he got $200 from Fat Sam for
doing some job for him and he's bought us tickets for the train to Hollywood,
were going together Flo, and I'm gonna get my dream, I'm gonna sing on
Broadway, I'm gonna be a star and all that with Bugsy by my side!
REPRISE - I'M FEELING FINE (Blousey)
I'm feeling fine
filled with emotions
stronger than wine
they give me the notion
that this strange new feeling
is something that your feeling too
matter of fact
I’m forced to admit it
caught in the act
and maybe we've hit it
is this strange new feeling
something that your feeling too
SCENE 13
(Bugsy enter walks along in the dark, when three hoodies jump out and start beating him up,
Leroy enters and sees what they are doing and goes in to help,
he scares them off and picks up Bugsy)
LEROY
You ok Mr?
BUG
Yeah I’ll be fine. You sure showed those guys, you must be a boxer?
LEROY
Me? Nope!
BUG
You're not? That's the best punching I've ever seen!
LEROY
Ahh, that was nothing!
LORETTA
Hay Bugs you ok we heard you got jumped?
21
BUG
Yeah guys I'm fine. So have you ever thought have taking it up? I mean
professionally, getting a coach and training.
LEROY
Nope
TILLIE
Why not, from what I've heard you could be a champion.
LEROY
Nope. Never thought about it
BUG
Well we know someone that could help you, you know Cagey Joe?
LORETTA
We'll he just about everything you need to know about boxing and . . .
BUG
Put it there Leroy, you've just got yourself a manager.
(Cagey Joe and boys enter with gloves on etc)
CJOE
Hay Bugsy, you ok?
BUG
YEAH I'm fine! Joe I want you to meet the next heavyweight champion Leroy
smith.
CJOE
Soooo, ever been in the ring before boy?
LEROY
Nope!
CJOE
So you wanna be fighter then?
LEROY
Er nope!
TILLIE
Sure he does. Look at those hands! Come on Leroy show us what you can do
(Leroy hits pads etc, Cagey Joe looks pleased)
CJOE
Ok Bugsy, I'll give him a try. But I tell you now; he'll be no good unless he's
got 'it'.
BONNY
"IT"? What's "it"?
BUG
"IT" is the difference between being a no-hoper slugger and being a
champion.
CJOE
It's what makes a fighter special. If you haven’t got it, you just haven’t got it!
SO YOU WANNA BE A BOXER (Leroy, Jo, Bug, CJ)
22
So you wanna be a boxer
In the golden ring
Can you punch like a south-bound freight train
Tell me just one thing
Can you move in a whirl like a humming bird's wing
If you need to
you weave
Can you fake, and deceive when you need to?
Well, you might as well quit
If you haven't got it
So you wanna be a boxer
Can you pass the test?
I can tell you've got it in you
I've trained the best
When you work and you sweat
And you bet that you train to a buzz-saw
Then you near lose your mind
When you find that your boy has a glass jaw
So you might as well quit
If you haven't got it.
Putting him in the ring, Joe
Look at what you found
We can use the fun, Joe
Pushing him around
Well show him the ropes
And destroy his hopes
Put him in the ring, Joe
Give the guy a chance
Let him feel the sting, Joe
We can make him dance
We'll pulp him to bits
Then he'll call it quits for sure, Joe
So you wanna be a boxer
Wanna be the champ
There's a golden boy inside you
Not a punched-out tramp
If you listen and you learn
There's an honor you can earn and defend here
When you do see the crown
You're a king not a clown
A contender
But you might as well quit
If you haven't got it
Put him in the ring, Joe
Something new to punch
Let me have a swing, Joe
Then we'll go to lunch
23
We'll make it quite swift
Then he'll get the drift
Put him in the ring, Joe
Chicken a la carte
Let me have a wing, Joe
Tearing him apart
That chicken will crow
Let me have him Joe
SCENE 14
FAT SAM
That's the whole empire gone Tallulah, you hear me? Everything! And they'll
be coming here next to take the club. There's only one thing I can do. I gotta
get him back!
TALL
Who? Get who back?
FAT SAM
No you dumb Dora, Bug C Malone. Call him.
TALL
No answer honey.
FAT SAM
Well then you gotta go and talk to him, poysonally!
TALL
Poysonally?
FAT SAM
POYSONALLY!
TALL
Poysonally! So long Sammy
(Bugsy downstairs waiting for Blousey)
TALL
Hi Bugsy
BUG
Blousey! Oh it's you. What you doing here Tallulah?
TALL
Nice to see you to Bug C! I got a message for you!
BUG
Oh yeah from who?
24
TALL
Don’t worry it ain't from me! It's Fat Sam who wants to see you not me!
BUG
I can't go, I'm waiting for someone.
TALL
You are?
BUG
Blousey, we're going to Hollywood, we're gonna make her a star.
TALL
Look Bugs, that sounds swell, but you need dough to get to Hollywood and
Fat Sam needs you, and I'm sure he'll make it worth your while!
BUG
Ok then let's go.
(Fat Sam skids/falls on a wet floor as she comes down stairs to meet Bug & Tall)
SCENE 15
(Fat Sam enters and falls over on the wet floor)
FIZZY
Careful Boss, that floor's wet!
FAT SAM
You stupid broom-pushing no-good hoofer. I'll break that mop over your
head! You . . . You . . .
Oh hi Bugsy. Glad you could make it. How you been?
BUG
Fine Sam, and you?
FAT SAM
Oh, a little difficult at the minute Bugsy, why don’t you pull up a chair and sit
down? Tallulah honey . . . go fix your make up.
TALL
I've already fixed it
FAT SAM
Then go make yourself even more beautiful then you already are.
TALL
But you know that’s impossible!
FAT SAM
TALLULAH!
TALL
Ok ok, I'll go an' manicure my gloves!
(Phone rings Tallulah answers it)
TALL
Bugsy, it's for you, it's Blousey!
BUG
Excuse me a minute Sam
25
Hello Blousey.
BLOU
Bugsy, where are you? We said 8.30 and you’re already half an hour late!
BUG
Sorry Blousy, but something's come up, some business.
BLOU
Oh yeah, with Tallulah! Anyway did you get the tickets?
BUG
Er, no, I told you Blousey something's come up.
BLOU
You promised me Bugsy, you promised!
BUG
I know Blousey, but this can't wait, and Hollywood can.
BLOU
I don’t know why I ever trusted you Bugsy Malone, you’re a liar and a joke
and I don’t ever wanna see you again.
(Blousey slams down the phone and shouts, then sits down on suitcase and sings)
ORDINARY FOOL (Blousey & Louella, Tallulah)
Only a fool
Like fools before me
I always think with my heart
Only a fool
That same old story
Seems I was born for the part
It's a lesson that I've learnt
And a page I should have turned
I shouldn't cry
But I do
Like an ordinary fool
When her ordinary dreams
Fall through
How many times
Have I mistaken
Good looks and lies
For bad news?
How many times
Have I mistaken
Love songs and laughs
For the blues?
When a road I've walked before
Ends alone at my front door
I shouldn't cry
But I do
Like an ordinary fool
When her ordinary dreams
Fall through
It's a lesson that I've learnt
26
And a page I should have turned
I shouldn't cry
But I do
Like an ordinary fool
When her ordinary dreams
Fall through
Scene 16
BUG
Leroy, Jo, Cagey wake up. Come on Leroy get up!
LEROY
Who is that?
JO
Oh it's you Bugsy, what can we do for you?
BUG
Come with me boys, I got you a job.
LEROY
You got me a fight already Bugsy?
BUG
Not quite Leroy, this is a, different kind of job
JO
But were tied Bugsy, we been up 'till late training, come back in the morning.
BUG
It'll be too late in the morning boys, we gotta go now. We gotta do a job for
Fat Sam, hitting Dandy Dan where it hurts . . . . and there's $200 dollars in it
for you!
JO
Well why didn’t you say so! Come on boys we got a job to do!
Scene 17
(Daddy Dan with gang by SR door in huddle planning what to do.
FS and Bug gangs, dancers etc all frozen in club)
DANDY
Right boys, this is it, the end of the war, the final chapter. This is the big one!
GANG
Yeah the big one!
DD
The shakedown
GANG
The shakedown!
DD
This is the final dance
GANG
The final dance!
DD
It's gotta be quick, it's gotta be neat and it's gotta be good
27
GANG
(All in different order repeat above lines)
LOUELLE
Enough!!! You idiots, stop repeating everything he says and just listen! So
what's the plan then honey, I wanna get on that stage and sing, it's my turn!
DD
I know honey, I know, and you'll be there, very soon I promise!
Anyway you shouldn’t have any troubles, just Sam and a few dancing girls!
Now remember when you get in there, just keep on spraying, I don’t want
anyone left!
YONKERS
Three cheers for Dandy Dan. Hip hip hooray
DD
Too kind boys, too kind. Now, for Fat Slams Grand Slam! (Exit SR to FOH)
(In club lots of activity people finding hiding places and setting cans etc ready for the attack)
FAT SAM
Right guys, into your positions, this has got to look authentic, just like a
normal night at the best club in town!
BUG
Blousey, are you gonna get in your position or am I gonna have to take
someone else to Hollywood!
BLOUSEY
Hollywood! You got the tickets Bugsy?
BUG
Two tickets to Hollywood leaving first thing!
LORETTA
They're here guys! There here!
FS
Places everyone; this is gonna be a show to remember!
(Girls perform song, everyone else as customers or staff etc)
FAT SAM'S GRAND SLAM - (Girls)
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy
always able to find you a table there's room for just one more
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speaskeasy
Once you get here feel the good cheer
like they say in the poem
Fat Sam's ain't humble
but it's your home sweet home
plans are made here,
games are played here
I could write me a book
each night astounds you
rumors are a-buzzin
stories by the dozen
28
look around your cousin at the news we're making here.
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy
(instrumental)
da da da da da da
da da da da da da
da da da da da da da
ooh yeah ooh yeah da da da da da da da
see the politician
sitting by the kitchen
said he caught his fingers
in the well he was wishing in
Once you get here
feel the good cheer
like they say in the poem
Fat Sam's ain't humble but its your home sweet home
plans are made here
games are played here
I could write me a book
each night astounds you
rumors are a-buzzin
stories by the dozen
look around your cousin at the news we're making here
Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy!
(Part way through the song DD's gang burst in)
DD
Ok everybody freeze! (girls scream and run away)
FS
Ok guys, let 'em have it!
(Chaos breaks out, everyone splats each other and everyone ends up covered, the first notes
of ‘you give a little love’ are played and people begin to join in, then all.
YOU GIVE A LITTLE LOVE (All)
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
And it's not too late to change
I'd be delighted to give it some thought
May-be you'll agree that we really ought
Two, three, four
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision was ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double up our powers
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
And I'm not saying that we should
29
But if we try it, we'd learn to abide it
We could be the best at bein' good guys
Flowers of the earth
Who can even guess how much
A real friend is worth?
Good guys, shake an open hand
May-be trusting
If we try to understand
No doubt about it
It must be worthwhile
Good friends do tend to make you smile
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision is ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double our powers
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da) emily cave rules
(Repeat and fade)
SCOOP
We interrupt this song to bring you the final development on the war of Fat
Sam Versus Dandy Dan. As you can see from the devastation Dandy Dan has
invade the Grand Slam Club and by the scene around me I would say that Fat
Sam's gang were ready to great him! And after all this warring I would say I
can officially announce the victor is . . . no one, it's a draw boy's, it's over,
you're even!
FIZZY
Well that sounds like a reason to celebrate!
FINAL VERSE - YOU GIVE A LITTLE LOVE (All)
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
You give a little love
And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da) emily cave rules
(Repeat and fade)
30
These are the characters, as you can see a couple are doubled up, the boys parts are from Bugsy –
Yonkers and the girls from Blousy – Flo/Franie
Bugsy
Leroy
Cagey Joe
Fat Sam
Knuckles
Angelo
Louis
Dandy Dan
Charlie
Benny Lee
Yonkers
Blousy
Tallulah
Louella
Lena & Fizzy
Tillie
Loretta
Mollie
Velma
Bonny
Olivia
Sophie/Scoop
Daisy/ O’Dreary
Rachel/Roxy
Flo/Franie
31