Discussion Questions For
JOURNEY OF A STRONG-WILLED CHILD
By Kendra and John Smiley
Introduction
1. In what ways can you relate to Kendra and John’s story of raising a strong-willed child?
2. How was Kendra’s definition of a strong-willed child helpful to you?
Chapter One: The Journey Begins: Birth to Pre-Kindergarten
1. At what age did you begin to see signs of a strong will in your child? Can you recollect a
particular situation or incident?
2. Defiance is one obvious way for a strong-willed child to attempt to control his or her life.
What were the other ways mentioned in this chapter?
3. John’s main comments on pages 27 and 28 focus on parenting as a team and letting your
children know that mom and dad are acting as one in all matters. How are you and your
spouse doing in this regard?
Encouragement for your journey:
Look at Galatians 6:9 again and think of two ways to support your spouse during the coming week.
How can you help one another so that you do not become weary.
Chapter Two: Avoiding the Discipline Detour
1. In the beginning of the chapter, Kendra says that you should begin disciplining your child
based on his or her individual development and needs, not on their chronological age or
stage. If you have more than one child, what differences have you seen in their
development?
2. Kendra goes on to provide half a dozen important principles behind loving and effective
discipline. Which of these principles resonated most with you?
3. In “A Closer Look With Aaron” on page 42, he explains how his dad disciplined him with
no emotion. In other words, his dad had developed a “healthy detachment in delivering
punishment”. What has been your experience in this regard?
4. What is the purpose of discipline? Refer to page 43 of “A Good Word from John, the
Resident Dad”.
Encouragement for your journey:
Look at Hebrews 12:11. How has this chapter helped you in the way you will discipline your
strong-willed child in the future? Because parenting is a team effort, share with your spouse how
you want to discipline your child differently in the future.
Chapter Three: The Journey Continues, Kindergarten to Grade Six
1. How do the two paradoxes of a strong-willed child speak to you? (refer to page 45: A
strong-willed child wants to control himself and yet wants to be controlled by his loving
parents and other responsible adults, A strong-will child wants to live in the presence and
structure of just and fair rules.)
2. What kind of experiences has your strong-willed child had with his or her primary school
teachers?
3. How were Aaron’s insights in this chapter helpful to you as you seek to understand your
child better?
JOURNEY OF A STRONG WILLED CHILD Study Questions
copyright 2009 Kendra and John Smiley
Discussion Questions For
JOURNEY OF A STRONG-WILLED CHILD
By Kendra and John Smiley
Encouragement for your journey:
Kendra states “As a parent of a strong-willed child, you can offer understanding and insights that
can assist a teacher in helping your child.” How can you be a better advocate for your child in the
classroom?
Chapter Four: Assumptions vs. Actualities
1. Are there assumptions from Kendra’s list that you or another adult have made about your
child? How has your child been affected by these false assumptions?
2. Kendra again mentions the importance of lovingly disciplining your child (refer to
assumption #2). How are you doing in this area of parenting?
3. According to Kendra, what is the difference between targeting and testing (refer to page
64)? When you feel tested by your child, how can you “pass the test”?
Encouragement for your journey:
Read I Corinthians 13:12. Although you may not always understand your child’s mind or behavior,
you can still seek to know your child well and to be sensitive to how God has made him. What have
you learned more recently about your child? In what area does your child need your encouragement
the most right now?
Chapter Five: The Junior High Journey
1. Kendra shares how several adults (Sunday school teachers, a friend’s father) in Aaron’s
youth were a powerful and positive influence on him. Are there other adults in your child’s
life that are encouraging to him or her? If you’re having a hard time thinking of any, are
there opportunities for you to cultivate those additional relationships?
2. Describe a conversation you had with your child where she was able to express herself
freely. Did you learn something new about her? How did that conversation help in your
relationship with your child?
3. How does disciplining your strong-willed child change in the teenage years? (refer to page
80, 81).
4. In junior high school, your child will likely be exposed to more varying lifestyles, thoughts,
and standards of behavior. What are two things that Aaron strongly suggests are necessary
for parents to do to help their child through these years?
Encouragement for your journey:
Proverbs 22:6 states “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn
from it.” In what ways (albeit some small) are you beginning to see the fruits of your labor in
training your child in the ways of the Lord?
Chapter Six: Determining the Desired Destination
1. In this chapter, Kendra and John encourage parents to set goals for their child. Have you
done this? What is one of those goals?
2. What is the difference between setting goals for your child and helping your child create a
vision for him or herself?
JOURNEY OF A STRONG WILLED CHILD Study Questions
copyright 2009 Kendra and John Smiley
Discussion Questions For
JOURNEY OF A STRONG-WILLED CHILD
By Kendra and John Smiley
Encouragement for your journey:
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139: 13-14. As you think about the
uniqueness of your child and the goals you have set for him/her, in what ways are they specific,
attainable and measurable?
Chapter Seven: The Journey Goes On: High School
1. Kendra offers several practical ways in which parents can guide the strong-willed nature of
their child through the high school years; what are those? (refer to pages 99-101).
2. On page 104, Kendra talks about allowing your child to take chances (that are not a matter
of life or death) in order to grow and learn from those. Is this something you have
encouraged your strong-willed child to do? What have been the results?
Encouragement for your journey:
“The two most important things we give to our children are roots and wings.” (author unknown).
What do you think about this statement and how are you and your spouse doing in this regard?
Chapter Eight: Encouragers and Discouragers
1. How is the balance of encouragers verses discouragers in your child’s life?
2. How are you being an encouragement to your child?
3. What are the social/emotional dynamics like between your children? How would you like to
see their relationship improve? How can you apply one of Kendra’s insights from page 112?
4. Have you noticed any ways in which your strong-willed child has affected your family
dynamics? Has there been open dialogue among family members about your relationships?
What are some things you wish to change?
Encouragement for your journey:
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I
Thessalonians 5:11. Look back on John’s resident dad insights and be exhorted!
Chapter Nine: It Goes On and On: College and Beyond
1. In this chapter, we hear primarily from Aaron, strong-willed child turned responsible adult.
What encouraged you in Aaron’s comments and experience in college?
2. What is your biggest take away from Journey of a Strong-Willed Child?
Encouragement for your journey:
Be encouraged, your journey is not in vain!
“We may run, walk, stumble, drive or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey or
miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.” Gloria Gaither.
“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your
journey through this vast desert.” Deuteronomy 2:7.
JOURNEY OF A STRONG WILLED CHILD Study Questions
copyright 2009 Kendra and John Smiley