Prologue
MINSTREL: Welcome Madames and Monsieurs, young and old, to our story for the
evening. I am a traveling minstrel who lives only to bring a bit of entertainment to those
of you who may lead dull, tiresome lives. If you do not lead a dull, tiresome life, please
feel free to exit the building at this time. If you choose to stay, please make sure that
your exciting life does not disturb my tale – turn off your cell phones and refrain from
texting because electronic media have not been invented yet. Also any photography must
be done without using a flash as it may be misinterpreted as an aggressive act and start a
war.
(Dramatically) The tale this evening is of intrigue, adventure and romance. For those of
you not aware of your surroundings, we are in France in the year1625. Louis XIII sits on
the throne with his wife, Anne of Austria. In Gascony, a province in our great country, a
young man named d’Artagnan (special up on d’Artagnan in a frozen pose) has taken
leave of his father to journey to Paris. There he will seek out the prestigious Monsieur de
Treville, captain of the King’s Musketeers and childhood friend of d’Artagnan’s father. It
is his dream to become a Musketeer (special on d’Artagnan out). The father of our
young d’Artagnan has given him much advice, but the message he stressed most to his
son was that he was never to suffer insult from any man. I will leave it up to you to
decide whether this was good advice or not so good advice.
Let us now join d’Artagnan, a devilishly handsome young man, as he enters a Parisian
public house, seeking the location of Monsieur Treville. I warn you ladies, d’Artagnan
falls in love with every beautiful woman he meets and they with him – so beware.
(MINSTREL gestures toward stage as he/she exits)
ACT I
Scene 1
Scene is set up to resemble a public house with a bar, tables, chairs and several
patrons drinking and eating. MADAME BONACIEUX is serving behind the bar
and two young women are serving/clearing food and drink. PORTHOS is
entertaining a group at one table SR. ARAMIS is quietly talking to a man at the
bar. ATHOS is nursing a drink by himself at a table SL. None of the three of them
are dressed in their Musketeer capes so are not identifiable as such. The BEGGAR
is going amongst the patrons with a cane and cup.
BEGGAR: A little something for the blind? (Moving from table to table) A little
something for the blind? (Some patrons give a coin, others shoo him/her away.
D’ARTAGNAN enters.)
PORTHOS: (At a table with several listeners, in the middle of a story) . . . and so I
jumped up and said Monsieur! That is no lady, that is your wife (all laugh – he is
hilarious). The president of China was so outraged that he . . . (d’Artagnan interrupts
him)
D’ARTAGNAN: (Approaching PORTHOS) Please excuse me Monsieur, but I am
looking . . (all around the table are suddenly quiet – no one interrupts PORTHOS when
he is telling a story).
PORTHOS: No. I will not excuse you, Monsieur. (Turning back to his audience) As I
was saying, the president of China was so outraged . . . (again d’Artagnan interrupts him)
D’ARTAGNAN: Monsieur, since there is no president of China and my business is
pressing, I ask you to . . .
PORTHOS: (Immediately furious) You interrupt me again AND call me a liar?!
Monsieur, you dare too much! (His hand goes to the hilt of his sword)
D’ARTAGNAN: (Straightening himself and also placing his hand on the hilt of his
sword) On the contrary, Monsieur, I merely pointed out your error in . . . .
PORTHOS: I shall suffer this idiot no longer. Duel Monsieur.
D’ARTAGNAN: (Indicates his agreement with a curt nod) Duel Monsieur.
PORTHOS: As the Cardinal has declared that dueling is no longer legal, I shall meet
you at 1:00 behind the Luxembourg. Do you know it?
D’ARTAGNAN: I shall find it. Behind the Luxembourg at 1:00.
(PORTHOS gathers himself and exits. D’ARTAGNAN goes on to make inquiries, but
is distracted by one of the serving wenches – he smiles and bows to her gallantly, and
she giggles and winks at him. He stops behind ARAMIS who has just inadvertently
dropped a handkerchief on the floor)
D’ARTAGNAN: (Picking up the handkerchief) Pardon Monsieur, but you have just
dropped this.
ARAMIS: (Feigning innocence). I certainly did not drop that handkerchief, Monsieur.
Here is my own handkerchief (producing it from his pocket) . . . as you can see, that is a
ladies handkerchief. However, I would be happy to locate it’s owner and return it if you
like (he takes the handkerchief and turns his back on D’ARTAGNAN. He continues his
conversation with the man next to him).
D’ARTAGNAN: Monsieur, you most certainly did drop this handkerchief. Now, it may
be a ladies handkerchief, who am I to question the type of handkerchief a man carries, but
I saw what I saw.
ARAMIS: (Suddenly grabs d’Artagnan at the throat and speaks in a deadly whisper)
Did you ever consider that a lady’s initials may perhaps be on the handkerchief; that a
lady may not wish to be associated with a man who carries this handkerchief in his
pocket? (He releases D’ARTAGNAN who immediately puts his hand on his sword hilt).
D’ARTAGNAN: You have laid hands on me. (Pause) Duel Monsieur.
ARAMIS: Duel Monsieur. I shall meet you at two o’clock at the Hotel Dumon, whence
I will conduct you to a more convenient spot (he glares at D’ARTAGNAN and then
leaves).
D’ARTAGNAN: (Indicates his agreement with a curt nod) Two o’clock at the Hotel
Dumon.
(Again D’ARTAGNAN looks around, searching for someone who can give him the
information he needs. His attention is caught by another serving girl – they flirt back
and forth a bit when D’ARTAGNAN accidentally backs into ATHOS, who is
recovering from a shoulder injury – ATHOS lets out a stifled cry of pain)
D’ARTAGNAN: Oh, pardon me Monsieur. I apologize -I did not see you sitting there.
ATHOS: It is very hard to see when one is backing up, unless one has eyes on his arse.
D’ARTAGNAN: There is no need to be rude, Monsieur. I was polite and apologized to
you.
ATHOS: Sir, you are by no means polite; it is evident that you are not from Paris.
D’ARTAGNAN: Sir, from whatever distance I might come, I assure you that you are
not the individual to give me a lesson in good manners.
ATHOS: (Standing) Perhaps I am.
D’ARTAGNAN: Duel Monsieur?
ATHOS: At twelve o’clock – near the Carmes-Deschaux. Do you know it?
D’ARTAGNAN: I shall be there.
ATHOS: (Downs his drink and begins to leave) Take care you do not make me wait too
long, for at quarter past twelve I shall seek you out and cut off your ears! (He exits.)
D’ARTAGNAN: (Looks around and spots Madame Bonacieux, the proprietress)
Excuse me, Madame . . . (she bats her eyes at him, mistaking his intentions) . . . . . ah, no
Madame (backing away from her), I am merely seeking some information.
MADAME BONACIEUX: (Recovering herself) Of course Monsieur. What is it you
seek?
D’ARTAGNAN: Two things – first, I must find Monsieur Treville, the captain of the
Kings’ Musketeers. I have a letter from my father, introducing me to the captain.
(Proudly) I am to be a Musketeer.
MADAME BONACIEUX: Oh, how wonderful Monsieur!
D’ARTAGNAN: Also, I am seeking lodging – for once I am a Musketeer, I must have a
suitable apartment.
MADAME BONACIEUX: Why Monsieur, it is providence that you have sought me
out for I happen to have a very suitable apartment that has just become available. If you
would be so kind as to give us a little time to tidy it up you may return here this evening
around 7:00. I will have my daughter Constance guide you to the location and let you in.
D’ARTAGNAN:
. . . if I am alive.
That will be fine. I shall return at seven o’clock . . . (to himself) . .
Scene 2
Area outside the Carmes-Deschaux. D’ARTAGNAN practices his swordsmanship
while he awaits ATHOS.)
D’ARTAGNAN: (Taking short breaks between practice thrusts) Ah, I am friendless in
Paris – I have no second. What shall I do? Perhaps I shall once again try to offer this
first one suitable apologies, but I must not give the slightest appearance of timidity or
weakness. After all, he is wounded. (An epiphany) He is wounded in the shoulder of his
fighting hand – he cannot hold a sword! But then again, perhaps he is left handed . . . or
fights with both . . . . . . and then there are the other two duels. Aaahh . . . . will I live to
see the end of the day?
ATHOS: (Enters SR. Now has on his Musketeer attire) Ah, my anxious young friend, I
see that you are early. No matter, my seconds shall be here momentarily. But . . . .
where is your second?
D’ARTAGNAN: (Astonished) . . . .but . . . you are a Musketeer!!
ATHOS: Yes, of course I am. Forgive me for not introducing myself, I am known as
Athos and you are?
D’ARTAGNAN:
D’Artagnan of Gascony. I came to Paris to join the Musketeers!
My father was a Musketeer. I have a letter right here. . . .
ATHOS: Ah, here are my seconds. (PORTHOS and ARAMIS arrive in their Musketeer
attire)
PORTHOS: What is this? I am to fight this man at one o’clock!
ARAMIS: And I at two o’clock.
ATHOS: (A bit amused) Well, young man, it seems as though you consider dueling
quite a pastime. Have you many more scheduled today?
D’ARTAGNAN: Why, no – just the three. My good sirs, had I known you were
Musketeers I would have shown you more deference. However, an appointment is an
appointment. Monsieur Athos, you do me great honor to draw your sword against me (he
bows).
ATHOS: Nay, nay. Should I kill you today, I shall acquire the reputation as a childeater. Porthos, what is your quarrel with our young d’Artagnan?
PORTHOS: I fight because I fight! (Pause) . . . .Oh, alright, he interrupted me whilst I
was recounting an act of bravery. A further affront was made when he questioned my
truthfulness in some of the story’s details. (ATHOS and ARAMIS share a knowing look at
each other)
ATHOS: And you, Aramis, what is the nature of your quarrel?
ARAMIS: (Hesitates) Ah, well, I fight . . . on account of a theological dispute (he
makes a sign to D’ARTAGNAN to conceal the true cause of their duel).
ATHOS: (He has caught the exchange) Really?
ARAMIS: Yes, a point of St. Augustine, on which we could not agree.
ATHOS: Yes, our Aramis is a most devout man.
D’ARTAGNAN: My sincerest apologies for my offenses, gentlemen. Now, may we
commence as the sun is high and I am hot. I have pressing business should I survive this
afternoon’s contests.
ATHOS: Well, I suppose I am first. However, first a word with my seconds, Monsieur
d’Artagnan? (D’ARTAGNAN nods. ATHOS, PORTHOS and ARAMIS turn away so
D’ARTAGNAN cannot hear them) May I suggest, gentlemen, that we conclude these
duels as quickly as possible and show the young lad mercy? He wishes to join the
Musketeers and I think we may have need of his sort in days to come (PORTHOS and
ARAMIS nod in agreement). (To d’ARTAGNAN) Draw your sword, Monsieur
d’Artagnan, and we shall commence.
D’ARTAGNAN: En guarde! (Both men have barely drawn their weapons when the
Cardinal’s guards are spotted SR)
PORTHOS: The Cardinal’s guards!
ARAMIS: Sheath your swords gentlemen, quickly! (Four of the Cardinal’s guards
enter, led by COUNT deROCHEFORT.)
COUNT deROCHEFORT: Hello Musketeers. Ah, fighting here? Are the edicts
against duels so quickly forgotten?
ATHOS: Fighting? Why we were just engaging in a little practice to hone our skills.
COUNT deROCHEFORT: I think not, Monsieurs. Come with us . . . and if you
disobey, you shall be charged.
ATHOS: A moment please. (ATHOS, PORTHOS and ARAMIS move SL to confer.
D’ARTAGNAN tries to join them, unsuccessfully at first) Do we go quietly?
PORTHOS: They are five and we are three.
ARAMIS: Yes, I think it will be a fair fight.
ATHOS: Then, we are decided?
D’ARTAGNAN: (Finally breaking through) Gentlemen, you must allow me to correct
one small detail. You affirmed that you were but three; but it appears to me that there are
four of us.
PORTHOS: You are not one of us.
D’ARTAGNAN: True, I have not the dress, but I have the heart and soul of a
Musketeer.
COUNT deROCHEFORT: (Impatiently) We do not have all day, gentlemen!
ARAMIS: I say four against five sounds much better than three against five.
ATHOS: Well then, Athos, Porthos, Aramis and . . . .
D’ARTAGNAN: D’Artagnan.
ATHOS: D’Artagnan . . . forward! (They move back to confront the Cardinal’s men)
COUNT deROCHEFORT: So, you have made up your minds, gentlemen?
ATHOS: Quite so.
COUNT deROCHEFORT: And what is your resolve?
ARAMIS: (Raising his hat with one hand and drawing his sword with the other) We are
about to have the honor of charging you.
COUNT deROCHEFORT: Ah! You resist!
PORTHOS: Mortdieu! Does that surprise you?
The combatants rush upon each other and commence to fighting. However the fight
is staged, the end result will be the Cardinal’s men limping off in defeat and the
Musketeers victorious, without a scratch.
COUNT deROCHEFORT: The Cardinal shall hear of this Monsieurs! Until we meet
again, adieu (he is the last to exit).
ATHOS: (After they have all congratulated each other on their victory) Well, my young
d’Artagnan, you are quite the swordsman. Gentlemen, my shoulder is aching and my
mouth is thirsting. Shall we make our way back to Madame Bonacieux’s to celebrate?
PORTHOS: Oui, ‘tis a good plan!
ARAMIS: I will join you shortly . . . . I have an appointment first. Adieu, my friends
(he exits UR)
PORTHOS: (More to himself than anyone else) Where does he go?
D’ARTAGNAN: Yes, we must celebrate! And, Madame Bonacieux is going to let me
an apartment at seven o’clock, so we may drink until then! (Lights fade as the three men
exit SR. Music).