Writing Right:
Business Communication
for IT Environments
Presented by
Myron Finley
Epoch Consultants, Inc.
Published in the United States by
Epoch Consultants, Inc.
1500 Maple Street
Clearwater, FL 33755
727-447-1773
727-449-0931 FAX
epochconsultants@verizon.net
www.epoch-consult.com
Copyright © 2006
Myron Finley
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this presentation may be reproduced without
the permission of the copyright owner.
1
Purpose
To provide you with tools to make your
business writing more effective.
Intended Results
1. Have a better understanding of what
“good writing” is.
2. Understand the process by which
anyone’s writing gets better.
3. Know the most common mistakes and
how to avoid them.
4. Be able to make any business writing
more effective.
2
What I want to accomplish here:
Causes of Bad Business Writing
1. Ignoring the reader.
2. Writers’ perception that they “are not writers.”
Note:
U.S. Census Bureau study show employers rank
“communication skills” as the second most important
quality in hiring non-supervisory and production
personnel, right behind “attitude.”
3. Lack of experience or confidence.
3
Communication
Know Your Reader
1. What is she interested in?
2. What will she agree with?
3. What does she already know about the
subject?
4. Will my communication be welcome, or
unwelcome?
4
Writing = Creation + Editing
Getting Your Ideas Onto Paper
1. Start with your purpose and intended result.
“The purpose of this letter is to ______________ so that my
reader will ____________________.”
2. Write down each point you want to make.
3. DO NOT evaluate!
4. Don’t worry about organization, grammar, emotional tone,
spelling, etc. Just get all your points on the page.
Continued ...
5
Purpose: To send John the materials he asked for
Result:
John will not be mad that I’m late.
Here’s the stuff you asked for.
Got your message.
Sorry I missed you.
Let me know if you need more.
How’s your backhand?
I’m on vacation for the next two weeks.
Purpose: To ask Bill for help with Jennifer.
Result:
Bill tells Jennifer to listen to me or else!
Jennifer does not follow my instructions.
She makes it necessary for others to work late.
She listens to you, Bill.
I’ve tried everything I can think of, including threats.
Nothing has improved her performance.
She has an attitude about taking orders from me.
She is good as what she does do.
She is only doing about 80% of her job.
With your help, I think we can keep her.
Please let me know right away.
6
The “Editor’s Checklist”
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Content (enough data? too much?)
Organization (easy to follow?)
Grammar (any rules violated?)
Clarity (could it only be interpreted one way?)
Conciseness (direct and to the point?)
Style (overall impression favorable?)
Organization
Focus on the reader!
z
z
Don’t organize your writing the same you
thought it through.
The reader wants the result of your thinking,
not the thinking itself.
7
Choices of Organization
1.
General to specific, if your reader is familiar with your
subject.
1.
Specific to general, if your reader has little knowledge
of your subject.
1.
Most important to less important, whenever possible.
1. Least important to most important may be used if
your reader might be resistant to your conclusion.
2. However, you run the risk of losing the reader
before you reach your conclusion
1.
Chronological order, when sequence is important.
Continued ...
Choices of Organization
1.
Classification, where necessary to break a large topic
into smaller components.
2.
Spatial orientation, when you want the reader to
visualize spatial relationships.
3.
Contrast or comparison, when you are discussing two
or more alternatives.
4.
Problem and solution, when you are analyzing a
problem and offering a solution.
5.
Cause and effect, when you want to explain why
something happened or predict the future.
8
Purpose: To send John the materials he asked for
Result:
(1)
X
(4)
(2)
(5)
(3)
John will not be mad that I’m late.
Here’s the stuff you asked for.
Got your message.
Sorry I missed you.
Let me know if you need more.
How’s your backhand?
I’m on vacation for the next two weeks.
Dear John,
Here is the information you requested. Please let me know
if you need anything else from me.
I will be on vacation from March 22 through April 5, so if
you need something soon you should call me right away.
I’m sorry I missed your phone call last week. How is that
backhand coming along?
Sincerely,
9
Purpose: To ask Bill for help with Jennifer.
Result: Bill tells Jennifer to listen to me or else!
(4)
Jennifer does not follow my instructions.
(2)
(7)
(5)
(6)
X
(3)
(1)
(8)
(9)
She makes it necessary for others to work late.
She listens to you, Bill.
I’ve tried everything I can think of, including threats.
Nothing has improved her performance.
She has an attitude about taking orders from me.
She is good as what she does do.
She is only doing about 80% of her job.
With your help, I think we can keep her.
Please let me know right away.
Dear Bill,
Jennifer, who has been with us about three months, is only doing
about 80% of her job. This makes it necessary for others to stay late
and finish her work, and this is affecting my team’s morale.
On the tasks that she is willing to do, she does a good job. However,
she does not follow my instructions well and resists any attempt to help
her improve her performance. I’ve talked with her about his at least
four times, and warned her she not get a bonus and could even be
dismissed. None of this has solved the problem.
Bill, she listens to you. She respects you. I believe that if you talk with
her about the situation she may just be salvageable. If not, I will have
to let her go.
Please let me know by next Tuesday if you can do this.
Sincerely,
10
Grammar
The arrangement of words
to convey meaning.
Seven Deadly Sins of Grammar
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Incorrect pronoun choice
Subject-Verb disagreement
Lack of parallel structure
Run-on sentences (using “however”)
Misplaced modifiers and references
Confusion of word pairs
Sloppy proofreading
11
Verb
Words that show action, or state of being. Every
complete sentence has at least one verb.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that.
Subject
That part of a sentence that tells who (or what)
acts, or exists. Every complete sentence has a
verb and a subject.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that.
12
Object
That part of the sentence that receives the action
of the verb.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that.
Use of Reflexive Pronouns
1. The word, “myself,” is a reflexive pronoun.
2. “Reflexive” means “expressing an action
turned back upon the subject; designating a verb
whose subject and direct object are identical.”
13
Rule No. 1
Use “myself” when you are both the subject and
the object of the verb.
Examples:
“I wash myself.”
“He drove himself to the office.”
“She gave herself a raise.”
Continued ...
Rule No. 2
Use it for emphasis.
Examples:
“The president himself makes grammar goofs.”
“I myself have to think about the rules.”
14
Using “I” and “Me”
Rule
Use “I” when it is the subject of the verb. Use
“me” when it is the object of the verb.
Instinctive test: Use the same word you would use
if the other person’s name were not present.
Examples:
“Debra and I headed the committee.”
“They shipped the order to Tom and me.”
“You and I will make the decision.”
“Send the invoice to Luis or me.”
Pronoun
For a noun; used in place of, or as a substitute for
a noun.
Examples:
his
her
their
its
him
them
it
15
Disagreeing Noun & Pronoun
Rule
Pronouns need to agree in number and gender
with the nouns to which they refer.
Examples:
“Each employee must punch their time card
before leaving.”
“Operators must empty the bucket before
putting it on his or her truck.”
Disagreement Between
Subject and Verb
Rule
Verbs must also agree in number and gender with
their subjects.
Examples:
“The boxes containing the missing information is being
delivered Friday.”
“Each of the managers agree with the decision.”
“The consensus of part conference attendees were positive.”
“The data was rejected as representative of too small a
sample.”
16
Lack of Parallel Structure
Rule
Related parts of a sentence or list should be in
similar grammatical form.
Examples:
Wrong - “ I see one third of a nation ill
housed, ill clothed, and not getting any food.”
Parallel - “I see one third of a nation ill
housed, ill clothed, ill nourished.”
Continued ...
Wrong - “Anita requested we (1) define our
mission statement; (2) set up individual objectives;
(3) determining budgets; and (4) the approval
process begins.”
Parallel - “Anita requested we (1) define our
mission statement; (2) set up individual objectives;
(3) determine budgets; and (4) begin the approval
process.”
Continued ...
17
Wrong - “Dorothy was happy about her
promotion and getting a pay raise.”
Parallel - “Dorothy was happy about her
promotion and pay raise.”
Wrong
Parallel
(1) A new computer
(2) Repair dictating machine
(3) Readjust overtime rates
(4) Reviewing job descriptions
(1) Purchase a new computer
(2) Repair dictating machine
(3) Readjust overtime rates
(4) Review job descriptions
Run-on Sentences
However, moreover, therefore, nevertheless
and furthermore are sometimes used to join two
independent clauses.
Examples:
“I agree with you, however, I plan to avoid putting
my opinion in writing.”
“Our promotion was successful, however our
competition also lowered its discount prices.”
18
The Cure
Rewrite the sentence as two separate sentences.
Examples:
“I agree with you. However, I plan to avoid putting
my opinion in writing.”
“Our promotion was successful. However our
competition also lowered its discount prices.”
Modifiers
Modifiers are words that limit or qualify
the meaning of words around them.
19
Misplaced Modifiers
Rule
Modifiers should be placed as near as possible to
the words they modify.
Examples:
Misplaced - “Here are some suggestions for
handling obscene complaint calls from corporate
headquarters.”
Correct - “Corporate headquarters offers the
following suggestions for handling obscene phone
calls.”
Continued ...
Misplaced - “The sales representative place
promotional merchandise in the van that he had
just received from the company.”
Correct - “The sales representative placed
the promotional merchandise that he had just
received from the company in the van.”
Continued ...
20
Misplaced - “I have discussed how to fill the
empty containers with my employees.”
Correct - “I have discussed with my
employees how to fill the empty containers.”
Misplaced - “Proposal to employ retirees not
yet dead.”
Correct - “Proposal still alive to employ
retirees.”
Continued ...
Misplaced - “the staff submitted its
recommendation to the district, but it took no
action for six months.”
Correct - “The staff submitted its
recommendation to the district but took no action
for six months.”
Misplaced - “If the baby does not thrive on
fresh milk it should be boiled.”
Correct - “If the baby does not thrive on
fresh milk, the milk should be boiled.”
21
Misplaced & Ambiguous
Modifiers
Rule
References must be clear and unambiguous.
Always make sure they refer to the correct thing.
Examples:
Unclear - “The supervisor informed the
customer that they will match the competitor’s
price if he can provide a quote.”
Correct - “The supervisor informed the
customer that if the customer can provide a quote,
the company will match the competitor’s price.”
Continued ...
Unclear - “Joe sent the report to Tom just
before he left for vacation.”
Correct - “Just before Joe left for vacation,
he sent the report to Tom.”
Unclear - “Having been told that he was
incompetent and dishonest, the executive fired the
man.”
Correct - “Having told the man that he was
incompetent and dishonest, the executive fired
Continued ...
him.”
22
Confusing Word Pairs
Some word pairs continually are confused by
writers.
Examples:
its - possessive for of it
it’s - contraction for it is or it has
their - possessive
there - in that place
they’re - contraction of they are
Continued ...
beside - alongside
besides - in addition to
anxious - uneasy
eager - keenly desiring
can - manageable
may - asking permission
fewer - individual, countable items
less - bulk or quantity
Continued ...
23
bring - toward the speaker
take - away from the speaker
pseudo- - prefix, meaning fictitious
quasi- - prefix, meaning in part or partially
affect - verb, to influence
effect - noun, outcome, result
verb, to cause to happen
Sloppy Proofreading
Warning!
No spell or grammar checker will correct these
errors.
Examples:
1. “We’ll be right back after this word from
General Fools.”
David Hartman on Good Morning, America
2. “Corporate headquarters should sponsor
an annual spitball (stickball) tournament.”
Continued ...
24
3. What happened to the Russian typesetter
who spelled Stalin’s name, “Salin” (meaning “pig
face”)?
4. “Our experienced mom will care for your
child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
5. “Marie and Jack Capano request the
honor of your presents at the marriage of ...”
6. “Their hour know Miss Steaks in this
scent ants.”
Edit to Economize
Wordy:
“The reason I am writing is to let you know that I have
thought a great deal about your proposal and I am now
ready to meet with you and discuss the specific ways we
could work more closely together.” (40 words)
Economical:
“I am still greatly interested in your proposal. Let’s meet to
discuss exactly how we can work more closely together.”
(20 words)
Curt (brief to the point of rudeness):
“I’m interested — let’s meet.” (4 words)
Continued ...
25
Verb
Words that show action, or state of being. Every
complete sentence has at least one verb.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that machine.
Subject
That part of a sentence that tells who (or what)
acts, or exists. Every complete sentence has a
verb and a subject.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that machine.
26
Object
That part of the sentence that receives the action
of the verb.
a. John went home.
b. Carol spoke to Janet.
c. Fred is responsible for that machine.
Voice
Definition:
The way a sentence is structured around its verb.
Active: Emphasis on the doer.
Form: Subject - Verb - Object
“Who does What to Whom.”
“John faxed the letter.”
Passive: Emphasis on the object of the action.
Form: Object - Verb - Subject
“Whom had What done to them by Who.”
“The letter was faxed by John.”
27
Active and Passive Voice
Examples:
Passive: Your prompt attention to this matter will
be appreciated. (9 words)
Active:
Please attend to this matter promptly. (6
words)
Passive: It has been concluded by our
investigators … (7 words)
Active:
Our investigators conclude … (3 words)
Continued ...
Passive: This equipment should be examined for
damage. (7 words)
Active:
Examine this equipment for damage. (5
words)
Passive: Separate requisitions should be prepared
by each buyer. (8 words)
Active:
Each buyer should prepare separate
requisitions. (6 words)
Continued ...
28
Passive: The applications were filed by
the clerk. (7 words)
Active:
The clerk filed the applications. (5 words)
Passive: Budgetary limits were set by congress.
(6 words)
Active:
Congress set budgetary limits. (4 words)
Passive: The computer was turned off by the operator.
(8 words)
Active:
The operator turned off the computer. (6 words)
Passive Voice Introduces
Vagueness
1. “A meeting was called to discuss the problem.”
2. “The applications were filed.”
3. “The computer was turned off.”
29
Modifiers
Definition:
Words that limit or quality the meaning of words
around them.
Examples:
1. His suggestion would require a drastic
change.
2. Our finding were wholly inconsistent with
theirs.
3. The statements she made were
completely false.
Definitions
FACT:
A deed or act; a thing that has actually
happened.
OPINION:
A belief not based on absolute certainty or
positive knowledge but on what seems to be
true, valid or probable to one’s own mind.
30
Avoid “Modifier Clutter”
1. The samples were completely inadequate.
2. You will probably find the information we
need.
3. When all the proposals have been received,
they can be leisurely evaluated on a truly
comparative basis.
4. The facts clearly demonstrate ...
Buried Verbs
Definition:
Verbs that have been converted to nouns.
Telltale endings:
-ion
-tion
-ing
-ment
-net
-ance
-ence
-age
-any
-ency
-ology
31
Buried Verbs Examples
1. I still have my notes from the meeting
and will send you specific data for you to use in the
arrangement and solicitation of proposals. (24 words)
I still have my notes from the meeting and will send you
specific data to arrange and solicit proposals. (19 words)
2. This plan will provide for the elimination of the time for
review and comparison of bids. (16 words)
The plan will eliminate time for reviewing and comparing
bids. (10 words)
Continued ...
3. They experienced a reduction in construction time by
the initiation of slip-dredging operations. (13 words)
The reduced construction time by slip-dredging. (13 words)
4. We have designed the Operation Auditing course for the
training of auditors in conducting an independent review
and evaluation of company policies. (22 words)
We have designed the Operational Auditing course to train
auditors to review and evaluate company policies. (16
words)
Continued ...
32
Considerations of Style
Be specific, not general.
1. “The program at this stage of development
produces garbage.
2. “Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to advance
rapidly to the front, and try to prevent the enemy
carrying away the guns. Troop of Horse Artillery
may accompany. French cavalry is on your left.
Immediate.”
Facts vs. Opinions
Facts are facts; opinions are not.
Fact:
A deed or act; a thing that has actually happened
or really is true.
Opinion:
A belief not based on absolute certainty or positive
knowledge but on what seems true, valid or
probable to one’s own mind.
33
Terminology
1. If you use words that are ambiguous, or do not
have well-understood meanings, DEFINE THEM!
2. Do not use different terms to describe the
same thing. Repeat the terminology you are
using for the sake of clarity.
Example:
“In twenty-nine cases test results were valid, while
in three instances not enough data were
obtained.”
Continued ...
3. Avoid using “Janus” words:
a.
Janus was the Roman god of light and sun,
of doors and of coming and going traffic. January.
B.
Some words have double, contrasting
meanings. Replace them with words that have
only one meaning.
Example:
(1) Oversight — mistake or surveillance?
(2) Presently — now or soon?
Continued ...
34
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
(7)
(8)
Sanction — approval or penalty?
Since — time or because?
Verbal — spoken or written?
While — time or although?
Comprise — composition or inclusion?
Peruse — study or scan?
Avoid Long Noun Strings
String: “Sampled wine fermenting batch.”
Preferred: “Batch of fermenting wine that
was sampled.”
String: “Uncontrolled particle size data.”
Preferred: “Data on uncontrolled particle
size.”
35
Avoid “Telegraphic” Style
Telegraphic: “Lighting was such that field team
decided to terminate activities.”
Preferred: “Lighting was such that the field team
decided to terminate its activities.”
Telegraphic: “Use puller to remove bearing.”
Preferred: “Use a puller to remove the bearing.”
Functions of Verbs
a.
b.
c.
d.
Imparts action and vigor to the writing
Gives the writing force
Keeps the writing moving
Carries the reader along
36
Strong Verbs
Strong verbs are those that have few meanings.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
“The board members declared that …”
“The board members made it known that …”
“The board members said that …”
“The board members hinted that …”
“The board members indicated that …”
Jargon
Consider this memorandum written to the customers
of the Texas Utility Company:
“At 0216 hours July 21, 1977, a negative furnace excursion
occurred on Unit #1. This occurred when tow o the I.D. fans tripped
while the unit was at full load.
This boiler automatically goes into a unity run-back condition
when this occurs.
The closing of dampers plus the reduction of the furnace fires
created a vacuum condition in the boiler which resulted in some tube
leaks and slight structural damage.
There were no malfunctions during this incident. These
controls responded as they were designed to do.
The unit will be out of service between three to four weeks.”
Rule
Don’t use jargon! Remember your reader!
37
Shorten Sentences
1. Average sentence length: 15-20 words
2. Techniques:
a. Separate independent ideas into
separate sentences
b. Remove interruptions.
Independent Ideas
Long:
“The Control Evaluation Section, consisting of
four Environmental Health Specialists, is
responsible for maintaining the agency’s list
of major pollutant sources and for operation
of the statewide upset-maintenance activity
tracking system which includes logging
incoming information, entering computer
data, and evaluating upset-maintenance
incidents for possible enforcement actions.”
Continued ...
38
Short:
“The Control Evaluation Section, consisting of
four Environmental Health Specialists. It is
responsible for maintaining the agency’s list
of major pollutant sources and for operation
of the statewide upset-maintenance activity
tracking system. Tasks performed by this
section include logging incoming information,
entering computer data, and evaluating
upset-maintenance incidents for possible
enforcement actions.”
Remove Interruptions
Before:
“The Control Evaluation Section, consisting of
four Environmental Health Specialists, is
responsible for maintaining the agency’s list
of major pollutant sources.”
After:
“The Control Evaluation Section is
responsible for maintaining the agency’s list
of major pollutant sources. Four
environmental Health Specialists make up
the section’s staff.”
39
Easy-To-Read Paragraphs
a. Topic Sentence — introduces the subject
of the paragraph
b. Support — material to explain or develop the idea
introduced in the first (topic) sentence
c. Glue — words that connect one idea to the next
(1) Terms that echo or repeat key ideas
(2) Transitional words, such as “however,”
“moreover,” and “in addition.” These belong at the
beginnings of sentences.
Continued ...
Example:
“(1) Many observers of the Washington scene have felt for
some time that our nation lacked a cohesive foreign
economic policy. (2) Traditionally, many of our economic
relationships with other nations seem to have been
dominated and dictated by foreign policy considerations of a
military or political nature. (3) Many also feel that our
policymakers have not been attuned or responsive to the
realities and changes occurring over the years in the
international economic arena. (4) Instead, our policymakers
seem to meet current problems by going to the shelf and
dusting off old policies, without either sufficient regard for
their current relevancy or sufficient analysis of the long-term
ramifications of their implementation.”
40
Communicating “Bad News”
1. Lead up to the bad news; mention something
good first.
2. Try to be helpful; follow bad news with
something that will help.
3. Keep the tone personal and friendly; don’t
make the reader wrong.
The Business Letter
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Letterhead or writer’s address
Date
Inside address
Subject
Greeting
Body
Complimentary close
Name of writer
Typist’s initials
Enclosure reminder
Copy notation
41
42
Memorandum or Report
1.
To, From, Date and Subject
2.
State your purpose clearly
3.
Limit content to what is needed and wanted
4.
Save details for attachments
5.
Put most important information first
6.
Be clear what action, if any, is required
43
44
Task Assignment
1.
To, From, Date and Deadline
2.
Specific, precise instructions
3.
Space for “What Was Done”
4.
Carbon copy for issuer’s tickler
45
46
Completed Staff Work
1.
To, From, Date and Subject
2.
Situation
3.
Data necessary to resolve it
4.
Recommended solution
5.
“This is okay.”
6.
“Approved” and “Not Approved” lines
47
48
Summary
1.
Remember the reader!
2.
Care about the impression your writing makes.
3.
Use the accepted form.
4.
Write first, then edit.
5.
Put most important information first.
6.
Be direct.
49