Yizkor - Remember To Forget
Congregation Shirat Hayam (www.shirathayam.org)
Rabbi Baruch HaLevi (www.rabbib.com)
Remembering and
Forgetting
Why We Need To Forget, Psychology Today
We tend to lament our propensity to forget with age. But the truth is, the only
The world is filled with
way to remember the vast amount of data we do—from one's address to a best
remembering and forgetting
friend's favorite color—is, paradoxically, to forget.
As it is with sea and
Scientists have begun to understand the
dry land.
importance of forgetting in remembering,
Sometimes memory I REMEMBER IT WELL
says Neil Macrae, Ph.D., an experimental
Is the dry land that
psychologist at the University of Bristol in
From "Gigi" (1958)
(Lyrics : Alan Jay Lerner / Frederick Loewe)
England. Every time we recall a fact, like
is firm and founded
where we parked the car, we also
And sometimes
H: We met at nine
unconsciously curb connected but
memory is the sea
M: We met at eight
extraneous facts, like where we parked
that covers
H: I was on time
last week. This automatic—and crucial—
M: No, you were late
everything
phenomenon is known as temporary
H: Ah, yes, I remember it well
Like in the flood.
We dined with friends
forgetting.
..Without
temporary
And it is forgetting
M: We dined alone
forgetting, one would be unable to
that is the dry land
H: A tenor sang
furnish one's telephone number or the
M: A baritone
like Ararat.
name of one's favorite Pink Floyd album.
H: Ah, yes, I remember it well
And who will
That dazzling April moon!
remember? And by
M: There was none that night
How Forgetting Helps Us Remember
what means do we
And the month was June
H: That's right. That's right.
It can be frustrating to be unable to recall
preserve memory?
M:
It
warms
my
heart
to
know
that
you
information when you need it: your
How do we
remember still the way you do
computer password, the name of a new
preserve anything in H: Ah, yes, I remember it well
coworker, or the grocery item your spouse
the world?
asked you to pick up at the store on the
H: How often I've thought of that Friday
We preserve with
way home.
M: Monday
salt and sugar, high
H: night when we had our last rendezvous
But forgetting is actually a good thing. In
heat and deep
And somehow I foolishly wondered if you might
fact, forgetting enables us to remember.
freeze
By some chance be thinking of it too?
That carriage ride
A case in point: the Russian journalist
With vacuum seal,
M:
You
walked
me
home
Solomon Shereshevskii, who became
with drying and
H: You lost a glove
famous early in the 20th century for his
embalming.
M: I lost a comb
astounding memory. He could recite
But the best way of
H: Ah, yes, I remember it well
entire speeches, complex math formulas,
That brilliant sky
preserving memory
long lists of nonsense syllables and other
M: We had some rain
is
H: Those Russian songs
bits of information after hearing them
To preserve it
M: From sunny Spain
only once and then do it again years later,
within forgetting so
H: You wore a gown of gold
according to his neuropsychologist,
M: I was all in blue
that not even a
Alexander Luria. H: Am I getting old?
single memory Will
M: Oh, no, not you
But Shereshevksii’s inability to forget
be able to penetrate
How strong you were
irrelevant details caused him endless
and disturb the
How young and gay
confusion. Late in life, in an act of
A prince of love
eternal rest of the
desperation, he tried writing down and
In every way
memory.
burning facts he wanted erased from his
-Yehuda Amichai,
Patuach, Sagur,
Patuach,(Open, Closed,
Congregation Shirat Hayam
H: Ah, yes, I remember it well
www.shirathayam.org
memory. www.rabbib.com
Rabbi Dr. Baruch HaLevi 1
Forgetting can be a gift. After a loved one dies,
mourning
a journey of forgetting as it is a journey of
W
Athe journey
R
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I
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remembering. Memory can be a source of suffering, equally, forgetting can be a source of blessing. -Rabbi B
The Art Of
Forgetting
The Dubno Maggid
tells a parable of a
poor man who owed
many debts.
Distraught, he turns
to his friend for
advice. The friend
suggests that any
time someone comes
to collect a loan, the
borrower should fake
insanity. The lenders
would have mercy on
the borrower and not
try to collect the loan.
Sure enough, this
strategy works and
the poor man begins
to have less pressure
to pay off his loans. A
couple of weeks later,
the original friend
checks on the poor
man. Seeing he is
happy, the friend
tries to a collect a
loan the poor man
owes him. The poor
man instinctively
begins his insanity
act. “Fool,” the friend
yells, “don’t you
remember who
taught you that
trick?”
The Dubno Maggid
explains that we,
human beings, are
the poor man and
God is the friend. God
taught us a trick to
help us continue
living through regret,
the power to forget.
Congregation Shirat Hayam
Freedom &
Forgetting
He Will Remember; We Will Forget
At Yizkor time our senses are heightened, our feeling of loss is
intensified, yet our memorial service only postpones the
forgetfulness, only adds a little to the life-in-memory for our
loved one.
Yizkor. Yizkor is a Hebrew word. It is a third-person imperfect
verb, of the standard type. It does not mean 'memorial.' It does not
mean 'be remembered.' It does not even mean 'we will remember.'
Rather, the word means "He will remember." The "He" is not the
son, the grandson, the great-grandson. For our memory is most
fleeting, it is a blink of the eye. Our memory is short and fuzzy
and so very partial. "He will remember" means "God will
remember."
God will remember but, no matter how hard we try, how diligent
we are, how exact we might be - we will forget.
The Gift of Forgetting
What does an embryo resemble when it is in the bowels of its
mother…A light burns above its head and it looks and sees from one
end of the world to the other… It is also taught all the Torah from
beginning to end, … As soon as it, sees the light an angel approaches,
touches it on its mouth and causes it to forget all the Torah
completely…It does not emerge from there before it is made to take
an oath, as it is said, That unto Me every knee shall bow, every tongue
shall swear… -- Talmud Nidah 30b
“When you hold
resentment toward
another, you are
bound to that
person or condition
by an emotional
link that is stronger
than steel.
Forgiveness is the
only way to
dissolve that link
and get free.”
-Desmond Tutu
Forgive &
Forget
“Forgiveness
allows us to let
go of the pain in
the memory and
if we let go of the
pain in the
memory we can
have the
memory but it
does not control
us. When
memory controls
us we are then
the puppets of
the past.” unknown
Born Again - Time To Forget
Sometimes one will “erase” certain years of a lifetime. Ex-convicts, for example,
tend to completely forget the years they spent behind bars. They simply decide to
erase those years spent from their past. “Yet the chief butler did not remember
Joseph, but forgot him” (Genesis 40:23). He did not remember, and actually he
wanted to blot out of his memory the whole unpleasant period he spent in jail,
probably because he wanted to forget that he had ever been in prison....In effect, that
was what God demanded of our forefather Abraham: “Get thee out of thy country,
and from thy kindred and from thy father’s house....” Our forefather Abraham tore
himself away from his past and severed all his ties with it. In Maimonides’ words:
“...and changed his name, as if to say: ‘I am another person and not the same one
who committed these deeds.’ ” Abraham was then forty-three years old. He
renounced and put behind him forty-three years of his life. Indeed, the Torah begins
to recount the history of Abraham’s life only after he has reached the land of Israel,
for it was only then that Abraham the Hebrew was “born.” -Rabbi Joseph B.
Soloveitchik, On Repentance
www.shirathayam.org
www.rabbib.com
Rabbi Dr. Baruch HaLevi
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