The Five Stages of Personal Security - © Erik Kondo & CRGI
DENIAL - FEAR - ANGER - SYNERGY - ACCEPT
The Five Stages of Personal Security is a model that charts the evolution of a person in terms of self-defense
effectiveness combined with peace of mind. Regardless of whether or not a person is actively involved in some type
of self-defense training or education, he or she exists on some point within the Five Stages.
It is important to keep in mind that the path to maximum personal security is not simply a function of time and effort.
A person can transition forwards and backwards through the stages throughout life.
DENIAL STAGE
Those that are in the first stage are in DENIAL of the fact that they are vulnerable. They live their lives with
the belief that nothing bad will happen to them and create peace of mind by denial of risk and danger.
A little denial is good. As human beings we can’t function in society if we constantly think about all the bad
events that could transpire. In order to drive a car safely and effectively, we cannot dwell on the prospect of
dying in a fiery wreck. On the other hand, too much denial leads to taking unnecessary risks and ignoring
basic safety precautions.
So you need a Just-Right amount of denial to be function smoothly a society that contains inherent risks.
FEAR STAGE
The evolution of Denial is Fear. Once a person comes to realization that he or she is vulnerable, it is natural
to become afraid. In fact, in many ways, Denial is both a conscious and unconscious effort to avoid Fear. The
Fear stage may last for many years. These actions increase their self-defense effectiveness well beyond
those in Denial.
Many people stuck in the Fear stage are unassertive and use submissiveness as the primary strategy for resolving conflict and confrontations. Their fear also greatly reduces their peace of mind as they feel powerless to change their situation. They limit themselves to worry and passive methods of risk reduction.
Others in the Fear stage buy self-defense products and carry weapons because these weapons help provide
a sense of “security” (although rarely intend to use them).
Too little fear makes you complacent to risk. Too much fear and you become either paranoid or
overwhelmed. A Just-Right amount of fear encourages you keep safe.
ANGER STAGE
Many in the Anger stage actively seek out means of creating personal protection. These means may involve
seeking martial arts instruction. Those in the Anger stage want to fight back against the “Bad Guys”. They
want to protect themselves and their loved ones from the criminals of the world.
Anger is necessary to employ many basic methods of physical defense and execute the concept of
“attacking the attacker”. Those with too little anger are usually not able to perform the actions required
such as standing up to, injuring or stopping an attacker by any means necessary. Conversely, too much
anger leads to the underutilization of deterrence, de-escalation, and evasion.
The Anger stage can be deceptively empowering. It is common for many self-defense practitioners to progress to never evolve beyond it. Many in the Anger stage look at those in the Denial and Fear stage as weak
and naïve. They see themselves as the knowledgeable and strong ones. They feel that with enough training
and/or with the right weapons they will be able to stop the Bad Guy every time.
Too little anger and you usually don’t have the mindset to take action. Too much anger and you over-react
and/or over-enforce situations creating backlashes. A Just-Right amount of anger provides you with the motivation you need to keep safe.
SYNERGY STAGE
Those that have evolved through the previous stages arrive at the Synergy stage. It is here they start to understand that Denial, Fear, and Anger are intertwined and interdependent. A person in the Synergy stage
has a Just-Right amount of Denial, Fear, and Anger as a foundation.
As the Synergy stage progresses, they learn to apply judgment to situations as opposed to reacting in a
scripted pre-determined manner. They expand their knowledge and skills to new areas in order to deal with
a wide variety of threats and scenarios. They understand the underlying principles and concepts that unify
their various skills.
Much of the Synergy stage consists of applying what has been learned previously to an ongoing lifestyle.
Risk reduction measures become as ordinary and unemotional.
Too little time and effort in the Synergy stage doesn’t provide enough development. Too much and the person sacrifices his or her other interests and pursuits. A Just-Right amount provides the greatest evolution
and a balanced life.
ACCEPT STAGE
The Accept stage marks the end of the constant evolution of Synergy. It is at this stage that the person is at
peace with his or her knowledge and ability. She has accepted the reality of risk and feels prepared to deal
with it, while understanding that not all circumstances can be controlled. That there are always situations
and events that no amount of preparation, skill, or knowledge can change the outcome.
In this stage, the person has accepted that risk reduction and safety precautions are a part of life. He no
longer needs to use denial to ease function, fear to encourage safety, or anger to create motivation. She no
longer needs the stead growth of Synergy.
NOTE ON THE MODEL
The Five Stages of Personal Security is a model that helps people reference their development in terms of
ability to effectively manage conflict and also have peace of mind. No person actually exists as a point on
the curve. The stages can be general or specific to certain situations. For example, someone could be in the
Anger stage in terms of street harassment, while also be in the Denial stage for home invasion.
© Erik Kondo & www.ConflictResearchGroupIntl.com