lifestyle magazine for today’s financial women
Fall 2011
simply sensational personal
and corporate gifts
Artistic Florists
800.348.1428
www.artisticflorists.com
Table of Contents
4
Work with Passion
The magic about working with passion
is that it usually only takes a small
belief in yourself to start making
things happen.
6
The Zone
Life experiences can alter your reality
in ways unimaginable. Achieving
professional success requires time
and space for pursuing personal
interests and practicing stress
management techniques – the
products of your peaceful focus.
8
Your Big BUT
Lynn Zettler explains how getting past
the “Big But” in your life is necessary
for achieving your life’s goals and
dreams.
TFW
TM
10
12
Gear to Get
Socially conscious products – Give a
little by getting one of these items.
Focused Energy –
Rejuvenating Your
Determination
Janine McDonald on how all of your
attention, effort and resources
collaborate to bear on a single purpose.
14
Why Women Need to
Own Fabulous
Why does having a fabulous aura
matter for professional women
competing at the highest levels?
Ellen Lubin-Sherman sheds light
on the subject of the spectacular.
Today’s Financial Women
In This issue: Clearing your head of
uninspired thoughts, bad juju and trapped
behaviors can be achieved with peaceful focus.
Developing creative and determined focus can
bring you the peace and fulfillment you have
been struggling to achieve. Each of us has the
ability to put ourselves squarely in the zone to
bring about this positive transformation. TFW
contributors share their life experiences to
inspire you to find your zone.
Melissa Curzon
Publisher of TFW
& CEO-President,
Triumph Solutions Inc.
Contact Us
Phone 949.309.6056
Fax 949.682.4853
info@triumphsolutionsinc.com
www.tritfw.com
Triumph Solutions Inc.
Mission Viejo, CA
Postmaster changes
info@tritfw.com
TFW Team
Editor in Chief: Melissa Curzon
Executive Editor: Ann Kvaal
Editor: Cindy Haas
Editor: Kathy Lyon
Editor: Nancy Everitt
Creative Director: Colleen Davis
Contributing Design Director: Geoff Curzon
Fall 2011: Vol 5 No 3
©2011 Triumph Solutions Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Photography on Cover, Table of Contents and The Zone article by Geoff Curzon.
Contents may not be reproduced in whole or in
part. Editorial content does not necessarily reflect
the views of Triumph Solutions Inc. or its officer,
agents and employees. Today’s Financial Women
(TFW™), ISSN 1935-7842, is published four times
a year by Triumph Solutions Inc., 23031 Cecelia,
Mission Viejo, CA 92691.
Want to Add Five Days
to Your Work Week?
So, what is passion? According to
Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate
Dictionary, passion can be defined as
an object of desire or deep interest, or
an intense emotion compelling action.
You know when you see someone that
has passion for what they’re doing.
They typically exhibit high energy and
the ability to put 100% focus on moving
something forward no matter what the
obstacles are. You know who these
people are. Their energy is contagious
and most of us are attracted to them
like moths to a spotlight because we’d
like even a small part of the energy that
they exude in the world.
4
www.tritfw.com
| TFW Magazine
But I have other
passions as well.
A few years ago,
my business was
thriving and I was
leading an international
foundation.
Yet, I still found time
to volunteer at an animal
rescue shelter. Why? Because I have
a passion for helping animals in need –
like the cats and dogs I’ve adopted over
the years – and giving something back
to the community was important to
me. The fact that I could share this time
with my husband, who is also committed to animals in need, was a bonus!
What did I get from this experience? It
simply made me feel good and gave me
more energy to do other things that are
important to me.
rr
Ba
a
n
gi
Re
A few years ago I conducted an
informal poll and discovered that 34%
of respondents said that they do not
wake up easily or feel excited about the
day ahead. Only 44% of respondents
felt that they were doing their best
work and living up to their full potential. Further, 56% of respondents indicated that they would like to pursue
new interests but often procrastinate
or feel paralyzed, and thus, do nothing.
Doesn’t that make you sad?
For me, passion is about doing
work that resonates with my core
values and is aligned with my heart’s
true desire. I want to help other
women successfully navigate corporate challenges and be successful in
their careers. This passion plays out in
numerous ways in my work as a consultant, project manager and coach to
organizations of all sizes and, as a
seminar leader and keynote
speaker.
by
If you’re like most people, you probably
don’t even associate the word passion
with your job.
Work
with
Pas
sio
n
When’s the last time that you told someone
that you’re passionate about your work?
Women at the Top ®
“
For me, passion is about doing work that
resonates with my core values and is aligned
with my heart’s true desire.
n.
I once met a
woman at an
author event at
a bookstore. The
topic was on earning
what you’re worth,
an area that I not
only feel passionate about but
am knowledgeable
about
as well. One
of the keys
to earning what you’re worth is doing
something that you have passion for.
This young woman seemed very discouraged and de-energized with her work
at a large medical company. It was clear
she had no passion for what she was
doing. When I asked her about what
she had passion for, she was able to
articulate it immediately and with much
energy. However, she then proceeded
to tell me that she didn’t see any way
to tie that passion to a job. With the
limited information that she shared, I
rattled off several ideas and contacts
for her to explore.
”
Before parting ways, we exchanged
business cards. When I went home that
night, I wrote a quick inspirational note
and mailed it off to her the next day.
Below is an excerpt from an email she
sent me in response.
in my journal the night we met – your
energy and confidence really made an
impression on me and I wrote about how
I wanted to really feel and exhibit those
qualities. Then I got your note – what a
joy to have another touch point.”
“It was such a delight to get your letter
in the mail! It really made my day and
kept the momentum going, that I really
do need to pursue my dreams instead of
just being willing to accept any position
in the company. I had written about you
In the words of author H. Jackson
Browne, “Find a job you like and you will
add five days to every week.” The only
way I know how to do that is to work
with passion.
The magic about working with passion is that it usually only takes a small belief
in yourself to start making things happen. Here are a few questions to get you
started:
1. What is your passion calling or inviting you to do?
2.What would your life be like if you were able to incorporate some aspect of
your passion into your work life every day?
3. How would working with your passion benefit you and/or your company?
4.What obstacles are standing in your way?
5.What is one small step you could take to move you forward and begin
working with your passion today?
Regina Barr is a nationally recognized authority on women and
leadership. Follow Regina at www.twitter.com/reginabarr
or www.linkedin.com/in/reginabarr. Contact Regina at
info@theWATTnetwork.com or 651.453.1007 and visit
www.theWATTnetwork.com.
©2011 Regina Barr. Women at the Top is a registered trademark
of Red Ladder, Inc. All rights reserved.
TFW Magazine |
Fall 2011
5
An interview with Kristen Brown
The Zone
Entrepreneurial Spirit Turns Loss into Gain
by
The mother of a young daughter, Brown
wrote a book that hit Amazon’s bestseller list the first day it was released;
started a web site for other widowed
moms; created a health supplement designed to help the
body better manage stress; and started a radio show to
interview other stress-management experts.
After a recent layoff from her job as vice president of
advertising for a Minneapolis corporation, Brown is back to
devoting herself to her businesses full time, allowing more
opportunities for corporate training, speaking and other
ventures. In an interview with TFW, she explained how dealing
with tragedy helped her establish a zone that includes time
and space for personal interests and stress management
techniques for achieving professional success.
Creating a new life: Like many women, Brown says
she had begun to lose her sense of self after becoming a wife
and mother – until the sudden loss of her husband. “When he
died, it really just opened my eyes and made me realize that
life is too short to let the pieces of you go that are valuable and
make you happy,” she said. “I knew that I had to redevelop
myself and write my new story.” For Brown, that meant
traveling solo to Hawaii, attending surf camp in Costa Rica and
Panama, and taking on other risks and adventures that she
once would have avoided.
Looking for meaning: Before her husband died,
Brown had enjoyed a career marked by a succession of
promotions and raises. But privately, office politics and
www.tritfw.com
| TFW Magazine
Host of the
Happy Hour Effect Radio Show
Best-selling author of
The Best Worst Thing
Golden Valley, Minnesota
Becky Nelson
Kristen Brown has redefined her
priorities in both life and work in the
four years since she lost her husband,
Todd, to a heart attack when he was
just 30 years old.
6
Founder of Happy Hour Effect LLC
and WidowMommy.com
micromanagement created constant career
dissatisfaction. “I’ve always been very frustrated
by hierarchy and the politics and games within
corporate America. There are people who are willing
to claw, scratch and bite their way to the top no matter
who they hurt, and companies that care more about their
bottom line than people,” she said. Even though she loved
merchandising and product development, Brown yearned
for work that would impact people’s lives in a meaningful
way, even if it meant earning less money.
Rolling with the changes: In 2009, she left
the corporate environment to pursue her entrepreneurial
interests. Feeling lonely as a solo entrepreneur, Brown returned
to the workplace a year and a half ago. When her company
unexpectedly eliminated her entire division, she decided to
view her job loss as an opportunity to go back to her stress
management company full time. “It made me realize very
clearly that this is what I’m meant to do,” she said.
Finding peace: Before creating her health supplement,
which she called Happy Hour Effect, Brown became a “human
lab rat,” trying a variety of herbs and vitamins, yoga, meditation
and breathing techniques, rather than taking the prescription
anti-depressants that doctors recommended. “I discovered
all of these different ways that you can manage stress in a
healthy way. I realized that’s what I was passionate about,”
she said. “If I can help others live well in these crazy times
that we live in, my mission has been accomplished.”
Getting off the ground: Shortly after
developing Happy Hour Effect, Brown landed a deal to sell
the supplement nationally at GNC stores. But behind the
scenes, success didn’t come easily. “I had tough things get
in the way,” she said. “Some of the things I did were very
expensive, and I had to take out a line of credit on my home.
I had to overcome that fear and not let the roadblocks stop
me from taking chances.”
When [my husband] died, it really just
opened my eyes and made me realize that
life is too short to let the pieces of you go
that are valuable and make you happy.
Putting lessons to for her 4-year-old daughter so she can go to a movie or get
work: When Brown landed some needed rest. “That’s the one thing that I’ve really made
her job as vice president of
advertising – which she did
in addition to running her
company – she had the chance
to apply the techniques she
teaches others. “Take a few
minutes every day to take some
deep breaths to re-set your
body, even in the middle of a
meeting,” she advises. “Stress
chemicals release and circulate
throughout your body – a deep
breath can start to eradicate
those chemicals immediately.”
In addition to breathing exercises,
Brown made sure she was eating
healthy foods, drinking green tea
and escaping the office for at least
20 minutes a day, no matter how
urgent her deadlines.
a priority is that time for myself,” she said. “I’m a much better
mom when we have that time apart.”
Dealing with the ‘do it
all’ ideal: Brown is working
Most recently read books: Elin Hilderbrand’s series of novels
set on Nantucket.
on a master’s degree, writing
her second book and attending
Widow Mommy events while
running her business. She
has been able to handle
most of the work for her
company herself – with
a few key exceptions.
She hired a web designer
and an accountant, and
she employs a cleaning
service at home. Brown also
occasionally finds a sitter
What keeps her going: “Success for me is having
my daughter think of her mom as a great mom,” Brown said.
“That’s more important to me than the success of a business
or a financial success.” In her dreams, her husband, Todd,
sometimes appears with a smile that conveys a far deeper
meaning. “I think it means I’m doing a good job,” she said.
Nelson is a freelance writer based in Madison, Wis.
Kristen Brown’s Favorites
Most recently watched movie: Brown is a movie buff who
even attends the Oscars. She most recently saw Harry Potter
and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 and Horrible Bosses.
Best sources of ideas and inspiration: An avid web surfer and
blogger, she enjoys the Huffington Post web site and books
by Deepak Chopra, whom she recently met. Brown’s Tumblr
site is a place where she shares other “daydream fodder”:
http://happyhoureffect.tumblr.com.
Can’t live without … the iPad, wine, bacon and notebooks for
writing to-do lists.
Photo: Geoff Curzon
TFW Magazine |
FALL 2011
7
efore you claim to be offended and skip
over this article altogether, I’m not talking
about that piece of your anatomy you’re
afraid looks too big in those jeans. I’m talking about
something much more important to you!
Your big BUT is that ‘thing’, that thing that continues to get in the way of achieving your goals and
dreams. Have you ever said something like, “I want
to quit smoking, but…” or “I want to get a different
job, but…”? How about “I wish I could [insert dream
here], but…”? Seeing a pattern?
Your big BUT is typically driven by your fears. You
may have a fear of failure or fear of what others
will think of you, fear of being embarrassed, fear
of losing something, and the list goes on and on.
Fears are not the enemy. They are very real things
that need to be addressed. But (pun intended) we
are not talking about the fear of spiders or fear of
flying here. We’re talking about an innate fear that
is prohibiting you from reasonably assessing your
current situation and attaining a desire.
Marianne Williamson wrote in her book A Return
to Love, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure. … We ask ourselves, Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who
are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world.”
Do you remember when you were eight years old
and your whole world was about school books,
8X
www.tritfw.com
| TFW Magazine
lunchboxes, being with your friends, playing ‘kick
the can’ outside (for those of us over 40) and never
thinking a thing beyond the next moment? I hope
you have similar warm, comforting memories from
your childhood.
Do you remember the first time you were rejected,
embarrassed or failed at something miserably? How
about the first time you got caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do, or had to own up
to something you did that didn’t put you in a very
good light? Now how do you feel? More than likely,
you’ve gone from feeling really good about those
fond memories, to feeling pretty badly about those
negative memories, right? What changed? In reality,
nothing changed … except your thoughts.
Our minds can be both the best friend and worst
enemy we ever had. It can be full of what I call ‘mind
trash’ that gives us a million reasons why we can’t
achieve something or it can be full of positive affirmations supporting every dream we will ever have.
Where does ‘mind trash’ come from? It develops
in each of us over time with each disappointment
we get over, each perceived failure we turn into a
learning experience, each criticism we use for our
growth and each challenge we overcome. We are
rewarded for choking down that experience and
foraging on. The fear comes in to play the next
time … the next time when you’re just a little more
reserved, a little more hesitant to put your heart out
there, a little more quiet.
Y
o
u
r
B
I
G
B
U
T
…
…
by
Ly n n Z e tt l e r
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Wait … read that line again.
Imagine … for a moment … if you had no barriers at
all – what would you be doing different than you are
today, would you be someone different altogether?
For some of you the answer may be NOTHING. I
applaud you. This is validation that you are living the
life of your dreams.
For others, take a few minutes, think about what you
would do and write it down. Remember – no barriers
allowed. Write down the dream and don’t worry
about the barriers just yet. How would your life be
different? What would you be doing? Where would
you be living? Would you be in the same relationship?
Would you be in the same job?
After you have the vision of what your dream is, let’s
look at the perceived barriers. Consider what could
get in your way of going after this dream. Is it money,
time, family responsibilities, aging parents, children,
your job? What is it exactly? Whatever it is … is your
big BUT. So, what is YOUR big BUT?
Once you know what your big BUT is you can take
it a step further. Examining your big BUT is a call to
action to break down perceived barriers to goals,
dreams and aspirations. It’s a route of discovery to
learn where your inhibitions come from, what is really
holding you back and what you can do to overcome
it. I challenge my clients to examine their big BUT
and determine if it really is that big. Is it something
that can be overcome? Is there some small thing they
can do to point them in the direction of their dream
without letting their big BUT get in the way?
I certainly don’t mean to insinuate that people don’t
have real situations in their lives that can get in the
way and I’m not suggesting that you leave your
spouse and family to live on a beach somewhere
drinking from tall glasses garnished with umbrellas.
That’s called v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n. What I’m talking about is
taking the time to live intentionally and explore all of
your options, instead of automatically assuming that
your long held belief system is always true and there
are no other possibilities.
It’s your turn. Finish this sentence, WITHOUT a BUT…
More than anything in the world I want …
Lynn is an Associate Certified Coach through
the International Coach Federation and an ACP
graduate of Coach U. Lynn is also a certified
Print® Coach who can help clients understand
and value their motivators, drivers and
shadow behaviors. To learn more about Lynn
visit www.your-personal-brand.com.
TFW Magazine |
FALL 2011
9
Gear to get
American Express (RED)™
joinred.com/red/#shopred
By (RED)™ Saves lives. American Express is a founding
partner of (Product)RED. With every purchase made
on the American Express (Product)RED Card, American
Express contributes 1% directly to the Global Fund.
|
DELL connecting to Africa
dell.com/art
The Dell Inspirion™ Zino HD has
commissioned global artists to create
exclusive (PRODUCT)RED artwork for the
Dell Design Studio, allowing individuals to
personalize their PC. Dell will make a $20
contribution to the Global Fund to help
eliminate AIDS in Africa.
City Noise-Canceling
Headphones by iGo
igo.com
NK Bamboo Pashmina
The iGo City noise-canceling
headphones minimize distractions
while the built-in microphone
makes hands-free calling a breeze.
iGo offers an award-winning line
of eco-friendly power solutions
based on its patented iGo Green
technology, which eliminates
wasteful and expensive standby or
vampire power. A portion of profits
will be donated to organizations to
help end modern day slavery and
restoration of survivors.
elementecowear.com
Ultra soft cozy 100% bamboo Viscose
Pashmina. Main product base is made
from discarded and /or recycled scraps
of fabric by fair trade for workers and
manufacturers. Element Eco Wear pledges
a portion of profits to eco-charities.
FEED USA Map Denim Bag
feedprojects.com
FEED 15 bag, 15 meals will be
provided through World Food
Program. Clarins has always aimed
to create a more beautiful future.
Loyal to humanitarian values, Clarins
is pleased to be working with FEED
to help fight hunger worldwide.
Founded in 2001 by Lauren Bush.
American Red Cross Solarlink FR360 Eton
Emergency Radio
redcross.org
Stay informed and prepared with the self-powered Solarlink FR360
emergency radio. With four different power sources, including
hand crank and solar power you can count on access. American
Red Cross invests in humanitarian service programs.
10
www.tritfw.com
| TFW Magazine
10 E s s e n ti a l s
Baily Hemp Satchel by
Hemptress™
theultimategreenstore.com
The Baily Satchel is an eco chic
handbag. All Hemptress bags are
made of hemp, organic cotton,
recycled PET fabric and low-impact
hemp dyes. The leather is recycled
from “reborn” repurposed
leather. The Hemptress factories
adhere to fair trade practices
and a portion of their profits are
donated to animal rights groups.
autumn Reads
Charity Pot
lushusa.com
Helping change the world, one body lotion at a time. Made
with skin softening cocoa butter and almond oil to make your
skin feel lovely, and the delicate scent of Geranium essential
oil balances the fragrance. 100% of the retail price of the
Charity Pot hand and body cream goes directly to carefully
selected charities around the world that support animal
rights, environmental protection and humanitarian concerns.
The Hunger Games
by Suzanne Collins
Start Something
That Matters by
Blake Mycoskie
The Night Circus by
Erin Morgenstern
The Lean Startup
by Eric Ries
The Essentials of
Fabulous by Ellen
Lubin-Sherman
STOP Talking To Me!
by Lynn Zettler
Jacquard Beaded Diary
7loaves.com
The Red floral fabric and gold bead accents evoke a regal oldworld sentiment. Handcrafted by artisans from Usha India.
Usha stands for “the early morning twilight, ushering a good
bright day and the day forward.” Usha is committed to fairness
in production and trading practices. 7loaves bridges third world
artisans with first world consumers through Fair Trade.
Cord Wrap Wedges by TOMS
toms.com
Nothing says fall like the familiar softness
of corduroy. And nothing says I’m ready for
anything like TOMS Wedges. With every pair
sold, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a
child in need, One for One™.
TFW Magazine |
FALL 2011
11
Focused
Energy
> rejuvenating your determination
by
T
here will always be distractions
and obstacles that stand in our
way. The question is how do we
persevere and push through to achieve
our professional and personal goals? My
experience has taught me that focused
determination is key.
In my late 20’s and newly married, I
became a boat owner. We bought a
brand new 26' center console Scarab.
It was the ideal boat for fishing, scuba
diving and cruising the California coast.
But still I was reticent and wondered
if we’d really get that much use out
of it. Then a friend suggested I enter
the Catalina Ski Race, a grueling 62
mile water ski race from Long Beach
to Catalina Island and back on a single
water ski. Crazy, I know.
12
www.tritfw.com
| TFW Magazine
Janine McDonald
It was a watershed event in my life. I
finished the race that day to the cheers
of family and friends. People would ask,
“How did you hold on that long?” Countless hours in the gym and ocean and an
abundance of focused determination. The
mental fortitude I developed during the
nine months of training forever changed
me. I never again doubted that I could not
do anything I set out to achieve.
Life continued on, I had a son and then
my marriage disintegrated. In the midst
of my divorce, the company I worked
at for 18 years was sold. My dream job
as Vice President of Organizational
Development was absorbed and I was
at a cross roads. Yet strangely, I was at
peace. I was unwavering in my confidence that whatever path I chose, I
would succeed.
On the heels of the race and having
received another promotion, I was
contemplating my next move. Not quite
ready to start a family, I enrolled in a
graduate program in organizational leadership at Chapman University. This was
my next test. Only with extreme focus
could I keep the pace with the demands
of a full time job and graduate school.
So in the midst of the recession I took
a leap of faith, and started my own
business. If ever there was a time I
needed to draw on my ability, forge
forward and execute a plan, this was it.
With each step and each conversation
I drew closer to having a sustainable
consulting practice that would allow me
to create the life I wanted.
What does it take to stay the course? It
requires all your attention, effort and
resources to bear on a single purpose
plus being firm and fully committed to
your goal. That is focused determination.
It also requires energy. Achieving your
goals and getting more done is not
about time management. The solution to
getting more done is energy renewal.
Are you working 12 hours a day? Sleeping
poorly? Not exercising? Disengaged from
your family? If this is the case, you are
not performing at your peak. By recognizing your own energy, you can take
responsibility to change these depleting
behaviors.
By fostering simple rituals that help
you regularly replenish your energy,
you can build physical, emotional and
mental resilience that will help you in all
aspects of your life. For me these rituals
include a break every couple of hours,
reducing interruptions, showing appreciation for others, spending more time
doing activities I enjoy and spending
time with my son.
email. I focus on activities that bring
longer-term value and are my priorities
rather than reacting to immediate crisis
and demands from other people. Think
about it, 90% of the email you receive
requires responding to someone else’s
priorities, not your own.
I take at least one email-free vacation a
year. Truly, it’s possible and it’s heaven
on earth. I also set boundaries for
evening and weekend work. I make time
for reflection and creative thinking – time
to just be with myself and my thoughts.
I read, I practice yoga and I laugh. All
these practices help me find peace so
that I may be present and focused in my
work and my life.
Focused energy and serious intent push
you to do your best work. Intermixed
with periods of rest and recovery, you
can be a force to be reckoned with and
achieve your highest potential. So what
small change can you make today to
rejuvenate your personal energy and
bring more focused determination to
your life?
FResource!
REE
The essential resource for REAL
women, making REAL progress
towards REAL success.
Join our community today and
receive real world insight from
highly regarded professionals.
www.tritfw.com
Local Clients.
Lining up.
There was a day when I too was proud
to be the queen of multi-tasking – no
more. Now I focus on one thing at a
time, and I minimize distractions like
Entrepreneur, people developer, solutions enabler and learning
experience architect, Janine McDonald is an organizational
consultant and founder of J9 Leading Solutions. Visit
her at www.J9LeadingSolutions.com or contact her
Janine@J9LeadingSolutions.com.
*FREE* eCourse: How to Easily
FIND & GET New Local Clients
www.CaptureLocalBiz.com
TFW Magazine |
FALL 2011
13
Fabulous
Why Women Need To Own T
As Their Brand
he Essentials of Fabulous started out as a “primer” for both women and men on
the subject of acquiring fabulous and making it part of their daily living. For
the last 15 years, we’ve acquired some awful habits (taking a cell phone call in
the middle of a conversation, writing on a Blackberry when sitting on the dais about to
win an important award, ignoring people rather than initiating a hello and forgetting
to send a handwritten thank you note after someone has set up an introduction or sent
you a lead for new business). Small things can add up to a reputation for being clueless,
cloddish and definitely not “fabulous” no matter what car you are driving or fashion
designer you are wearing.
you’re faring during this difficult period
for all businesses.
I decided to write the book on how to be fabulous now because it matters more than
ever – especially in an anemic economy when jobs are few and clients are retrenching
rather than taking an aggressive position. People-skills and the ability to nail a first
impression in three seconds is an extremely valuable asset.
:
Flair has nothing to do with being flashy
or inappropriate. Flair has to do with
letting your personality shine. You can
take a navy blue pantsuit and give it flair
with a crisp white shirt, an oversized pin
found at a flea market or a red briefcase instead of the requisite black. You
can buy a terrific winter coat and wrap a
polka dot scarf around your neck. Flair
is a statement of confidence and wit, a
way to stand out and be noticed. Don’t
be afraid to put a little zing in your packaging – it’s not only fun, it’s imaginative
and refreshing.
I’ve made this article an imaginary Q & A on the issues of fabulous and why it matters
to professional women who are competing at the highest levels. I’m convinced that
having a fabulous aura isn’t like “an iPhone with apps.” It’s a necessity. It’s like air. So
here are the questions I hear most often from my coaching clients and my responses:
# :
Why does a fabulous persona impact a
woman’s reputation if she’s already well
qualified and competent at what she
does?
Question # 2:
Answer:
Answer:
Question
1
I intentionally chose to make “Competence” Chapter Seven in The Essentials
of Fabulous. I didn’t make it Chapter
One (Passionate About Life) or Chapter
Two (Delightfully Authentic). I made
it Chapter Seven because it’s extremely
important, but it can be trumped by
passion and authenticity. I coached a
CEO who had been downsized twice
despite a resume filled with Ivy League
schools and blue chip companies he had
led. Yes, he was qualified and competent
but he didn’t “give” anything. He wasn’t
“on,” he kept his door closed throughout
the day, and he didn’t know the names
of the people around him. Competent,
yes. Charismatic and wonderful to work
with? Questionable. Competence is an
essential of fabulous but not “the” most
important.
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Why don’t women talk about themselves
in a way that enables them to establish their credentials without feeling as
though they’re bragging?
There’s a huge difference between
bragging and talking about what you do
with passion and excitement. We need to
master that difference in order to capitalize on opportunities when you’re in
front of people. For example, let’s say
you landed a big account. Kudos! Now
you’re at a cocktail party and instead of
“smart talk” (the savvy alternative to
“small talk”), you begin the conversation by talking about this “big account.”
(Yawn). Option #2: You just landed a
big account but instead of talking about
it, you start off engaging with someone
in a meaningful way. Instead of tooting
your horn, you talk about your work,
how it moves you and why you love
doing it. People who are passionate and
fully engaged are completely beguiling.
Who knows? We may even ask you how
Question
3
# :
In The Essentials of Fabulous, you put
a lot of emphasis on “flair.” How can
you have “flair” if you’re working in an
industry that requires a more modest,
less flashy appearance?
Answer
Question # 4:
The business world is extremely fastpaced. In addition to managing people,
I also need to make sure my clients are
being served at the highest level. Due to
the workload, I tend to write one-word
answers in an email. You talk about that
in your book but I don’t understand why
it’s such a no-no.
Answer
:
I detest one-word answers in an email.
They’re brusque and since emails have
no tone, they leave the reader to wonder if
you’re angry or gung-ho excited. In this
virtual world, our emails are an extension of who we are and how we interact
with the world. Most people do not use
emails properly (they’re not just about
information, they’re a way to connect).
Emails are an opportunity to brand you a
super-performer. Make sure your virtual
by
E llen L u bin - S herman
presence is just as warm and terrific (and
fabulous) as you are in person. Check
your spelling and grammar; don’t use
one-word responses; don’t expect the
reader to have to “work” by remembering
what they asked you two days ago. Sure
it’s a lot of work to get it right but that’s
the difference between the fabulous ones
and the also-rans. Fabulous people will
always out-perform the competition.
Question # 5:
Many of the male colleagues on my level
spend time playing golf as well as taking
their clients out to lunch or dinner but I
think it’s important to do the work rather
than waste time schmoozing. What’s
your opinion?
Answer
:
Oh dear. Oh dear. You are off-track here.
Those guys who are wining and dining
their clients are working. They are not
wasting time – they are building relationships and relationships are the linchpin to
referrals and recommendations. Sitting
in your office and sending a birthday
card to a client is far less effective than
picking up the phone and inviting him/
her for a birthday celebration. High-tech
(emails) is fine but warm-touch (a phone
call to celebrate a child’s acceptance to
law school) is what keeps you on the
client’s radar screen.
Question
6
# :
There’s a great deal of competition in the
office and occasionally, I need direction
on how to handle a difficult client or a
sticky business issue. Is there a way to
get this information without tipping my
hand that I’m in need of help?
Answer
:
You’ve heard of a “personal board of directors” Haven’t you? Well you will when you
get to Chapter 11 (fabulous people have
a board). Every successful person has a
board of directors stacked with competent,
honest and caring types who want to see
you get everything you want.
How do you create a board? Make a list
of the savvy, sharp, insightful people you
know. Invite them to serve on your board
and offer to serve on theirs. Since your
board has to close the gap that stands
between you and your shifting array of
goals and ambitions, make sure you’ve
selected people who are open and accessible, savvy and seasoned and not afraid
of telling you the truth. A board is there
for you to use when you need it but you
must never waste their time since they’re
doing all this scheming free of charge.
And remember to select people with a
sense of humor and who want to wave
the pompoms when you nail it!
Question # 7:
I work long hours and I rarely have time
to read a newspaper. In your book, you
seem to be critical of people who don’t
“get it.” Why is “getting it” so important?
Answer
:
How easy it is to convince ourselves that
living in a bubble is acceptable. But it’s
not. How can you possibly build a connection with a client based strictly upon the
work? Furthermore, how can you build
a connection with anyone without having
something interesting to talk about?
Yes, I’m a champion for being “with
it” because that is what makes someone
fabulous. Fabulous people are curious.
They teach themselves new tricks (I love
walking into the Apple store and seeing
an 85-year-old woman trying to learn how
to use a laptop. She’s fabulous incarnate.)
In addition to showcasing your passion, a
person who’s “with it” is hip, clued in to
the zeitgeist, relevant and someone you
want to spend time with.
Question
8
# :
What’s the difference between being
driven versus crazy/obsessive?
Answer
:
I want to live a purpose-driven life, filled
with challenges, meaningful relationships and goals. I want to push myself
and keep flying … I hope “landing” is
a long time away. But I’m not obsessive nor should you be. Keep things in
perspective. Always look at your life in
the long-term, not just the blips on the
radar screen. Through good times and
bad, keep your goals in front of you and
focus on the positives, your positives!
I’m always amazed when people talk at
length about their failures but spend no
time talking about their successes. When
things go right, pat yourself on the back.
Revel in it! And when things go wrong,
congratulate yourself for trying because
most people don’t even do that.
Ellen Lubin-Sherman, author The Essentials of Fabulous, Because
Whatever Doesn’t Work Here Anymore. Follow Ellen on twitter
@essentialsoffab or to learn more about Ellen visit her website
www.essentialsoffabulous.com.
TFW Magazine |
FALL 2011
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