You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown
ACT I
Scene 1
Linus
I really don’t think you have anything to worry about, Charlie Brown. After all, science has
shown that a person’s character isn’t really established until he’s at least five years old.
Charlie Brown
But I am five. I’m more than five.
Linus
Oh, well, that’s the way it goes.
Sally
The only thing wrong with my brother is his lack of confidence; his inferiority and his lack of
confidence. His clumsiness, his inferiority and his lack of confidence. His stupidity, his
clumsiness, his inferiority and his lack of confidence. His…
Schroeder
Did you know that Charlie Brown has never pitched a winning baseball game, never been able to
keep a kite in the air, never won a game of checkers and never successfully punted a football?
Sometimes I marvel at his consistency.
Snoopy
It is truly a dog’s life. I feel so neglected. Charlie Brown never brings me coffee in the morning.
Lucy
Now Linus, I want you to take a good look at Charlie Brown’s face. Would you please hold still
a minute, Charlie Brown, I want Linus to study your face. Now this is what you call a Failure
Face, Linus. Notice how it has failure written all over it. Study it carefully, Linus. You’ll rarely
see such a good example. Notice the deep lines, the dull, vacant look in the eyes. Yes, I would
say this is one of the finest examples of a Failure Face that you’re liable to see for a long while.
Linus
I think Charlie Brown has nice hands.
Charlie Brown
Some days I wake up early to watch the sunrise, and I think how beautiful it is, and how my life
lies before me, and I get a very positive feeling about things. Like this morning for instance: the
sky’s so clear and the sun’s so bright. How can anything go wrong on a day like this?
1
YOU’RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN
Scene 2
Peppermint Patty
Your name is what?
5
My name is “5”.
Peppermint Patty
Weird. Hey Chuck, Marcie, come and meet “5”.
5
My dad says we have so many numbers these days we’re losing our identity. So he’s decided that
everyone in our family should have a number instead of a name.
Charlie Brown
Good grief.
Marcie
Pleased to meet you, Mr. “5”
3
(To Lucy)
Hi big girl! My name is 3.
4
And I’m her sister. My name is 4. I see you’ve met our sister 5.
5
Our last name is 95472.
3
Numbers, numbers and more numbers.
4
Our dad gets upset easily lately. He says his head hurts.
Lucy
Good grief.
Charlotte
Why is your dog standing in line?
2
Sally
Why do I care?
Frieda
Dogs can’t go to school.
Violet
So why is he standing in line?
Snoopy
The driver promised I could sit in her lap and steer.
Lucy
This is an article on schools and education. It says small classes are better.
Pig Pen
If I stayed home, our class would be even smaller…
Violet
I never got around to reading the book we were supposed to read over the weekend.
3
I started to read it, but I couldn’t understand it…
Peppermint Patty
What book?
Marcie
Really sir…
Sally
How come we ride a bus to school? Why don’t they haul us there in a truck and dump us in the
back with the rest of the trash?
Marcie
Still having trouble with fractions, huh?
Peggy Jean
You’re eating cold cereal while you’re waiting for the bus?
Pig Pen
Yum!
Frieda
I didn’t have time to eat at home.
3
Violet
(to Linus)
How can you eat potato chips right after breakfast?
Lucy
Refined people do not eat in public…
Pig Pen
Anyone have a napkin? I’ve got mustard and ketchup all over my hands.
4
Dude, are you eating a hot dog?
Lucy
Eeeew!
3
For breakfast?
Pig Pen
My dad took me to the ball game a few days ago, and bought me three hot dogs…one of them
was still in my pocket.
Ruby
I think I’m going to be sick.
Charlie Brown
I think lunchtime is about is about the worst time of the day for me. Always having to sit here
alone. Of course sometimes mornings aren’t so pleasant either - waking up and wondering if
anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then there’s the night, too-lying there and
thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done during the day. And all those hours in between when I do all those stupid things. Well, lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me.
Well I guess I’d better see what I’ve got. Peanut butter. Some psychiatrists say that people who
eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely. I guess they’re right. And when you’re really lonely the
peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth.There’s that cute little red headed girl eating her
lunch over there. I wonder what she would do if I went over and asked her if I could sit and have
lunch with her. She’d probably laugh right in my face. It’s hard on a face when it gets laughed in.
There’s an empty place next to her on the bench. There’s no reason why I couldn’t just go over
and sit there. I could do that right now. All I have to do is stand up. I’m standing up. I’m sitting
down. I’m a coward. I’m so much of a coward she wouldn’t even think of looking at me. She
hardly ever does look at me. In fact, I can’t remember her ever looking at me. Why shouldn’t she
look at me? Is there any reason in the world why she shouldn’t look at me? Is she so great and
I’m so small that she can’t spare one little moment…she’s looking at me. She’s looking at me.
(Puts bag on head)
4
Lucy
No, Violet, the dress I’m talking about was the very light blue one that had a design embroidered
around the waist.
Violet
I don’t remember.
Lucy
(Draws on bag)
Something like this, and the skirt went out like this and had these puffy sleeves and a sash like
this.
Violet
Oh, yes, I remember.
Lucy
Yes, well, that was the dress I was wearing last week when I met Frieda and she told me she’d
seen one just like it over at…
Charlie Brown
Lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. If that little red headed girl is looking at
me with this stupid bag on my head she must think I’m the biggest fool alive. But if she isn’t
looking at me then maybe I could take it off quickly and she’d never notice it. On the other hand,
I can’t tell if she’s looking until I take it off. Then again, if I never take it off I’ll never have to
know if she was looking or not. On the other hand, it’s very hard to breath in here. She’s not
looking at me. I wonder why she never looks at me. Oh, well, one more lunch hour over with.
Only 2,863 to go.
Scene 3
Charlie Brown
I shouldn’t be here.
Ruby
Two please.
Peggy Jean
Gee, thanks Ruby.
Ruby
I bought it for Lucy. She’ll pound me if I don’t.
Peggy Jean
Oh, one please.
5
Charlie Brown
I should get out of line and go home.
Sally
Bet I can hold my breath longer than you can.
Charlie Brown
I feel guilty about going to the show today…I should be home helping my mother…
Violet
You’re turning purple…
Molly
Yikes
Linus
Breathe Sally.
Lucy
If you die while we’re watching you Sally, I’ll kill you.
Frieda
If I don’t like the movie, do you think I can have my money back?
Charlie Brown
I have schoolwork to do too…I have a book report to write and about ten pages of arithmetic…
Frieda
One ticket. But I want my money back if I don’t like it, k?
Schroeder
One please.
Peppermint Patty
Two please.
Marcie
Thank you, sir.
Charlie Brown
I feel awfully guilty. I can’t really enjoy a show when I feel guilty about going to it…I should
just get out of line and go back home…
Eudora
One please, dude…
6
Charlie Brown
One please
Linus
Good ol’ wishy washy Charlie Brown, three please.
Lucy
What do you think, Schroeder, if some day you and I got married and we were so poor you had
to sell the piano to buy me saucepans?
Schroeder
Saucepans?
Lucy
Well, sure, you don’t expect me to set up housekeeping without a good set of saucepans, do you?
Schroeder
Saucepans?
Lucy
Well girls have to think about those things. Boys are lucky. Boys never have to think about
things like saucepans.
Schroeder
I can’t stand it! I just can’t stand it!
SCHROEDER
Lucy
My aunt Marion was right, never try to discuss marriage with a musician.
Scene 4
Sally
This is my report on Walter Diemer, the man who invented bubble gum.
(Blows bubble) Obviously we are all grateful to him. (Blows bubble)
Teacher
Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa.
Sally
Audio visual ma’am.
7
Teacher
Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa.
Marcie
Yes, Ma’am…my friend, who sits in front of me, needs your help.
Teacher
Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa.
Marcie
No, she’s not experiencing academic difficulties or having trouble relating to her peers…her hair
is caught in her binder again.
Teacher
Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa.
Peppermint Patty
Yes, Ma’am…my binder is stuck in my hair.
Teacher
Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa.
Peppermint Patty
Really? That’s interesting. Never in all your years of teaching, huh?
Lucy
I got it! I got it!
Linus
You give me back my blanket!
Lucy
No! I’ve got it and I’m going to keep it. This is just the start you need to help you break this
disgusting habit.
Linus
Apparently you haven’t read the latest scientific reports. A blanket is as important to a child as a
hobby is to an adult. Many a man spends his time restoring antique automobiles or building
model trains or collecting old telephones or even studying about the Civil War. This is called
playing with the past.
Lucy
Really?
8
Linus
Certainly. And this is good for it helps these men to cope with their everyday problems. Now, I
feel that it is going to be absolutely necessary for me to get my blanket back so I’m just going to
give it a good…YANK!! It’s surprising what you can accomplish with a little smooth talking and
some fast action. Happiness is a fleeting thing, Pig Pen, but I think that a man can really come
closer to it by directing the forces of his life towards a single goal that he believes in. Does that
make any sense to you?
Pig Pen
We had spaghetti at our house three times this week.
Charlotte
This can’t go on. There’s too much dust.
Frieda
It’s taking the shine out of my naturally beautiful hair…you’re an absolute mess. Just look at
yourself.
Pig Pen
On the contrary, I didn’t think I looked that good.
Charlie Brown
Don’t think of it as dust. Think of it as the soil of some great, past civilization. Maybe the soil of
the ancient Babylonians. It staggers the imagination. You may be carrying the soil that was trod
upon by Solomon. Or even Nebuchadnezzar.
Pig Pen
Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it?
Snoopy
Here’s the fierce jungle ape pounding his mighty chest, while the other animals cower in the
distance. Now he throws back his head and emits a terrifying roar…Arf! How humiliating.
Violet
I’ve decided to become a nurse when I grow up.
Charlotte
How did you decide to do that?
Violet
I like white shoes.
Sally
I hate everything! I hate the whole world!
9
Ruby
I thought you had inner piece.
Sally
I do. But I still have outer obnoxiousness.
Snoopy
I would have made a terrific trophy.
Lucy
IT’S NOT FAIR! You promised me a birthday party and now you say I can’t have one. IT’S
NOT FAIR!
Linus
You’re not using the right strategy.
Lucy
What?
Linus
The more you fuss, the worse off you’ll be. Why not admit it was all your own fault? Why not go
up to mom and say to her, “I’m sorry, dear mother. I admit I’ve been bad, and you were right to
cancel my party. From now on I shall try to be good.” That’s much better than ranting and
raving. All that does is prove her point.
Lucy
“I’m sorry, dear mother, I admit I’ve been bad and you were right to cancel my party. From now
on I shall try to be good.”……I’D RATHER DIE!!!
Snoopy
You know, you could sit here the rest of you life waiting for your mom to fly by. She could be
anywhere, Duluth, Anchorage, for all you know she could be in a bird cage somewhere and…
Woodstock
(Starts to sob)
Snoopy
OH! I DIDN’T MEAN IT! CUT MY TONGUE OUT! FORGET I SAID IT!
There there little friend…don’t cry…you’re mom’s not in a bird cage…don’t cry. We’ll just sit
here together until your mom flies by and then we’ll give her the flower…
Woodstock
(Makes Woodstock noise)
10
Snoopy
Sure kid, what are friends for? Whew, that was close…
Scene 5
Lucy
(Tweeking Snoopy’s nose)
Beep. I haven’t beeped you in a long time.
Snoopy
I haven’t missed it a bit.
Charlie Brown
Hey, Snoopy, we’re home from school. Hi there fella. Gosh, it’s good to see you.
Sally
Oh, Snoopy you’re so adorable.
Charlie Brown
Okay, Snoopy, back on your doghouse. I’ll be out later with your supper.
Sally
I think Snoopy’s such a wonderful dog.
Charlie Brown
Me too. He’s just about the best there is.
SNOOPY
Snoopy
I wonder if it will snow tonight.
Charlie Brown
I think I’ll just walk right up to that little read headed girl and introduce myself and then I think
I’ll ask her to come over here and sit next to me. I think I’ll ask her to sit by me and then I think
I’ll tell her how much I’ve always admired her…I think I’ll flap my arms and fly to the moon.
Linus
Mmmm.
Delightful.
Mmmm.
11
Sucking your thumb without a blanketis like eating a cone without ice cream!
Lucy
Look at my little baby brother, Linus, with his silly little blankie.
Ruby
There’s your baby brother with his silly blanket.
Molly
Good grief.
Lucy
Well, you know how babies are with their blankets.
Linus
Whaddya mean?
MY BLANKET AND ME
Scene 6
Woodstock Birds Dance
Woodstock
(Makes Woodstock noise)
Snoopy
I guess so, but there’s more to life than being cute.
Sally
What are we doing here?
Frieda
It’s another Tiny Tots concert.
Peggy Jean
What’s on the program?
Charlie Brown
Don’t know.
12
Peppermint Patty
If they play Peter and the Wolf again, I’ll go crazy.
Marcie
That’s what they’re playing, sir.
Peppermint Patty
Shoot!
Snoopy
I hope the wolf eats him.
Frieda
I hope I don’t fall asleep in the middle of it.
Violet
I wonder how the musicians can remember all those notes.
Peppermint Patty
I wonder how they change those light bulbs way up there.
Marcie
Good one, sir!
Eudora
Did you hear what he said he was going to play? Wow, this should be good!
Sally
He said he was going to play an Etude.
Eudora
Rats! I thought he said “Hey Dude”.
Lucy
Ok, switch channels.
Linus
Are you kidding? What makes you think you can come right in here and take over?
Lucy
These five fingers. Individually, they are nothing. But when I curl them together into a single
unit they become a fighting force terrible to behold.
13
Linus
Which channel do you want?…(To his hand) Why can’t you guys get organized like that?
Lucy
Linus, do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going to be the
biggest queen there ever was and I’ll live in this big palace with a big front lawn and have lots of
beautiful dresses to wear and when I go out in my coach all the people…
Linus
Lucy…
Lucy
…all the people will wave and I will shout at them and…
Linus
Lucy, I believe “queen” is an inherited title. Yes, I’m quite sure. A person can only become a
queen by being born into a royal family of the correct lineage so that she can assume the throne
after the death of the reigning monarch.
Molly
I can’t think of any possible way that you could ever become a queen…
Ruby
I’m sorry, Lucy, but it’s true.
Lucy
…and in the summertime…I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown swimming
and everything, and all the people will cheer and I will shout at them…WHAT do you mean I
can’t be queen?
Ruby
It’s true.
Lucy
There must be a loophole. This kind of thing always has a loophole. Nobody should be kept from
being a queen if she wants to be one. IT’S UNDEMOCRATIC!
Linus
Good grief.
Lucy
It’s usually just a matter of knowing the right people. I bet a few pieces of well-placed
correspondence and I get to be a queen.
Ruby
We should just watch television.
14
Lucy
I’ll know what I’ll do. If I can’t be queen, then I’ll be very rich. I’ll work and work until I’m very
rich and then I will buy myself a queendom.
Linus
Good grief.
Lucy
Yes, I’ll buy myself a queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole
operation myself. I will be head queen. And then all the people…when I go out in my coach…all
the people will shout at me…
Ruby
What’s the matter Lucy?
Lucy
Huh?
Molly
What happened to your queendom?
Lucy
Oh, that, I’ve given that up. I’ve decided to devote my life to cultivating my natural beauty.
Scene 7
THE KITE
Cast
Ohhhhhh.
Sally
Who was the father of Henry IV? I could not possibly care less! I’m sorry! I apologize! That was
just a gut reaction!
Peppermint Patty
True! False! True! False!
Marcie
This isn’t a true or false test, sir…it’s multiple choice.
15
Peppermint Patty
It’s too late now… True! False! True! False! That test was hard, Marcie. I didn’t know if it was
an essay test, true or false, or multiple choice…I just put down NOT GUILTY…
Charlie Brown
Oh, Lucy. I’m so depressed. Everything is going wrong. I don’t know what to do.
Lucy
I’m sorry to hear that, Charlie Brown. Maybe there’s something I can do to help. I think what
you need most of all is to come right out and admit all the things that are wrong with you.
Charlie Brown
Do you really think that will help, Lucy?
Lucy
Certainly.
Charlie Brown
All right, I’ll try…
THE DOCTOR IS IN
Charlie Brown
Gosh, Lucy you know something. I'm beginning to feel better already. You're a true friend, Lucy,
a true friend.
Lucy
That'll be five cents, please.
Scene 8
Ruby
Hi Snoopy. How’s the fella?
Pig Pen
Hi Snoopy. Cute doggie.
Schroeder
What d’ya say, tiger?
Violet
Hi Fuzzy face.
16
4
Hi Snoopy.
Frieda
Hi puppy! Hi puppy!
Snoopy
Nobody ever calls me Sugarlips.
Sally
I’ve developed another new philosophy…remember it used to be “who cares”. Now it’s “what
do I care”.
Linus
Well, I’m very happy for you.
Sally
What do I care?
Violet
I never knew there was a bus to obedience school.
Linus
There’s an old saying, “fear keeps men in obedience”.
Snoopy
That and the supper dish.
Frieda
Do they give you homework at obedience school?
Charlie Brown
He has homework every night.
Snoopy
It’s hard to write a thousand word theme on “SIT”!
Charlie Brown
I think I’ll write a letter to the little red haired girl and tell her how I feel.
17
Sally
Why bother to write, she’ll never remember you. You’re the kind of person who is easy to forget.
I’m your cousin and even I can’t remember you.
Charlie Brown
SISTER!!
Sally
Whatever…
Charlie Brown
Good grief.
Sally
What’s a matter, big brother, you seem all stretched out.
Charlie Brown
STRESSED out!!!
Sally
Whatever…
Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Schroeder
Homework, Yuck!
THE BOOK REPORT
INTERMISSION
18
ACT II
Scene 1
Snoopy
(Woodstock sits behind him)
Here’s the World War I flying ace high over France in his Sopwith Camel, searching for the
infamous Red Baron! I must bring him down! Suddenly anti aircraft fire, Archie we used to call
it, begins to burst beneath my plane. The Red Baron has spotted me. Nyahh, Nyahh, Nyahh! You
can’t hit me! (Actually tough flying aces never say Nyahh, Nyahh) I just ah…Drat this fog! It’s
bad enough to have to fight the Red Baron without having to fly in weather like this. All right,
Red Baron! Where are you? You can’t hide forever! Ah, the sun has broken through…I can see
the woods of Montsec below…and what’s that? It’s a Fokker triplane! Ha! I’ve got you this time,
Red Baron! Aaugh! He’s diving down out of the sun! He’s tricked me again! I’ve got to run!
Come on, Sopwith Camel, let’s go! Go, Camel, go! I can’t shake him! He’s riddling my plane
with bullets! Curse you, Red Baron! Curse you and your kind! Curse the evil that causes all this
unhappiness!
Here’s the World War I flying ace back at aerodrome in France, he is exhausted and yet he does
not sleep, for one thought continues to burn in his mind…
Someday, someday I’ll get you, Red Baron!
Sally
"Oh, yeah. That's what you think."
Schroeder
What?
Sally
That's my new philosophy: "Oh, yeah? That's what you think!"
Schroeder
Well, why are you telling me?
Sally
What?
Schroeder
Why are you telling me?
Sally
"Why are you telling me?" I like it!
That's a good philosophy: "Why are you telling me?"
Why are you telling me?"
19
MY NEW PHILOSOPHY
Sally
You know, someone had said that we should live every day as
if it were the last day of our life.
Lucy
(Passing by and overhearing)
Aaugh! This is the last day!! This is it!! I only have
twenty-four hours left!! Help me! Help me! This is the last
day!! Aaugh!
Sally
Clearly, some philosophies aren't for all people.
And that's my new philosophy!
Scene 2
Charlie Brown
All right gang. I want this game to be our biggest and best game of the season, and I want
everyone out there playing with everything he’s got…
Lucy
Charlie Brown, I thought up some new strategy for you. Why don’t you tell the other team we’re
going to play them at a certain place, only it isn’t the real place, see, and then when they don’t
show, we’ll win by forfeit. Isn’t that good strategy?
I don’t understand these managers who don’t want to use good strategy.
Charlie Brown
The thing we have to remember is spirit and team work. If we all really grit our teeth and bear
down I’m sure we can finish off the season with…
Schroeder
Charlie Brown, is Lucy going to pitch again? Because if she is, I quit! Do you know what she
does? She’s always calling me out for conferences on the mound. I go out there, see. I go out
there for a secret conference on the mound and you know what she does? She kisses me on the
nose!
Charlie Brown
If we really grit our teeth and bear down I’m sure we could finish this season…
Violet
Perhaps you shouldn’t be a playing manager, Charlie Brown. Perhaps you should be a bench
manager.
20
Peppermint Patty
That’s a good idea. You’d be a great bench manager, Chuck. You could say, “Bench, do this,” or
“Bench, do that.” You could even be in charge of where we put the bench. When we get to the
playing field, you could say, “Let’s put the bench here,” or “Let’s put the bench there.”
Marcie
That is truly genius, sir.
Charlie Brown
I can’t stand it.
5
What’s the sense of our playing when we know we’re going to lose? If there was even a million
to one chance we might win, it would make some sense.
Charlie Brown
Well, there may not be a million to one chance, but I’m sure there’s at least a billion to one
chance.
Come on, give me a “T”!
All
T
Charlie Brown
Give me an “E”
All
E
Charlie Brown
Give me an “A”
All
A
Charlie Brown
Give me an “M”
All
M
Charlie Brown
What’ve you got?
21
All
TEAM!
Lucy
I got it!
Linus
I got it!
Schroeder
I got it!
Snoopy
Woof woof woof!
Lucy
I thought you had it
T-E-A-M (The baseball game)
Scene 3
Schroeder
I’m sorry to have to say it right to your face, Lucy, but it’s true. You’re a very crabby person.
Pig Pen
I know your crabbiness has probably become so natural to you now that you’re not even aware
when you’re being crabby, but it’s true just the same. You’re a very crabby person and you’re
crabby to just about everyone you meet.
Violet
Now I hope you don’t mind my saying this, Lucy, and I hope you’ll take it in the spirit that it’s
meant. I think we should all be open to any opportunity to learn more about ourselves. I think
Socrates was very right when he said that one of the first rules for anyone is “Know Thyself”.
Schroeder
Well, I guess I’ve said about enough. I hope I haven’t offended you or anything.
Lucy
Well, what’s Socrates got to do with it anyway, huh? Who was he anyway? Did he ever get to be
king, huh? Tell me that, did he ever get to be king!
Did he ever get to be king?
Who was Socrates, anyway?
“Know thyself”…humph…
22
Linus
What’s wrong, Lucy?
Lucy
Don’t talk to me, Linus. I don’t deserve to be spoken to. I don’t deserve to breathe the air that I
breathe. I’m no good, Linus. I’m no good.
Linus
That’s not true, Lucy.
Lucy
Yes, it is. I’m no good, and there’s no reason at all why I should go on living on the face of this
earth.
Linus
Yes there is.
Lucy
Name one. Just tell me one single reason why I should still deserve to go on living on this planet.
Linus
Well, for one thing you have a little brother who loves you.
(Lucy hugs him and sobs)
Every now and then I say the right thing.
Schroeder
Of course it’s surprising, but I’m sure Lucy knows now she can’t be crabby anymore…where is
everybody? I told them to be here. If we don’t rehearse we can’t sing at the assembly tomorrow.
Charlie Brown, Linus, Lu….
Lucy
Gimme that pencil, you blockhead!
Linus
No! Not till you give me back my crayons!
Lucy
That’s my best pencil, you block…
If you don’t give me that pencil, I’ll tell Patty what you said about her!
Peppermint Patty
What did you say about me, Linus?
23
Lucy
He said…
Linus
Lucy!
Schroeder
Stop that!
Charlie Brown
I’m sorry I’m late, but Snoopy…
Schroeder
There’s no time to be sorry.
Peppermint Patty
What did he say?
Lucy
He said…
Schroeder
QUIET! Remember, this is a mood piece. We must paint a picture
with music and words. And concentrate!
Remember... Adagio con brio.
GLEE CLUB REHEARSAL
Scene 4
Snoopy
Why is it I always have my supper in the red dish and my drinking water in the yellow dish? One
of these days I’m going to have my supper in the yellow dish and my water in the red dish. Life
is too short not to live it up a little.
Charlotte
Whatcha been doin’ today?
Sally
Oh, nothing, just sort of hanging around.
Ruby
What’s your brother doing over there?
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Sally
My brother? He’s reading. He’s always reading. He has no life of his own and he’s a very boring
person so he reads a lot.
Molly
What’s he reading?
Sally
She wants to know what you’re reading.
Charlie Brown
“How to survive living in the same family with an annoying sister”.
Sally
Great Expectations.
BEETHOVEN DAY
Snoopy
My teeth are tingling again. I feel like I’ve just got to bite somebody before sundown or I’ll go
stark raving mad. And yet, I know that society frowns on such an action. So, what happens? I’m
stuck with tingly teeth. I hate cats. To me, cats are the crab grass on the lawn of life. I am a cat
hater, a cat despiser and a cat loather (cat noise from offstage)…I’m also scared to death of them.
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS
Scene 5
Snoopy
My stomach clock just went off. It’s suppertime and Charlie Brown has forgotten to feed me.
Here I lie, a withering hollow shell of a dog, and there sits my supper dish…EMPTY! But that’s
all right. He’ll remember. When no furry friend comes to greet him after school, then he’ll
remember. And he’ll rush out there to the doghouse but it’ll be too late. There will be nothing
left but the dried carcass of the former friend who used to run and play so happily with him.
Nothing left, but the bleached bones of…
Charlie Brown
Hey, Snoopy. Are you asleep or something? I’ve been standing here a whole minute with your
supper.
Snoopy
Suppertime? Suppertime?
Behold the brimming bowl of meat and meal
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Which is brought forth to bease our hunger.
Behold the flowing flagon moist and sweet
Which has been sent to slake our thirst.
Charlie Brown
Okay, there's no need for a big production. Just get
down off that doghouse and eat.
SUPPERTIME
Charlie Brown
NOW CUT THAT OUT! Why can't you eat your meal calmly
and quietly like and any other normal dog?
Snoopy
So what's wrong with making mealtime a joyous occasion?
Supper supper supper suppertime!
Woodstock
(Makes Woodstock noise, pauses, starts laughing uncontrollably).
Snoopy
Sorry, the punch line went right over my head. Oh, look it’s migrating time.
Woodstock Birds
(Making bird noises)
Snoopy
This is the time of year when millions of birds are taking off for warmer climates.
(Woodstock hides by Snoopy)
All but Woodstock who is afraid of getting mugged.
Woodstock
Sigh
Snoopy
Some migrating birds are guided by a single star…
Woodstock
(Makes Woodstock noise)
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Snoopy
Still others talk a stupid friend into going along and showing them the way. Okay friend, this is
as far as I go, you can sort of migrate here for the winter…have a good time…I’ll see you in the
spring (Woodstock, terrified clings to Snoopy). I knew this would happen.
Scene 6
Eudora
School’s bummin’ man, but think about when we grow up and have to get a job. Man, I’d hate to
have a job where you have to get up early in the morning.
Sally
I’d hate to have a job where you have to stay in the same place every day.
Charlotte
I’ll say.
Lucy
I’d hate to have a job where you had to be nice to everybody.
Violet
What’s wrong, Lucy?
Lucy
I don’t know, I’ve just felt crabby lately.
Frieda
I know, everything seems so hopeless!
Ruby
I’m feeling kind of crabby myself.
Peggy Jean
Me too!
Molly
Why don’t you all come over to my house!
All girls
Ok…alright…let’s go…etc.
3,4 and 5
We’re in!
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Pig Pen
Hi girls, where are…
All girls
Get out of the way!
Lucy
We’re on our way to a crab in!
Charlie Brown
Good grief.
Lucy
Well, I don’t know, Linus, it looks like an airplane to me the way the lights are blinking on and
off. Schroeder, is that an airplane or a star?
Schroeder
I believe that is a star. But it could be a planet, you know…or maybe even a satellite.
Peppermint Patty
It could be a satellite.
Marcie
Hmmm…
Sally
I wonder.
Linus
Well, we’ll never find out by just sitting here.
Lucy
Where are you going?
Linus
I’m going over here to get a closer look.
Snoopy
I like to sit up here after suppertime and hear the sounds of the night. But something seems to be
missing. (makes a coyote sound) In my opinion, that’s exactly what it needed.
Charlie Brown
I'm so happy. That little red-headed girl dropped her pencil.
It has teeth marks all over it. She nibbles her pencil.
She's human! It hasn't been such a bad day after all.
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HAPPINESS
Lucy
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
THE END
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