Love Letters
Barbara McMahon
Published by Barbara McMahon, 2015.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or
events are entirely coincidental.
LOVE LETTERS
First edition. November 20, 2015.
Copyright © 2015 Barbara McMahon.
Written by Barbara McMahon.
CHAPTER ONE
Stacey Jerome checked her watch. Timing was perfect. With a
quiet glow of satisfaction, she smiled at the bride nervously
waiting. She reached out and twitched the gown into a perfect
fold. The train was spread out behind, the lace and beading
shimmered in the light.
The father of the bride cleared his throat. “Time?” he asked.
“In just a moment the organ will begin the wedding march,
that’ll be your cue,” she said easily. After five years of managing
weddings big and small, she was confident in all the plans made for
this particular one.
Marcie Evans was radiant. Stacey felt a pang, as she did at
almost every wedding, remembering her own hurried affair at
Carson Valley City Hall. She’d always dreamed of a lavish
wedding, complete with bridal gown, a half dozen bridesmaids and
a celebration reception with family and friends that went on
forever. She hadn’t had that, so she did her best to give a perfect
day to every one of her clients.
The organist shifted from the music she’d played for the
bridesmaids’ entry to Lohengren’s Wedding March. The familiar
chords filled Grace Cathedral resounding loud enough to be heard
outside by tourists and San Franciscans alike. Stacey smiled in
reassurance.
“I’ll meet you right here after the ceremony,” she assured
Marcie. “We’ll take photos at the altar and then head for the
reception.”
As the bride began her walk down the long aisle of the old
cathedral, Stacey watched from the door. The huge church was
almost filled to capacity. Harry Evans was a City Councilman, a
patron of the opera and one of the richest men in San Francisco.
2
Barbara McMahon
His only daughter was marrying a man he deemed worthy of her,
so he had pulled out all stops.
Stacey’s gaze moved to the groom. His eyes were for Marcie
only. She smiled again. This was going to be perfect. Her gaze
drifted around the standing congregation. One man, near the front
on the groom’s side, stood taller than the people surrounding him.
He turned his head and his gaze locked with hers. For a moment
Stacey’s heart stopped. It couldn’t be! She felt the church spin
around her. It was a coincidence, someone who looked like Zach.
He couldn’t be here. He was off daring death on his wild need to
race Formula One cars at record speeds.
She almost marched down the aisle to him, but reason took
hold. Then, with a wink, he turned to face the front.
Stacy forgot about the myriad details still remaining to ensure
the wedding and reception progressed flawlessly. Her breath
hitched. What on earth could Zach be doing here?
She’d often dreamed of running into him again. Sometimes she
slapped him so hard his head snapped back. Other times, she
pretended she hadn’t a clue who he was, and when reminded,
feigned difficulty in remembering. Once in a while, she let herself
fantasize his return was because he couldn’t live without her. But
that was so far from reality she rarely let herself indulge in that
particularly fantasy.
Stacey backed into the antechamber, wishing she could deny
what she’d seen. There was no way the husband who had married
her seven years ago and abandoned her two weeks later would
show up out of the blue now.
CHAPTER TWO
Two hours later Stacey wanted to scream. She was operating on
two levels— one the competent wedding consultant, making sure
everything went perfectly for her client. The other, a frustrated
woman who couldn’t stop thinking about Zach.
The crowd at the St. Francis Yacht Club made it impossible to
pause even for a moment to search out any one particular person.
Still, even as she kept an eye on the celebration, she searched each
dark–haired man who came into her line of sight. If he had been at
the church, he was sure to be at the reception.
Then it happened. For another endless moment, Stacey locked
eyes with Zach Taylor, the husband she had not seen in seven
years. Not seen, not heard from, tried to forget. The activity
surrounding her faded, it was as if she and Zach were alone in the
universe.
Reality returned when Stacey’s assistant nudged her.
“The music will be starting soon, and the dancing. Should we
do anything to hurry them along in eating?”
The spell broken, Stacey dragged her eyes away and looked at
Lila. “No, the music will automatically have them finishing. After a
few dances, we’ll have the bridal couple cut the cake.”
She wanted to look around. Wanted to see what Zach was
doing. Was he coming to speak to her? Or had he slipped out of a
side door, not wanting a confrontation?
“Then the older crowd can feel free to leave,” Lila said wisely.
Stacey nodded, her throat tight with tension. Every cell was
attuned to Zach. She couldn’t be focused on him, she needed to
concentrate on the tasks at hand.
4
Barbara McMahon
“You look as if you need a drink,” a deep, once familiar voice
said. Zach Taylor stood next to her, holding out a glass of
champagne.
Lila smiled brightly and slipped away. Stacey wanted to call her
back, but her voice wouldn’t work. She stared at the champagne.
“I’m working, I don’t drink when I’m on a job,” she said stiffly.
She couldn’t bring herself to look up into the dark eyes she knew
she’d recognize. The scenarios she’d so often pictured faded. The
reality was she didn’t have a word to say to him. Her heart
fluttered, memories crowded painfully in her mind. Of the love
she’d once felt for him, the awe that the hell–raising favorite son of
their home town had noticed her. Their final words yelled in
anger.
“How have you been, Stace?” he asked. He took a sip of the
sparkling beverage.
Her eyes tracked the glass, watched his lips caress the edge as he
drank. Lips that had once brought her to ecstasy. And shattered
her world when they spoke goodbye.
“Just fine,” she said, glancing around, wishing desperately
someone would rescue her, or that she’d find the strength to walk
away. She didn’t want to be within a mile of Zach and his seductive
lips, his bedroom eyes, his overwhelming sexy magnetism. But her
feet felt rooted. Seven years had passed. Hadn’t she built up any
resistance? She did not love him. She didn’t even like him. But she
couldn’t walk away.
That was his way, not hers.
“Zach, here you are. Jason’s been looking for you.” The pretty
blond bridesmaid came up and took his arm. She smiled at Stacey.
“It’s a fabulous wedding. When I get married, I want you to be the
consultant!” She turned back to Zach. “Come on, Jason and
Marcie are ready for the toasts, and you’re elected to give one.”
Zach looked at Stacey. “I’ll call you.”
“Don’t bother.”
LOVE LETTERS
5
“It’s no bother.” Without warning, he leaned over and kissed
her.
CHAPTER THREE
Zach watched Stacey turn and walk away. He was barely conscious
of Jason’s sister hanging on his arm. He couldn’t believe he’d run
into his wife. Pain pierced as he remembered their last words. He’d
been such a young, arrogant fool. His world had been on a roller
coaster for months— from the day he met Stacey. How was he to
have known how things would turn out?
“Wow,” Julia said. “I didn’t know you knew the wedding
consultant.” She looked after Stacy with speculation. “And very
well, I’d say.”
“We’ve known each other since high school,” he replied, not
willing to share private matters. “Let’s go get the toast over with.”
“Jason was thrilled you were able to stop off in San Francisco to
come to the wedding,” Julia said as they walked toward the head
table. “He convinced Marcie to plan the wedding when there were
no races scheduled, but he knows your training is on–going.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it,” he said politely. He glanced over his
shoulder, Stacey had disappeared. But he now knew she ran
Rainbow Weddings. He’d asked Jason the first instant he’d
spotted her. He could find her with no trouble.
Her being here surprised him, as did the fact she ran a very
successful business. How long had she been in San Francisco? He
hadn’t heard she’d left Carson Valley. Not that he kept close ties
with anyone in that town. Once he left, he hadn’t looked back. His
parents hadn’t forgiven him for his actions. It looked as if Stacey
hadn’t either.
It was past time to mend fences. If they could be mended.
LOVE LETTERS
7
The reception of his friend’s wedding wasn’t the place to do it,
however. He’d find her later, take her to dinner. They’d discuss
things like rational adults.
When the bride and groom departed amidst much fanfare a
couple of hours later, Zach looked around for Stacey. He couldn’t
find her in the dwindling crowd. His jaw tightened. She’d run out
on him. Was that any way for a wife to act?
A thought struck. She was still his wife, wasn’t she? Or had she
gotten a divorce sometime during the last seven years? Could she
do that without his consent? He hadn’t heard anything from her.
No response from her to his letters. Not a card at Christmas or his
birthday. No demand for more support money. He faithfully
deposited funds in their account each month. She’d never said if it
were enough or not. Once he began to win races, the money
poured in. He’d made sure he’d shared it with Stacey. She must
have used it to set up her business.
He wasn’t into romancy stuff. Normally he avoided weddings
like the plague. Why had Stacey gone into this business? They
hadn’t had a fancy wedding. Regret stirred. Their wedding could
best be termed brief and business–like. The city hall conference
room had held the remnants of a business meeting, with papers
scattered around the long table. They’d stood by the window, and
he remembered gazing out at the parking lot. Only their closest
friends Tim and Margo had stood up with them. They had not
had their family or other friends. No fancy cake. No reception.
Hell of a wedding, now that he thought about it.
But he’d done what he thought was right.
Stacey had been pregnant with his baby. He married her.
Now he wanted to speak to his wife. If she thought ducking out
early would slow him down, she didn’t know him very well. But
she would.
CHAPTER FOUR
Stacey knew hearing from Zach again was inevitable. Seeing him at
the wedding had not prepared her for that kiss. Why had he kissed
her? The thought had been churning at the forefront of her mind
since his lips touched hers. How dare he act as if they were friends.
How dare he awaken memories best left deeply buried. His kiss
had burned into her psyche and she fervently wished it hadn’t. She
wanted nothing more to do with Zachary Taylor!
Since the moment she’d spotted him at the wedding, however,
she’d known he’d want to speak to her. When the phone call came
Monday morning around ten, she was resigned to it.
“I’ll take you to lunch,” he said without preamble.
“I’m busy.”
“You’re not, you’re avoiding me.”
“Oh, like you’ve avoided me for the last seven years?” she asked
sweetly. Her hands were clammy with nerves. She wanted to rail
against him for what he’d done. But some small part of her yearned
to hear what he had to say, learn what he’d been doing with his life.
For a few brief, wonderful days, she’d thought she’d share that life
with him.
Never again would she let herself be carried away by some man’s
blandishments. She had her feet firmly on the ground and would
never open herself up again to heartache that could not be
mended.
“We need to talk.”
“The time for talking was years ago. Why are you really calling
me? Do you want something?” she asked, refusing to dwell on that
brief brush of lips another second.
LOVE LETTERS
9
“To see you.” His voice was low and seductive. Stacey
remembered how she’d been so enchanted with it when she had
been a teenager. Wasn’t she wiser now?
“There’s no reason.”
“You’re my wife, that’s reason enough.”
She drew a deep breath, wishing her heart would stop
pounding. “Lunch, then. But not a long one. I have a heavy
workload. August is a busy month for weddings, and we have seven
more to manage before month end.”
“As a guest, I have to say Jason and Marcie’s wedding seemed
perfect.”
“As long as the bride and groom feel the same, I’m pleased.” She
couldn’t help the tiny burst of pride she felt with his compliment.
If he stayed around long enough, he’d see his teenage bride had
matured into a competent, successful businesswoman. One who
had no need of him.
Would the knowledge make any difference? Not to the
outcome of their marriage, that had been determined long ago.
“I’ll pick you up at noon,” he said, and hung up.
She leaned back in her chair, toying with her pencil. Two hours
until lunch. Could she fortify her defenses in that length of time?
She’d be cool and calm. She could do this. And then he’d say
goodbye and leave for another seven years. Or longer.
This time she knew what to expect. He was not a man to stand
by his vows, to make a commitment and stick with it. Zach Taylor
lived for himself alone. And no one knew that better than she.
A split second of fantasy gave rise to his asking her to come with
him on the race circuit. She laughed over the ache in her heart.
That would never happen. Why did he really want to see her
today? To talk over old times? Or end their farce of a marriage?
CHAPTER FIVE
Stacey was standing on the sidewalk when Zach showed up. By the
gleam in his eyes, she wondered if she’d made a mistake waiting
outside. Her purpose had been to keep her present life as separate
from her former one as she could. She hadn’t wanted him in her
office.
Surely he didn’t think she was anxious to see him. If so, she’d
disabuse him of that notion fast.
“Stace,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.
The first one had been a total shock. This time she was
prepared. Sidestepping the intended kiss, she watched him warily.
“Zach,” she warned.
He smiled, that heart–stopping lopsided grin that had set her
toes tingling when she was younger. Darn it all, it still did.
She looked at the cab, still parked at the curb. “Are we going in
that?”
“Depends where you’d like to eat.”
“The Wharf is fine.” She loved seafood. Might as well get
something out of lunch.
“Then the Wharf it is.”
Once settled in the back of the taxi, she scooted nearer the
opposite door, keeping as much space between them as she could.
“You’re looking good,” Zach said, his eyes skimming over the
pale blue suit she wore, lingering on the expanse of legs showing
beneath the short hem.
She couldn’t return the compliment. She dare not let herself
look at him for long.
He reached out to brush the back of his fingers across her
cheek. She looked at him, drawing back.
LOVE LETTERS
11
“Leave me alone, Zach. I’m not one of your racetrack bimbos,
fascinated by the hot–shot drivers.”
“No. But you are my wife.”
“Did Jason and Marcie’s wedding jog your memory to that
fact?” she asked.
“I’ve known it all along. When did you move to San Francisco?”
“Years ago.”
He looked at her, his dark eyes narrowed. “You never wrote.”
“And you did?” she said sarcastically.
He nodded. “Many times actually.”
Stacey stared at him. He’d written to her?
“I never got any letters.”
“Stace, I wouldn’t have left and not written, despite the
command you issued. I wrote you every week when I first started
the circuit. Then when you didn’t answer, I tapered off. You told
me to go away and never come back. I began to realize at last you
meant it. Lately, I’ve only written at Christmas and your birthday.
It didn’t take me too long to figure out you didn’t want to hear
from me.”
Stunned, Stacey couldn’t take in the concept.
“I never heard from you, not once. Not even when you first left
me. Do you know what it was like? I lost the baby and you walked
out— all in the same week. I was devastated. I had no where to
turn, no one to cling to. Nothing. At one point I wondered if I
would ever be able to face life again. Zach, I never heard a single
word from you!”
The muscles in his cheeks tightened as if he were clenching his
jaw. “I wrote, Stacey, what happened to the letters?”
“I have no idea.” She turned to look out the window as they
drew near the Wharf. “It doesn’t matter, does it? What could you
have said that would have changed a thing? You left, I was alone—
alone with unending grief. You got the life you wanted. Why have
you come back?”
CHAPTER SIX
Why had he come? Zach could give Stacey a solid reason, but
would she accept it? Right now she thought running into him at
Jason’s wedding had been coincident. Which it had. But his next
stop had been scheduled— Carson Valley.
He needn’t go there now until things were settled between
them.
He was startled by her revelation— she’d been left with grief.
He had thought she’d share the relief he’d felt when she’d lost the
baby. Hadn’t the doctor said a miscarriage was nature’s way.
Nothing either of them could have done would have saved their
baby. They had been too young to marry, too young to be parents.
She’d been nineteen. He hadn’t even been twenty–one.
The cab swooped to the curb and stopped.
He paid the driver and held the door while Stacey slid across
the seat, her skirt riding up even higher. Zach swallowed hard, the
silken skin enticing him to touch. Clinching his hands into fists, he
looked around the bustling tourist area. He remembered every day
he’d spent with Stacey. They’d been crazy about each other and
he’d been unable to keep his hands off her. Her skin had been so
soft, so silky. Her hair had drifted through his fingers like
gossamer. She’d liked his touching as much as he had.
A lifetime ago.
Today, they were older. Had grown apart. Was there anything
left between them?
The sea air was fresh with the tang of salt on the breeze. In the
background he could hear the famous sea lions with their hoarse
barking. The sunshine sparkled on the deep blue of the San
LOVE LETTERS
13
Francisco Bay. He took a deep breath, wondering why he’d even
bothered to try.
She looked at him. “The restaurant I like isn’t too touristy. The
food is the best, I think.”
“Lead on.”
In only moments, they were seated by huge floor to ceiling
windows, with a spectacular view of the Bay. Their order taken,
Zach looked at Stacey.
“We were too young,” he said.
She looked at him.
“We were young, but too young? How do you figure?”
“Stace, you were right out of high school.”
“And all you wanted to do was race cars.”
He nodded. “What did you want?” Funny, he’d never asked her
that. He’d just assumed she’d want what he wanted.
“I wanted you.” She laughed softly. “You’re right, we were too
young. How could I think all I wanted from life was you?” The
scorn in her voice hurt.
“You knew all along I wanted to race. I had a chance at the big
time.”
“Which you turned down when we got married,” she said.
“I did right by you. I married you for the sake of the baby.”
By the way her eyes widened, Zach knew instantly he’d made a
tactical mistake.
“Thanks for confirming what I always suspected. If I had not
been pregnant, we never would have married,” she said. She looked
out the window at the view. Zach suspected she wasn’t seeing the
Bay, but back down the years to Carson Valley.
“When there was no baby, I knew I needed to leave. It was a
once–in–a–lifetime chance. I had to take that opportunity. Did
you want me to stay home and be a pharmacist like my dad?”
“At least I’d know you were safe and alive,” she snapped turning
back to face him.
14
Barbara McMahon
He looked at her, a ray of hope breaking through. “You were
worried about me?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Stacey shrugged, as a response to his question. But Zach pushed.
“So you were worried.”
“Scared silly, was more like it. I watched every car race I could
get on television after you left, hoping to hear something about
you. Until I saw a racer get killed in a fiery explosion. I couldn’t
watch after that, I was afraid that might be you one day.” The fear
she felt showed in her voice.
“It’s rare that someone gets killed,” Zach said, knowing that was
the dread of every racer’s family.
“Rare maybe, but not unknown. Anyway, I moved on.”
“Left Carson Valley and came to San Francisco. I was heading
home after the wedding, you know,” he said easily. Wondering
what he would have done had he arrived there and found her gone.
“Why?”
He took a breath, glad when the waiter arrived with their food.
He waited until they’d been served, then spoke,
“I figured it was time to mend fences.”
“Life has gone on for seven years, what makes you think any of
us want fences mended?”
He should have known it wouldn’t be easy. How would his
parents react? Had they also not received his letters? They, too,
never wrote.
He reached out to take her hand, but she snatched it away.
“I never meant to hurt you, Stacey. But I wanted my chance in
the sun. Haven’t you ever wanted something so badly you’d do
anything to get it?”
She didn’t move, but he knew she was thinking. About him?
16
Barbara McMahon
“I should have come home. I asked more than once in my letters
if you’d join me. When you didn’t respond, I thought that meant
no. I wrote so often and never heard a word from you.”
“The famous letters,” she scoffed.
“Stacey Taylor, PO Box 73, Carson Valley,” he recited.
“Zach, I never used that post office box. You left and I went
home–where my folks were less than happy with me for running
off to marry you in the first place. Surely after the annual fee
expired, the post office would have returned your mail.”
“I don’t put on return addresses. I travel a lot, never know
where I’ll be to get mail. I gave you a cell phone number to reach
me and the address of the sponsor’s office. They forward mail to
me.”
“Don’t you have a home somewhere?”
He shook his head. “There’s training, racing, and planning
strategies on new courses all over the world. I told you, I travel a
lot.”
“But everyone has a home.”
“I thought I had one in Carson Valley, now find out I don’t.”
“Did you think I was just going to stay in that poky apartment
and wait until you deigned to return? For seven years? Get real.”
For some reason, Zach had thought almost exactly that. In his
mind, Stacey had been in stasis, not changing, not moving away.
Not altering the adoration she had for him. But that had been
fantasy. He’d known when she hadn’t replied to his letters their
marriage was over.
He wanted a chance now to change things.
“I thought you’d wait for me.” It did sound dumb, when he put
it in words. She’d been too vibrant to meekly await his return.
“As soon as I could scratch together enough money, I left for
San Francisco. At least here no one knew I’d been married and
abandoned in two weeks’ time.”
“Scratch together enough money? How much did you need?
What about the money I sent?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
What money?” Stacey asked. Talking with Zach had been long
overdue. She was learning things she never imagined.
“I sent you money every chance I got. I worked on a pit crew
until I got my chance to drive. When I started making some money
in racing, I sent it to you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Same P.O. box?”
“No, I deposited money directly to the bank— to our joint
account.”
Stacey felt the world tilt a little. “I never did anything with that
account. I assumed it was empty after you left. I still had the one I
opened in my name; it was easier to use that one until I moved
here. Didn’t the bank statements show I never used the money?”
“The address was the P.O. Box. I never read the statements.
What do you mean easier to use your old account?”
“I never changed my last name. You were gone before I could
do so.” She shrugged, remembering. “After you left, I didn’t
bother.”
“So you still go by Stacey Jerome?”
She nodded. There was no reason to feel a prick of guilt. A
woman married for two weeks didn’t really need to change her
name.
He leaned back, pushed his dish away.
“You haven’t finished,” she commented, hoping he wouldn’t
make the same remark about her almost full plate.
“I’m having a hard time getting all this. No wonder you hate
me, if you thought I abandoned you and left you to your own
devices all these years.”
18
Barbara McMahon
“I don’t hate you,” she said, realizing with a start that it was
true. Hate required more emotions that she was able to give. She
didn’t want to be around him, to be reminded of their past, to put
herself in any danger of falling for him again. But she didn’t hate
him.
“You don’t love me, either,” he said.
“No more than you love me. You said it yourself, you wouldn’t
have married me if I hadn’t been pregnant.”
“Not then.”
“Not ever. If you are finished, I need to get back to work.
Thanks for lunch.” And the enlightening information. She wanted
to think over what she’d learned. Maybe he wasn’t the black–
hearted creature she’d thought him. Would that change her
feelings?
She looked at him. “Is there really money in the bank account?
Wouldn’t the bank have tried to find one or the other of us if the
account was still active? It was seven months after you left before I
did. Surely some attempt would have been made to locate me.
Carson Valley isn’t that large a town.”
“Come with me to Carson Valley and let’s find out what
happened.”
Stacey looked at him, the refusal trembling on her lips. She
didn’t want to go back. Her parents were not happy with her. Her
in–laws had never liked her. She knew the gossip that had run
rampant when Zach had left. How could he ask her to face all that?
Yet, how much of the situation did he know?
Stacey was no longer the devastated young woman who had fled
looking for sanctuary in the anonymity of a large city. She had
proved herself to herself. Who else mattered?
For a moment the thought of her baby came to mind. She had
done all she could to make sure if her child had known her, she
would have been proud of her mother.
Would the baby have been proud of Zach? Beyond his
departure, he’d set out a goal and achieved it.
LOVE LETTERS
19
“Are you happy?” she blurted out. “Was it worth it, Zach? Did
you find your dream?”
CHAPTER NINE
“Let’s get out of here,” Zach said, summoning their waiter. “We
can walk along the Embarcadero or something while we talk.”
Stacey shook her head. “I have to get back. This is a busy time
for Rainbow Weddings and I can’t leave all the work to my
assistants.” She didn’t want to explore how tempting his offer was.
He paid the check and escorted her outside.
“Have dinner with me,” he said, making no effort to flag down
a cab.
“I don’t think so.” Stacey had to watch out or she’d believe his
tale and start to soften. She needed to remember how he’d let her
down. She didn’t want that kind of heartache again.
“Dreams change,” he said, glancing over the water. The breeze
played with his hair, whipping Stacey’s around her face. She
reached up to pull it back, but he beat her to it, brushing back the
strands with gentle fingers. His eyes looked deep into hers. “I
apologize for leaving you so long. For leaving you to deal with the
loss of the baby alone. Racing kept me focused and helped to deal
with the grief. I truly thought you’d come join me.”
“You never came back,” she said.
“I did. I’m here.”
“Seven years after the fact. That’s so long— a lifetime. I’m not
the girl you knew.”
“And I’m not that young man who left. Give me a chance,
Stacey. Get to know me today, see who I am now before judging.”
Her heart raced. Why was he asking her to do that?
“For what purpose? I have my life, you have yours. I can’t
imagine you giving up racing, and I won’t give up what I’ve worked
hard to attain.” Not to mention the peace of mind she worked
LOVE LETTERS
21
hard to achieve. Sometimes she was lonely, but it beat the sorrow
of the past.
“Can’t we look for a compromise? I don’t race every week; you
don’t have weddings every day. Take a break and come with me.
See my world.”
“Are you willing to see mine?” she asked. The images he
provoked were daring. How would it feel to be in the stands with
avid fans, watching the exotic cars in their race against time and
each other? Hear the cheering, smell the exhaust, feel the fear at
every turn, every time someone tried to pass?
“I’m not good at the wedding thing,” he said.
“And I’m not good at watching as men defy death.” Impasse.
“Then come with me to Carson Valley. Let’s clear everything
up, and if you want to go on your way, I won’t stop you. I want to
see my folks. Make peace with yours. Revisit old places and see old
friends.”
“Are you on a pilgrimage or something?” she asked, wondering
when the nostalgia bug had bitten him. When she’d known him,
the last thing he wanted was to be in Carson Valley.
“You could say that. Will you come with me?”
“I don’t understand any of this,” she said. “What do you really
want?”
He cupped her chin with his hand, leaning closer. “You’re my
wife. I want you.”
CHAPTER TEN
Zach’s words echoed in Stacey’s mind as she took a cab back to
Rainbow Weddings. Outwardly she appeared to be looking at the
passing scenery, but her mind was focused on the past. She had
been so wild about Zach. They had been so hot for each other,
beginning to date right after her graduation from high school. He
worked for Mr. Pendleton, the best mechanic in town. He had
loved cars.
And she had thought he loved her.
That summer had been magical. They’d spent every free
moment together. They swam in the river, sometimes with friends,
more often alone in a secluded section. They attended parties
together, went to the drive–in theater. Made love under the stars.
She grew warm thinking about the way his lips had awakened
every cell in her body. The way his hands had caressed her skin, the
drumming demand of completion that propelled them into
lovemaking that flashed by with unworldly speed. Sometimes the
nights seemed endless, like they were floating on clouds in an
unending sky. Other times, it went by too fast. The entire summer
had.
And then she’d become pregnant.
“Here you are,” the cab driver said.
She gave him the fare and hurried inside. She had more to do
than moon over a man who talked a good line, but whose actions
proved the point— he was not for her.
Stacey had expected his call that morning, but she had not
expected he would be waiting for her at her apartment when she
returned home. He was leaning casually against the wall near the
LOVE LETTERS
23
large double glass doors. It was a secure building. He couldn’t enter
without a key, or a resident releasing the lock.
“Now what?” she asked when he stood straight, looking right at
her. His broad shoulders hinted at dependability, as if a woman
could rely on him. His chest had filled out over the years, he was
no longer a young boy, but a man in his prime. His dark hair blew
slightly in the wind. Did it whip around when he was racing? No,
she knew he wore a helmet.
He’d changed into casual slacks, and wore a designer polo shirt.
The gold watch on his wrist looked expensive, as did the bouquet
of flowers he held out to her. There had been no flowers in the
past. Money had been too tight. From the cut of his clothes, and
that exclusive watch, she knew money was no longer a problem
with Zach.
She wanted to stay firm, to send him on his way, but the flowers
were too enticing. She smiled and reached out to brush her
fingertips across the soft blossoms. “They’re beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” he said.
She pulled a face. “That’s so trite,” she said.
“Probably because it’s an old truth.” He pushed them toward
her and she took them, breathing in their sweet fragrance.
“Thank you.”
When she looked at him, she detected a hint of hunger in his
eyes, or desperation. She blinked and looked again. He glanced
away. She must have imagined it. But for a moment she felt a
shiver of uncertainty.
“I’d still like to take you to dinner,” he said.
His words at lunch echoed again— he wanted her.
“Dinner only?”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Dinner only,” Zach said. “Where would you like to go?”
“Upstairs. I need to change. Might as well eat here. I have
enough pasta and vegetables to make something.” She used her key
to unlock the large glass door. Zach pushed it open for her and
followed her to the elevator.
Entering her apartment a few moments later, Stacey tried to see
it through his eyes. It was not fancy. She had serviceable furniture,
a few photos and two paintings on the wall. Her large window
overlooked the street, with a narrow view of downtown, which was
spectacular after dark when the lights glittered in the night sky.
Zach studied the living room for a moment. She waited— for
what? Some hint of praise? Some remark that would make her feel
comfortable in her own home? She headed for the kitchen,
dropping her purse on the sofa as she passed.
“I’ll put these in water,” she said.
He followed her, looking at the small kitchen, the tiny table at
one end with one chair.
“Nice place,” he said.
“It suits me.” Did he think the single chair was pathetic? Did it
give away the fact she never had people over? Let him think any
dinners parties were buffet style.
Why did she care?
She placed the bouquet in a large container, filling it with
water. The fragrance filled the room. She couldn’t help smiling at
the beautiful array of flowers.
“I’ll change and be right back,” she said.
Stacey wanted the space and time. She hurried to her room, and
closed the door. Taking off the suit she’d worn to work, she
LOVE LETTERS
25
searched for something to wear. Not too dressy, that would give a
wrong impression. Not too informal, she didn’t want him getting
the wrong idea, either.
Finally, realizing time was passing, she pulled on a pair of shorts
and a midriff shirt. Glancing in the mirror, she wondered if it was
too much— or rather, too little.
Tough. Let him eat his heart out for what he’d rejected. She
brushed her hair and raised her chin, sailing out into the living
room.
Zach was studying the photos in the collage on one wall. He
turned, his gaze running from her bare feet up to her eyes. She
couldn’t tell what he thought, but she felt as if he’d caressed her by
his glance. “None of me, I see,” he said, nodding toward the
photographs.
“Nope.” She walked back toward the kitchen, noticing he’d
placed the flowers on the table in front of the windows. Their
colors glowed in the afternoon sun.
When she passed him, his hand came out, and caught her arm,
his finger caressing the tender bare skin of her inner arm.
“I meant what I said at lunch. Life’s too short to waste another
minute. I want you, Stacey.”
She pulled free and faced him. “Exactly what is it you want,
Zach? Another chance at a full relationship, including home and
hearth, kids and growing old together? Or another summer of
wild, wicked lovemaking before you head back out to the tracks?
And why me? I’m sure you’ve had your choice of women over the
years. You expect me to believe you were heading back to Carson
Valley to claim a bride you haven’t seen in years? Why now? Why
this moment in time instead of another?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Zach didn’t know how to answer. Tell her the truth, of course. But
what was the truth? That he had grown tired of being on his own?
He was tired of feeling like a pariah. That he wanted someone who
meant something to him to share his good fortunes, and bad? Or
tell her that Bart’s death had changed him somehow. He no longer
took anything for granted. He knew life was fragile, fleeting.
Bart Nicholls had been his age, and died on the track two weeks
ago. Racers didn’t get killed often, but it happened. A good man
was dead. His family mourned. His friend mourned, and then took
a long look at their own lives.
Would Stacey want to hear that?
“Forget it,” she said, heading for the kitchen.
He stared at the family portraits she had hung. Her mother and
father, years ago, as he remembered them. They were in the yard,
near the old picnic table they so often ate dinner on during
summer months. They looked happy. He studied the next one,
Stacey’s best friend Margo. What happened to her? The next was
of Stacey and Margo, at the river. Their young bodies looked slim
and healthy, though he gave little thought to Margo, staring at the
young girl Stacey had been.
Her choice of clothes today was interesting. A suit for a
competent business woman, and short shorts and a top that lay her
midriff bare for at home wear. What a contrast.
He clenched his hands into fists, resisting the almost
overwhelming urge to run his fingers over that enticing strip of
skin at the top of her shorts. See if it was still as soft as before. He
wanted to touch her all over, feel her heat, hear the soft murmurs
LOVE LETTERS
27
she made when in the throes of passion. Taste her unique flavor,
and forget past, present and future in her arms.
Would telling her why he had come back help or hurt his case?
What did he want — forever after, or just some closure for the
present?
He thought he had time to decide. But he’d run into her here
instead of Carson Valley. No time to prepare.
And she wasn’t willing to give an inch. He had to make up his
mind what he wanted and go for it just as he had done before.
Could he ever prove to her he could be trusted? That if she gave
him another chance, he wouldn’t let her down again?
It did not look like he was going to get that chance — at least
not any time soon.
Resolutely, he headed for the kitchen. The longest journey
began with a single step. Maybe somewhere along the way, he’d
find the answers he needed. And hopefully the words to convince
Stacey.
“Like pasta?” she asked when he entered the kitchen.
“I like meat.”
“I’ll throw some chicken on the salad. If you want to help, get
out the lettuce, tomatoes and carrots from the refrigerator.”
Zach had done his share of cooking over the years. Even though
he didn’t have an apartment to call home, he tried to stay in motels
that offered kitchenettes, preferring to eat alone in private rather
than alone in restaurants.
Together they made a good team. He prepared a salad while she
fixed the main course. From time to time they’d bump into each
other. He watched her while she worked, trying to figure out if the
contact was deliberate on her part or not. He suspected not.
Seven years ago he’d walked out. Now he realized all he’d
walked out on. Could he prove to Stacey he was a man she could
take a chance on?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Stacey knew before dinner was finished that she’d made a mistake.
She should have kept on her office clothes, and insisted if they
shared a dinner, that they found the most formal restaurant in the
city, one that was full of convivial customers, which would have
dispelled any sense of intimacy.
Preparing dinner together had been bittersweet. She
remembered the few dinners they’d prepared together after their
marriage. More often than not for those fourteen days, they’d
ended up in bed before eating.
Brushing against Zach today set every nerve on alert. She knew
the dangers of getting involved again, but her body had been too
long dormant. It craved his touch. She forced down the meal,
trying not to think.
Talk during dinner was non–confrontational. It was as if both
knew the storm was coming, and wanted to enjoy what they could
of the meal.
He asked her how she liked San Francisco. She asked him how
Paris was in springtime. At one point she thought she would laugh
aloud at how prim and proper they both sounded, when just below
the surface, tension seethed.
Finally he lay down his fork, his plate empty. He leaned back on
the sofa and Stacey took that as a cue to clear away their plates.
“I can help with dishes if you want,” he said.
“Won’t take me but five minutes. Want coffee?”
“Don’t drink it,” he said.
“You don’t?” That was surprising.
“Don’t want caffeine nerves. I need all I’ve got to focus on the
course when I race.”
LOVE LETTERS
29
She swallowed hard, torn between wishing she could see him
race, and the fear that ever lurked when she thought about the
dangers.
“I’ll be right back.”
It wasn’t fleeing to leave. But it felt like it. For a few moments,
she felt safe, as if the coming storm could be averted. As if things
could go back to the way they were last week, before Zach’s arrival
had turned her world upside down for the second time in her life.
She stalled for as long as she could. But when the last plate had
been put away and the counter wiped, there was nothing stopping
her from returning to her guest.
Zach stood near the window, gazing out. She should have
expected that, he never sat still for long, unless they’d been
watching a movie. Even then, his attentions seemed to be split
between what was on the screen, and her.
Had he spoiled her for every other man? She’d been so
overwhelmed by him. Cherishing every moment together, had she
forged unachievably high standards that mere mortals could never
attain?
He’d had feet of clay. Maybe that was why his leaving had been
so hard. Not that she wouldn’t have missed him in any other
circumstance, but that he could walk away when she thought the
sun rose in him, that had been unforgivable.
He turned and watched her enter the room. Stacey felt a pull of
attraction she tried to ignore. She was immune to the man. She
knew he was not for her. All the wishing in the world over the last
seven years had proved that.
“Shall we get it over with?” she asked.
“Get what over with?”
“The discussion. Then you can be on your way and I can get
back to my normal life.”
“I was serious earlier. I want you in my life. Come with me and
see my world. In two weeks I have a race in Spa. Come with me to
Belgium.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Go with Zach to Belgium? He said it as easily as she might ask a
friend to go to Los Angeles. But Europe wasn’t the same as LA.
And he wasn’t a friend.
Stacey wasn’t exactly sure how she’d classify Zach today. His
mere presence set her world on end. And the revelations he’d made
had her thinking and reassessing their entire past.
She opened her mouth to reply, but he quickly placed his finger
on her lips.
“No, don’t answer today. Wait and think about it. I’ll ask you
again. But until then, just think about it, okay?”
She nodded.
He slipped his hand down and took hers, lacing their fingers.
“Tell me about Stacey Jerome. Who are her friends, what does
she like to do when she’s not working? Where do you go on
vacation? How do you spend the holidays?”
“Talking can’t make up the lost years, Zach. Are you seeking a
reunion? Where everything comes out perfectly as if the past never
happened?”
He shook his head. “The past happened. I caused the rift
between us. But don’t forget, Stacey, you told me to go and never
come back. Those were the very words you said that night.”
“After you said you still had a chance to race. I was heartsick
over the loss of our baby, and you were glowing with the thought
of leaving everything behind to race some stupid cars. I was scared
silly. I didn’t want you to go.”
“Then why tell me to?”
She rolled her eyes and tugged on her hand. He did not release
her. Stacey refused to examine why she didn’t try harder. She
LOVE LETTERS
31
would not admit to liking the feel of his hand around hers even
thought it felt good. Right.
“I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean a lot of what was said that last
night. I was hurting. I expected you to stay with me. Grieve with
me. I don’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t that you’d leave.”
He shook his head. “I’ll never understand women. Why can’t
you just say what you mean?”
“Poor baby, do all your women give you a hard time?” She
couldn’t keep the scorn from her voice. She could imagine the
scene at each race — the pretty women hanging on successful
drivers. Sharing the spotlight they couldn’t attain on their own.
Spending time with him that should have been hers. Seeing the
excitement of the races, and reaping the rewards when he won.
Jealousy flared. This time she succeeded in pulling her hand free.
“I wouldn’t say all,” he said, his eyes narrowed slightly. Was
there a hint of amusement lurking?
She looked away, angry he wasn’t taking the conversation more
seriously. “Just most, then.” She remembered the frustration, fear
and anger of that long–ago night. Would they end up saying things
they didn’t mean now?
“Mostly you,” he said slowly.
“What about the rest of your women?”
“What rest?”
“Are you telling me you never dated in seven years?” she asked
in disbelief. Impossible! He was too dynamic, too virile. He could
set hearts fluttering by merely walking into a room.
“Have you?” he countered.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Zach waited for Stacey to answer his question, to laugh and tell
him she had dozens of lovers over the past seven years. The seconds
ticked by. Her expression moved from stricken to impassive. Her
eyes moved to look out of the window. The laughing response
never came.
For a moment Zach felt sick. She had not dated in seven years?
“Why, Stace?” he asked gently.
Tears shimmered in her eyes. He felt as if he’d been punched in
the gut. He had never meant for any of this to happen. Where had
things gone so wrong? With him. He should have called, should
have stormed back to Carson Valley and demanded she come with
him after that first successful race. He’d had nothing to offer
before that. But two years after he’d left, he’d had something to
offer. He should have returned to Carson Valley then.
“Stacey?”
“You know the old saying, once burned, twice shy. I just haven’t
found a man I wish to take a chance with. Besides,” she glanced at
him with a hint of anger, “I’m married. I need to get divorced
before I start dating again.”
He nodded. As he should have done. Dammit, he’d screwed up
even more than he liked to admit. Would anything have changed if
Bart hadn’t died? Would he have changed a thing, or continued
along until he was old, used up and no good to anyone?
“Do you want a divorce?” he asked. Maybe it would be better if
they just ended things now. He could continue on his own way.
She’d be free to date. To find someone else. To have that family
she once talked about.
“Is there any reason not to get one?”
LOVE LETTERS
33
He couldn’t think of a single reason, except he didn’t want one.
For the first time in years, racing didn’t hold center stage in his life.
He wanted more.
“I thought we might see where being together leads us. Maybe
we don’t have enough for a marriage. But should we give up
without any effort?”
“Most marriages I know have the husband and wife living
together, sharing their evenings, weekends. You are already talking
about taking off for Belgium.”
“We’re not kids anymore, Stacey. We can define our marriage
however we want. I do race from March to October. And I
practice a lot, to keep reflexes sharp, to test the cars, the different
engines and tires. But I can do some of that in California. For the
most part, there are only a couple of races each month. I can be
here the rest of the time.”
“Really? Or would only your body be here, but your mind off
on some race course thousands of miles away.”
“Would it matter?”
“To me. There’s more to sharing a life than sharing an
apartment.”
“Give us a chance. Give me a chance. Until a week from
Wednesday. I’ll have to leave for Belgium then. And I hope you’ll
be coming with me. What do you say?”
She shook her head.
He’d hoped to talk her into giving them a chance. What would
it take?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Stacey couldn’t believe what Zach was suggesting. That they give
their marriage a try? For a week? How convenient for him. Then
he was off to Europe, and she’d be left to pick up the pieces once
again.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him in for a moment
without risking her hard–won peace. Yet, she wasn’t sure how to
explain that without giving him the idea she might still care.
Another moment passed. Zach watched her. She could feel her
skin heat under his regard. Feel the temptation build to take what
he offered. No emotions need be involved. He had been vague
enough in his suggestion, just see where it led. No commitment.
Not that he’d stick to a commitment once he made it. She
knew that.
Unexpectedly, he reached out and cradled her head in his
strong hands, tilting her head back a bit to close his lips over hers.
Stacey couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Only feel. Feel the
warmth of his lips, the excitement that invaded every cell in her
body at his touch. She opened her mouth, almost moaning in the
sheer delight of his kiss.
Her body clamored for more. She reached up and encircled his
neck with her arms, pressing against him, savoring the sensations
that exploded. She had loved this man so much when she was
younger. For a moment the agony of loss faded. The past faded.
Only this moment in time seemed real. For as long as it lasted,
she’d hang on for the ride.
His arms drew her closer. His mouth left hers to nip kisses
along her cheek, her jaw, landing on the pulse point at the base of
her throat.
LOVE LETTERS
35
Shivers danced on her spine in contrast to the heat that
engulfed her.
“Give us a chance,” he whispered in her ear, gently teasing the
lobe. “Say yes, Stacey.”
“It won’t work,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t stop. She never
wanted him to stop. When his hand moved to her waist and
caressed the bare skin showing beneath her top, she almost lost her
balance. Her knees felt decidedly weak.
“You are so soft. So sweet. I want you. I want my wife.”
She was nineteen again, and so in love she couldn’t see straight.
She loved Zach Taylor, the wildest boy in town. They could
conquer the world together. If they ever could break away long
enough to do anything but kiss and make love. She wanted to be
closer, wanted that connection that only he could bring. But it was
false. It was physical only. There was no meeting of the minds, no
marriage made in heaven.
In fact their marriage had only been to do the right thing when
she got pregnant.
Remembering that fact was like a dash of cold water. Stacey
pushed against him, freeing herself. She was disgusted at how hard
she was breathing, how bereft she felt now that she was no longer
in his arms. But this wouldn’t solve anything. She needed more.
She deserved more.
“Stace,” he said, reaching for her again.
“This time I call the shots. If you are serious about wanting to
see where this is going, then it will be on my terms or not at all!”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“And what are those terms?” Zach asked.
“We get to know each other. Know what we are like now that
we are adults. See if there is more than just passion between us,”
Stacey said, wanting to be perfectly clear sexual attraction alone
wasn’t enough.
“Do we need more than passion?” he asked.
“I do.”
“I do, sounds like a wedding vow.”
“Which I kept.”
“I kept the vows, too, Stacey,” he said in a low voice, a hint of
anger flaring. “I might have been seen with some other women, but
it was only publicity stunts, it never went anywhere. I had a wife
whom I thought— I hoped— was waiting for me.”
She wanted to believe him. Wanted to know there was a
chance. Her heart ached with the loss of years, with the
opportunities they’d had and never taken.
“Okay, then. Thanks.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Thanks?”
She nodded. “For keeping the vows. That means a lot to me.”
“Right. Then we can begin by talking over what’s been going on
over the last seven years. And seeing how each other lives,” he said.
“I’ll go with you and see your work, learn about the ins and outs of
wedding planning. And you’ll come with me to Belgium in two
weeks.”
Stacey wasn’t sure about the two weeks, but she jumped on the
chance to have him see more of her world.
...
LOVE LETTERS
37
The next few days were hectic. There was an evening wedding
on Friday night, two to see to on Saturday, and a lavish garden
wedding on Sunday. Zach kept his word, he went into the office,
met Stacey’s staff and did what he could to help. He went with her
to the weddings, standing unobtrusively to one side, watching as
she also remained in the background, but ensured the ceremonies
went off flawlessly.
The evenings they devoted to themselves. He spoke about the
early days, about the first big race he won, about the other
members of the crew. Stacey listened intently, fascinated by the life
he painted. No wonder he wanted to race so much, the passion
with which he spoke had her riveted and she would be scared to
death to even try to drive a track.
After Sunday’s wedding, Stacey had a couple of days respite
before gearing up for the next weekend’s weddings. The
preliminary work had been completed months ago, the last minute
checks would be handled by her staff. She took the chance Monday
morning to get her hair cut. Zach dropped her off at the salon and
said he’d wait in her car until she was ready.
Her hairdresser was still with an earlier client, so Stacey sat in
the small waiting area, leafing through magazines. In reading an
out–of–date weekly news magazine, her attention was caught
when she looked at the pictures of a fiery auto crash on a racetrack
in Hungary. She shivered, mesmerized by the scene. Slowly she
searched for the story, and her heart stopped. The driver was on
the same team as Zach.
She scanned the article, then left it on the small table. Rising,
she told the receptionist she couldn’t stay and headed outside to
find Zach.
“That was quick,” he said when she opened the car door and
slid inside.
“You didn’t tell me a teammate had died recently. Bart
Nicholls.”
38
Barbara McMahon
He looked at her, wondering why he hadn’t told her from the
beginning. “He was my best friend. He died much too young. It
was a senseless death, a tire blew. He has a wife and a small child. It
hit me hard.”
“And made you think of your own wife? Is this the real reason
you came back?”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“When death hits that close to home, it gives a man pause.
Suddenly the priorities I had didn’t seem as important as coming
back and seeing you. Seeing my folks. Heck, I even want to talk to
your parents,” Zach said.
“So it wasn’t some strong urge to look me up after all these
years, just a setting your house in order kind of thing.”
“It’s not like that. I’m not planning to die any time soon.”
“I’m sure Bart Nicholls didn’t either.”
Stacey looked out the windshield, feeling let down and
depressed. She’d thought he’d come back because he couldn’t
stand it anymore. Instead, it was a pilgrimage in honor of his dead
friend.
“Did you really want to take up where we left off, or did I leap
to conclusions?” she asked, not much caring for the answer. Once
again, he hadn’t loved her for her. If it was as a result of his friend’s
death, how different was that reason from his marrying her
initially because she was pregnant. In neither case did she come out
on top.
“I want to take up from today. We can’t go back to where we
were,” Zach said.
“I’m not sure I’m up to it,” she said, longing for the serenity of
her apartment where she could be alone.
“Stacey, this changes nothing.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, looking at him.
“I didn’t want you to think...” He didn’t finish the sentence
She did it for him, “...that you only came back because of Bart’s
death. Why else? You’ve had seven years.”
“I didn’t think I was welcomed.”
40
Barbara McMahon
“But you never tried to find out, did you? I want to go home.
And I want you to go.”
“Deja vu? You’re sending me away?”
“I don’t know. But for now, I want to be alone and think about
things.”
She climbed out of the car when they reached her apartment.
“Call me in a couple of days,” she said, and turned to go inside. He
called something after her, but she ignored him. She couldn’t
believe she’d been so gullible again. When would she ever learn?
Or would she if it concerned Zach Taylor?
...
Wednesday Stacey went to work. She had not heard from Zach
since he’d dropped her at the apartment Monday morning. She
waited for him to call, but he hadn’t. She wasn’t sure exactly where
he was staying, so she couldn’t call him. Not that she wanted to.
That was wrong, she did want to talk to him. She had so many
questions. So many feelings that were jumbled and mixed up. She
couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate on her job. She just wanted
something to happen to end this awful sense of loss that was
engulfing her.
She wished he had never come back. No, that wasn’t true. She
wished he loved her as she loved him. She had done so as a young
woman, and despite her attempts to end it, she loved him still.
That was the reason she hadn’t dated, no other man could hold a
candle to Zach. She was probably destined to love him all her life.
Wasn’t that a fine fix to be in?
When she arrived home that evening, Zach was standing by the
apartment doors. Instead of flowers, he held a large box.
“I have the letters,” he said.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“I don’t believe this,” Stacey said when they were both in her
apartment. Zach set the box on the sofa and she sat beside it. He
opened it, then went to sit in the chair across the room.
“The advantages of living in a small town. Remember Cyrus
Snyder?”
She shook her head, looking at the stack of envelopes in the
bottom of the box. On top was a paper–clipped stack of bank
statements. She looked at the balance and her eyes widened.
She looked at Zach. “That much?”
He shrugged. “It was over seven years, I told you.”
“Who is Cyrus Snyder?”
“The postmaster of Carson Valley. An old–fashioned man who
believe in delivering the mail to the recipient.”
She nodded, vaguely remembering some old man who was in
charge.
“When no one picked up the mail, he contacted your mother
first, but she refused delivery. Then he called my Dad. No go there,
either. Mr. Snyder isn’t the type postmaster who gives up. He kept
them. Said he knew one day you or I would show up for the mail. I
put them in chronological order. Read them, Stacey. They are your
letters.”
She picked up the first one and held it for a long moment, her
heart beating rapidly. Letters from the past. She checked the
postmark, it was just a couple of days after he left.
Slowly she opened the envelope and slid the letter out. Opening
it, she recognized Zach’s bold handwriting. It was several pages
long. She began to read.
42
Barbara McMahon
The first letter brought tears to her eyes. She glanced at him
from time to time, but he never said a word, just watched her read
the missives he’d written so long ago.
The second asked her to join him, just as he’d said. The letters
began to blur together as she read them, he’d told her he loved her
and wanted her with him. One letter spoke of all the
disappointments of the racing circuit, and asked to come home.
Another described what hopes he’d had for their child, and future
children. Yet another told her of his unbearable loneliness and
hurt that she didn’t even answer his letters — if only to rail against
him for failing her.
Gradually the tones changed. He no longer spoke of coming
home, or of her joining him. The frequency diminished. The cards
for her birthdays held photos in them. She touched his young face
in the first one, glancing again at the man sitting so silently across
from her.
“I never knew,” she said. “I was alone and hurting and so were
you. Why didn’t you come home?”
“I asked to, you never said come. You only said go.”
“Come home now, Zach. I need you.”
He was off the chair in an instant, crossing to pull her into his
arms. “I need you to say that. I love you, Stacey. I always have. We
didn’t get married because of the baby, we got married because we
are a part of each other. We were too young to handle what life
threw our way. But we are older and wiser now. Marry me. Have
my babies. Grow old with me. What do you say, Stacey? Love me
until the end of time, for that’s how long I’ll love you.”
Stacey cupped Zach’s face in her palms, gazing deep into his
eyes. She saw only love. “I say yes. I love you, Zach, I always have.
I’m so sorry for the lost years. For the pain you went through all
alone.”
“I’m sorry for yours, sweetheart. I always thought you were
ignoring me. It never once crossed my mind that you didn’t get the
letters.”
LOVE LETTERS
43
“I’ll always cherish them,” she said through her tears. “I love
you.”
“I love you.” He sealed the vow with a kiss.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“This time we’ll do it right,” Zach had said. Stacey remembered his
words as she stood with her father in the vestibule of the old family
church in Carson Valley. Lila reached out to twitch her gown into
place.
“I’ll wait here for you when the ceremony is over,” she said
smiling brightly. “Then we’ll take the wedding photographs at the
altar when the church empties, before heading to the reception.”
“I know, Lila,” Stacey said smiling back. Hadn’t she said that to
hundreds of brides before her?
“Just practicing boss. Knock him dead!” She gave Stacey a
thumbs–up and moved to the door, watching as the bridesmaids
walked down the aisle.
“I guess you know what you’re doing this time,” her father said
patting her hand held in the crook of his arm.
“I always knew,” Stacey said, impatient for the Wedding March
to begin. She was anxious to pledge her love publicly in front of all
her friends and family. Zach had known exactly how to make their
start in life perfect— the wedding she’d always dreamed of.
“He better not walk out again,” her father said.
“He won’t. Give him a chance, Dad, he’s a good man. I trust
him with all my heart.”
Zach was waiting at the altar, his best man one of the men from
the racing team. She’d met Phil in August when she’d flown to
Belgium to watch Zach rack up the points in the race at Spa. It had
been thrilling, and scary. But her faith in him had remained strong.
Their team finished in the top three worldwide at the end of
the season. He blamed the lack of first place on Bart’s death. Next
year, he’d promised, they’d sweep the circuit.
LOVE LETTERS
45
She knew she couldn’t talk him out of racing. She wouldn’t try
to change him. He’d been right. They were older and wiser. She
loved him as he was. As he loved her just as she was. If he wanted to
race, so be it. He would hate being confined, constrained and any
love he had for her would change over time if she asked that of
him. No one said life would be easy. Just easier together.
The familiar music started, the congregation rose to their feet
and turned to look at her.
Zach stepped out, as if coming to meet her when she and her
father entered the sanctuary. His eyes were only for her. Stacey
could scarcely see through her tears of happiness, but she focused
on the one man who would be there for her from now on. No
matter what, he was not leaving, he’d made that promise over and
over. And she would never utter words that would make him think
he should go.
They’d been given a second chance. She grabbed hold with both
hands. Never to let go.
“Dearly beloved,” Zach said softly, just before the minister
began.