Lillenas®
Drama Presents
Judge Mental
from Under The Circumstances
By Torry Martin
Approximate running time: 8 minutes
CAST:
JUDGE MENTAL: a Southern judge in a black flowing robe
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BAILIFF (Bobby Ray): Southern, immature, wears a badge
LEON MAKOWSKI (defendant): dressed casually
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SYNOPSIS: Judge Mental reigns over the Court of Popular Opinion. Leon
Makowski is about to see exactly what happens to a person who dares to
break tradition in the church. In the world of Judge Mental and bumbling
bailiff, Bobby Ray, breaking tradition is breaking the law. A very humorous
lesson on judging others and dealing with tradition in the church. Here
comes da judge!
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SETTING: Courtroom
PROPS:
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Gavel
Desk
Chair
Earring (pierced or clip, your choice)
Fake tattoo (or you could be a dedicated actor and get a real one)
BAILIFF (to congregation): All rise! (If they don’t rise, BAILIFF will persist until they
do!) The Court of Popular Opinion is now in session. The Honorable Judge
Mental is now presiding. (BAILIFF stands still; the JUDGE enters.)
JUDGE (shuffles papers on desk, looks at congregation, and then hits gavel): You may
be seated. Docket No. 92, The Church vs. Leon Makowski. Is the defendant
present?
LEON (seated in the congregation, he rises): Yes, your Honor.
JUDGE: Do you have yourself some representation?
“Judge Mental” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States.
LEON: No, I don’t, your Honor.
JUDGE: Good, ’cause it wouldn’t matter none anyhow. (Holds up sheet of paper) Approach the bench, boy! (LEON does so.) Son, you’ve got a rep sheet a mile long!
LEON: Don’t you mean a rap sheet?
JUDGE: No, I mean a rep sheet, as in reputation.
LEON: What reputation? Who would say anything about me?
JUDGE: According to this, the complaints were filed by members of your own
church.
LEON: My church? They don’t even know me, at least they never talk to me.
JUDGE: Of course they don’t talk to you, just look at yourself. (A beat) But they
are talking about you. (Hits gavel) I rule, guilty as charged!
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LEON: What? Wait a minute, aren’t you even going to tell me what I’m guilty of?
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JUDGE: Don’t need to, don’t have to, don’t want to. Next!
LEON: Just a moment, Sir. According to the law, I am allowed to have a fair hearing, and I insist on receiving one. If you don’t read me my charges and
have a fair trial, I’m going to call every Christian magazine publisher in the
country and inform them of my ill treatment.
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JUDGE: Bailiff! (BAILIFF appears.) What time does the lunch buffet at Giant John’s
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end?
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N 15 minutes.
BAILIFF: 2 P.M., your Honor. You still have
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JUDGE (to LEON): That means you
only have 10 minutes. Very well, the charges
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are as follows: You’ve got one count of wearing shorts to church on the
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Fourth of July, and . . .
LEON (interrupts): Whaaat? What’s wrong with wearing shorts to church? It was
97 degrees outside, and I was going straight to the picnic afterward. They
weren’t even indecent; my shorts came down to my knees!
JUDGE: Doesn’t matter. Failure to wear proper Christian attire is a crime punishable with a mandatory three years of active church latrine service.
LEON: I don’t understand what the problem is with my shorts! I didn’t see anything wrong with them. Could you explain to me what’s wrong with a
Christian wearing a decent pair of shorts to a service?
JUDGE: Oh, come on! How long have you been a Christian, boy?
LEON: Two years.
JUDGE: Two years! You’ve been a Christian for 24 months and you thought it
was OK to go prancing around in your underwear during a Sunday morning service!
“Judge Mental” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States.
LEON: First of all, they were knee-length khaki shorts, not underwear. Second of
all, I don’t prance!
JUDGE: I’m tired of your snotty-nosed, namby-pamby attitude! One more outbreak like that and I’ll hold you in contempt!
LEON: I think you already do.
JUDGE: Let me lay down the law for ya, son. It doesn’t matter why you were
wearing shorts or what kind of shorts they were, it’s just simple logic. See
if ya can follow my reasoning: S—shorts, S—sin, S—Satan, got it?
LEON (incredulous): You’ve got to be kidding!
JUDGE: I do not kid around when it comes to matters of garment wearing. This
second charge states that you have consistently appeared in public pews
wearing denim pants!
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BAILIFF (teasing, sing-song voice): You’re in trouble! You’re in trouble!
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LEON: I can’t believe this. What’s wrong with denim?
JUDGE: D—denim, D—demons, D—devil. ’Nuff said!
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LEON: Is everyone crazy around here?
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JUDGE: The only thing crazy around here is your taste in church fashion. This
next charge states that you have worn Adidas sneakers on at least two
occasions. How do you respond?
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LEON: Let me guess, A—Adidas, A—Angel of Darkness, A—(a beat) Antichrist.
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JUDGE: I see you are familiar with the law after all. You have just proven your
own guilt. Too bad, so sad.
LEON: This is nuts! You’re going to convict me because I wore shorts or denim
and sneakers? (A beat) I could see it if I wore stripes with plaids, but anything beyond that is madness.
JUDGE (noticing earring): Is that a pierced ear you have? Get over here! (LEON
approaches JUDGE.) That’s an earring! Hey, Bailiff, we got us a sissy boy!
LEON: Just because a man has an earring, that does not make him a sissy!
JUDGE: Bailiff, what do you think?
BAILIFF (teasing with a sing-song voice): Sissy, sissy, sissy!
LEON: In biblical times men wore earrings to signify that they were servants to
a specific individual. My earring is in the shape of a cross to show I am a
servant of Christ.
JUDGE: E—Earring, E—Evil one, E— (thinking) Environmentalist!
“Judge Mental” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States.
BAILIFF: A tree-hugging, granola-head sissy boy! That’s what he is! We don’t
like your kind around here!
JUDGE (angry): Bobby Ray, stop that teasing! (A pause, then teases LEON also) You
might make him cry. Are you gonna cry, sissy boy?
LEON: I am not a sissy! (Angrily) How many sissies have you ever seen with a
tattoo like this! (Shows a tattoo on his arm)
(JUDGE and BAILIFF gasp loudly in unison.)
BAILIFF: Sissy boy’s got himself a tattoo.
JUDGE: That’s it! T—Tattoo, T—Tempter, T—Transgressor, T—Tacky, T—Twenty
years! (Hits gavel) Guilty!
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LEON: Twenty years! You can’t put me in jail for 20 years!
JUDGE: Oh, you’re not going in jail, son. You’re going to the balcony. We can’t
have your kind sitting in the front row at a church! People would think
that Jesus would accept just anyone! That is unacceptable. Next thing you
know, everyone will start thinking that it wasn’t your outside appearance
that mattered!
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not our outside
LEON: God is more concerned with our inside condition,
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appearance. We’re saved by grace through faith!
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JUDGE: Well, you’re going to the balcony through
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LEON: No. (A beat) I’m going to another
Nchurch through the front door. (LEON
walks out.)
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JUDGE (to BAILIFF): Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say!
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BAILIFF: It’s prawn day at the buffet. We’d better get going if we’re gonna make it.
JUDGE: Prawn day! Ooooo doggie. Let’s git! (Hits gavel) Case dismissed, court’s
adjourned!
BAILIFF: All rise! (The congregation rises and the two exit.)
“Judge Mental” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States.
The purchase of this sketch entitles the purchaser to make photocopies of this material for use in their church or nonprofit organization. The sharing of this material
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in any other form without written permission from the publisher. Please include the copyright statement found below on each copy made.
Scripture quotation is from the New American Standard Bible (NASB), © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977
by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
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Lillenas® Publishing Company
Drama Resources
P.O. Box 419527
Kansas City, MO 64141
Phone: 816-931-1900
Fax: 816-412-8390
E-mail: drama@lillenas.com
Web Site: www.lillenasdrama.com
The sketch collection Under The Circumstances (MP-820) is available for purchase from Lillenas® Drama or from your local Christian bookstore.
For a full description of the rest of this collection, or to purchase other individual sketches, refer to
www.lillenasdrama.com
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“Judge Mental” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States.