An Intro (for Dummies)1 to “Intro to Wines”
Lilian M. Loh*
So you’re done with 1L and now looking to fill your upperclass course load with a senioritis
mentality. Have a Wednesday afternoon gap? Why not sign up for Cornell’s famous Introduction
to Wines class?
You might be hesitant because it is the most-failed class at Cornell. Professor Mutkoski
will be the last to deny that: he wants you to work for those two credits.2 However, these two
credits don’t apply to law students. For $30, you get zero credits towards your legal education,
but you get a clarinet-like case housing three wine glasses and approximately 72 ounces of wine.
Here are a few tips on how to get through (and maybe even pass) this course:3

Get into the class. Be sure to actually sign up during the university enrollment period,
which is different from the law school enrollment period. If you don’t, you’ll probably end
up 200th on the waitlist.

Practice sniffing: start smelling your produce when you take it home from Wegmans.
You’ll be surprised how little you can identify fruity scents that don’t come from a scratch
and sniff.
I’m not calling you a dummy, but your professor is. Your textbook is a famous yellow “Wine
for Dummies” guidebook—but at least it’s cheaper than a casebook.
1
Lilian Loh holds a B.A. in Psychology from the University of California, San Diego. She’s
expecting a J.D. from Cornell Law School in May 2013 and taking her Wines Final the day after.
She’ll never forget the first time she ordered wine chosen solely on the restaurant’s description
of “buttered toast” and how surprised she was when the description rang true. This K.J.
Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay still remains her affordable and go-to favorite.
*
2
Sherrie Negrea, Intro to Wines: A Vintage Classic Turns 40, HOTELIE (Spring 2012), available
at http://www.pubs.hotelschool.cornell.edu/i/69524/27.
3
Passage results not guaranteed, this ain’t Themis.
1

You’ll sit down in class and the first thing you’ll realize is that there’s no reception in the
class, and even if there was, you’re not allowed to touch your phone or a crazed
administratrix (Mutkoski’s right hand woman) will come issue you a citation. This could
be a blessing in disguise: bring a Sudoku or crossword puzzle; challenge your brain in a
way that doesn’t involve crushing candy or flinging birds.

You get two absences before you automatically fail. Save one to play hooky for the
“responsible drinking” class, where a health director from Gannett will make you feel very,
very irresponsible for the decisions you will make with Level B fishbowls later that night.
Save the other for the day you actually are sick.

In that vein, don’t get sick. If you come in a sniffly, coughing mess, not only will your
neighbors look at you in disdain, but you will also not want to imbibe (you may use your
spit cup for the first time all semester).

Jancis Robinson will be your favorite guest lecturer.4

Wines will last a week beyond your last week of law school classes. So if you are a 3L in
your last semester, hold off on that “this is my last class ever” Facebook status until then.

You will have one major advantage over the undergraduates: you have probably learned
how to study while drunk, hungover, or both. Use this to your advantage to pass your
prelim and final.
Be prepared to feel very old, sit next to people you don’t know (alphabetically-assigned
seating), and learn a lot about wines. You’ll learn the technicalities: how to decode bottle labels,
the terroir associated with various regions and grape varieties. You’ll finally understand how to
order a bottle off a restaurant menu (and impress your firm’s partners). Your palate will become
4
See http://www.jancisrobinson.com/.
2
more refined, you’ll be introduced to new wines (and add some new discoveries to your liquor
store cart), and become a lot better at swirling your glass. That being said, some work is required:
pay attention in class or do the reading; it is your Ivy League education you’re paying for.
However, at least you won’t get cold-called.
3