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Democratic Habits of the Heart
A Sermon for Kamloops UU Fellowship
January 6, 2013
Rev. Wendy McNiven
READINGS
“The human heart is the first home of democracy…where we embrace our
questions. Can we be equitable? Can we be generous? Can we listen with our
whole beings, not just our minds, and offer our attention rather than our
opinions? …”
- Terry Tempest Williams, exerpted from an essay called
“Engagement”- in Orion magazine, July/August 2004.
A young French intellectual named Alexis de Tocqueville … visited [America] in
the 1830s, returning home to write the classic Democracy in America. In it, he
predicted that democracy's future would depend heavily on the "habits of the
heart" its citizens developed, and on the health of the local venues in which the
heart gets formed or deformed: families, neighborhoods, classrooms,
congregations, voluntary associations, workplaces, and the various places of
public life where "the company of strangers" gathers.
- Parker J. Palmer, his own website.
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SERMON
Wab Kinew, hip hop artist and ambassador for First Nations people. What almost everyone carrying the Idle No More banner is calling for is
meaningful consultation between the federal government and First
Nations people.
#IdleNoMore is about Democracy.
Democracy thrives when well-informed people are engaged and
make their voices heard. Idle No More started with four young lawyers
trying to inform the people in their communities about an issue they were
passionate about. Now many people are engaged. Even more information
is being shared, and even more voices are being heard. There is no one
leader or "list of demands" attributable to Idle No More. While this may
seem chaotic, this is what democracy is all about. Democracy is messy.
Democracy is loud. Democracy is about hearing a wide range of
voices and trying to build a path forward among them. It is not about
shutting off debate or trying to rush things in through the back door.1
Our fifth UU principle says that we will affirm and promote “the right of
conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and
in society at large.” In simple, this reads: “Everyone should have a voice and a
vote about matters that concern them.”
At a quick glance, that could sound like UU’s vote on issues important to the
congregation, and that we affirm the present form of government in our country.
No big deal. Motherhood and apple pie.
But a deeper look raises the idea of democracy as a spiritual paradigm, a way
of life, more than just a political construct.
I want to talk about democracy of the heart, a much more intimate expression
of the principles of democratic social organization.
Parker Palmer is an author, educator, and activist. He focuses on issues in
education, community, leadership, spirituality and social change. His most
recent book is called Healing the Heart of Democracy: the courage to create a
politics worthy of the human spirit. This book explores the spiritual and heartcentred aspects of living in a way that supports the egalitarian goals of
democracy. Palmer believes Democracy starts right here in the heart of every
individual person. And it radiates out from each of us, in ever wider circles.
To unpack that term democracy a little bit – the roots of the word are from Greek
- Demos – the people – and Kratia – power or rule. Rule by the people. One
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Wab Kinew, Huffington Post online, Dec. 17, 2012
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definition of Democracy is “the practice or principles of social equality”.
Democratic is defined as “favouring or characterized by social equality;
egalitarian.” To Democratize is to “make something available to everyone.”2
Democracy in Canada is not as democratic as it should be. As people who are
religious, or who are interested in living by our deepest values, this should be
important to us. It is a religious matter when some people’s problems are
addressed more quickly and fully than other people’s problems. It is a values
matter when voices are silenced. It is a spiritual matter when inequality of
access causes unnecessary and avoidable hardship.
One place to begin improving democracy in Canada is to start with our own
institutions, such as the Canadian Unitarian Council is doing. Even starting with
this fellowship. But I want us to look even closer to home – to begin with our
own hearts.
Broken hearts
When people feel empowered, their hearts are strong and whole, and they can
live whole-heartedly. When people feel disempowered, their hearts are broken.
When we encounter practices that threaten the land, our hearts grieve. When
we are unsure about options for our own health, or that of our neighbours, our
hearts are fearful. When we are in conflict with someone in our own community,
and don’t know how to resolve it, our hearts feel the pain. All of these heartconditions are related to democracy.
The good news is: Hearts broken open are available to connect deeply and
radically with others – even with strangers. In thus using our heart-break, we
make ourselves more available to include others in the conversations we must
have.
I interpret Parker Palmer’s call to us to be a call for a global change of mind-set
in our society, a paradigm shift. An example of such a social shift – It used to
be “normal” for people to drink and drive after a party. Now, it is WAY less
socially acceptable to do that, and all over the place, people are choosing a DD,
a designated driver. That is a social shift that has come about in the last 10 or
15 years. Similarly, it is no longer taken for granted that it’s ok to smoke in many
places.
What if there was just such a large social paradigm shift about living as a
democracy: a shift away from apathy or non-involvement, where it’s all beyond
the control of ordinary people and we think we can have very little influence, to
an attitude of assuming that all voices will be heard, regardless of wealth or
position – that all people will have their say?
2
Oxford Dictionary of English, 2nd Ed., Revised, 2005.
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The more diverse voices are included, the better the decisions that can be
made. Yes, they take longer to make, and it’s messier than a dictatorship. But
the results are more in line with a world that we want to live in.
TOM BERGER - led the MacKenzie Valley Pipeline Inquiry – speaks of
democracy in action. In 2½ years in the western Arctic, he heard from 1000
people. Speaks of the need for creating a Level Playing Field, where everyone
is given time to prepare their remarks, and money is made available to Dene,
Inuit and environmental organizations. He said: If you consult local people, you
get a better project. Allow for the best possible consultation.
It is happening to some extent with the present day pipeline public hearings –
although in Victoria the public was not allowed in to listen.
With these broad consultations, we begin to close the gap between aspiration
and reality.
Parker Palmer speaks of the “tragic gap” which will always separate what IS
from what Could and Should be. He tells us that it is important to have the
courage to stand in this gap with energy, commitment, vision and hope. in order
to move ourselves towards fulfilling our aspirations.
Part of the tragic gap is that gap between what you believe and what your
neighbour believes. It is an ideal of UU values to honour and respect a diversity
of opinions. But sometimes people can only see our differences, and can’t seem
to find what common ground there is. And there is almost always some
common ground.
A perhaps familiar subject would be what to do about the Ajax mine proposal.
We may find that although we come to different conclusions about a subject, we
come at it both holding similar fears, and similar hopes. One of you is excited
about the job prospects close to home, another is worried about the
environmental damage, a third is thinking about property values.
I think Parker Palmer’s approach would be for these three people to sit down
together and tell each other their stories. Ask – What brings you to the position
you hold now? What personal experiences, what is in your heart, what are your
fears? Maybe it sounds like pie in the sky. But on the other hand, maybe it’s
part of what real democracy could look like, if we gave it a chance. It takes
many voices to build a choir.
Democracy is messy. Democracy is loud. Democracy is about hearing a wide
range of voices and trying to build a path forward among them. (Wab Kinew)
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When we are able to express our fears and our hopes to one another, in a
setting of trust, then dialogue about the HOW of coming together is possible.
This is what is missing in our national and provincial conversations – heart-felt
trust.
We could also be looking at how inclusive we are, and how open-hearted in our
daily lives, and in our congregational dealings with one another. Right now, a
committee of the Canadian Unitarian Council is undertaking a study of how
democratically the CUC actually functions. It is clear that we must have annual
meetings, that delegates are sent to those meetings from the congregations, and
that the delegates vote on agenda items. But there are many questions being
raised about how accessible the decision-making truly is.
That is the key question of democracy. How accessible is the decision-making?
Here’s the spirituality piece. Everything affects everything else.
In his book, Palmer defines “habits of the heart” as deeply engrained patterns of
receiving, interpreting, and responding to experience that involve our intellects,
emotions, self-images, and concepts of meaning and purpose.3
Sidetrack - A bit of background: Parker Palmer and some others started the
Center for Courage & Renewal. One of the most important pieces of training it
offers is the Circles of Trust approach. Mike has talked about them, as have I.
These are groups of people who meet on a regular basis for some period of
time, say one or two years, and who share with each other what is closest to
their hearts. The role of the listeners is simply to listen. No “fixing” or advicegiving is allowed.
As trust grows in a group, people find that they are almost listened into their own
depths: they are able to go more and more deeply into their own habits of the
heart. And they are able to make changes as they feel called to do. By all
accounts it is a very powerful process. Trust is of the essence.
Palmer calls on all of us to pay attention to our habits of the heart. And if we
care about democracy, he offers five such habits (five deeply engrained patterns
of experiencing) that are crucial to reviving and sustaining how democracy
works. He divides them into two groups: the first three are about humility
(knowing that my truth is always at best only partial, so I need to listen to the
Other with openness and respect. The last two are about chutzpah (knowing I
have a voice that needs to be heard, and the right to speak it.)
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Parker Palmer, Healing the Heart of Democracy, p. 44
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Here are the five4:
• We must understand that we are all in this together. Let go of
individualism.
• We must develop an appreciation of the value of “otherness.” The
stranger has much to teach us.
• We must cultivate the ability to hold tension in life-giving ways.
Otherwise, tension will shut us down.
• We must generate a sense of personal voice and agency. Learn how to
use our voices for positive change.
• We must strengthen our capacity to create community. Together, we are
stronger than singly.
All of these rules or habits are about our own spiritual lives. All of them are about
building a better world around us. And all of them need our sustained, respectful
and trusting attention.
It could be a powerful exercise for us to use these five as measuring sticks, if we
as a community decide really to examine our congregational functioning – or if
we as citizens involved in public affairs were to examine our interactions.
As I have mentioned, the CUC is in the midst of examining its own democratic
endeavours right now. And democratically, the Active Democracy Study Group
is inviting YOUR input on several questions they have posed about CUC
processes of decision-making. It would be interesting if the CUC’s study group
were to connect their work with these five democratic habits of the heart.
UU congregations are more than simply aggregations of people who are
stumbling along through life together on a path shaped by similar values. This is
a community, offering both welcome and expectations. Because we are a
community, it should be a safe place for us to practice right relationship: living
with people we don’t necessarily agree with, finding respectful and healthy ways
of interacting … knowing that there is an agreement to stick around for the whole
conversation, and not run away when it gets difficult.
Part of how we continue to build trust and connection and how we welcome the
“other” into our hearts is by sharing our stories. We already do this: we do it at
coffee hour, and in chalice circles, with candles of joy and concern - and when
we have a check-in before board or committee meetings. This story-telling is not
just a way of making meetings go longer than they should. In a way, it IS the
work of our community, our fellowship.
Imagine if the government response to “Idle No More” was to share and listen to
stories. How different things would look, if both sides were able to encounter the
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Palmer p. 44-45
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“Other” with respect, and beyond fear. What might come out of that surrender
into compassionate connection?
I offer again words of Terry T. Williams, with which I opened: “The human heart
is the first home of democracy … where we embrace our questions. Can we be
equitable? Can we be generous? Can we listen with our whole beings, not just
our minds, and offer our attention rather than our opinions? And do we have
enough resolve in our hearts to act courageously, relentlessly, without giving
up—ever trusting our fellow citizens to join with us in our determined pursuit of a
living democracy?” 5
We are called to be faithful always to speaking and listening in a way that takes
us closer to truth6. Our own role in helping to move this country towards more
equality starts right here. May we have the wisdom and the courage to take our
first steps.
Amen.
5
Terry Tempest Williams, exerpted from an essay called “Engagement”in Orion magazine, July/August 2004.
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Palmer p. 193