Finding Inner Peace at the Food Court
My patients have the impression that I am a perfect role model when it comes to nutrition -- never
deviating from the health and wellness regimens that I espouse. I've even been called the Queen of
Quinoa, as I'm either handing out my latest favourite quinoa recipe, or running to my office fridge
to show off Dembe's longevity special for the day (often Tuscan kale salad).
So you can imagine the shock on a patient's face when I bumped into them at Costco's snack bar
where I was face deep in the most delicious beef hot dog, bun oozing with Heinz ketchup, French's
mustard and Bick's green relish. Oh, and I was also inhaling a side of fries.
Initially I had no intention of eating "junk food". My girlfriend and I out were in the midst of a
shopping expedition and we got hungry. We passed the snack bar, and the aroma seemed to
awaken some joyful childhood memories deep within the recesses of my neurons. I surveyed the
tables packed with shoppers and I noticed it wasn't just the kids eating those damn amazing hot
dogs.
My girlfriend laughed as she listened to me moan with delight as I took my first bite.
From a psychological standpoint, that hot dog and 3 familiar condiments represented more than
lunch -- they were my solace objects.
Solace objects are items that recapture the soul of our childhood and that deep sense of soothing
comfort we felt when we were young. I recognized my need for solace objects when I lived alone
after my marriage ended. I noticed that when I slept on flannel sheets, I would have the most
wonderful feeling of safety and comfort and I would fall asleep immediately.
As infants, we are emotionally bonded to our mothers. They love us, they cuddle us, and they care
for us. As we get older -- between 2 and 6 -- we realize that our mothers are not there solely for
our benefit, so we often become attached to a teddy bear, a soft blanket, or a doll.
According to an article in the New York Times by Dr. Paul Horton, a psychiatrist who has done
extensive research on solace, says:
"the transitional object''' [are] things animate or inanimate that are experienced by
people in a reliably soothing manner, and that connect us in some way with the comfort
of the maternal presence."
Even as adults, we still need those "snugly blankets" and foods which hold a powerful connection to
our past. Mashed potatoes, peanut butter and jam, and Kraft dinner can be the equivalent of a
dinner from a Michelin star restaurant in our hearts.
Solacing objects can take many forms such stuffed animals, music, a favourite book or childhood
story, photographs, happy memories and family rituals.
Dr. Elaine Dembe, 200 St. Clair Ave. West, Suite 308, Toronto. Ontario M4V 1R1
Tel: 416-960-5353 Fax: 416-90-0193 www.elainedembe.com elaine@elainedembe.com
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When I was a child, my mom would make my brother and me a bedtime snack of hot tea with
honey and milk, and buttered challah toast. We never went to sleep hungry. This 60 plus year old
still can't imagine going to sleep without enjoying this nighttime ritual.
I recently discovered that one of my sinus pressure techniques provided solace for a patient
suffering from tension headaches. Whenever I gently massaged his forehead, he sighed deeply and
relaxed completely. When I asked him about this, he said that his mom always used to caress his
forehead before bedtime. Robert, who realizes just how powerful that specific childhood memory is
for him, now strokes his own forehead whenever he feels stressed.
No matter what our age or stage in life is, we each need to create an oasis of solace in our daily
lives. Think about what or who has nurtured you. Was it A flannel nightgown? A hot bubble bath? A
massage? Childhood songs? Hot chocolate with marshmallows? A soft, fluffy cat? Do you have a
special pillow you sleep on? Teddy bears on your bed? (I have three bears and a moose!) Think of
some of your special, happy childhood memories and you will rekindle that feeling of being loved
and cared for. Solace may be as close as two arms giving you a hug -- one of the best feelings in
the whole world.
This article can be found at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/elaine-dembe/solace-objects-help-unstress_b_1276792.html
Dr. Elaine Dembe, 200 St. Clair Ave. West, Suite 308, Toronto. Ontario M4V 1R1
Tel: 416-960-5353 Fax: 416-90-0193 www.elainedembe.com elaine@elainedembe.com
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