Effective Techniques to Help Teens Build
Character and Self-Esteem
Adam Bibbs
“The first and most important step toward success is the feeling
that we can succeed.”
- Nelson Boswell
Section I: When adolescents struggle with identity, character, and esteem issues, what
can or should be done to improve their overall self esteem or worth?
Sub-Questions
1. What role should parents have in aiding their child to build a positive attitude
about themselves?
2. What are the benefits of having a mentor or mentor program and how do they
help adolescents improve their self-esteem?
3. Why is physical activity important and how can it improve someone’s selfesteem?
Section II: Research Results Regarding the Main and Sub-Questions
Sub-Question One Restated:
What role should parents have in aiding their child to build a positive attitude about
themselves?
The first thing that comes to mind when posed this question is that the duty of
parent should be to support their child in whatever they choose to do. The influence of
parents is likely to be the most important source to develop self-esteem through the
values they instill in their children (Branden, 2004). While protecting them from their
own inexperience, parental support can be defined as a behavior manifested by a parent
toward a child that makes the child feel comfortable in the presence of the parent and
confirms in the child’s mind that he/she is basically accepted and approved as a person by
the parent (Felson & Zielinski, 1989). Research indicates that parents should support
their child through praise, spending time with them, making their child feel unique and
special, teaching problem solving and decision making skills, providing opportunities to
make choices, focusing on the child’s strengths, setting realistic goals, framing criticisms
in positive terms, and by not comparing them to siblings or other children (Demo &
Williams, 1987). Parental effects such as support and praise are stronger in earlier years
and stick with children through experiences (Felson & Zielinski, 1989). An example
would be when a child brings home a report card and their parents respond by saying
“I’m proud of you for the grade you’ve earned”.
Parents should be fairly permissive with adolescents so youth are able to become
autonomous and responsible. Under too much parental control the child will have lower
self-esteem, because they won’t have opportunities to seek out their own experiences to
learn from (Demo & Williams, 1987). This becomes important because it is the
children’s perceptions of their relationships with their parents that will affect how they
feel about themselves (Felson & Zielinski, 1989). Parents and other adults can do a great
deal to make the road to develop high self-esteem easier or harder, and if psychic wounds
or trauma are left unresolved from childhood, a decent level of self-esteem can be very
difficult to achieve (Branden, 2004). Parents need to give their child the freedom to go
out and gain experiences on their own, and when children and adolescents run into
certain issues they don’t know how to deal with their parents should serve as a guide to
help solve the problem. If a child does develop a low self-esteem they will more than
likely become defensive, depressed, and show deviant behavior (Reasoner, 2004).
In Reasoner’s review of previous literature and studies on low self-esteem he
found that there is also a close relationship with violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, eating
disorders, school dropouts, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and low academic achievement.
These are reasons why children should avoid focusing on parental criticisms if they are
done in a negative manner. That is why it is so important for the parent to frame their
criticisms in positive terms. We must also remember that effective praise should be
based on the child’s actions, and directed at the child’s behaviors rather than his or her
character. Praise needs to be administered cautiously to avoid turning a child into an
approval addict, which will then create a low self-esteem if the child isn’t getting praise
all the time (Branden, 2004). When parents play the supporting role there is no reason
why a child’s self-esteem shouldn’t be a positive one. When parents succeed in doing
their job of supporting their child it is much easier for the person to grow into a critical
thinker, develop self-efficacy or the “I can do it” attitude, and become a responsible
citizen in the future.
When looking at the role of the parents as a supporter of the child there were
many interesting findings in the research. One study focused on genders and how the
father and the mother influenced their child’s esteem. The study displayed that boy’s
self-esteem was found to be more sensitive to the control/autonomy aspect of parental
behavior, and that girl’s self-esteem was more strongly affected by parental support and
participation (Gecas & Schwalbe, 1986). This study also found that perceptions of
father’s behavior toward the child are more consequential for the child’s self-esteem than
are the perceptions of the mother’s behavior. Another study that focused on some gender
differences provided evidence that boys express their esteem where parents can respond
more easily where as girls use more subtle ways to express their esteem making it more
difficult for parents to intervene (Demo & Williams, 1987). Those who have a closer
relationship to their mothers showed higher self-esteem and they explained this by saying
that women tend to have a nurturing factor and that they are more in touch with their
emotions and feelings and this rubs off on their child (Felson & Zielinski, 1989). The
main conclusion that I can draw from these studies is that if girls don’t have a close
relationship with their mother it will be very difficult for the parents to find out if the
child is experiencing problems with their self-esteem. It seems that parents will have to
dig deeper to find out the major issues that girls deal with, and it is easier to sense when
boys are experiencing difficulties.
Sub-Question Two Restated:
What are the benefits of having a mentor or mentor program and how do they help
adolescents improve their self-esteem?
The benefits of a mentor or a mentor program are imperative for the success of a
child. At age 8 children start to develop the skills needed to evaluate themselves (Lishner
& Myers, 1997). When parents are either unavailable or unable to provide responsible
guidance for their children, mentors can play a critical role (Riley, 1993). Without this
extra outlet of support it is difficult to help the child develop their own views about
themselves. If mentor programs aren’t put in place the child’s views about themselves
may be instilled by other people’s negative perceptions of them (Gecas & Schwalbe,
1986). This is how negative attitudes toward ones self can begin. Mentors foster
guidance and support during a person’s development, increase self confidence, challenge
the person to become a critical thinker, provide role modeling, and teach how to reflect
on experiences (Riley, 1993). The main purpose of mentoring is to offer support,
guidance, assistance for a young person going through a difficult period, facing new
challenges, and to correct earlier problems (Riley, 1993). Other ways mentoring
programs can be successful are by teaching I-messages so the child can state how they
feel without pointing a finger at someone else, praise, communication and showing
interest in the child’s life, and promoting responsibility (Lishner & Myers, 1997).
Mentors and mentoring programs offer safe environments, encouragement, and support to
increase self-esteem and improve attitudes toward school (King, Vidourek, Davis &
McClellan, 2002).
One study on mentor programs found that mentored students are less likely to be
depressed, and involved in violence (King, Vidourek, Davis & McClellan, 2002). A
mentor or a mentor program assists the child in making adequate decisions to avoid risky
behaviors. Along with this, mentored students have shown higher school and family
connectedness, increases in attendance, grades, college enrollment, and higher
educational aspirations when one on one mentoring has been strongly implemented
(Riley, 1993). This displays connectedness to the mentor and provides evidence that the
child will strive and eventually attain higher academic success (King, Vidourek, Davis &
McClellan, 2002). Mentor programs are needed over long periods of time because
research indicates that short term experiences or events don’t shape self-esteem (Lishner
& Myers, 1997). Mentor programs need to be put in place due to the changes to the
American family structure (Riley, 1993). There has been a major increase in the amount
of single parent homes, and two parent homes creating a void between the time parents
are able to spend with their children. Children need lots of experiences with mentoring
programs to develop a positive self identity and self-esteem due to the busy lives of their
parents (Lishner & Myers, 1997).
Mentor experiences need to be reoccurring at a young age and continued through
out adolescence to become effective (Lishner & Myers, 1997). A study conducted by
Lishner and Myers displayed that physical appearance and social acceptance have the
greatest impact on adolescent’s self-esteem (Lishner & Myers, 1997). It has been
suggested by Lishner and Myers that in cases of low self-esteem it is easier to confide in
a mentor than a parent because many children don’t like to talk about social or physical
problems with their parents. Mentors and mentoring programs are often under utilized
and it is important for parents to understand that they can’t do everything to aid their
child (Lishner & Myers, 1997). Parents will need outside help because children don’t
want to go to their parents to talk about every issue. It has also been suggested that
summer camps can be the most developmentally impactful setting to touch young
people’s lives (Lishner & Myers, 1997).
Sub-Question Three Restated:
Why is physical activity important and how can it improve someone’s self-esteem?
Physical activity is important for everyone because it prolongs your life by
keeping you physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy. Physical activity reduces the
risk of disease, maintains body weight, maintains your body structure, reduces depression
and anxiety, enhances performance, increases energy levels and moods, and boosts your
self-esteem through the looks, and energy it provides you (Tiggemann & Williamson,
2000). Physical activity is most important for people with low levels of esteem because
they are the ones that need it the most to boost their over concept about themselves.
Mentors and parents can play a major role in this because they are the people that can
encourage children to be active and they are most like the people who will give feedback
to the child (Bunker, 1991). It is important that this feedback is not too critical because
we want to create a positive environment so the child remains active for their entire life
(Boyd & Dennis, 1997). This is important for young girls because it is believed that sex
roles have been the major barrier to keep them active. Girls are now doing their best to
overcome these obstacles through things like Title IX, so they can be viewed as equals
when it comes to activities and sports (Boyd & Dennis, 1997). We must remember that
children acquire self confidence and self-esteem as a result of successful experiences, and
that feedback from performance is where children base their self worth (Bunker, 1991).
If positive feedback and experiences are not displayed, poor conditions such as
developing a low self-esteem and a negative self worth can result from a lack of
motivation and poor modeling (Boyd, & Dennis, 1997).
Physical activity and sports can improve one’s self-esteem because being part of a
team can help you feel accepted by others. Activity and play offer each child a unique
opportunity for combining various experiences to form opinions and ideas and for
growing as an individual (Bunker, 1991). Parents and Mentors need to play a major role
by encouraging children to stick with activities and sports because of all the positive
benefits it can provide physically and socially (Bunker, 1991). It is most important to
keep girls involved in these activities because once they hit adolescents their self-esteem
drops dramatically (Jaffee & Manzer, 1992). When girls go through adolescents they
tend to struggle with many body image issues because their growth is external, happens
before boys hit puberty, and most girls aren’t ready to go through these difficult changes
that their body is going through (Jaffee & Manzer, 1992). Girls are experiencing too
many obstacles to remain active because they become frustrated, lose confidence, and
then stop participating in sports due to negative experiences (Jaffee & Manzer, 1992).
Parents and adults must do their best to keep children active because sports and activities
are needed because they create positive self-esteem through challenges, achievement, risk
taking, experiences, and skill development (Jaffee & Manzer, 1992). These are things
that everyone needs to be successful in the real world so we must keep activities and
sports apart of our youth’s lives. If we can’t keep children involved in sports it is
recommended that we encouraged aerobic exercise because it can elevate mood, provide
a sense of mastery and control, combat state anxiety and mild depression, and
enhancement of self-concept and self-esteem (Tiggemann & Williamson, 2000). Activity
and exercise can also help build esteem by decreasing daily stress, improving confidence
and body image (Vlach, 2001). In order to more adequately draw connections between
physical activity and self-esteem a scale specifically for these two topics needs to be
created to increase our ability to accurately measure changes in self-esteem (Boyd &
Dennis, 1997).
Section III: Synthesis of Research – Your Reflection Based on Research Reviewed
When adolescents struggle with identity, character, and esteem issues, what can or should
be done to improve their overall self esteem or worth?
Argumentation Techniques:
There were many interesting articles and sources of information on this topic of
self-esteem. Many of the authors had different studies and interesting findings on how
self-esteem can be achieved and what things can be associated with low self-esteem. The
main purpose of these research articles was to determine how self-esteem is formed, and
what correlations can be drawn to the affects of self-esteem. Every author had one
common idea and it was that someone or something such as a specific experience will
play a major role in developing self-esteem. The argumentation techniques used in the
research on self-esteem seem to be mostly if-then statements, and inductive reasoning.
An example of the if-then statement would be that if children have positive
experiences then they will exhibit self confidence leading to improved self-esteem.
Many of these arguments focused on the health risks for people who develop low levels
of self-esteem. They argued that if a person develops a low level of self-esteem they then
will put themselves at a risk for low academic achievement, eating disorders, drug abuse,
alcoholism, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, depression, and suicide. These correlations
provided by the research displayed the need for something to be done to help people with
low levels of self-esteem before the person experiences health related problems.
Along with if then statements a lot of the research had to do with inductive
reasoning. Inductive reasoning tends to argue from the particular to the general. Most of
the studies dealt with a specific age groups, genders, and sources of support for children.
Through inductive reasoning these concepts discovered argue that if they can be applied
to these particular groups then the concepts should be able to apply to the whole nation.
An example of inductive reasoning would be since the boy’s self-esteem in the study was
found to be more sensitive to the control/autonomy aspect of parental behavior then all
boys self-esteem is more sensitive to the control/autonomy aspect of parental behavior.
Answer to Main Question:
It is important for adolescents to first develop an understanding of what selfesteem really is, and it can be defined as the confidence and worth you feel about
yourself (Merki & Merki, 2003). The main problem with self-esteem is that it is affected
or influence by everything around us including our peers, parents, family, friends, the
media, and personal experiences. Youth sometimes rely too much on these influence to
develop their self-esteem and overall identity (Demo & Williams, 1987). Eventually
problems occur while children are growing up, because they listen to these influences too
much. It is our job as educators and adults to do something about this to help protect our
youth from developing a negative self-esteem.
Reasons something needs to be done:
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Ten percent of ninth graders said that they don’t have much to be proud of (Self
Esteem, 2004, Online).
Ten percent of sixth grade students said they feel their lives are not very useful
(Self-Esteem, 2004, Online).
Eleven percent of sixth graders felt they couldn’t do anything right (Self-Esteem,
2004, Online).
As self-esteem decreases so does achievement scores (Covington, 1989).
Low self-esteem has a strong correlation to violence and juvenile delinquency
(Johnson, 1977).
Low self-esteem seems to operate as a predisposing and contributory factor in the
development of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and drug
abuse (Reasoner, 1992).
Students with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual activity to
attempt to boost their level of esteem (Reasoner, 1992)
The first thing that needs to be done by the person trying to improve their overall
self-esteem is a self assessment. Adolescents need to stop, and take a hard look in the
mirror to figure out what their overall impressions are of themselves without any outside
influence (Felson & Zielinski, 1989). It has been recommend to keep some sort of a
document or journal to write down their thoughts and opinions about themselves on a
daily basis and focus on the positive (King, Vidourek, Davis & McClellan, 2002). The
greatest impact on self-esteem is most likely based on physical appearance and social
acceptance (Lishner & Myers, 1997). People should pay close attention to their
appearance and how it changes over a period of time and display how they feel about
these changes and what they are doing to improve their appearance. When people
exercise results tend to show up on the exterior of a persons body and in doing so it may
create a sense of accomplishment of getting into good shape and the persons self-esteem
will rise because they will good about their achievement (Vlach, 2001). It is important to
also know that good looks, popularity and wealth guarantee nothing if one does not have
the self-esteem to support them, and these characteristics can be detrimental to a person’s
self-esteem if they are preoccupied with them (Reasoner, 2004). Besides paying attention
to their appearance I feel that the person should make a list of responsible actions that
they should make to improve their overall health. Based on the research discussed they
should make time for family and consult with them on what they feel some responsible
actions would be to improve health and esteem. Along with taking time to connect with
their family, a person trying to improve their self-esteem should also attempt to involve
themselves in community activities or support groups so people can positively influence
them to become the person they would like to be. Another way to improve self-esteem
would be to articulate to people what makes you feel special and unique, and ask people
to support your interests. A few other ways to improve overall self-esteem would be to
exercise daily to increase energy level and boost moods, find hobbies that you can do by
yourself for independence, treat others how you’d like to be treated, and minimize
contact with people that put you down. This would just be a start to gaining a positive
self-esteem, because much more can and should be done.
To improve overall self esteem it is important to surround ourselves with positive
influences such as parents, family members, mentors, coaches, and friends. These people
can help a person improve self-esteem by listening to what you have to say, helping you
set goals and achieve them, challenging you, being a role model, educating you,
providing experiences, and giving advice (King, Vidourek, Davis, & McClellan, 2002).
These people need to teach the basics of the self-efficacy attitude, and why self-worth
and self-esteem are important for an individual. They are important to know because if
you go through life with a negative self-concept and a low self-esteem you will turn into
a person that is more susceptible to health risk behaviors.
Section IV: Bibliography
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on the Self-Esteem of Pre-Adolescent and Adolescent Females. Adolescences,
32, 127. Retrieved September 23, 2006 from Academic Search Premier.
Bunker, L. (1991). The Role of Play and Motor Skill Development in Building
Children’s Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem. The Elementary School Journal,
91, 467-471.
Branden, N. (2004). Answering Misconceptions about Self-Esteem. Retrieved
November 26, 2006 from the World Wide Web:
http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/journal01.shtml
Covington, M.(1989) "Self-Esteem and Failure in School." The Social Importance of
Self- Esteem. U.C. Press, Berkeley, CA.
Demo, D., Samll, S., & Williams, R. (1987). Family relations and the Self-Esteem of
Adolescents and Their Parents. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 49, 705
715.
Felson, R. & Zielinski, M. (1989). Children’s Self-Esteem and Parental Support.
Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51, 727-735.
Gecas, V. & Schwalbe, M. (1986). Parental Behavior and Adolescent Self-Esteem.
Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 37-46.
Jaffee, L., & Manzer, R. (1992). Girls’ Perspectives: Physical Activity and Self-Esteem.
Melpomene Journal, 11, 14-23.
Johnson, P.S. (1977) School Failure, School Attitudes, and the Self-Concept in
Delinquents. Doctoral Dissertation. Walden University, Arlington, VA.
King, K., Vidourek, R., Davis, B., & McClellan, W. (2002). Increasing Self-Esteem and
School Connectedness Through a Multidimensional Mentoring Program. Journal
of School Health, 72, 7. Retrieved September 23, 2006 from Academic Search
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Lishner, K. & Myers, J. (1997). Building Self-Esteem through the Camp Experience.
Camping Magazine, 70, 1. Retrieved September 23, 2006 from master FILE
Premier.
Merki, M. & Merki, D. (2004). Glencoe Health. Woodland Hills, CA: McGraw Hill
Companies
Reasoner, R. (1992) "What's Behind Self-Esteem Programs: Truth or Trickery?" The
School Executive. April.
Reasoner, R. (2004). The True Meaning of Self-Esteem. Retrieved November 26, 2006
from the World Wide Web:
http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/qhatisselfesteem.shtml
Riley, R. (1993). Mentoring. Retrieved November 26, 2006 from the World Wide Web:
http://www.ed.gov/pubs/OR/ConsumerGuides/mentor.html
Self-Esteem: 2004 Minnesota State Survey. (2004). Minnesota School Health.
Retrieved October 24, 2006 from
http://www.mnschoolhealth.com/article/data/040322133540185425/041216090227-491021/fmnschoolhealthcom20.pdf/
Tiggemann, M., & Williamson, S. (2000). The Effect of Exercise of Body Satisfaction
and Self-Esteem as a Function of Gender and Age. Sex Roles, 43, ½.
Vlach, S. (2001). The Physiological Benefits of Exercise. Retrieved November 26,
2006 from the World Wide Web: http://www.honoluluclub.com/pulse.php?ID=30