Ways Parents Can
Build Self-Esteem
Teach your child skills.
 When children say, “I can’t,” they sometimes mean, “I don’t know how.”
 Show your child how to complete each step of a new task.
 Have your child practice each step until it is mastered, then move on to next step.
Hold high expectations.
 If you believe your child will do well in school, they probably will.
 Be careful…If you put too high expectations on your child, then you could harm your child’s
self-esteem.
Be clear about the messages you’re sending
your child.
 When your child brings home a school assignment, focus first on the correct responses. Then
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help him understand why his other answers were incorrect.
When your child helps with household chores, thank him/ her for help and talk about one
thing they did especially well.
Take a tip from Thomas Edison
 Each time Edison said he’d learned something that didn’t work, he was one step closer to finding
something that did.
 Teach the “success mind-set” at home. When your child is unsuccessful, try to find something
she/ he can learn from mistakes. You might ask, “What would you do differently next time?”
 Be sure that you let your child know you’re proud of him/ her for trying.
Let your child overhear a compliment.
 Kids sometimes have trouble “hearing” a compliment spoken directly to them. But when they
overhear you talking about what a good job they did, they’ll believe what they hear. That will
make them work even harder!
Make a scrapbook of accomplishments.
 Great way to record your child’s successes. Get a 3-ring binder, lots of paper, and set aside some
time to work with your child in preparing the scrapbook!
 Helpful categories for the scrapbook:
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Things I’ve learned in school (words I can spell, math problems I can do, stories I’ve written)
How I help (things I do around the house, things I do outside).
Artistic skills (my favorite drawings, songs I can sing).
Places I’ve visited
Books I’ve read
Things I’m proud of.
Read The Little Engine That
Could
 Talk about the things your child can accomplish when
they repeat, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”
Provide a regular place to
display your child’s best work.
 The refrigerator door was made just for this!
 Have your child choose a school paper, drawing, or
photo that shows some recent accomplishment. Change
the display often.
Help your child do something for someone else.
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Help clean nearby park, shovel an elderly neighbor’s sidewalk, or collect food for
shelters.
By giving to others, your child can feel a real sense of accomplishment.
Give your child more responsibilities and freedom
as they grow older…
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At least once a year, rethink the rules you set for your child.
Teach your child to set goals.
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Five-step process:
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Most important, praise child for trying. Then set a new goal for the next week.
Every time your child accomplishes a goal successfully, he/she is building selfesteem to help reach the next goal.
(1) Beginning of week, help child identify one challenging (but attainable) goal.
(i.e. getting to bus stop on time every day, getting 90% on spelling test).
(2) Write goal on paper and post on refrigerator.
(3) Talk about how to accomplish goal. Break down into smaller steps.
(i.e. Lay out clothes at night, set alarm clock 15 minutes earlier, study a few words each
night of week).
(4) As week progresses, ask how things are going. If problems come up, talk about possible
solutions.
(5) At the end of the week, evaluate with child how well they did. Was goal achieved?
Why or why not?
Nurture your child’s unique gifts.
 Build on your child’s strengths.
 Your behavior can also show your child that you value their interests. (i.e.
If your child is concerned about the environment, you could make a family
effort to recycle. If your child loves sports, you might set aside time each
week to watch a game together).
Show your child you love and accept
him/her for who they are.
 Studies have shown that parents who were warm and accepting when their
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children were young had children with high self-esteem at age 12.
Be careful not to compare siblings to one another. Comparing children is
harmful to self-esteem.
Help each child find and feel good about their own strengths.
Praise a special effort with a special reward.
 For example, one mom made her child “Queen for a Day” for an
outstanding report card!
Show your child how much you love him/her every day.
 10 ways to say “I love you”
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(5)
When you & your child are around other adults, include them in your conversations with them.
If your child breaks something, help them fix it.
When your child says, “Watch me,” take time to watch them.
When your child says, “Read me a story,” treat it as the most wonderful invitation you’ll receive all day.
Say “I love you” as often as you can. Make sure you say it at least 2 times—just before your child leaves
for school or you leave for work, and the last thing before turning out the light.
(6) Take up a new hobby or sport with your child. Spend time learning it together.
(7) Give your child a hug.
(8) Write notes and put them in your child’s lunch box.
(9) Sometimes, take your child for ice cream or a special treat “just because you’re such a great kid.”
(10)Set aside some time to talk with your child every day. During that time, don’t watch television, wash the
dishes or pay bills. Just be there.
Focus on the positive.
 Don’t ignore behavior that falls short of your expectations. But try to focus on the positive.
Always keep two pictures by your child’s bedside.
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A picture of your child surrounded by family and a picture of he/ she doing something they love.
The first picture will remind your child that they are loved.
The second picture will remind your child that they are capable.
Change pictures often and their self-esteem will grow.
Be careful of “over parenting.”
 Some parents make such an effort to help their children be successful that they don’t let their
kids learn for themselves.
 These parents think they’re helping, but the message their sending is, “You are not capable of
doing this by yourself. I must help you or you will fail.”
 Let your child try…and fail…and try again.
Help your children build family pride.
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Teach child about relatives as far back on family tree as possible.
Talk about country or countries from which their ancestors came.
Read books about heritage.
Talk about famous people who share same background.
Teach about different cultures.
Help child learn that all people have many reasons to be proud.
Don’t use hurtful words.
 “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” isn’t true!
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Words used as a parent can either build your child’s self-esteem…or destroy it.
Expressions that can build self-esteem
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Knowing you, I’m sure you will do fine.
You can do it if you try.
I have faith in you.
You’re trying your hardest and your work will pay off.
I can see you put a lot of effort into that.
You can figure it out.
That was a good try. Don’t worry about the mistake.
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You usually make mistakes, so be careful.
I doubt that you can do it.
You can do better.
That’s a good job, but the corners are ragged.
Better get some help.
If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.
That looks too difficult for you to try.
 Expressions that can hurt a child’s self-esteem
Promote self-discipline.
 To do this:
 Enforce family rules (i.e. about bedtime, not eating sweets before
meals, picking up toys at the end of the day, etc.)
 Establish orderly routines at home. Let your child know clearly what is
expected of them. Rely less and less on parental discipline and more
and more on self-discipline.
 Expect your child to assume some responsibilities at home. (i.e.
Younger children- responsibilities might be picking up toys and feeding
pets. Older children can be expected to set table and help with dishes.)
Help your child learn the skills needed
to work with others.
 Give plenty of chances to play with other children.
 Show ways to resolve conflicts.
 Teach ways to express emotions using “I” statements. (i.e. “I feel
angry when you do that…”
 As children grow older, their relations with friends become an
important part of their self-esteem.
Make yours an “equal opportunity”
household.
 Children’s self-esteem will flourish if they’re allowed to develop their
own talents and interests.
Use self-fulfilling prophesies.
 Take a minute to identify the positive behavior you see from your
child. (i.e. when your child does their homework without nagging,
say, “You are being responsible.” When your child has cleaned his
room, take a minute to say, “You are being very helpful.” When
your child offers to share a toy, say, “You are a generous person.”
 When children hear these positive messages repeated over and over
(and when they are matched with their own behaviors), they begin
to think of themselves as responsible, helpful, generous people—
and to act in ways that reinforce their images of themselves.
• Experts say that the secret to developing healthy
self-esteem is simple:
Make sure the praise you give is deserved.
Children know when they’ve done something
well or tried their best, and that’s when praise is
important. Children thrive on deserved praise
and learn from it!
When it comes to children’s self-esteem, there is
simply no doubt that parents make all the
difference in the world!
• Information taken from:
The Parent Institute
www.parent-institute.com
This powerpoint is available on the school’s
website: http://ecboe.org/hbes
Go to the school counselor’s page (Tanya Ragan)