A BEST FRIEND'S GUIDE TO
HOSTING A BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE PARTY
Everything you need to know and do for an unforgettable event
INTRODUCTION
Well, hello there! So you've decided to have one last send-off for your favorite
soon-to-be-a-groom or bride-to-be. The pressure is on. There are guest lists to
put together, invitations to send, menus to plan, entertainment to be auditioned,
deposits to be paid…well, it can all get pretty overwhelming.
Suddenly before you know it, you're in over your head. You find yourself
transformed from being a "happy host" (or hostess) into a resentful, unhappy,
unpaid party planner who's lost sight of the spirit of the whole party.
Stop! Don't get snowed-under by an avalanche of planning problems. Don't let
the details take over. And don't let the finances spin out of control (one of the
key areas where bachelor party-givers "take a beating.") You don't have to plan
the "party of the century" on a Fortune 500 budget with a complex "battle plan"
that would stymie the Joint Chiefs of Staff. You want to have a memorable party,
of course, but it would be nice if those memories were pleasurable for everyone - including YOU as the host.
Now don't get us wrong. If you've got time and money to spare, you can go
whole hog. Charter a luxury yacht, have caviar sent in from Russia, arrange for a
skywriter to emblazon "Say Goodbye to Bachelorhood" across the horizon.
But, as long as you've assembled good friends and loving family, it doesn't
matter if you toast the honoree with Dom Perignon at the finest restaurant or sit
around your kitchen table drinking sparkling apple cider from paper cups.* So
don't think you have to "go into hock" to throw a great party. And you certainly
don't have to give the evening the "Martha Stewart" treatment with everything
"just so."
An unforgettable night for the future bride or groom and a happy memory for
everyone who attends is the best you can aim for. So keep in mind:
The #1 key to a success of a bachelor or bachelorette party:
The planning should be as much fun as the party.
(We were going to say "the planning should be as much fun as the execution" but
that didn't sound quite right!)
Been There…Done That
A Best Friends Guide (BFG) grew out of our own experiences in the
host/hostess "hot seat." We've been to incredibly successful bachelor and
bachelorette parties and ones that really "stunk up" the place. We've been to
homestyle parties where everyone left smiling from ear-to-ear and formal
celebrations that ended with split lips and running mascara. We've also planned
our share of soirees: toga parties, picnics, casino nights, spa days, and
everything in between.
BFG is filled with ideas, practical suggestions, and cunning little tips that we've
picked up through experience. Our goal: to make planning your celebration
breeze. You can use this guide as a "How To Manual" and follow instructions
step-by-step, or use of it as a catalyst that will stimulate your gray matter and
help you hatch some ideas of your own.
So get ready to have a great time before, during, and after the soiree you're
about to throw. It's time to get down to business -- PARTY business!
BACHELOR PARTIES AN HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE
You can call it a bachelor party, a stag party, or a "farewell to the single life."
Whatever you call it, a gathering of friends and family in honor of the groom is a
time-honored tradition that has been with us for centuries. The first bachelor
dinners were held in the 5th Century.
Ancient Spartan soldiers were the first bachelors to offer their "brother" a sendoff. The groom would feast and booze it up with his male friends on the night
before the wedding. There, filled with good fellowship (and no small amount of
good wine!), he would say goodbye to the carefree days of bachelorhood and
swear undying allegiance to his comrades in arms
Today's bachelor party has become known as the groom's last taste of freedom
and is usually scheduled several weeks before the wedding day. Although the
reason has changed over the years, there remains a shroud of mystery and
secrecy when it comes to the bachelor party. It was once an unspoken rule that
details of the party weren't revealed to the future brides. Today, with brides-to-be
enjoying their own send-off, the more common phrase is:
What happens at the party STAYS at the party!
(You may want to draw up a mock "contract" that says just that. See the "Oaths
of the Bachelor Boys/Bachelorette Girls in the Apprendix Section)
Tradition
At one time, tradition held that the groom-to-be should be celebrated at black-tie
festivities and a formal dinner, hosted by his father or best man. A just-us-guys
gathering, the evening followed a strict code of rules for gentlemanly behavior,
culminating in the highlight of the evening: a toast to the health of the bride-tobe.
It was inevitable that bachelor parties would move to the other side of the
formality spectrum, and for a while, no-holds-barred blow-outs, complete with
drunken revelry, cake-yielding strippers, and sizzling videos were the way to go.
More recently the pendulum has swung to a more middle ground, with parties
combining the best of both worlds.
The best innovation is that today's parties reflect the guest of honor's interests:
watching a spectacular sporting event skiing, fishing, or perhaps an evening of
competitions (darts, bowling, snooker, etc.).
HERstory - Bachelorette Parties
What's good for the goose is good for the gander, and women have embraced
the idea of a raucous, rowdy farewell to "bachelorette-hood" with a passion.
Just like the groom and his crew, the bride and her attendants may make this a
night on the town, a day at the races, or an evening at a local male strip joint.
The women may opt for traditionally "girly" options like an at-home pajama party
or play "dress up" and go out for a formal dinner at a deluxe eaterie.
There are several opinions as to the origin of the bachelorette party. Some think
they're an expression of feminism, replacing the demure "bride's luncheon" with
an estrogen-charged baccanal. Bachelorette parties are renowned for inspiring
women to get down and get funky, really "let their hair down" and celebrate their
sexuality. And there's no denying the feminist fun of objectifying the male of the
species and roasting him to gales of wickedly glee-filled laughter.
Others say that the bachelorette party came into being because men were
attending bridal showers and women wanted an all-girl party of their own. Still
others point to the female bonding that is particularly strong and enjoyable as the
silliness reigns.
In our opinion, the evolution of the bachelorette party is simply the natural
outgrowth of a basic truth:
A girl can never have too many pre-wedding parties!
LET'S GET STARTED Top 10 Questions You Need to Ask
You my not be David Letterman, but we've still got a Top Ten List for you.
Answers to the following will help you decide exactly what you're doing:
Question #1 - What is the personality/preference of the honoree? (rate on a
1-5 scale)








How conservative is he/she? 1 2 3 4 5
How would he/she respond to adult novelty party favors at the
party? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she enjoy a stripper's performance? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she like to participate in a scavenger hunt? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she like to ride in a limousine? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she like air travel? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she enjoy dressing up in costume? 1 2 3 4 5
Would he/she like a weekend away trip? 1 2 3 4 5
Question #2 - Whom should I invite to the party?
Unless you're planning a surprise party, the honoree should DEFINITELY be
involved in putting together the guest list. Among those you may want to
consider:




Members of the Bridal Party - Bridesmaids/Groomsmen
Parents and Family Members
Guests/Friends of Parents
Co-workers
Tip: Don't invite ANY of the Guest of Honor's workmates unless you're
prepared to invite ALL of them (within reason).
If you don't know all the future-newlywed's friends, be sure to ask the honoree for
his/her little black book of names and phone numbers. Don't forget to ask for
email addresses! Email is the easiest (and least costly) way of communicating.
Question #3 - Will we invite women to a bachelor party? Men to a bachelorette
party? Kids to any party?
Tip: Be sure to send out invites 3 weeks to a month before hand, so that out-of-town
guests can get the best possible rates for travel and lodging, parents can arrange for
babysitters, etc.
Question #4 - What will the theme of the party be?
This is one of the most important questions you'll ask yourself, but don't worry.
We've got plenty of theme "answers" later on in this guide.
Question #6 - What is a good date for the party
The happy couple has probably spent a fortune on their happy day and would
probably prefer that they be sober and clear-headed to enjoy it. Throwing the
party a week or even a month before the wedding gives you plenty of time.
Question #7 - What kind of entertainment would be appropriate? (strippers?)
Question #8 - What kind of activities will there be (eating, drinking, dancing,
party games?)
Question #9 - What sort of transportation should be arranged
Good to Go
With the answers to these questions in hand, you can start to zero on what you're
doing -- from an intimate gathering with psychic readings to a blow-out at a local
tavern -- keeping in mind the age and interests of the honorees and guests, as
well as your budget. Because the biggest question of all:
Question #10 Who's gonna pay for this shindig?
As we wrote earlier, your party doesn't have to cost a mint, but there will almost
certainly be some costs involved. Even a modest at-home affair for a small
group of close friends can get pricey when you factor in liquor, food, disposible
plates and glasses, decorations, etc.
If the party is going to be jointly sponsored by all the guests, make sure that
everything is spelled out for the guest IN ADVANCE, including what each guests'
contribution covers. For example: does the contribution include food? drink?
transportation? a gift for the honoree?
EXPENSE CHECKLIST
It's fine to plan a surprise party for the bachelor or bachelorette, but no one wants
a surprise when the bill comes! It's important that you make a detailed checklist
of what expenses will be incurred so that you can ask for appropriate
contributions from those attending.
You certainly don't want to end up "holding the bag" for expenses that somehow
slipped between the cracks. If you've made agreements with vendors -- written
or oral -- YOU are the one who will be responsible for payment, and we bet
you're not going to want to go back to the guests after the fact and say, "I need
another $5," or $50 or whatever.
Projected Budget for the Event
Don't let expenses determine how much money you'll spend. Decide in advance
what your maximum TOTAL COST will be. Then, as you go along planning
various aspects of the party, you'll be able to see what fits your budget and
where you may need to make changes. You may need to limit the number of
guests, for example; or have a wine and soda bar rather than a full cocktail
reception.
Put It On Paper
Your expense checklist doesn't have to be a fancy computer-generated flow
chart. A simple sheet of paper with all possible expenses listed is all you need.
Things to Keep in Mind:
Party Date/Time: (Weekday, Weekend) (Morning, Afternoon, Evening)
Hotels and other party venues have different prices for different times of the day,
week, and year. If your date is flexible, you may be able to save money by
scheduling the party during "off-time." (Monday evenings are traditionally slow
nights, and you can save a bundle booking a party at that time)
Number of People Attending:
This is a great time to figure out if you're having a same gender party, a co-ed
gathering, a "family affair" where kids are invited, etc. If you're having both adults
and children, be sure to note how many of each will attend. If you're paying a
caterer, you'll pay a lower rate for the little ones.
SPECIFIC COSTS
Event Coordinator - $__________
If you're having a large and formal party, paying an Event Coordinator may
actually save you money in the long run. A professional party planner may have
contacts that you don't and be in a better position to negotiate a good deal with a
hotel, a deejay, the caterer, etc.
Location - $__________
You'll need to choose between a paid venue (hotel, reception hall) or an at-home
party. If you're going to a hotel, find out if the facility is willing to waive the room
rental fee is you let their in-house catering department handle the food and
beverages for your party. This is a VERY common accommodation, but you'll
need to ASK for it…it won't automatically be offered to you.
Invitations - $__________
Transportation - $__________
Depending on where you live, it may be appropriate for guests to provide their
own transportation to the party. You might want to spring for a limousine just for
the guest of honor to make him/her feel extra special. There's lots of toasting at
bachelor and bachelorette parties (no kidding!). Having a van or mini-bus to pick
up guests and take them home at the end of the evening is a very nice
touch…and a safe one, too. (At the very least, make sure you have some
designated drivers and have the phone numbers of a couple of local taxi services
on hand)
Deejay/Music - $__________
Live Music/Band - $__________
Entertainer - $__________
Lighting System - $__________
Sound System - $__________
Special Effects - $__________
Valet Parking - $__________
Security - $__________
Decorations - $__________
This is a place where you can really go overboard and spend a fortune -- if your
budget permits. It's also a great place to save money with creative ideas or a
minimalist approach. You don't have to have a $75 floral centerpiece on every
table. A couple of small blossoms in a bud vase will do quite nicely. Helium
balloons are fun, too, and you don't have to order a thousand to make a room
look festive.
Party Favors - $__________
It's always nice to send guests home with a memento of the party, although this
is more traditional at a bachelorette's party than a stag party.
Food - $__________
Caterer
Homemade Food Costs
Catering Supplies - $__________
Plastic Plates, Glasses, Utensils
China Plates, Glasses, Utensils
Paper Plates, Glasses, Utensils
Cloth, Linen & Napkins
Rental of Tables and Chairs - $__________
Staff - $__________
Chef / Cook
Server
Bar Person
Beverages - $__________
Wine
Beer
Alcohol
Soft Drinks
Coffee
Ice
Capturing the Moments - $__________
Professional Photographer
Professional Videographer
Disposable Cameras
TOTAL OF EXPENSES $_____________
TRIMMING EXPENSES
Once you've totaled the estimated cost of everything you want to do, you'll have
a better handle on whether or not you can afford what you plan. If you're overbudget, start to look for ways to cut back. For example:

Instead of having a full open bar (VERY expensive), have what some
planners call a "white bar" -- white wine, club soda, sparkling water.

Instead of dinner (the most expensive meal of the day), plan a luncheon

Instead of transporting everyone by black stretch limousines, go for a
luxury bus or a mini van.
We can't say it often enough -- a party that's too costly or goes over-budget isn't
fun for anyone…especially the host who's usually left "holding the bag" when
there's a money problem.
Warning!
Don't be fooled by the old game of bait-and-switch. "Shady" companies will
often promise you one thing knowing they don't have it and when the big day
comes, you have no choice but to take what they give you. This is applicable to
food, beverages, and venues.
Venues may offer a preferred party space, knowing that it's already booked.
Then when you show up on party night, you find yourself moved to a "lesser"
location. You may contract with a caterer for jumbo shrimp, but they show up
with chicken strips. With guests arriving and no alternatives, the best thing to do
is smile and go with the flow.
For this reason, do NOT pay any bill in full until after the party is over. Deposits
are fine, but you need to hold back money to make sure that vendors meet their
guarantees. If you've been moved to an undesirable room, been served substandard alcohol (you ordered top-shelf drinks and got wine in a carton) or food,
or if the vendor has in any way not fulfilled their contractual obligations…DON'T
PAY THE BALANCE!
You don't have to be a hard-nose about this, just firm and business-like. "You
didn't deliver what you promised, so I'm not going to pay what I promised."
Tip: If you're working with a caterer, demand (in the nicest possible way,
of course) to sample it first. That way you know the quality that should be
delivered on the night of your party.
TIMETABLE
Most people like to procrastinate. We do! But if you wait for the last
minute to try and put your event together, it will turn into a big headache
instead of a big party.
Be a boy scout (or girl scout) and BE PREPARED. To make the process
easier, develop a timetable and avoid a lot of stress. The following is a
good approach to a small- to medium-sized party.
2 to 4 weeks before:
 Mail invitations
 Reserve any necessary equipment
 Book entertainment
1 to 2 weeks before:
 Plan the meal or refreshments
 Purchase beverages and supplies
 Book transportation
3 to 5 days before:
 Choose attire, or assemble your costume
 Obtain rented or borrowed equipment
 Make a shopping list (gifts, prizes, etc.)
3 days before:
 Clean the house (or confirm with the venue)
 Prepare make-ahead food (or confirm with the caterer)
1 to 3 days before:
 Select music
 Assemble decorations
 Create a final checklist
Day of event:
 Go over checklist
 Have everything ready at least one hour well before guests arrive