“Pathfinders”
[Overcoming the Crises of Adult Life and Finding
Your Own Path to Well-Being - see book by Gail Sheehy]
Sermon and Service for
The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of
Fredericksburg, Virginia”
29 November 2009
The Rev. Jennie Ann Barrington, Interim Minister
Opening Words - the words of Anne Lamott:
In her book, Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott has an essay called, “Why I Make
Sam Go to Church;” she was writing about her almost teenage son, Sam. She
says, “The main reason is to give him what I found in the world, which is to say a
path, and a little light to see by.”
Morning Reading, from, Walden, by Henry David Thoreau:
“The life in us is like the water in the river. It may rise this year higher than
[humanity] has ever known it, and flood the parched uplands; even this may be
the eventful year, which will drown out all our muskrats. It was not always dry
land where we dwell. I see far inland the banks which the stream anciently
washed, before science began to record its freshets. Everyone has heard the
story which has gone the rounds of New England, of a strong and beautiful bug
which came out of the dry leaf of an old table of apple tree wood, which had
stood in a farmer’s kitchen for sixty years, first in Connecticut, and afterward in
Massachusetts-- from an egg deposited in the living tree many years earlier still,
as appeared by counting the annual layers beyond it-- [a strong and beautiful
bug] which was heard gnawing out for several weeks, hatched perchance by the
heat of an urn. Who does not feel his [or her] faith in a resurrection and
immortality strengthened by hearing of this? Who knows what beautiful and
winged life, whose egg has been buried for ages under many concentric layers of
woodenness in the dead dry life of society, deposited first in the alburnum of the
green and living tree, which has been gradually converted into the semblance of
its well-seasoned tomb? --heard perchance gnawing out now for years by the
astonished family of man, as they sat round the festive board? [Who knows what
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beautiful and winged life] may unexpectedly come forth from amidst society’s
most trivial and hand-selled furniture, to enjoy its perfect summer life at last?! I
do not say that [everyone] will realize all this; but such is the character of that
morrow which mere lapse of time can never make to dawn. The light which puts
out our eyes is darkness to us. Only that day dawns to which we are awake.
There is more day to dawn. The sun is but a morning star.
The Morning Sermon:
The holiday season has begun-- with its accompanying expectations that
we appear as though we have it all together at all the holiday gatherings we’re
expected to attend-- at other people’s homes, at office parties, at school
functions, and even in long-distance phone conversations and e-mails. Those
expectations are impossible to measure up to. Yet they are always is our minds
anyway, hanging over these late-autumn-into-early-winter weeks. I don’t know
about you, but I’m feeling that a lot of people’s stress levels have begun to spike
way up. So this morning is a good point in the church year for us to look at some
helpful ways to get through stressful periods in such a way that we end up with a
greater sense of well-being.
The other day I was reading about the stress people go through during
times of transition [in a book called, New Beginnings – A Pastorate Start-Up
Workbook, by Roy M. Oswald.] I was a bit surprised to read that stress isn’t
always a bad thing. Under the right level of stress, we can be wonderfully
productive. Oswald calls that “creative stress.” I’m sure you can recall periods
when you were very busy and challenged, but not overwhelmed, and you had
bursts of creative work, problem-solving, and collaboration. Ideally, this holiday
season can be like that: more activities, projects, and deadlines, but hopefully
happily so. But below the level of “creative stress” is what Oswald calls, “RustOut Level of Stress.” That’s when there is too little stress in our lives. We are not
challenged to our fullest capacity. We feel stagnant or bored. Above the level of
“creative stress” is the danger zone of too much stress. We each have a
“Threshold Level” of the amount of stress we can handle. What is too much
stress for someone else might not be too much for you. But when a person has
stress in their lives above and beyond their “Threshold Level,” it’s no longer
possible for them to be creative. It also becomes impossible for them to take in
the basic information they need to function, nor to communicate effectively, nor
to evaluate their options in a level-headed way. So it’s really important that we
learn to notice, monitor, and adjust the level of stress in our lives, including
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listening to loved-ones and professionals who will give us feedback that is honest
and in our own best interest.
One specific type of stressful situation is the need to care for a family
member who is aging and chronically ill. Last Monday, we looked at ways I and
the Fellowship can be helpful in those situations, with a talk and discussion
facilitated by Gae and Bill Pinschmidt. And there is a lot more we will be doing in
the coming months to be of help in that regard. I have a pamphlet that I keep
handy and refer to frequently that is written specifically for caregivers. It’s called,
“Taking Care of Yourself.” It states that, “Caring for someone who is ill and needs
a lot of help with daily needs can at times be frustrating, challenging, lonely, and
overwhelming. It is vital that caregivers have opportunities for breaks [for
respite] from their care-giving responsibilities… A change of activities and
surroundings can prevent burnout and emotional or physical exhaustion. Periodic
respite can help the family caregiver relax for a while and return to the situation
with renewed energy.” The section on the back of the pamphlet is called, “Words
of Wisdom.” It suggests:
Take one day at a time;
Accept help; no one can do everything;
Make your health a priority;
Make time for yourself [i.e., read a magazine, take a walk, watch a movie,
visit a friend, go out to lunch or any other relaxing activity;]
 Rest, exercise, and eating properly are important for you, too; [and, lastly]

Find at least one person you can talk to and share your feelings with.
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Keeping these words of wisdom in mind can help us manage our stress level in
those times when it starts to rise as we try to take care of everyone who needs
our help, including ourselves. Even so, much as we try to manage the stress of
our daily lives, stressful things happen to each of us that we never asked for,
couldn’t have prevented, and are just unfair. Some people are better than others
at finding a path through these crises to eventual state of well-being. Sociologist
Gail Sheehy calls those people, “Pathfinders.” In her book by that name, she
found that “Pathfinders” have certain qualities in common that we could all try to
cultivate. “Pathfinders” have, through facing their losses and failures, built up a
core of strength they can draw from in hard times. They are able to maintain
their sense of well-being even when beset by senseless tragedy. I’m interested in
what those common qualities of “Pathfinders” are.
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The first characteristic is that their life has meaning and direction. People with
a high degree of well-being find meaning in being involved with something greater
than themselves: a vocation; an idea; helping others, including strangers,
anonymously; or a social justice cause.
Also, they’ve handled important transitions in their lives in an unusual or
creative way. Rather than sitting around and complaining about how they’ve
been done wrong, they are resourceful enough to find ways to expand themselves
and their options. They rarely feel cheated or disappointed by life. They are able
to look back on failures and see ways that those failures ended up being beneficial
to them in the long run.
“Pathfinders” have also already achieved several of their long-term goals, most
notably, a comfortable life, family security, and a sense of accomplishment. That
leads to feeling proud of their personal growth and development. They are able
to be honest, loving, and responsible, and they know that they are able to-- They
are able to trust themselves. Being in an intimate relationship in which you
mutually love and are loved, of course, leads to a lasting sense of well-being. And
there’s nothing better than having many friends and mentors you can go to for
understanding and support. Also mentioned were having an optimistic, forwardlooking outlook, rather than getting stuck in anger and self-pity; and being thickskinned enough not to take criticism of your work personally. The last quality
mentioned is not having any major fears-- I don’t know about that one-- In my
experience, everyone has at least one major fear. But, ideally, that fear will not
prevent a person from leading an active, satisfying life.
All of these characteristics add up to having a strong sense of faith-- That
does not necessarily mean that the person is a member of a formal religious
institution. It means they feel a trustworthy connection to movements or forces
or ethical codes larger than themselves-- plus faith in other people, and,
ultimately, they’re able to have faith in themselves. Gail Sheehy writes:
“Anything that stimulates honesty of mind, or that rare form of love that is
unconditional, can be a conduit for spiritual expression. Some of the “Pathfinders”
found [meaning in] literature, music, or climbing a mountain to seek that silence
unadorned by illusion, where the presence of God may be felt.” [p. 281]
I’ll close this morning by telling you about the first person who always
comes to my mind when I think of finding well-being despite being in extreme
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hardship-- Henri Matisse, who was one of the greatest artists of the twentieth
century. He was a unique and popular painter, sculptor, graphic artist, and even
designed stained glass. When he was seventy-two years old, he underwent an
operation that nearly killed him. He was barely able to move, confined to bed or
a wheelchair, and he did not have the strength to paint. Yet he reached back in
his memory and recalled an art form he had once done-- Many years before, he
had cut pieces of paper painted with the pure colors of the paint he intended to
use, as a way to see, in a preliminary way, how the colors of the painting he was
envisioning would contrast or complement each other. He realized that cutting
paper was something he did still have the physical strength to do. And so he
created an entirely new art form: his cut-outs. In his process, he discerned the
essences of things [their spiritual essence, if you will] such as a snail, foliage, the
sky, the sea, and the human body dancing. Then he began carving paper as a
sculptor carves stone or wood. Matisse’s cut-outs are not literal representations
of things; they are representations of his emotional response to things. Matisse
said that, “No matter how established an artist is, he must be open to change,
even open to changing his very identity as an artist [and] What I did before this
illness, before this operation, always had the feeling of too much effort; before
this [illness], I always lived with my belt tightened. What I created afterwards
represents me myself: free and detached.” [p. 9 of Elderfield book] The dramatic
bright colors and playful shapes of Matisse’s cut-outs feel joyful and liberating.
The canvases he created, while ill, bedridden, and in the last decade of his life,
are enormous. He decorated his bedroom and his whole home with floor-toceiling works of beauty and vitality. They are now considered the greatest work
of his career, equaling and surpassing his earlier paintings, sculptures, and line
drawings.
When in the coming months you are met with painful obstacles, I hope you
can still find ways to surround yourselves with that which gives you joy.
Parting Words [E.L. Doctorow]:
“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your
headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”
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