Judaism and Being Happy
Happiness is a universal human longing, yet so many people are unhappy. The Torah teaches
that it is a mitzvah to be happy, and therefore it must be possible to achieve. Judaism has a
number of practical approaches to being genuinely happy. These approaches are not the
hedonism and self-indulgence that are so popular in the West, but rather they are grounded
in an appreciation of the opportunities within life itself, knowing that each moment can be
infused with meaning and utilized to move closer to building a relationship with God and
realizing our goals in life.
An indication of the importance that Judaism attaches to joy is seen by the fact that biblical
Hebrew contains close to ten synonyms for happiness.
This class will examine the following questions:
 With all the material wealth people have, why are they not happier?
 Does Judaism offer anything to add happiness to my life?
 What is the connection between the meaning of life and happiness?
 Are there practical exercises to help one become happier?
 How can the mitzvot contribute to a person’s happiness?
 How can one avoid obstacles to happiness such as worry and jealousy?
Class Outline:
Section I. The Longing for Happiness
Part A. We Want Happiness, Yet it is Elusive
Part B. Lack of Formal Training to Achieve Happiness
Section II. Judaism’s Approach to Happiness
Part A. Meaningful Activities and Goals Engender Happiness
Part B. Identifying and Striving for the Greatest Source of Happiness
Section III. The Joy of Performing Mitzvot – Building a Relationship with God
Part A. The Mitzvot Connect us to God and Spirituality
Part B. How to Feel the Joy of Mitzvot
Section IV. The Importance of “Family, Friends, and Faith” in Building Happiness
Part A. Family
Part B. Friends
Part C. Faith
Section V. Obstacles to Happiness and How to Overcome Them
Part A. Focusing on Your Gifts, and Not on What you are Missing
Part B. Jealousy
Part C. Unrelenting Material Desire
Part D. Worry
Part E. It Requires Effort to Employ the Tools to be Happy
Part F. Being Happy is an Obligation we Have to Others
Section VI. Giving to Others and Sharing Your Happiness
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Section I. The Longing for Happiness
Part A. We Want Happiness, Yet it is Elusive
Happiness is a universal longing, yet so many people are unhappy.
1. American Psychological Association, Online: Consumerism and its Discontents,
by Tori DeAngelis – The happiness promised by advances in material comfort over
the last 40 years have not been delivered.
Compared with Americans in 1957, today we own twice as many cars per person, eat out
twice as often and enjoy endless other commodities that weren’t around then – big-screen
TVs, microwave ovens, SUVs and handheld wireless devices, to name a few.
But are we any happier?
“Compared with their grandparents, today’s young adults have grown up with much more
affluence, slightly less happiness and much greater risk of depression and assorted social
pathology,” notes Hope College psychologist David G. Myers, PhD. “Our becoming much
better off over the last four decades has not been accompanied by one iota of increased
subjective well-being.”
People with strong materialistic values appear to have goal orientations that may lead to
poorer well-being, adds Knox College psychologist Tim Kasser, PhD. Kasser describes his
and others’ research showing that when people organize their lives around extrinsic goals
such as product acquisition, they report greater unhappiness in relationships, poorer moods
and more psychological problems.
2. Wikepedia.org, Suicide – So desperate is the world for happiness that more people
lose their lives through suicide than those murdered or killed in war.
A 2006 report by the World Health Organization (WHO) states that nearly a million people
take their own lives every year, more than those murdered or killed in war. WHO figures
show a suicide takes place somewhere in the world every 40 seconds. In 1998, the World
Health Organization ranked suicide as the twelfth leading cause of death worldwide.
In most countries the incidence of suicides is higher than the incidence of intentional
homicides.
Approximately 30,000 people die by suicide each year in the United States. According to the
National Institute of Mental Health, suicide contagion is a serious problem, especially for
young people.
3. Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz, Da’as Chochmah U’Mussar, Vol. II, p. 139 – Many
people are needlessly unhappy because they think that it is normal to be miserable.
People become so used to being unhappy they are unaware of the needless misery they cause
themselves. They imprison themselves by filling their minds with thoughts of resentment,
hatred, envy and desires. It is amazing how they tolerate such a life! … They mistakenly
think it is impossible for life to be any different.
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Part B. Lack of Formal Training to Achieve Happiness
1. David Brooks, Columnist for The New York Times, Advice for High School
Graduates, June 2009 – There is no formal training for the most critical decisions
determining our happiness in life.
I used to believe life got better as you got older, but now I realize this is untrue … At the
moment, I’m thinking of talking about the chief way our society is messed up. That is to say,
it is structured to distract people from the decisions that have a huge impact on happiness in
order to focus attention on the decisions that have a marginal impact on happiness.
The most important decision any of us make is who we marry. Yet there are no courses on
how to choose a spouse. There’s no graduate department in spouse selection studies.
Institutions of higher learning devote more resources to semiotics than love.
The most important talent any person can possess is the ability to make and keep friends.
And yet here too there is no curriculum for this.
The most important skill a person can possess is the ability to control one’s impulses. Here
too, we’re pretty much on our own.
These are all things with a provable relationship to human happiness. Instead, society is busy
preparing us for all the decisions that have a marginal effect on human happiness. There are
guidance offices to help people in the monumental task of selecting a college. There are
business schools offering lavish career placement services. There is a vast media apparatus
offering minute advice on how to furnish your home or expand your deck.
To get information on private affairs, you have to go down-market to Oprah or Dr. Phil.
Why are they the ones who have access to information on meeting life’s vital needs?
Section II. Judaism’s Approach to Happiness
Part A. Meaningful Activities and Goals Engender Happiness
Achieving happiness is viewed in the context of the meaning one derives from the pursuit of
any given activity, goal or experience.
1. Rabbi Akiva Tatz, Happiness: A Torah Approach, audio class – Correctly pursuing
a meaningful goal, even if it involves effort, is what generates true happiness.
The real definition of happiness is the response you feel when you are:
1. Moving toward a meaningful destination
2. Along a correct path
3. Against resistance, and
4. You are making progress.
In fact, this is a universal truth amongst all of humanity:
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2. John D. Rockefeller, American industrialist and philanthropist – Happiness is
generated by pursuing a goal with all one’s energy.
The road to happiness lies in two simple principles; find what interests you and that you can
do well, and put your whole soul into it – every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability
you have.
And the opposite – a life without any meaningful goals – can be a source not only of
unhappiness, but also of mental illness:
3. Mishnah, Ketubot 5:4 – Living without any goals breeds instability.
Idleness leads to mental illness.
‫שהבטלה מביאה לידי שיעמום‬
Ideally, a person’s goals in life should be meaningful, and the more meaningful those goals
are, the more happiness their pursuit will generate:
4. Victor Frankl, The Unheard Cry for Meaning, p. 29 – The drive for meaning may
ultimately be man’s strongest drive.
Man is always reaching out for meaning, always setting out on his search for meaning; in
other words, what I call the “will to meaning” is even to be regarded as man’s primary
concern …
5. Judith Mishell, Beyond Your Ego, pp. 283, 285 – An unfulfilled drive for meaning
can make life not worth living for.
The major activity of human beings is to extract meaning from their encounters with the
world … In his book The Unheard Cry For Meaning, Frankl quotes a study of sixty students at
an American university who had attempted suicide. The reason given for the suicide attempt
of eighty-five percent of the students was that “life seemed meaningless.”
Part B. Identifying and Striving for the Greatest Source of Happiness
Keenly aware of the importance of happiness in life, Judaism’s perspective on joy is
grounded in the spiritual goals for which we are created. Authentic happiness is that which is
connected to the greatest Source of meaning – the Infinite God.
1. Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel (Slabodka), Ohr HaTzafon, Vol. III, p.84 – Man was
created to derive pleasure from his Creator, and thus a person’s experiences have the
potential to give him happiness without end.
“Man was created to derive pleasure from the Almighty” (Mesillat Yesharim, Ch. 1). This
pleasure does not refer only to the Next World, but also to this world. Every person is
surrounded by limitless potential for pleasure and enjoyment. The world and all its details is
a source of pleasure. A person’s experiences in physical and spiritual areas give him the
potential for happiness without end.
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2. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Way #31 Seek the Ultimate Pleasure (www.aish.com) –
Although the pursuit of money, love and power provide temporary satisfaction,
nothing is as satisfying as pursuing a relationship with the Infinite.
Next to love of God, all other pleasures are insignificant. We can have delicious pizza, lots of
money, love, and power. But humans yearn to transcend the mundane side of daily life.
That’s why mystery, magic, and miracles capture our imaginations.
When all is said and done, no human being can be truly satisfied unless he reaches out and
connects with the infinite transcendent dimension. We all seek to connect with that which
encompasses all pleasures. Because nothing finite, nothing bound up in this world, can
compare to the infinite.
3. Devarim (Deuteronomy) 6:4-5 – “God is One” means that He the source of all
existence, and that a relationship with Him can be sought anywhere and at any time.
Hear, O Israel, God, our Lord, God is One.
'‫ וְׁ אָ הַ בְׁ תָ אֵ ת ה‬.‫ְׁשמַ ע יִ ְׁש ָראֵ ל ה' ֱאלקינּו ה' אֶ חָ ד‬
And you should love God, your Lord with all
.‫ ְׁמאדֶ ָך‬-‫נַפְׁ ְׁשָך ּובְׁ כָל‬-‫לְׁ בָ בְׁ ָך ּובְׁ כָל‬-‫אֱלקיָך בְׁ כָל‬
your heart, with all your soul, and will your
resources.
4. Divrei HaYamim (Chronicles) I, 16:11 – The search for God itself is a source of
constant joy.
Be glad of heart, you who seek God!
.'‫ישמח לב מבקשי ה‬
5. Rabbi Yaakov B. Friedman, Shteigen, p. 303 – A clear goal of self-improvement in
order to be closer to God provides a life-time of meaning and fullness.
Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein was a legendary figure who spent his entire life delving into the
areas of Torah that stress character refinement and the assertion of one’s divine soul over his
physical instincts. He was a man who made do with a bare minimum in material needs while
making constant, ceaseless demands on himself and his students.
The cornerstone of his development was laid when he heard a talk by Rabbi Yerucham
Levovitz who emphasized the need for profound work on one’s personality in accordance
with Torah ideals.
“When I heard that talk,” Rabbi Levenstein later recounted, “I realized that I was spiritually
ill, and had to do something about it.”
“From that moment and onward,” said Rabbi Levenstein, “the road was always clearly
mapped out before me. I have viewed my entire life since then as a ladder toward selfimprovement. I have never had a moment of sadness, never had a moment without a clear
goal, without a mission. I have never had a moment in which I felt empty. Everything has
been alive and full and bright.”
In this section, we took a macro view of the world and saw that moving toward a meaningful
goal, and specifically toward a relationship with God generates happiness and fulfillment in
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life. We will now look at the micro level. What are the building blocks to create a happy
individual, family, community, and even nation?
Section III. The Joy of Performing Mitzvot – Building a Relationship with God
The performance of each of the 613 mitzvot has the ability to bring us meaning and
happiness by our connecting to God and spirituality.
Part A. The Mitzvot Connect us to God and Spirituality
1. Rabbi Osher Chaim Levene, Set in Stone, p. 31, Targum – Each mitzvah we fulfill
intrinsically connects us with God.
Judaism is not as much a religion as it is a relationship. It is only through mitzvah
observance that man can build a deep, enduring, and meaningful relationship with
God …
That a mitzvah is the very process of forging the bond [with God] is contained within
the very word ‫מצוה‬, “commandment,” closely related to the word ‫צוותא‬, meaning a
connection or a binding.
2. Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto), Mesillat Yesharim, Ch. 1 – The ultimate
perfection, pleasure, and meaning is closeness to God. This relationship is achieved
through the performance of mitzvot, and thus every action in life can be directed at
creating an eternal bond with God.
Man was created for the sole purpose of
‫האדם לא נברא אלא להתענג על ה' וליהנות מזיו‬
deriving pleasure from closeness to God and
‫ שזהט התענוג האמיתי והעידון הגדול מכל‬,‫שכינתו‬
enjoying the splendor of His Presence; for
‫ומקום העידון הזה באמת‬...‫העידונים שיכולים להמצא‬
this is the truest delight and the greatest
...‫הוא העולם הבא‬
pleasure that can be conceived of … The
setting for this pleasure to be fully actualized
is in the next world …
True perfection is only that of being close to
God … and only this is true goodness, while
everything else people think is goodness is
worthlessness and futility …
‫כי רק‬...'‫השלימות האמיתית היא רק הדביקות בו ית‬
‫ וכל זולת זה שיחשבוהו האדם לטוב‬,‫זה הוא הטוב‬
...‫אינו אלא הבל ושוא נתעה‬
In order for an individual to reach this
perfection, it is appropriate that he earn it
through the fruit of his labors. This means
that that he should make the attempt to
cleave to God through actions which further
that end … These actions are the mitzvot.
‫ ראוי שיעמול‬,‫אמנם לשיזכה האדם לטובה הזאת‬
‫ שישתדל‬,‫ והיינו‬.‫ראשונה וישתדל ביגיעו לקנותה‬
‫לדבק בו יתברך בכח מעשים שתולדתם זה הענין והם‬
.‫הם המצוות‬
3. Tehillim (Psalms) 100:2 – Serving God and building a relationship with Him
through the performance of mitzvot is a joyful experience.
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Serve the Eternal with gladness; come before
Him with joyous singing.
.‫עבדו את ה' בשמחה בואו לפניו ברננה‬
4. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness, p. 25 – The happiness that comes with
performing mitzvot is readily apparent to one who is new to Judaism, like a convert.
The challenge is to maintain this freshness one’s whole life.
A convert to Judaism wrote: “Being Jewish has given me happiness, not the ephemeral,
momentary kind that comes with money and sports and cars, and which passes swiftly,
leaving an empty feeling. The happiness that comes with Jewish living has to do with
serenity of the soul, wholeness and satisfaction at the deepest level.” (S. bat Avraham, The
Jewish Woman’s Outlook, Vol. II, #1)
Taking joy in serving God is not just a privilege, but it is also an obligation:
5. Rambam (Maimonides), Hilchot Lulav (The Laws of Lulav) 8:15-16 – One must
allow oneself to feel happiness when doing mitzvot. One who holds back will be held
accountable for his lack of joy.
The happiness that comes from performing
‫השמחה שישמח אדם בעשיית המצוות ובאהבת האל‬
mitzvot, and the love of God, Who
‫ עבודה גדולה היא; וכל המונע עצמו‬,‫שציווה בהן‬
commanded us to do the mitzvot, are great
,‫ שנאמר "תחת‬,‫ ראוי להיפרע ממנו‬,‫משמחה זו‬
forms of service to God. Anyone who holds
‫ ובטוב‬,‫ בשמחה‬,‫אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלוהיך‬
himself back from feeling this happiness over
.'‫ ואין הגדולה והכבוד אלא לשמוח לפני ה‬... ."‫לבב‬
Divine service could be held accountable, as it
is written, “Since you did not serve God, your
Master, with happiness and a good heart, you
will serve your enemies” Devarim 28:47) …
The only real greatness and honor is that of
being happy in one’s service of God.
6. Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) 4:2 and Rabbi Ovadiah of Bartenura ibid. – The
happiness that one feels when doing a mitzvah is itself a mitzvah!
“The reward for a mitzvah is a mitzvah” –
‫ שכל מה שאדם‬,‫ פירוש‬- ‫ששכר מצוה מצוה‬
This means that when a person finds the
‫משתכר ומתענג בעשיית המצוה נחשב לו למצוה‬
performance of a mitzvah rewarding and
‫ ונוטל שכר על המצוה שעשה ועל‬,‫בפני עצמה‬
enjoyable, that itself is considered a separate
.‫העונג וההנאה שנהנה בעשייתה‬
mitzvah. He will therefore be rewarded for
both the mitzvah as well as the pleasure he
experienced in doing the mitzvah. [Thus read
it as follows: “The reward – pleasure – of a
mitzvah is itself a mitzvah.”]
7. Rabbi Elazar Ezkari, Sefer Chareidim, Preface – Happiness in the performance of
a mitzvah can propel a person to the highest levels of spirituality.
The Ari [Rabbi Yitzchak Luria, the greatest
‫והאריז"ל גילה לאיש סודו שכל מה שהשיג שנפתחו‬
Kabbalist of the past thousand years] revealed
‫לו שערי חכמה ורוח הקודש היה בשכר שהיה שמח‬
to his confidant that everything he achieved
.‫בעשיית כל מצוה שמחה גדולה לאין תכלית‬
in Torah, all the gates of wisdom that were
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opened to him, and the Divine Inspiration he
received were all in the merit of the great
happiness that he had when he performed a
mitzvah.
Part B. How to Feel the Joy of Mitzvot
How can we develop joy and happiness in performing mitzvot?
1. Rabbi Menachem Schlanger, The Joy Of Servitude, p. 5 – Recognize that the
mitzvot are designed by God to enhance our lives.
God’s very first overture to Avraham (Abraham), the father of the Jewish people,
emphasized this point [that the mitzvot are for our benefit]: “lech lecha” (Bereishit/Genesis
12:1) – literally, “Go for yourself.” As Rashi explains, this means, “for your own benefit
and good.” Everything that happened to or was done by Avraham is embedded in the roots
of the Jewish people’s journey through history; thus God’s first words to our forefather are
the paradigm of the relationship He wishes to establish with us, as well. God clearly
considers it very important that we instill within ourselves the awareness that His mitzvot are
specifically designed for our good – so important that He introduced this concept at the very
inception of the Jewish people.
2. Rabbi Alexander Ziskind, Yesod V’Shoresh Ha’Avodah, Introduction – Take
advantage of the blessing before a mitzvah to feel the happiness of the special
relationship we have with God.
Whenever you do a mitzvah, you should
‫איך מה ראוי לאדם ליתן הודאה עצומה בשמחה‬
express deep gratitude to God for having
‫בכל עת ובכל‬...‫רבה ולשמוח מאד באלקותו יתברך‬
given you that mitzvah. In addition, fulfilling a
‫שעה שמקים איזה מצוה מן המצוות שצוה לו‬
mitzvah is a time to feel great joy at your
‫הבורא ית' כי אות הוא בינו ובין בני ישראל שהם‬
relationship with God. This is because each
‫ וראו על ככה אנשי כנסת הגדולה לתקן‬.‫עם סגולתו‬
mitzvah is a sign of our covenant with God.
‫ ברכה‬,‫שכל המצות מברך עליהן עובר לעשייתן‬
This is why we recite a blessing before
‫על זה שקידש אותנו בקיום‬...‫ותהלה לבוראנו‬
performing a mitzvah, a blessing that expresses
...‫מצותיו ובחר בנו להיות לו לעם סגולה‬
praise to God for having sanctified us with
fulfilling His commandments, and for having
chosen us to be His special nation …
3. Rabbi Chaim Vital, Sha’ar HaMitzvot – Each time you perform a mitzvah imagine
that are you are receiving unlimited payment for it.
When one performs a mitzvah he should not
‫בעשיית המצוה אל יחוב שהיא עליו כמשא וממהר‬
view the mitzvah as a burden which he is
‫ אבל יחשוב בשכלו כאילו בעשותו‬,‫להסירה מעליו‬
rushing to get rid of. Rather, he should
‫ ויהיה‬,‫אותה המצוה ירויח אלף אלפים דינרי זהב‬
imagine that for performing that mitzvah he
‫שמח בעשותו אותה המצוה בשמחה שאין לה קץ‬
would receive millions and millions of dollars.
‫ ובחשק גדול כאילו ממש בפועל נותנים‬,‫מלב ונפש‬
He should rejoice with boundless joy, as if he
.‫לו אלף אלפים דינרי זהב אם יעשה אותה מצוה‬
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were literally receiving millions of dollars for
doing the mitzvah!
4. Ramchal, Mesillat Yesharim, Ch. 7 (adapted) – An external act of enthusiasm has
an effect on our inner feelings of joy.
If a person finds that he lacks inner drive and zeal, a technique that he can use that will
generate this inner feeling is to behave externally in such a manner as if he already feels
enthusiasm. Our external actions have an effect on our inner feelings. We have more control over our
actions than our emotions, and if we utilize what is in our power, we will eventually acquire
what is not as much in our power. One will then have an inner joy and a strong will and
desire for spiritual growth that will come from his external enthusiasm.
5. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, Ma’amarei Yemei HaRatzon p. 242 –The essential attitude
behind all mitzvot: we were created to derive pleasure from God!
What is the point of contention between the
‫מהי המחלוקת בינינו לבין העולם החילוני? לכאורה‬
world of Torah and the world of secularism?
‫ אנו מקיימים‬,‫שהם אינם מאמינים ואנחנו מאמינים‬
It would seem that the difference is between
.‫מצוות והם אינם מקיימים מצוות‬
belief in God or lack thereof, observance of
the commandments or lack thereof.
But upon closer inspection, it seems that the
point of divergence is this: How to enjoy life.
It is in this area that we have a quarrel with the
secular world. We are “saturated with delight”
[a phrase from the Shabbat prayers] from
holiness, from Shabbat, from prayer. It is
pleasure of this sort that we seek and it is a life
of these pleasures that we see as real life. The
secular world, on the other hand, looks toward
physical pleasures as a goal …
‫אולם בשורש הדבר נראה שהמחלוקת היא בנקודה‬
‫כאן טמונה המחלוקת‬...‫ כיצד ליהנות מהחיים‬:‫אחרת‬
‫ אנחנו מדושני‬.‫העיקרית בינינו לבין העולם החילוני‬
‫ לזאת אנו‬,‫ תפילה‬,‫ שבת‬,‫עונג מהנאות של קדושה‬
‫שואפים ובחיים של תענוגים אלה אנו רואים את‬
‫ והם דולגים בתענוגים והנאות‬.‫צורת העולם והחיים‬
...‫של הגוף‬
So this must be our attitude toward Torah
study and service of God: that man was
created to derive pleasure from God. This
attitude should accompany us in all of our
mitzvah performance, as well as Torah study.
‫זה צריך להיות המבט על תורה ועל עבודת‬
‫שהאדם לא נברא אל להתענג על ה' וליהנות‬....'‫ה‬
‫מזיו שכינתו ומבט זה צריך ללוות אותנו בכל‬
...‫המצוות ובכל מה שאנו עוסקים בתורה הקדושה‬
6. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein – It is beautiful and uplifting to be a Jew!
During the first half of the twentieth century, many meticulously observant Jewish
immigrants to the United States were greatly anguished by their children’s choice to abandon
mitzvah observance. They could not understand why their children turned their back on the
heritage they had so desperately attempted to hand down. The truth is that one of the
primary causes was an attitude expressed by a popular saying during those times: “Es is shver
tzu zayn a Yid,” “It is hard to be Jewish.” This is wrong! We should communicate to our
children the true and proper attitude: “It is beautiful and fulfilling to be Jewish!”
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7. Seventh Marriage Blessing, Siddur – A great expression of happiness is found in
the fusing of two lives blessed by ten descriptions of joy created by God.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the
‫ברוך אתה ה' אלוקינו מלך העולם אשר ברא‬
Universe, Who created joy and gladness, groom
‫ששון ושמחה חתן וכלה גילה רנה דיצה וחדוה‬
and bride, mirth, glad song, pleasure, delight,
...‫אהבה ואחוה ושלום ורעות‬
love, brotherhood, peace and companionship…
Section IV. The Importance of “Family, Friends, and Faith” in Building Happiness
Dr. David Pelcovitz, Director of Psychology at North Shore University Hospital,
NYU Medical School (Lecture in Jerusalem, Jan. 2005) – The three F’s: family,
friends, and faith.
Research has shown that happiness is largely determined by the three F’s: family, friends, and
faith.
In this section we will show that the wisdom of the Torah is substantiated by modern
psychological research. Those factors psychology sees as central to happiness are also
emphasized in the Torah lifestyle:
Part A. Family
1. Rambam, Moreh Nevuchim (Guide for the Perplexed) 3:42 – Family is an
important Jewish value.
The Torah greatly encourages showing
‫ רצוני‬,‫זאת המידה תשמרה ותחזקה זאת התורה מאד‬
closeness and kindness to one’s family
‫לומר נשיאת פנים פני הקרובים והטיב‬
members … The Sages strongly praise one
‫וחכמים ז"ל משבחים מאד מדת האדם שיהיה‬...‫להם‬
who “shows closeness to his relatives” …
‫והיא אחת מכוונות התורה‬....‫מקרב את קרוביו‬
This [strengthening of family ties] is one of
...‫הגדולות‬
the most important objectives of the Torah
…
2. Rabbi Menachem Schlanger, Ohel Yaakov VeLeah, p. 157 – Family is a means for
a sense of personal and collective identity.
From the earliest age, a child sees himself as a ‫מינקותו רואה הילד את עצמו כחלק ממשפחה‬
part of a greater family. Through this, when
‫ וכשהוא מתגבר הוא מרגיש השתייכות‬,‫מורחבת‬
he matures, he feels a connection to the rest
‫ ההורים צריכים לשייך אותו גם‬.‫לעם ישראל‬
of the Jewish people. Parents should also
.‫לתוכן הרוחני המייחד את המשפחה ואת העם‬
involve their children in the spiritual and
ethical content that distinguishes their
particular family, as well as the Jewish people
in general.
The Torah encourages warm family bonds. Family provides an emotional, social and
spiritual framework in which children are raised and grow up.
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Part B. Friends
1. Pirkei Avot 1:6, Rabbi Ovadia Bartenura, Rabbeinu Yonah ibid. – A close friend is
a necessity for getting advice and helping one grow.
Acquire a friend for yourself!
‫וקנה לך חבר‬
Rabbi Ovadia Bartenura: [Why do the Sages
use the word, “acquire”? To teach that]
Even if you must spend money on him, it is
worth it in order to get yourself a friend!
‫ אפילו אתה צריך לקנותו בדמים יקרים‬:‫רבנו עובדיה‬
.‫ולפזר עליו ממון כדי שתקנה אהבתו‬
Rabbeinu Yonah: One needs a good friend for
‫ לשלשה דברים צריך האדם אל החבר‬:‫רבינו יונה‬
several purposes … One benefit is that of
‫השלישי לענין העצה שיקחנו להיות לו מעיר‬...‫הטוב‬
receiving sound advice. When one has a
‫לעזור לו בכל עניניו ולקחת ממנו עצה טובה ולהיות בן‬
good friend he is able to take counsel with
...‫סודו‬
him and seek assistance in all areas. A friend
also serves as a confidant …
Part C. Faith
1. Chazon Ish, Emunah U’Bitachon (Faith and Trust) 2:9 – Clear knowledge of God’s
existence generates happiness.
Once a person’s intellect reaches a clear
,'‫כאשר זכה שכל האדם לראות אמיתת מציאותו ית‬
recognition of the truth of God’s existence, he
...‫מיד נכנס בו שמחת גיל אין קץ‬
is immediately filled with a boundless, ecstatic
joy …
Although the Chazon Ish refers to a high level of intellectual recognition of God’s existence
as the omnipotent and benevolent Creator, any such level brings a measure of joy with it.
Section V. Obstacles to Happiness and How to Overcome Them
There are a number of obstacles and mistaken ideas that stand in the way of being happy.
Part A. Focusing on Your Gifts, and Not on What you are Missing
As the Talmud teaches, “Who is the wealthy person? The one who is happy with his
portion!” (Pirkei Avot 4:1).
1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – Master the art of noticing,
appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already have, then you will always
be happy.
Happiness is a universal longing, yet so many people are unhappy. Why?
Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of what you achieve and
acquire.
 “My whole life would improve if I had a new car …”
 “I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy …”
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
“If only I could meet the right girl …”
You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you’re walking on air. Then you go
right back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?
Happiness is not something that happens from the outside. Happiness is a state of mind.
You can have everything in the world and still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little
and feel unbounded joy.
The Talmud says: “Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has.” (Pirkei Avot 4:1)
That’s why the morning prayers begin with a series of blessings thanking God for the simple
and obvious:
 “Thank you, God, for giving me life.”
 “Thank God, I can see.”
 “Thank God, I can use my hands and feet.”
 “Thank God, I can think.”
Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already
have, then you will always be happy.
2. Rabbi Yehudah HaLevi, Sefer HaKuzari 3:11 – It is a mitzvah to be happy with
what we have in life.
There a specific mitzvah that obligates us to
‫ שנצטוינו עליה במאמר‬,‫מצות השמחה בחלקו‬...
rejoice with what we have, and that is the
...‫ושמחת בכל הטוב אשר נתן לך ה' אלקיך‬
verse that states, “And you shall rejoice with
all of the good that God has given you”
(Devarim 26:11).
3. Rabbi Chaim Vital, Sha’arei Kedushah 1:2 – Rejoicing with what one has and
knowing that God only acts for our benefit is the medicine against depression.
The fourth category of negative character
‫כל המידות הרעות נחלקות לארבעה מינים וזה‬
traits is that of depression and sadness … The
... ‫ והפכם‬...‫ מידת העצבות בכל פרטיו‬... ‫פרטם‬
opposite of these is the trait of rejoicing with
‫ כי כל מאי דעבדין מן‬,‫והשמחה התדירית בחלקו‬
what one has, because everything that God
.‫שמיא לטב‬
does is for the good.
The next few sources highlight the importance of developing an appreciation for the special
gifts around us, both large and small, that help make our world all the more happier.
4. Rabbi Avigdor Miller, Sing You Righteous, pp. 17-18 – Daily life is filled with
uncountable details and aspects to take pleasure in. Yet most people only realize
what they have when they are about to lose it.
Life is full of intense pleasures which are available to all people, but many fail to appreciate
them … the air, water, sunlight, wind, rain, trees and gardens, the mountains and the seas,
the moon and the stars, fire, heat and cold, the snow and the dew, the use of our limbs, the
ability to see and hear and smell and taste and feel, the faculty of speech, the faculty of
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thought and memory, the variety of food of every taste and color, the marvel of the body’s
secretions and all of its magnificent chemistry …
The universal benefits which all men possess are ignored … It is only when one is about to
leave the world that he looks back with regret, too late, at all that he possessed but failed to
enjoy.
5. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem – Appreciating the world’s beauty and the
wisdom behind its creation is part of loving God.
God created a beautiful world, and wants us to appreciate it. Part of loving God is
appreciating the world He created and taking joy from it.
6. Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz, Da’as Chochmah U’Mussar, Vol. III, p. 67 – Don’t even
take your socks for granted!
When putting on your clothes, give thought to all the benefits you gain from your clothing.
7. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness – Value the very air you breathe, and
don’t let the negativity of others diminish your appreciation of life’s simple pleasures.
A family member once walked into the home of Rabbi Avigdor Miller in New York City,
and was startled to find the sage standing with his head submerged in water in the kitchen
sink. After Rabbi Miller had finished his bizarre activity, he was asked to explain, which he
promptly did.
“I was walking outside when my companion complained about the air pollution here in the
city. I was concerned that his negativity would put a damper on my appreciation for the great
gift of oxygen and breathing. As soon as I got home, I dunked my head into water and went
without breathing for a long minute. Now my appreciation for breathing has returned!”
8. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – A practical exercise to help
you appreciate what you have and increase your happiness.
Step 1: Spend one hour writing down everything for which you are grateful. (For
example: fingers, music, water, friends etc.) Most people fly through the first 15 minutes.
The next 15 minutes the pen moves more slowly. The next 15 minutes get even tougher, but
you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and socks … The last 15 minutes are
excruciating. Once the list is compiled …
Step 2: Add one new blessing each day. The power of this exercise is clear: You must be
conscious of all your existing blessings, in order to appreciate a new blessing that comes your
way. To really hone your skills and become an “appreciation expert” …
Step 3: Prioritize your list. Re-write your list ordered from that which gives you the most
pleasure, to that which gives you the least. Which is more valuable: your hands or your feet?
Your eyes or ears? Your sense of taste or sense of touch? Comparing each pleasure forces
you to qualify the subtle aspects of each pleasure. And to quantify how much each respective
pleasure gives you.
Follow this course and work at it daily. Your gratitude will continue to grow, building a solid
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foundation for a lifetime of happiness.
Part B. Jealousy
1. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, Michtav M’Eliyahu – Jealousy, material desire, and status
seeking take away our happiness.
What is the epidemic disease of world
proportions that robs us of all happiness in
life?
Our Sages have already told us the answer. It
says in the Mishnah, “Jealousy, unrelenting
material desire and status-seeking remove a
person from the world” (Pirkei Avot 4:27).
‫חכמי‬, ‫דבר זה מפורש הוא בדברי החכמים האמיתיים‬
‫הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד‬: ‫מפורש הוא המשנה‬. ‫התורה‬
.‫מוציאין את האדם מן העולם‬
The world, as God made it, is a happy one. It
is we who have removed ourselves from the
world of happiness to the world of suffering
with three desires. We need to run away from
jealousy, material desire and status-seeking in
order to transform the world into one
brimming over with happiness.
‫אלא‬, ‫העולם כאשר בראו השי"ת עולם מאושר הוא‬
‫אנו אשר יצאנו מעולם האושר אל עולם הסבל ע"י‬
‫ואם אדם‬. ‫שלשת הכחות הללו אשר הוציאונו ממנו‬
‫היינו שיגרשם‬- ‫יברח מן הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד‬
‫יתקן את עולמו ויהיה עולם מלא אושר מן‬-‫מלבו‬
.‫הקצה אל הקצה‬
2. Rabbi Michel Berenbaum, Sichot Mussar, cited in Gateway to Happiness, p. 322 –
Jealousy robs us of our peace of mind.
Jealousy destroys peace of mind and happiness. A jealous person’s life is full of suffering and
resentment. He is never happy with what he himself has. There are many people who could
really enjoy life, but they have one major problem. When they see that others are wealthier
(happier, more successful, more attractive, more popular, etc.) they lose their peace of mind.
Apart from the destructive nature of jealousy, the last of the Ten Commandments warns us
to stay away from coveting what belongs to another (“Do not be envious of your fellow’s
house … his wife … his servant …” (Shemot/Exodus 20:13). There are a number of tools
to avoid jealousy:
3. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway To Happiness, p. 323 – In the grand scheme of
things it’s a waste of time to be jealous of another.
Our lives are so fleetingly short that it is not worthwhile to waste our time feeling envious of
anyone else about any matter.
An important tool for overcoming jealousy is the development of true care and concern for
others:
4. Rambam, Hilchot De’ot (The Laws of Conduct) 6:4 – “Loving your fellow” means
being happy over another’s success.
It is incumbent upon each person to love every
‫מצוה על כל אדם לאהוב את כל אחד ואחד‬
member of the Jewish people as himself, as it
."‫ שנאמר "ואהבת לריעך כמוך‬,‫מישראל כגופו‬
14
written, “You shall love your fellow as yourself” ‫ כמו‬,‫לפיכך צריך שיספר בשבחו ולחוס על ממונו‬
(Vayikra/Leviticus 19:18). Therefore, one should
.‫שהוא חס על ממון עצמו ורוצה בכבוד עצמו‬
speak favorably about another person and be
careful with another’s possessions, just as he
would be concerned over his own possessions
and reputation.
5. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem (heard in person) – With a creative change
of attitude the success of others can feel like your own success.
One summer our neighbors decided to expand their apartment. Work began. There was
noise from morning to night, everything was a mess, the workers were all over the place, and
my family was at risk of beginning to become irritated. I realized I had to do something to
protect myself from having a critical eye.
I gathered my family members together and told everyone, “We’re taking on this project as if
it were are own. We are going to approach it as if it were our own addition that was being
built. We’re going to get excited over each new step!”
And do you know what? It worked! None of the kids became resentful, even when a heavy
wooden door came crashing through our window into the living room (thank goodness no
one was in there!). They were all truly excited for our neighbors.
Part C. Unrelenting Material Desire
1. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway To Happiness, p. 344 – Demanding things you
cannot obtain will make you miserable. There is a difference between “needing” and
“wanting” something.
You can only be certain you will always be happy if you give up your desires for things that
you are unable to obtain.
Many people have their own way of making themselves miserable from time to time by
demanding something they are unable to obtain. The next time you feel irritated or
frustrated because you cannot obtain something, ask yourself if that something is really a
necessity.
2. Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Jerusalem (heard in person) – We cannot make our
happiness dependent on things we don’t have.
We do not have the right to make our happiness dependent on anything outside of
ourselves. We may not say to ourselves, “I’m only going to be happy if I get that thing.”
Part D. Worry
1. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Gateway to Happiness, p. 154 – Just as you would want to rid
yourself of someone who seeks your life, so too we should rid ourselves of worry,
which destroys our happiness.
Worrying destroys one’s life (Keter Chochmah 12:16). A life filled with worry is a miserable
existence. Regardless of how much good fortune you have in your life, you will be oblivious
15
to it if you fill your mind with worrisome thoughts. You would hate someone for trying to
destroy your life. If you constantly worry, you are destroying your own life. Your top priority
is changing your thinking habits, which will benefit you in many ways.
The most effective tool to fight worry is that of genuine trust in God:
2. Chazon Ish, Emunah U’Bitachon (Faith and Trust), Ch. 2 – Trusting God means
knowing that nothing happens by chance.
The concept of trusting in God is the
‫ וכל‬,‫ענין הבטחון הוא האמונה כי אין מקרה בעולם‬
awareness that nothing happens randomly,
...'‫הנעשה תחת השמש בהכרזה מאתו ית‬
and that everything that happens on earth is
the result of God’s decision.
When man realizes that he is in God’s Hands, his natural anxiety and fears recede. Prayer is a
natural outgrowth of this awareness:
3. Chazon Ish, Letters, 3:151 – Speaking to God about one’s worries as one speaks to
a friend provides relief.
How wonderful is the fact that a human
‫ומה נפלא הדבר כי ביכולת האדם להשיח דאגותיו לפני‬
being can speak about his worries before
‫ותפילה בעת‬...‫ כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו‬,'‫אדון עולם ית‬
the Master of the Universe, just as he would
‫ היא לו לעזר ותרופה‬,‫צרה שהאדם נצטוה עליה‬
speak to a friend … Prayer during a time of
.‫מתמדת משמחת לב ומאירת עינים‬
difficulty, beside being an obligation, is
man’s helpmate and constant balm; it
gladdens the heart and gives him direction.
There are also a number of mistaken ideas that prevent a person from being happy. The first
mistaken idea is that being happy does not require any effort:
Part E. It Requires Effort to Employ the Tools to be Happy
1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com) – It requires effort to practice
the techniques to be happy and to change one’s habits.
Misconception: “Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like magic.”
Don’t expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to intellectually understand how
to attain happiness, yet not put it into practice.
In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and unhappy, rather than
endure the discomfort of changing their habits.
Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to invest serious effort to
achieve real happiness.
16
2. Rabbi Ze’ev Leff, Rabbi of Matityahu, Israel – The expectation of quick and easy
results from our hi-tech generation is not applicable to achieving happiness.
Achieving happiness is not like Googling for data. This works for a person until they reach
around five or six years old; and then they are informed it’s a mitzvah to wait six hours after
eating meat until the ice cream. Anything of value in life takes great patience and hard work.
Part F. Being Happy is an Obligation we Have to Others
1. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Happiness (www.aish.com). – Being happy is part of
being considerate to others, and therefore not optional.
Misconception: “Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that’s my own
prerogative.”
A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You’re at the park having a picnic with your friends.
Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: “Who forgot the forks? It’s too hot
for volleyball. I want to go home already.”
You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively affecting others. Don’t
spoil the fun. We all try to put on a happy face when we’re at a party. But what about when
we are at home, with our kids? Or when we trudge into the office on Monday morning?
Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public menace. Being happy is
part of being considerate to people around us.
Section VI. Giving to Others and Sharing Your Happiness
Finally, we conclude with the obvious – helping others generates happiness and is one of the
ways of emulating God.
1. Rabbi Binyomin Pruzansky, Stories for the Jewish Heart: Book 2, p. 118 (adapted)
– By giving of himself to others even while he was sick, Rabbi Pam was able to
regain his happiness.
In the last days of his life, Rav Avraham Pam lay ill in his hospital bed, isolated from his
beloved Yeshivah Torah Vodaas in New York.
Despite the effort to remove Rav Pam from the day-to-day cares of his yeshivah and his
fellow Jews, his advice was still sorely needed. One day, the principal of Torah Vodaas,
Rabbi Sekula, arrived at the hospital bearing a list of pressing issues he needed to discuss
with the Rosh Yeshivah. He turned to leave because a sign on the door informed visitors
they would not be admitted, but Rebbtzin Pam emerged from the room with a hopeful smile
on her face. “Please come inside and see if you can perhaps cheer up Rav Pam. He’s been
down and withdrawn for the past few days. He’s just not himself.”
As Rav Sekula launched into his agenda, a remarkable reawakening occurred before his eyes.
Little by little, the color returned to Rav Pam’s face.
17
His eyes became expressive; his voice became clearer and stronger. He offered his advice on
all the issues that Rav Sekula raised. Then the two men exchanged brief words of Torah
study, much to the obvious delight of both. Finally, after about a half-hour the meeting was
finished.
Rav Pam then commented, “People think that I can’t have visitors because I am feeling
weak. But the opposite is true. It is because I don’t have visitors that I am feeling so weak.
As long as a person is alive in this world, he has a purpose.
“Here I am sitting in the hospital and no one is coming to me for advice or for blessings, or
anything! From now on, let visitors come in so that I can help them. This is the only thing
that will make me happy!”
2. Talmud Bavli, Ketubot 111b – A smile gives more to a person than a glass of milk.
Rabbi Yochanan said: One who shows the
‫אמר ר' יוחנן טוב המלבין שינים לחבירו יותר‬
white of his teeth [in a smile] to another is
‫ממשקהו חלב שנאמר ולבן שנים מחלב אל תקרי‬
better than one who gives him a glass of milk.
.‫לבן שינים אלא לבון שינים‬
3. Likutei Eitzot, Simchah, # 38 – Our happiness can bring another person “back to
life.”
When a person is happy he can bring life to
‫ על ידי זה הוא יכול להחיות אדם‬,‫על ידי שאדם שמח‬
other people. Most people are full of worries ‫ כי‬,‫אחר שהוא דבר גדול מאד לשמח לבב בני ישראל‬
and troubles … and when someone comes
‫וכשבא‬...‫רוב בני אדם מלאים יסורים ודאגות וצרות‬
along with a beaming countenance he can
‫אדם עם פנים שוחקות יכול להחיות אותם ממש והוא‬
literally revive him, and this is a very great
.‫דבר גדול מאד‬
thing.
4. Rabbi Yisroel Besser, Reb Shlomo: The Life and Legacy of Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld,
p. 85 – Lifting another’s spirits is a way to be like God.
The Torah commands us to emulate God’s actions. About God it is written, “And you give
life to every living creature” (Nechemiah 9:6). We have a mandate to emulate His ways. We
can do that by attempting to use our words to inject life into everyone whom we encounter.
18