Recovery Assessment Checklist #1
Based on Checklist by Therese A. Rando. Ph.D
Edited by J. Mulvaney
Learning to Live with the Loss In Terms of Yourself
(Directions: Interview your client on each item as to "I am here now," "I am having a little difficulty with this," or "I
can't do this yet”.)
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1. You have returned to your normal levels of mental, emotional, social and physical functioning in
all areas of your life.
2. There is a general decline in all of your symptoms of grief.
3. You are not overwhelmed by emotions in general or whenever the loss is mentioned.
4. You are back to your normal level of self-esteem.
5. You can enjoy yourself without feeling guilty, and you don't feel guilty for living.
6. Your hatred and anger, if any, doesn't consume you and is not directed inappropriately at others.
7. You do not have to restrict your emotions and thoughts to avoid confronting something painful.
8. It is not that you don't hurt, but the hurt now is limited, manageable, and understood.
9. You appreciate how you are similar to and different from other bereaved persons.
10. You do not have to obsess about nor think solely of the deceased and the death.
11. You feel that you have done what you needed to do, either to atone for your guilt or to learn to
live with it.
12. You can appreciate the bittersweet quality of certain experiences, such as holidays and special
events in which you feel the sweetness of those who are around you as well as the sadness of not
being with your deceased loved one.
13. You are able to meet and cope with other losses in a healthy fashion.
14. You don't become unduly anxious when you have nothing to do. You don't have to be occupied
all the time to be without tension.
15. You can remember without pain, and can talk about the deceased and the death without crying.
16. You no longer feel exhausted, burdened or wound up all the time.
17. You can find some meaning in life.
18. You do not have to live in the past or avoid moving ahead with your life, to experience a
connection with your deceased loved one.
19. You have "accepted" the loss in the sense of not fighting the fact that it happened.
20. You are comfortable with your new identity and the new adjustments you have made to
accommodate being without your loved one in the world. While you wouldn't have chosen to
have change, you are not fighting it now.
21. You are comfortable with the emotions that temporarily are aroused when you occasionally bump
the scar from your loss (for example, at anniversaries or special events). You know how to deal
with the grief and you understand that it is normal.
22. You know how and when to take time to mourn.
23. You can look forward to and make plans for the future.
24. You have a realistic perspective on what your grief resolution will and will not mean for you.
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Compiled by Beverly G. Cooke, MFT (650) 592-0402. Author: Therese A. Rando, How To Go On Living When
Someone You Love Dies.
J. Mulvaney 1/12/05
Recovery Assessment Checklist #2
Based on Checklist by Therese A. Rando. Ph.D
Edited by J. Mulvaney
Learning to Live with the Loss In Terms of Your Relationship with the Deceased
(Directions: Interview your client on each item as to "I am here now," "I am having a little difficulty with this," or "I
can't do this yet”.)
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1. You can realistically remember the good and the bad, the happy and sad of both the deceased and
your relationship.
2. You can forget the loss for a while without feeling like you are betraying your loved one. You
have a comfortable and healthy new relationship with the deceased, with appropriate withdrawal
of emotional energy but also appropriate ways to keep that person "alive."
3. You are able to stop "searching" for your lost loved one.
4. You do not have to hold on to the pain to have a connection with your deceased loved one.
5. The rituals that keep you connected to your loved one are acceptable to you and healthy. You can
concentrate on something beside your deceased loved one.
6. In your relationship with your deceased loved one, you have achieved a comfortable balance
between holding on and letting go.
*******
Compiled by Beverly G. Cooke, MFT (650) 592-0402. Author: Therese A. Rando, How To Go On Living
When Someone You Love Dies.
J. Mulvaney 1/12/05
Recovery Assessment Checklist #3
Based on Checklist by Therese A. Rando. Ph.D
Edited by J. Mulvaney
Learning to Live with the Loss In Terms of Adjusting to the New World
(Directions: Interview your client on each item as to "I am here now," "I am having a little difficulty with this," or "I
can't do this yet”.)
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1. You have integrated this loss into your ongoing life.
2. You are able to relate to others in a healthy fashion and to work and function at the same level as
before.
3. You can accept the help, support and condolences of others.
4. You are not inappropriately closed down in your feelings, relationships or approaches to life. For
example, you do not overprotect yourself or fail to take any risks.
5. You can let the world go on now without feeling it has to stop because your loved one has died.
6. You can deal with other’s insensitivity to your loss without becoming unduly distressed or
overemotional.
7. You are regaining interest in people and things outside of yourself or which don't pertain to your
lost loved one.
8. You can put the death in some perspective relative to the rest of your life.
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Compiled by Beverly G. Cooke, MFT (650) 592-0402. Author: Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., How to go on
Living When Someone You Love Dies.
J. Mulvaney 1/12/05