Language Review:
Grammatical Errors and Style
2005, Fall
(1). [usage]
1. Today; on that day
2. More – than
3. So – that
e.g. There were so many Christian teachers and preachers in the school, who tried
very hard in preaching the word of god to the students.
Correction:  In our school, there were many Christian teachers and preachers,
who tried very hard to preach the words of god to the students.
4. it and that—overuse or unclear reference.
e.g. 2. Danielle: Whenever I see the color yellow, what comes into my mind is always
nothing else but the fruit banana. It is not because of the preference to (prep) this
sweet fruit, but because it reminds me of one of the sweetest memories and I view it
as a milestone of my changing from the past to the present.
(2) [misplaced modifier]
gives a professional, calm impression;
male-centered idea
We were able to use the class time of almost every subjects but also some major ones
for practicing.
Correction:  We were able to use for practicing the class time of almost every
subjects but also some major ones.
(3). [wordiness]; [repetition]
1. Peter: The CF on hotpot sells the food for hotpot. It conveys[word choice] the
image of the deliciousness of the hotpot and even uses the feeling of family
togetherness and warmth between people to sell the food, seducing people to buy the
product, have the hotpot so that they can enjoy the warmth like people in the CF do,
too.
2. I would not forget the moment I like the most was the dinnertime everyday and the
time before going to bad.
Correction:  The moments I like the most were the dinnertime and the time before
going to bed.
(4). [Sentence Structure--which]
Helen: Moreover, today’s show was the story adopted from the Red Chamber which is
my favorite literary novel so I must go!
(5) [Sentence Structure--parallelism] and; not only . . .but also
1. Judy: Lori carried all her birthday presents and with smile on her face, thought I
could tell there is a little tiredness in it.
2. We are young, full of energy and having hopes.
Correction:  We are young, full of energy and hope.
3. Veronica: In my opinion, the former ad about the engagement cookie was much
more male-centered than the other film due to not only its dressing and setting, but
also particularly the way it presented and the creativity of the punch-line.
(6) [dangling modifier]
1. Thinking of this, our eyes were full of tears.
Correction:  Thinking of this, we have our eyes filled with tears.
(7) [Sentence Structure: participial]
Helen: If observe the indoor scenes carefully, hotpot food is the main focus.
(8) Wayne [Sentence Structure—Subject?]
By observing the man runs in the rain, the woman in the advertisement, are
anticipating for something at that moment.
(9) [Sentence Structure: two verbs]
Only the scenes of a woman enjoys the hot spring is quite different from other
outdoor scenes.
Correction:  Only the scene of a woman enjoying the hot spring is quite different
from the other outdoor scenes.
(10) Clarissa [Sentence Structure--conjunction]
There was no denying that the first film gave us the image of a doll whom was
sweetly loved and looked after by a responsible and authoritative man where we could
see the woman in the first film wore a pure white dress— purity, cleverness, and
obedience.
(11) Maggie: [Sentence Structure: would rather ?]
What is more, about the setting [transition], the first film would rather let the audience
consider[word choice] in a more male-centered way that the man gave his
commitment to his beloved woman. [misplaced modifier: the audience more
male-centered?]
(12) Angela It – sentence; (comp) [sweeping generalization]
It is not healthy for people who have higher fat. This will make their blood hard to go
through their blood vessels.
Ref.
Where Does Cholesterol Come From?
Most of your cholesterol is made by your liver from saturated fat in your diet.
Some cholesterol also comes from foods such as eggs, meats and dairy products.
Why is Excessive Cholesterol Dangerous?
The extra cholesterol in your blood may be stored in your arteries, causing them to
narrow. (A process called atherosclerosis.) If large deposits of cholesterol build up
on your artery walls, blood flow can become completely blocked. If this happens
inside an artery that supplies blood to the heart, you may suffer a heart attack. If
this happens to an artery supplying blood to the brain becomes blocked, you may
suffer a stroke.
(source:
http://www.annecollins.com/healthy-cholesterol-levels.htm )
(13) Evelyne non-standard English (or Chinese-English)
The idea of this CF is easy to understand. (which is? Didn’t you talk about it in the
previous sentence?) It actually can be divided into tow parts, structure and the
background music. First of all, let’s view it from its structure.
(14) [transition & style]: use verb
It [the car] is considered as the perpetual companion for human beings.
Just as the punch line is the reinforcement of ideas in the commercial(use
verb), the main idea is also the correspondence of the punch line itself, which gets to
be revealed in the storyline.
Correction 1: 
It is considered as a perpetual companion for human beings.
Just as the main idea gets reinforced by the slogan of the commercial at the
end, it is revealed (embodied) in the storyline of the film..
Correction 2:  [. . . ]
While the slogan presents the main idea of the commercial at the end, the
whole film embodies it with images of the brother’s relationships from childhood to
adulthood.
(15) Leslie: [THESIS STATEMENT] and [transition]
The concept in this commercial, that women should be treated equally and
trusted, is a good example of bashing[word choice] the male-centered idea. We can
dissect [word choice]this commercial from two aspects: that is, the theme, and the
elements that support the central idea (supportive details).
In the first place, the commercial sharply portraits (verb? Please check it yourself.)
the unequal trust between male and female by using three contrasts, making fun of the
snobbish [word choice] husband and emphasizing the wife’s ability. There’re three
contrasts here, containing the switching of roles, the idea of housekeeping vs. driving,
and the different objects they trust.
(16) Zenobia: [transition] [wordiness][preposition][Sentence Structure][quotation]
[. . . ] It is hard for them to control and change things, and they lack strength in their
lives.
In the first verse of the lyrics, “can't get the stink off, he's been hanging round for
days. Comes like a comet, suckered you but not your friends,” we might first be
confused that “he” is referred to whom. I think “he” is not necessary[word form] a
person, and maybe it is kind of personification. I interpret “he” as the feeling of
existential anxiety, and this feeling has been bothered[active voice] you for a long
time.