Everyone has more work to do. FEEDBACK on 1920s outlines:
IMPORTANT: I read intro with thesis & each topic sentence closely as well as
the conclusion. I also reviewed the bibliography. I did NOT review the detailed
evidence thoroughly – YOU must ensure the evidence meets the assignment’s
expectations.
Re-read Essay handouts & review the comments on your Outline.
Review the Outline Power Point posted on the web page.
While many of you clearly took the time and care to follow the guidelines, for
others, some outline gaps could have been prevented by USING the handouts
and the power point (e.g., requirements for intro content, outline format, MLA format).
Major issues: demonstrating an understanding of the decade and its trends – this is the
major task of the essay, not a brief aside. Some of you need to expand on the 1920s itself.
Ideally, this should be well integrated into the biographical info – so it does not read as
two separate essays. In addition, some outlines lacked cohesion, had info not clearly
relevant to the thesis or lacking clarity, and/or included unnecessary repetition of ideas.
You need to address these concerns to create an effective essay in 4 pages.
Intro: cover BOTH your person and the “big picture” historical context. Include some
broad, brief context of the decade & its clashes (i.e., it should not seem as if your
person’s relevant issues are the only 1920s trends). More important, BEFORE get to
thesis, it is essential to include context for the 1920s trends relevant to your thesis as well
as to introduce your person. Be sure to demonstrate your grasp of the conflicts inherent
in this decade. Most need revision to thesis – see comments.
FYI: “Traditional” does not only refer to the negative trends, such as racism or antiimmigrant. It is broader than this (e.g., prefer slow paced rural life).
Essay Body:
Ideally, EACH paragraph and TS should reflect BOTH relevant 1920s topics and the person.
You want to have a sense of integration – so you are addressing the essay question
effectively.
TS: this stands for ANALYTIC Topic Sentence; TS needs to say ‘why,’ & should be clear
how it supports thesis. Some of you had topic sentences that, while interesting, were not
clearly related to your thesis or to the essay question. Ideally, each TS integrates specifics
about person and ‘big picture’ context of 1920s.
Body Para: covers both historical context of the 1920s & the person, & makes explicit
connections to support thesis; demonstrates an understanding of the modern v.
traditional conflicts of the 1920s. You want more than a ‘brief’ mention of the 1920s –
this essay is about the DECADE and you are using the person to demonstrate your grasp
of the 1920s.
Evidence/Research: Many outlines reflected a strong research effort. Some outlines included
analysis that reflected broad conclusions by the sources’ authors, BUT, at times, lacked
specific evidence to illustrate those points. (think about how you needed EXAMPLES for
imperialism generalizations). If you relied primarily on basic reference/encyclopedic
sources or did not have enough sources, this is an evidence problem.
TS/Para: MUST have evidence in paragraph for everything in TS or the idea does not belong
in TS; similarly, if you have info in the paragraph, it must be reflected in the TS.
TS/Para: must have sufficient evidence – especially when have a fairly complex or broad TS.
AND: include DATES/ YEARS!
TS/Para: in some outlines: saw analytic idea in TS, but then concrete facts in evidence, with
no clarity as to how they are connected to your TS argument.
Conclusion: can stand alone, one para. summary (BOTH person & 20s) with closure.
CITATIONS: should have quite a few from multiple sources, including the in-depth,
scholarly sources; PERFECT MLA format. See the Outline Power Point for examples.
Note: “Article Title” Book Title and update from handout: Movie Title. NO Citations
is unacceptable and gets you an F in theory – because you can/MUST fix.
SOURCES: required 5 minimum, including 2 SCHOLARLY -- some of you do not have this,
and as a result your argument and evidence lack the necessary depth of analysis and
1920s context. YOU SHOULD BE DOING MORE RESEARCH for final essay.
Annotated Bib: – needed for final essay; annotations should include specifics, not fluff; note
location; fully indented, single-spaced para. PERFECT MLA Format expected, which
means USE handout. Also, correct “e-book” format is now posted on web page.
Outline GRADE: while not solely an effort grade, effort was heavily weighted.
So if you got a high grade but there are issues to address, you need to do so.
(e.g., an ‘A’ outline does not necessarily indicate an “A” final essay, if
necessary revisions do not occur).
LENGTH: Many of you have clearly put in significant effort on both research and outline.
It will be difficult to keep the final essay to 4 pages, without major revisions. Look for
places to cut less important or extraneous arguments as well as ways to write more
concisely and eliminate repetition.
CHECKLIST: Be honest when you fill it out. It’s there to help you correct
gaps; it’s obvious when you simply check it off.
PAGE #s:
INCLUDE THEM!!!!
see Written Work Format.
YOU MUST TURN YOUR GRADED OUTLINE &
BIB. BACK IN WITH FINAL ESSAY.