This sample “personal statement” is a strong example. Still, some additional possibilities
are identified in the added blue text. Headings could be more specific?
Personal Statement
or Purdue Mechanical Engineering Student Name A. Name
Introduction or Why Engineering?
Four years ago, as I began to delve into the undergraduate engineering program at XXX
University, I faced a semester of indecision. (Note that this is a good way to get the reader
interested—what was the indecision? How was it resolved?) The reader reads on to find out!) I
was torn between two choices in what seemed at the time to be the largest decision of my life. I
always envisioned myself pursuing a career in engineering; my creative, analytical mind
seemed well-tuned for it. However, years of tutoring my peers in subjects ranging from physics
to English literature had instilled a desire to do more than just design: I wanted the job I chose to
influence people in a more direct way than traditional engineering called for. I strongly
considered a career in education at this point, but as time would tell I chose a degree in
mechanical engineering after all. Since then, I have learned how an engineer can use technical
ability and innovative thinking to excel at creating socially conscientious designs, while also
using creativity and teamwork to benefit organizations like Habitat for Humanity and give back to
the community. (Good to identify the major themes discussed in the profile. The introduction
should be a “get-acquainted” segment but should also be a map for the rest of the document.)
Broader Impact or Engineering Opens Important Opportunities
I never lost the desire to positively influence people with my work, and four years later it
played a significant role in my decision to pursue a doctoral degree at YYY University. My
education at XXX University continually immersed me in traditional engineering courses, but
also allowed for opportunities for service and personal interaction. I was able to, as an
engineering student, tutor calculus students one-on-one and in groups of up to twenty students
for several years; lead a senior project team in the design, construction, and testing of an
amaranth processing machine for use in central Africa; participate in several service trips with
Habitat for Humanity; and travel to South Africa for a three-week course on the lingering effects
of apartheid and racism on South African society. Through these activities I have learned that
there is far more to engineering than simply design. For example, the engineering professor
who led the trip to South Africa, Dr. ZZZ, elucidated the ways a simple engineering task, such
as optimizing a low-cost refrigeration system, can have a profound social effect by increasing
the availability of electricity and perishable foods to the people we interacted with there. (Note
the good use of specific projects and examples—but might be interesting to read somewhat
more about one particular one, an actual “story” would be welcome, even if some items could
not be included in the “list.” The profile is not “exhaustive” but is more “illustrative.” Furthermore,
the resume is already a source of “lists.”)
This correlation between design and societal impact led my senior design team to select a
project focused on using engineering to provide societal benefits. Our team partnered with an
international foundation and worked to design an efficient way of popping amaranth grain, a
small and highly nutritious grain grown in central Africa and South America. Our goal was to
provide a means for amaranth farmers around the world to add value to their crop and provide
more nutrition to their customers, since the resale value of popped amaranth is higher than that
of un-popped and popped amaranth is more easily eaten and digested than un-popped
amaranth. The end result of the project, after one year of research, design, and construction,
was a full-size working prototype of the popper, capable of processing fifty pounds of amaranth
per hour. The design and prototype were then passed on to the international foundation for
manufacturing and distribution. Currently, I am serving as a volunteer on a team in YYY
University Small Business Alliance helping the foundation prepare the design for use in
Uganda, where it will provide valuable nutrition to residents of several hospitals and
orphanages. (This is compelling—and close to a real story! Still wondering—what were the
engineering challenges of the machine—and, even, how did it work?)
As mentioned, my desire to produce meaningful changes through my work played a
significant role in my decision to pursue a doctoral degree at YYY University. My long-standing
desire to work in alternative energy is one way I am planning on merging my engineering
degree with my desire to affect change in the way things are done. I thrive on challenges and
intend to work on the cutting edge, researching and solving problems that have never been
solved. This desire meshes well with society’s growing need for diverse, clean energy sources.
My goal, therefore, in pursuing a doctoral degree, is to use my engineering aptitude to work
towards discovering ways of improving energy usage. This problem, as my trip to South Africa
taught me, is certainly an international problem. There is a finite amount of energy available to
the world, and as an engineer I have the opportunity to develop new and innovative ways of
distributing that energy efficiently and equitably across borders and demographics, ensuring
equal technological access for citizens of all countries. (This is all true, but it is also very
general? Specifics would add depth and credibility—e.g., references to specific concerns such
as warming trends, fossil fuel and air quality, etc.)
Intellectual Merit
My passion for, and interest in, energy generation has shaped both my choice of
undergraduate studies and the internships I have held. At XXX University I enjoyed and
excelled in mechanical engineering courses ranging from control systems to thermal system
design. These courses gave me a technical understanding of energy production and usage,
which has focused my interest in renewable energy generation technologies, such as wind and
hydrogen power. One example of this is the semester-long project for my thermal systems
design course, which involved the specification of a demonstration wind turbine, now installed
and operational on campus. In addition to specifying the turbine, we worked through significant
campus politics to ensure its acceptance by the college community and leaders. I have also
chosen my internships over the past four summers based on my interest in energy generation
and its impact on the environment. My work at MMM Engineering centered on salmon loss
mitigation through Columbia River hydroelectric facilities, and my time at NNN Energy Company
showed me how high cost and negative public opinion about alternative generation technologies
like wind and nuclear power have prevented industry change and forced the continued use of
older fossil fuel technologies. (Something that happened vis-a-vis “public opinion” might be very
interesting!)
The summer undergraduate research program that I participated in at YYY University acted
as my formal transition into a graduate research environment. As an undergraduate researcher,
I was able to work alongside graduate students and professors to develop novel methods of
storing hydrogen using enhanced metal hydrides. The summer program also served as a
thorough introduction to many of the technical aspects of the research I am currently working on
in metal hydrides, as well as the facilities at the YYY University Hydrogen Energy Center. (This
paragraph really just identifies a credential—it would be great to learn about something that
happened in this new environment that made a difference, e.g., contributed to the student’s
decision to pursue more such experiences. Otherwise, the work can be condensed to an
outcome, mentioned in a list, and the saved space used elsewhere to greater effect?)
Conclusion or Impacting our Energy Future
One thing my internships and studies have taught me about myself is that I thrive on
challenges. The tasks which I most enjoy are the ones which are new, difficult, and thoughtprovoking. This is what initially convinced me that graduate research was an option well suited
to my abilities and desires. Research at technology’s leading edge offers countless challenges
and opportunities to be involved in technological advancements. I am seeking a research
career on the cutting edge of energy generation technology so that I can be continually
challenged and make an impact on the way energy is used in our world. (Here is good
connection with themes introduced early—that is, desire to use engineering to help people. Still,
it would be interesting to learn what might the result look like—reaching for visualization would
be welcome. Would it be possible to reach for more specific goals?)
Stats:
Words: 1,100
Font: Arial
Headings 4
Pages 2