A summarized review of the four definitions of metacommunication:
I.
The dictionary reveals that the word means beyond ordinary communication.
II.
The textbook says that it is communication about communication, which can be nonverbal or verbal.
III.
Two negotiation and communication experts, Gerard Nierenberg and Henry Calero, define meta-talk as the language of hidden meanings behind routine, often-used expressions.
IV.
Well-known authors in the communication field, Julius and Barbara Fast, write that meta- communication is in nearly everything we say; it is the hidden meanings behind our words; and, it is indicated by such factors as pitch, resonance, melody, word choice, word emphasis, and emotional overlay.
Sandra Hartlieb

METACOMMUNICATION
HIDDEN MEANINGS BEYOND ORDINARY TALK
Examples from Meta-Talk, by Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry Calero
You’re going to like what I’m going to tell you. / Please like it or you’ll hurt my feelings.
Did you hear the one about…? / I’m going to tell a joke. If you have heard it, please keep quiet or you’ll ruin it for me.
I think we all agree that…. / I expect everyone to agree with me. If you don’t you will risk being an outcast.
Forget it. (said in a friendly tone) / You’re welcome. Don’t mention it.
Forge t it. (said in a bitter tone) / You haven’t listened to what I’ve said so I refuse to talk about it any more.
How do you like my new outfit? / Please make me feel good about myself and give me a compliment.
I’ll do my best. / Don’t expect much. I really expect to fail.
If you will grant “A”, then I’ll be able to…. / Play the game my way or I won’t play well and it will be all your fault.
I don’t care what people think of me. / I really do care but I don’t have any other defense for myself.
Good riddance. I really don’t care about her (him) leaving. / I do care but I’m hurt and humiliated that she (he) treated me that way.
On the whole I’m satisfied with the job I did. / I don’t have any specific strong points to bring out, so I’ll generalize.
A friend of mine has a problem. / I have a problem but I don’t want to say so.
You don’t think I went too far, do you? / I know I did, but tell me I didn’t.
I really should go on a diet. / But I won’t.
I’ll go one a diet Monday. / I don’t intend to go on a diet at all.
If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please let me know. / By putting it off, I hope I won’t be called on.
Nothing is wrong. / There is something wrong, however, I don’t want to talk about it.
I would never do that. / I’d do it if I had the opportunity.
Sandra Hartlieb

1979.
An Annotated Bibliography For Research Of This Subject
*Talking Between the Lines, Julius and Barbara Fast; Viking Press, New York, N.Y.,
This is an informative but entertaining book about metacommunication. The Fasts explain how our words send hundreds of messages, implied not so much by what we say but by the way we choose to say it. The subtle and often unconscious nature of the process is revealed in this book.
The reader is given insight into ways to use metacommunication to ensure honest and open relationships. The style of Talking Between the Lines is so enjoyable that it makes easy reading on this highly useful subject.
*Meta-Talk, Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry Calero; Trident Press, a division of Simon
& Schuster, Inc., New York, N.Y., 1973.
This innovative and practical book introduces the word meta-talk. The book describes the
“hidden meanings” beyond our ordinary talk. The authors analyze and categorize over 350 routine phrases as they explain the subconscious meanings and motivations that threaten to cause misunderstandings. The book also recounts the research on subverbal communication by authorities from Aristotle to Freud to present day. It explores the meta-talk of a wide range of human relationships in many settings. Meta-Talk is a very worthwhile book intended to make talk more effective.
Loud & Clear, Sy Lazarus; Amacon, a division of American Management Associations,
New York, N.Y., 1975.
This is an entertaining guide to verbal and non-verbal communication. The author does not use the term metacommunication, but he clearly understands the process. He explains ways in which we fail to make ourselves understood and tells how to develop communication skills. It is a very enjoyable book, filled with practical knowledge.
The Human Side of Successful Communication, Robert E. Moore; Prentice-Hall, Inc.,
Englewood Cliffs, N.J., 1961.
This book is written in the manner of a manual for teaching personal skills. It is especially useful for a reader who wishes to improve his or her powers of communication. It has information on successfully using and reading met-cues, although it was written much too early for the term to be applied.
Games People Play, Eric Berne, M.D.; Grove Press, Inc., New York, N.Y., 1977; copyright 1954 by Eric Berne.
Metacommunication can be evaluated as gameplaying since the meta-level often contradicts the words. For this reason, Dr. Berne’s well-known book can be a useful supplement to the understanding of the meta-process.
Sandra Hartlieb