The gatekeeper to the fall holidays is the wonderful, terrible, exciting and frightening
Halloween. No other holiday packs as big an emotional wallop for us and our kids. It
stirs up intense feelings in our little (and bigger) ones, and elicits memories from our own
histories. Being aware of the issues and planning for them can maximize everyone’s
enjoyment, and minimize post-holiday problems.
Anticipating the big day
The build up to Halloween can be monumental. It can be talked about for weeks
beforehand, setting children up for extremely high expectations and potential frustration
and disappointment. Here are some issues that arise and tips for how to handle them.
ISSUE: Costumes: Halloween is frequently the first outlet for fantasy, and can provide a
safe channel for self-expression in ways that even daily dress-up doesn’t facilitate. Kids
get to invent themselves as the heroes and villains of their dreams and play, and roam the
streets presenting themselves as their new identities. How should you plan for the all
important choice?
Tip 1: Costume acquisition. Allot enough time for the search or the sewing. If
your child wants an elaborate costume, decide if you can or want to spend the
money or time putting it together. If not, present reasonable alternatives to your
child’s choices. Don’t offer a butterfly to your daughter who wants to be a witch.
If your child is older, request that he or she participate in either finding parts of
the costume, or in its construction. Also for older kids, if the costume is
expensive, help your child plan to contribute financially, from savings or
allowance.
Tip 2: Safe costumes. No masks for the younger ones, no swords or other
handheld objects that can be used as a weapon or can be lost.
Tip 3: Costume options. For the younger ones, help narrow down to two options.
If your child can’t decide, maybe integrate two ideas into one costume, e.g. a
butterfly princess, a superhero dragon, etc.
ISSUE: Eating restrictions. Some children aren’t able to have certain foods, like nuts or
chocolate, usually related to allergies. How can you help your child avoid the allergen
while still making trick-or-treating fun?
Tip 1: Bags. If your child is old enough and can tell the difference between the
wrapped candies, have your child carry two bags – one for the permitted candies,
and one for the restricted ones. This helps your child not have to refuse candy at
someone’s door and feel badly about it.
Tip 2: Candy swap. When your child comes home, count the taboo candy and
have a reserve he can swap with. Can’t have chocolate? Have a bowl of fruit
flavored sweets to trade. Keep the swapping sweets a secret so there is some
additional fun related to the allergy.
The Big Day
ISSUE: School: Most schools, especially elementary, encourage children to wear
costumes to school, and give special attention to the holiday with pageants, contests and
other events.
Tip 1: Two costumes. Have a different costume for your child’s school day than
for the trick or treating. He or she will inevitably stain or rip the costume, which
can produce great distress for you and your child, and cause frantic trips to the
costume shops looking for a suitable replacement.
Tip 2: Comfort. Make sure that the school costume is comfortable enough to be
worn all day. Your child will have to sit for periods of time in the classroom, play
on the playground safely, and eat lunch. With these activities in mind, encourage
costumes that are made of natural fiber to reduce sweating, that don’t require
make up, and with no protruding parts so he or she can play easily.
ISSUE: Candy consumption. Since this holiday is primarily about how much candy loot
a child can acquire, there is the inevitable dilemma about how much candy eating to
allow. Some of it is out of our control, but we can do more than you think.
Tip 1: Eat dinner. Even if you are taking little ones out early, make sure they
have a healthy dinner. For some, this will reduce their hunger enough to minimize
snacking. For others, it just ensures that they have something nutritious before
they inhale mounds of sugar.
Tip 2: Candy rules. Do your best to discuss your thoughts or rules about how
candy will be handled after trick or treating. When your child or children return
home, make it a required ritual to look at each piece of candy received and decide
if it is safe. Also, where will it be stored? How much can they have after the
inspection?
ISSUE: Winding down. When your kids get home, they will be filled with so much
excitement. How can you help them unwind easily and comfortably?
Tip 1: Debrief. For most kids, talking through the trick-or-treating experience is
extremely helpful. The little ones may need to share what scared them. For
example, ask about any masks or costumes that were scary. Did anyone jump out
of a bush or doorway and yell? Even older kids with previous experience may
have been uncomfortable in some way – simply asking may give them permission
to share.
Tip 2: Home environment. After the debriefing and the candy separating or
counting, have some quiet music, herbal tea or a short, mellow video to help the
transition to calm. If you can manage it, try and get your child into a warm tub.
Be tolerant though – this will take awhile. They have the combination of physical
and emotional excitement to sort through. You may also get resistance to taking
off the costume. Find a way to patiently work towards your goal – sleep.
ISSUE: Sleep. The night of Halloween can be rough for everyone. Some kids will have
nightmares or interrupted sleep. Does your child’s sleep integrate excitement or fear? If
so, anticipate his or her needs. The following strategies or rules may help.
Tip 1: Sleep together. Maybe allow your child to sleep in your room ONLY the
night of Halloween. If you have more than one child, you can allow them to share
a room for the night.
Tip 2: Bedroom environment. Use an additional nightlight, if light helps. Allow
your child to fall asleep to some calming music or nature sounds, and encourage
him or her to turn on the music if he wakes up at 2am. Leave the overhead lights
on low if the nightlight shadows are scary. Or turn on the closet light – this not
only provides light, but demystifies the closet!
Tip 3: Draw. If your child is feeling afraid, ask him or her to draw pictures of the
feared images. For instance, draw the scary costume or mask seen on the trick-ortreating route. Does he want to destroy the picture after it is drawn? Throw it
into your fireplace. Cut it into pieces. Remind your child that if he or she gets
scared again, to remember the picture burning or in pieces. These actions can
take the power away from the feared object.
Tip 4: Nightmares. For some kids, this is an inevitable result of the intensity and
visual landscape of Halloween. For the most part, a nightmare related to the
holiday will happen the first one or two nights, then resolve. For others, there
may be a few more nights of interrupted sleep. Overall, these are normal, and
parents should not be concerned. If they persist a week or more, consult a
professional. Also, a child having a night terror screams and flails, and can’t be
roused easily. Terrors are also unrelated to daytime events or experiences.
Anticipate what you can and prepare. Many things are out of our control, but even those
experiences can be contained. Now go have some fun!