Afraid of the Dark:
What Whites and Blacks Need to Know About Each Other
Dialogue Guide & Workbook
Foreword to the Dialogue Guide & Workbook
Jim Myers, author of Afraid of the Dark:
What Whites and Blacks Need to Know About Each Other
Afraid of the Dark was published in April 2000, but little in American race relations or in
attitudes about race seems to have changed since then. The issues along the color line
that the book describes still exist in the 21st century, reinforced in some cases by new
incidents that give credence to old racial attitudes, doubts and fears.
Perhaps, America was lulled into thinking that race no longer would be the great divide
in American society in the new millennium. Our national government, under Republican
dominance, put less emphasis on racial issues. The United States may have had a
black secretary of state for the first time. Yet the focus on black-white relations as a
national preoccupation seemed further supplanted by a 2003 announcement by the
U.S. Census Bureau that Hispanics had become the nation’s largest minority group.
Still, in August 2005, the images of thousands of stranded black victims in New Orleans
following Hurricane Katrina once again put a focus on racial inequities. A black-white
perceptual divide, last seen most notably at the time of the 1995 O.J. Simpson trial,
clearly re-emerged in polls about the Katrina disaster.
When Pew Research Center pollsters asked if the Katrina images “show racial
inequality [is] still a major problem,” 71 percent of blacks said, “yes,” race is still a
problem, while 56 percent of whites said, “no,” it is not. In a CNN poll, six in ten blacks
said the government was slow to react to the Katrina disaster because the stranded
victims were black, but only one in eight whites agreed.
Meanwhile, prior to the hurricane, an ABC News poll found evidence to claim that
positive social contact between blacks and whites was on the rise – even if the rise was
relatively small, perhaps even a statistically insignificant change from polls on the
subject in the 1990s.
The 2005 polls found that 52 percent of Americans said they’ve had a person of another
race into their home for dinner. But again there was a racial divide in the answers. Sixtythree percent of blacks said they’d had whites to dinner, while only 48 percent of whites
said they’d had blacks to dinner.
At the same time, there appeared to be little evidence that blacks and whites were
increasingly discussing the doubts and fears that have long arisen along the color lineissues like the overall fairness in society or the negative attitudes that individuals might
quietly still harbor.
Do blacks and whites discuss sensitive issues like crime or the legacy of slavery in
interracial settings? No, rather it seems that social and professional contacts between
blacks and whites are predicated on the proposition that difficult issues that divide us
will not be discussed.
So when I heard about the Reading Circles project undertaken by the Urban League of
Greater Kansas City – and that they were using Afraid of the Dark as the means to
more penetrating discussions between blacks and whites – I was, of course, thrilled.
“It’s helped people bring up the subjects that blacks and white have kept pretty much to
themselves,” said Gwen Grant, president of the Urban League of Greater Kansas City.
“It’s a great catalyst for dialogue across the color line.”
I am convinced that the unease about race will continue unless we address the attitudes
and uncertainties that trouble us in more direct discussion. Yet the prospect of talking
about such matters is an aspect of race relations about which many Americans are
wary, believing such discussions will inevitably be fractious and unpleasant.
I’ve also found that this is not the case. Having led or participated in black-white
discussions around the country since Afraid of the Dark was published, I’ve seen
repeated evidence of goodwill in these discussions – and it comes from both sides of
the color line. Yes, we may be wary about what will happen in discussions about race,
but many Americans also have a desire to speak sincerely on the subject and hear what
others have to say.
Many whites want to know what blacks think, and many blacks welcome any indication
that whites are listening to what they have to say. Eventually, the interaction between
blacks and whites, the give and take, and the sharing of sincere feelings can become a
valuable end in itself – not only a key to better relations but as close to a magic fix on
race issues as we’re likely to find.
Introduction: How We Can Learn from Our Discussions
Gwendolyn Grant, president and CEO
Urban League of Greater Kansas City and Founder of the
Afraid of the Dark Reading Circle Initiative
In 2004, one of my white friends, Carol Grimaldi, came by my office to talk to me about
this great book she had read along with some members of her predominately white
church, Second Presbyterian in Kansas City, and members of a predominately black
local church, Blue Hills Church of the Nazarene.
This unusual union began in 2002 when members of Second Presbyterian wanted to
develop a relationship with a church of color. In the formative stage, a group from the
two churches met once a month on Saturdays. After about a year of monthly meetings
that involved informal discussions and other assorted activities, they began to wonder
what to do next. The monthly activities were okay, but they wanted the time they shared
to have more focus.
They were contemplating whether they should take on a joint service project when a
white member of Second Presbyterian suggested they begin reading Afraid of the Dark.
They soon agreed to read the book and meet once each month to discuss their feelings.
When Carol first told me about the book, she shared how the group faithfully met once a
month for a year and discussed the book chapter by chapter. In her view, this dialogue
was the most productive time they shared. Through discussions, they learned more
about themselves and each other. Carol said reading the book and talking with blacks
about the sensitive issues that blacks and whites don’t talk about together caused her to
have an epiphany.
She told me that what most opened her eyes was the discussion on slavery and
reparations. She said: “As a white American, I’d never thought about the effect of
slavery today. Then I wondered why my black friends hadn’t talked to me about this. I
remember saying to my group that I wasn’t around 200 years ago, but I have a
responsibility to understand. I am sorry it happened, and I am sorry I don’t know more. I
want to know more.”
One of the blacks in the group had tears in her eyes and said this was the first time in
her life that she’d heard a white person say she was sorry about slavery.
Carol gave me a copy of the book and told me that I should consider using it as a tool to
support the Urban League’s efforts to improve race relations.
But honestly, as she was raving about this book and her “epiphany,” I thought to myself,
“Yeah, yeah, sure.”
Yet I can see how such an experience might cause Carol to have an epiphany. She is
someone who has had many interactions with blacks. She is a self-reflective,
continuous learner who isn’t afraid to get in the mix with people of color and make a
mistake now and then. She is someone who is open and inclusive in her work in the
community; she knows how important it is that blacks and Latinos are represented at
the table when plans are discussed and decisions are made that will impact them.
And finally, she is a white person with a personal commitment to helping her community
grapple with tough issues. But knowing Carol as I do, I was skeptical about what impact
this Afraid of the Dark book would have on whites who haven’t traveled down the same
road as she.
After reading the book, however, I was impressed with its simple approach. Most books
about race are written from a scholarly, academic framework laced with lots of complex
and intricate explanations and theories about why whites and blacks are so divided.
Afraid of the Dark defines with such clarity and simplicity so many of the issues that
have created this gulf between blacks and whites. It brings to the forefront the stuff that
we talk about within our black and white circles, but seldom, if ever across the color line.
Because of the book’s straightforward style, it occurred to me that if we could get blacks
and whites reading this book together and talking openly with one another, that we
might be able to make some movement with the seemingly intractable issue of
black/white race relations in America.
As a black person, one important lesson I’ve learned about race over the years is that it
is non-productive for blacks to “go off” on white people in conversations about race.
When blacks “go off” whites back off. They retreat to their comfort zones and inner
circles where they talk to one another about how angry, irrational and aggressive blacks
are and how they don’t want to be preached to.
On the flip side, when whites find themselves in conversations with blacks about race
issues, they have to stop behaving like they have to defend or rationalize the actions
and behaviors of their forefathers and other whites. When they stop personalizing the
issues, then they may not feel like they’re being preached to by blacks who consider
themselves merely pointing out the many disparities and inequities they regularly
experience, but which appear to go unnoticed by whites.
Both blacks and whites should exercise the Golden Rule and treat one another in the
same manner that they would want to be treated, and with the same amount of respect,
understanding, and patience. It is not rocket science. It really is that simple. But for
some reason that is unknown to me, we scoff at the idea in search of some magical or
scholarly remedy that will solve America’s color line dilemma. I am not naïve, but I do
believe that simple solutions can sometimes be applied to complex problems.
About Using the Dialogue Guide & Workbook
We have designed the Afraid of the Dark Dialogue Guide & Workbook as a framework
in which individuals, pairs, groups, organizations, and entire communities can think and
talk about race issues in ways that help them to dig beneath the surface of political
correctness to develop authentic relationships between blacks and whites.
The Dialogue Guide & Workbook is not intended to serve as the cure-all for everything
that is wrong between blacks and whites. It is intended to provoke thinking, ignite
dialogue, build new relationships between blacks and whites, and strengthen existing
ones.
It is designed on the premise that the more blacks and whites interact in positive
situations, the higher the likelihood that we will begin to establish more meaningful
relationships with each other.
Authentic relationships in which blacks and whites see and treat each other as equals
will move us closer to achieving an inclusive society that embraces the attributes and
contributions of everyone – blacks and whites alike.
The Afraid of the Dark Dialogue Guide & Workbook is for people who want to learn,
especially while gaining a better understanding of themselves and others. It is for
people who want to contribute to the effectiveness of their organizations and create a
more inclusive community. In short, the Dialogue Guide & Workbook is for people who
want to make a difference.
Sample Questions from
Chapter One
 What makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable talking openly and honestly with
whites, Latinos or blacks? What are your reservations? What subjects make you feel
uneasy?
 Describe some experiences you’ve had discussing tough issues with blacks, whites.
or Latinos.
Sample Questions from
Chapter Two
 How often do you interact with or encounter blacks/whites/Latinos outside of the
workplace? What is the nature of these interactions?
 How do you feel when you’re the only black, Latino or white person (or one of a few)
in the room? What do you do?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Three
 As a child, what, if anything, did you hear that might have made you think that blacks
and/or Latinos are inferior to whites?
 As an adult, do you see evidence that supports these ideas you heard as a child? If
so, please describe. How have your views on race changed over the years? Why?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Four
 If more people of another race moved into your neighborhood, would you see this as
a “positive” or “negative” change? And why? What would you do—if anything?
 If you woke up tomorrow and found your neighborhood was suddenly 50 percent
black, Latino or white – or 75 percent or 90 percent, how would you feel? Would you
be alarmed, mildly worried, or happy? Why? What would you do—if anything?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Five
 Where do you get much of your understanding of what blacks, Latinos or whites are
like?
 Do you think what you see on TV or read in the newspaper is an accurate or
distorted portrayal of either blacks, Latinos or whites? Do you think positive or
negative racial stereotypes appear in any or all of this programming? If so, what are
they?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Six
 How do you feel about the differences between blacks, Latinos and whites? Should
we focus only on what we have in common as the basis for forming relationships?
Why or why not?
 Why do you think the differences between blacks, Latinos and whites are perceived
to be negative?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Seven
 Can you agree that there could be more than one perspective on American History?
What are your thoughts on this?
 How do you feel when it’s said that America is a nation divided in black and white? Is
it true, partially true or without foundation?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Eight
 How do you feel about the use of the word nigger? What are your thoughts about the
double standard – it’s okay for blacks to use the word and not okay for whites?
 Without being too offensive, what are the worst things you’ve heard said about
blacks , Latinos or whites?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Nine
 What is your biggest fear about discussions on the subject of race? Explain.
 If you’re white, are you ever afraid something you say could cause you to be labeled
a racist? Why? Has this ever happened to you? Describe the situation?
 If you’re black or Latino, are you afraid to speak your mind with whites when talking
about race? Why? Are you ever wary that you will be accused of being angry or
“having an attitude”? Has this ever happened? Explain.
Sample Questions from
Chapter Ten
 What did you learn about slavery in school or college?
 Do you believe the mere fact that slavery is part of our history perpetuates beliefs
that blacks and whites are not inherently equal? Why or why not?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Eleven
 Do you believe all men (and women) are equal regardless of their race or ethnicity?
Or, do you believe that individuals of different races are more different than they are
the same? Explain.
 What are your thoughts about The Bell Curve theory of intelligence?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Twelve
 As a black or Latino person, is there anything about being black or Latino that limits
what you can do or achieve in our society? If so, please describe.
 As a white person, do you have any inkling of what it might feel like to find yourself
repeatedly in the minority? Have you had such an experience even briefly? How did
you feel and what did you do?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Thirteen
 As a black or Latino person, are there things you identify as black culture? What are
they? Are you proud of them? Are there other things that are identified as “black” or
“Latino” that are embarrassing or that you wish weren’t so? What are they?
 How has hip-hop culture – rap music, dress styles, flamboyant behavior – influenced
your feelings, fears, and perceptions about young blacks and Latinos?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Fourteen
 How do you feel about interracial marriage?
 How would you react to the news that your son or daughter plans to marry someone
of another race?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Fifteen
 How much of what you think about race comes from watching sports? Explain.
 It’s said that sports is also an activity in which racial stereotypes are perpetuated.
What are your observations? Do you agree, for example, that stereotypes about
intelligence or leadership are used, or have been used to limit opportunities for black
athletes to play quarterback? Explain. Give some examples to support your point of
view.
Sample Questions from
Chapter Sixteen
 If it is true that many whites are inexperienced in dealing with black and Latino
people, what should Latinos and blacks do – help these whites get a better
understanding or let whites live in ignorance? Explain your thoughts.
 What do you think we need to do to solve the race problem in America? Do you think
the problem can be solved? Why or why not?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Seventeen
 Why do we reject the notion of the Golden Rule as the best solution to the race
problem in America?
 What solutions do you suggest we apply to bridge the racial divide between blacks,
Latinos and whites?
Sample Questions from
Chapter Eighteen
 Statistics show that the social and economic gap between blacks, Latinos and
whites is narrowing in some areas. Therefore, since some things are getting better,
blacks and Latinos should be patient. What are your thoughts about this issue?
 What ideas do you have for more aggressively narrowing the black/brown-white
equality gap?
Urban League of Greater Kansas City
Afraid of the Dark Dialogue Circle
Rules of Engagement
1. Listen actively, respectfully, and sincerely try to understand the
other person’s perspective.
2. Speak from your own experience instead of generalizing (“I”
instead of “they,” “we,” and “you”).
3. Be honest. Try not to withhold your real thoughts and opinions.
4. Do not be afraid to respectfully challenge one another by asking
questions, but refrain from personal attacks – focus on ideas and
issues - not personalities and individuals.
5. Participate to the fullest of your ability – community growth
depends on the inclusion of every individual.
6. Instead of invalidating somebody else’s story with your own spin
on their experience, share your own story and experience.
7. The goal is not to agree – it is about hearing and exploring
divergent perspectives. Let’s agree to disagree. The purpose of
dialogue is not to reach a consensus, nor to convince each other of
different viewpoints. Rather, the purpose of dialogue is to reach
higher levels of learning by examining different viewpoints and
opinions.
8. The purpose of the dialogue circle is to generate greater
understanding about different issues. In expressing viewpoints, try
to raise questions and comments in a way that will promote
learning, rather than defensiveness and conflict in other circle
members.
9. Ask questions and make statements in such a way that will
promote greater insight into and awareness of topics as opposed
to anger and conflict.
Example of a question that may put someone on the defensive:
Why do you insist on calling yourself Hispanic? That’s wrong. It
seems to me that Latino is the correct term? Can you explain to me
why you insist on using the term Hispanic?
Example of a non-defensive question: I don’t understand. What is
the difference between the terms Hispanic and Latino?
10. Suspend judgment. Try not to jump to conclusions or begin
formulating your response while a circle member is speaking.
Listen, reflect, and then respond.