WHEN YOU’VE MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON
Marriage Series: Home Improvement - Part 2 of 4
I. WHAT GOES WRONG IN A MARRIAGE
1. ______________________________ issues
2. ______________________________ expectations
3. ______________________________ differences
4. ______________________________ mistakes
II. HOW TO DO A "MARRIAGE MAKEOVER"
ACCEPT ______________________________ FOR MY ACTIONS.
"Each person must be responsible for himself." Gal. 6:5 (NCV)
BELIEVE ______________________________
"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible."
Matt. 19:26 (NLT)
COMMIT TO DOING _____________________________
"Don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up..." Gal. 6:9
(NLT)
Elijah’s Fire International Church ● 607 Middleton Run Road ● Elkhart, IN 46516 ● 574-522-9944
e-mail: elijahsfirechurch@cfaith.com ● web: www.efichurch.com
DEAL WITH ______________________________
BY ______________________________
"Admit your faults to one another..." James 5:16 (LB)
BY ______________________________
"Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you,
so you must forgive others." Col. 3:13 (LB)
ENLIST ______________________________
"Get all the advice and instruction you can..." Pr. 19:20 (NLT)
"It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong." Pr.
24:3 (NCV)
God, who is at work within you, will give you the will and the power to achieve his purpose." Phil.
2:13 (Ph)
"For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need." Phil. 4:13
(NLT)
Elijah’s Fire International Church ● 607 Middleton Run Road ● Elkhart, IN 46516 ● 574-522-9944
e-mail: elijahsfirechurch@cfaith.com ● web: www.efichurch.com
31
WHEN
YOU’VE MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON
29
Marriage Series: Home Improvement - Part 2 of 4
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Part 1 = Finding the Love of Your Life – Part 2 = When You’ve Married the Wrong Person
Part 3 = Pull Together When You’re Pulled Apart – Part 4 = When a Marriage Ends
How many of you remember the Royal Wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles. If ever there
was a story book wedding in our time that was it. It had the horses, the carriages, the royalty and
the pomp and circumstances! So let me ask you a question: How can something that had such a
fairy tail beginning have such a horror story ending when it comes to marriage?
How does that happen? How does something so right become so wrong? Why is it that so many
marriages start off as ideal and pretty soon turn into an ordeal and pretty soon both partners are
looking for a new deal? Why is it that six months into a marriage a lot of people have what I call
buyer's remorse and begin to ask themselves, “what did I get myself into?”
That’s what we're going to talk about that today.
Let me share with you a letter written to a pastor that can best describe many marriages:
"Dear pastor. I don't understand what's happened to my marriage. What seemed to be so right
before we got married has turned out very, very wrong. I'm wondering if I've missed God's will.
My marriage is not at all what I thought it was going to be. I know everybody has problems but
I thought, because I was a Christian, that my marriage would be different. Before we got
married we thought we had a lot in common. But it is now very clear that we have very little
in common, especially since my mate doesn't care about growing spiritually like I do. Another
thing that bugs me is our love life. Before we got married, we decided to live together, to
check each other out sexually. That was a big mistake. I've now learned that how someone
responds while unmarried is no guarantee at all of how they will respond when committed for
life to marriage. Within a year after we got married, my spouse lost all interest in sex. The
thrill was replaced with guilt, and fear. I now feel ripped off, cheated and the victim of a bait
and switch scam. It isn't fair and I'm angry and I'm hurt and I'm frustrated. I keep wondering if
maybe the person God wanted me to marry is still out there somewhere. I fantasize about
other people I might have married and I'm constantly comparing my spouse to others. Maybe I
should divorce and start searching again. All I'm sure of is this: I'm deeply disappointed in my
marriage and I don't know what to do. Pastor, can you please tell me, what went wrong?"
Last week we dealt with the myth of The One and Only, that God does not prepare for you from
the foundation of the world one unique partner that He's made and that's the only person in the
world you should marry. That's not taught in the Bible. It's not even logical.
Let me give you an example that I wasn’t able to give you last week:
For instance, let’s say that it is God’s will that Jim is supposed to marry Charlotte. Now let's say
that Jim doesn't hear God speak or he goes with his emotions and marries Carol instead. What
happens to Charlotte? She must be out of the will of God, right? Let's say a guy named Keefer
comes and marries Charlotte. Well, there is a problem here too, Keefer was supposed to marry
Kathy instead of Charlotte so now Keefer, Kathy, and Charlotte have a problem now. Well, you
guessed it, here comes a guy name Roland and Roland was supposed to marry Carol but instead he
ends up marrying Kathy. The problem now is: Everybody's married to the wrong person because
Jim was out of God's will.
That’s what I mean by there not being a “perfect and only ONE person” just for me.
But we did see, also last week, that God does describe the kind of person He wants you to marry.
God is very clear about the kind of person He doesn't want you to marry. He says here are the
parameters of the kind of person I want you to marry and what I don't want you to marry. If you
marry within these parameters, it will be a whole lot easier for you.
But as we know, human beings are sinners. We make mistakes. We do stupid things. We make
dumb decisions. Sometimes we just blatantly disobey what God tells us to do. Maybe you've done
that and you didn't marry within the parameters that God had laid out. Maybe you didn't even
know them. So, you may ask, what do I do if I've married the wrong person? Or, married for the
wrong reason? Should I get a divorce? The Word of God says "No!" You should stay with the one
you've married and let God change you and, if possible, that person if they'll let the Lord and He
will make your marriage a miracle. You don't have to go out and find somebody new. You made a
vow to God in front of a bunch of other people that you would be committed to this person for
life. God expects you to keep that vow.
God will do something different. He will create the marriage that you wanted if you'll let Him
change you and if you'll let Him change that partner. God can do something you never thought
possible. Remember that with God all things are possible! Does that include your marriage?
God takes into account your mistakes when making a plan for your life. He takes into account our
foolish choices. So that when we make bad choices and dumb decisions and marry a person we
shouldn't have married in the first place, God goes, "Ok. I wouldn't have chosen that for you but I'll
work with that. I will turn all things out for good."
I am so glad personally that one mistake doesn't mean I've missed God's plan for the entire rest of
my life. Aren't you glad for that? Aren't you glad that God's plan works even in our mistakes?
Otherwise, one mistake and I might as well just quit!
When I disobey God, when I don't do what He says, when I make stupid decisions the result is more
pain, more grief, more heartache, more problems, more pressures, more hassles and all kinds of
things that were unnecessary in my life. But thank God that He can even bring good things out of
the bad if we repent and begin to obey. We will have problems. We will have more pain than if
we'd done it His way, but God can bring good even out of bad, even out of dumb decisions, IF we
give Him those decisions.
First, I want to talk to you about what goes wrong in a marriage. Having counseled many people
over the years, I've concluded that it all comes down to four basic things. Marriages go sour and
fall apart usually because of one of these four reasons:
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1. Unresolved issues.
These are the things that cause us to doubt and second guess and feel like we married the
wrong person. These are things you brought into your marriage from previous relationships
and especially from the family you grew up in. When you got married, you brought a lot of
baggage into your marriage and so did your partner. You didn't come into the marriage as
blank slates, with no background and no history. You brought those hang ups and hurts and
habits and ways of reacting from your family growing up. The more pain you grew up with,
the more baggage you've got to deal with, the more unresolved issues you have. In many
ways, your family and the enemy set you up. They set you up in many ways to succeed and
they set you up in other ways to fail. They set you up with some great strength’s in your
family but you also were set up with some weaknesses. Each individual has brought far
more weaknesses and faults and failings into your marriage than you realize. Well guess
what; you have to deal with it. Maturity means you will stop running, stop blaming, stop
the behavior and deal with it.
A33
lot of people get into a marriage and think the marriage is creating all these problems.
Marriages don't create problems. They reveal problems. There are issues that need to
be dealt with. If you had decided to live alone the rest of your life, you probably wouldn't
ever have to deal with them. But because you chose to get married, once you get up close
and personal and intimate with somebody who sees all your stuff -- they see your quirks
and they say, "Let's work on YOU." And your idea is "I don't want to work on me. I want to
work on YOU." There’s a special word for that; conflict. I want to repeat: Marriage doesn't
create problems, it reveals problems. It reveals issues that you won't ever deal with unless
you're forced to deal with them because your husband or your wife keeps pointing them
out or because being in a marriage just brings them out.
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The best way to prepare for marriage, if you're unmarried and you want to get married,
is deal with your past. Get some closure. Make peace with your parents. Have an honest
look at your family background. See the good things you need to hang on to from that
family and see the things that aren't very good things -- the bad, inappropriate way of
relating and responding to conflict. Deal as much with the past and all those relationships
before you get into the marriage. Otherwise you pull it in and start reacting to your
spouse every time they remind you of your mother or your father or somebody else. All
that anger you never dealt with you just refocus it on your mate and that's not fair. It's
the single greatest reason marriages go bad.
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2. Unmet expectations.
I don't know any area of life where we set ourselves up with higher expectations.
Hollywood sets us up for this. We see all these movies where the knight in shining armor,
the Prince Charming, comes and sets free the fair maiden and they ride off into the sunset
on a white horse and they live happily ever after as the credits roll. Folks, that doesn't
happen in real life. Nobody is going to come to your house on a white horse. If you ride
off into the sunset, it's probably smog. That's not reality. It's fantasy. Even the way we
set up the process in the American culture of dating and courtship and engagement and
wedding and then the honeymoon, sets us up for massive disappointment. No area do we
have such high expectations.
When you do courting and when you're engaged, you act in ways you would never act in a
normal life during this stage of your life. When you're trying to attract somebody, like I
have said before, you go on the hunt; you wear your best clothes all the time, you look
your best all the time, you're on your best behavior all the time, you spend money foolishly
and extravagantly on things you don't have money to spend it on. You're in your twenties
and you go out and buy a diamond! How many people in their twenties really need a
diamond? What you need is a car, a job, a place to live -- no, you've got to have a
diamond! You do things in courting you would never do as a normal person -- like go to the
opera... This is a fantasy world. It is not reality. Reality will soon come.
Even the way we set up the wedding sets us up with such incredible expectations. Have
you ever read one of these Brides magazines? They ought to say on the cover "Science
fiction". The women in those magazines, all their blemishes have been air brushed out.
There's no celluloid, no ugly people. Everybody is stunning in a Brides magazine. There
are some weddings that take on Disney extravaganza proportions. There's a cast of
thousands, building up to a forty-five minute event. The woman is hibernated. It takes
her three days and they turn her into this goddess and then she comes walking down the
aisle and everybody knows she's never again going to look that good. Never! From there it's
all down hill. It took them three days to make her look that good.
On top of that they make all the bridesmaids wear these really goofy dresses just so the
bride looks better. Have you ever seen a bridesmaid dress anybody would be caught dead
in, in a normal life? And the uglier the color, the prettier the bride looks.
It's a fantasy world of everything-must-be-perfect and the honeymoon is this far off place
that nobody could afford to go to and it's going to be perfect. There's no mosquitoes or
sunburns there. And you take the first years of your new life saving and paying for these
things. What a great way to start.
Fast forward that about six months into the marriage. The same couple is sitting around
the breakfast table. The guy's in a T shirt and a day's stubble is growing on his face. She's
got curlers in or dye on her hair. They've both got morning breath. They're arguing over
how come they can't meet the budget and who's going to take out the garbage. All of a
sudden this viral, freshly showered stately young man at the front door with flowers in his
hand is replaced with a pile of dirty underwear in the corner. And instead of dinner served
by candlelight, there is a half gallon of milk spoiling on the kitchen sink. Instead of an
evening scented with Ralph Lauren and Chanel Number 5, we now have body order, burps
and other noxious gases. You're looking at each other and saying, "What happened?"
We start saying, “maybe I married the wrong person”. The reality is this: Marriage is
composed of two very
36 flawed, very imperfect individuals with very flawed and very
imperfect pasts. It is foolish to think that two imperfect individuals can form one
37
flawless, problem free relationship. It's not going to happen. Unmet expectations cause
the marriage to go downhill.
3. Underestimated differences
38 let me tell you the rest of that
We've all heard the cliché that opposites attract. Well
statement; after you're married, opposites attack. What used to be fascinating is now
frustrating. God wired you up in such a way that there is an inborn instinct in you that you
naturally gravitate toward people who compliment you, who aren't exactly like you. You
realize there is something missing in you. It's natural that very structured people tend to be
fascinated and drawn toward people who are unstructured and spontaneous. And people
who tend to be shy and quiet and reserved are fascinated and tend to be drawn toward
people who are outgoing and loud and boisterous. At first these things fascinate us. They
are exciting. But after we live with them a while those very things that were exciting and
fascination begin to irritate and frustrate us.
39
In the early part of our relationships we tend to underestimate our differences and
overestimate what we have in common. I hear this saying all the time, "We're so alike!"
That’s really not true. In the first place one of you is a female and one of you is a male
and that means major differences all by itself.
God loves to put opposites together. I think it's His sense of humor. For instance, how
many of you are early risers? You probably married somebody who's a night owl. You stay
up late and you don't believe in God before 11:00 a.m.! Some of you are daring and
impulsive. You most likely married someone who is cautious and reserved. If you're
married, one of you loves to talk. The other is a bump on a log and mute. How many of
you love to spend money? You probably married a tightwad. Some of you love to cuddle
and you married a porcupine. Someone once told me that as soon as they began to sleep
together in the water bed their spouse has been drifting away. When it comes to sex, one
of you is a firecracker, the other is a dud. One of you says, "Drop everything!" the other
says, "Drop dead!" Things aren't always the same. One of you is neat, organized, and on
time. One of you is flexible, messy, and late.
Unexpected expectations. The guy says, "I thought I was marrying Raquel Welch and I got a
Rosanne." Another guy says, "I knew I was marrying Mrs. Right but I didn't know her first
name was Always."
Because we have such high expectations nothing can disappoint us and let us down more
than marriage. Because we minimize our differences – We say, "It's no big deal. We can
work that out", and we begin to overestimate what we have in common, it's not by accident
that the most common thing I hear in marriage couples is "I just don't understand him... I
know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but my spouse is from another
galaxy!"
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4. Unforgiven mistakes
You cannot have a marriage unless you learn forgiveness because we hold onto our hurts
from our spouse. Let me let you in on a secret: You're going to be hurt by your spouse.
Sometimes it will be intentionally and sometimes it will be accidentally. But the fact is;
you're going to be hurt. When that hurt comes if you hold onto it the wound begins to
fester and it gets even worse. It will poison your relationship and you are killing your
marriage if you refuse to forgive or let go of it. If you hold grudges and you're bitter, you
might as well take a gun and kill your marriage right now.
Let me ask you a question: Why would anyone hold on to hurts? Let me give you an answer:
Because we want to use them as ammunition. You know the old tit for tat kind of thing. It's
like we're trying to balance out the score. We deserve to get even because they did this so
we can do this. Man that’s the Christian way ain’t it.
Have you ever seen a beauty makeover? What they do is take an average, ordinary person
and do what they call a makeover. They cut the hair, lighten or darken it, do the makeup
just right, right kind of clothes, right accessories... A stunning beauty comes out and it's
totally amazing.
The key to a good makeover is knowing what to do with what you've got. You can't work
with something you don't have. This morning I want to talk with you about how to do a
marriage makeover. How do you make the most41of what you've got? It’s time to stop
looking outside and start looking on the inside. How do you make the most of what you've
got and transform your marriage? I want to give you five things; A, B, C, D, and E.
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A - ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS.
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I accept responsibility for my actions. Galatians 6:5 "Each person must be responsible for
himself." You can't control your spouse's actions and you can't control your spouse's attitudes.
But you can control yours. That means I'm going to accept responsibility for my marriage. I'm
not going to blame other people. I'm going to be responsible for my part of the problem and
my part of the solution.
That means you stop having a pity party about your marriage. "My poor marriage!" Stop
comparing your spouse. If you're doing that, stop it! It doesn't do any good except make you
miserable. Stop comparing your spouse to other people.
You stop complaining about your marriage. You stop resenting your marriage. You stop
blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. You are as happy as you choose to be. Don't blame
them. You stop dreaming and fantasizing of "If only I were married to Somebody Else." It's a
waste of time. You cannot fix your marriage if you're always fixing the blame. You cannot
have a beautiful, great marriage if you're always denying and defending.
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence and the grass is not greener on this side
of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it. Where you put forth the effort. If you
want to have a magnificent marriage, stop gripping, stop complaining, stop daydreaming, stop
fantasizing, stop blaming, stop excusing, stop pity-partying. Take all that energy and start
watering and weeding. Watch what happens.
I've counseled many couples. One bit of advice. Tackle one problem at a time. Your marriage
may have a whole beehive of problems but you don't try to work on them all at once. I might
suggest you work on the easiest one first. Something simple like "Let's agree on the TV." Get a
few successes under your belt before you start handling those root issue things. Start building
some camaraderie and instead of attacking each other, attack the problem. Instead of beating
each other up, beat up the problem together.
Accept responsibility and take one thing at a time.
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B - BELIEVE MY MARRIAGE CAN CHANGE
With God's help. Right now you may be confused about your marriage. You may be
disappointed in your marriage. You may be feeling
45 that your marriage is hopeless. But God
doesn't. God hasn't given up. The Bible says in Matthew 19:26, "Humanly speaking, it is
impossible. But with God everything is possible."
How are you looking at your marriage? You may be looking at it and saying, from a human
standpoint it's on its last leg. From a human standpoint, it died five years ago. From a human
standpoint, it's in the coffin and they're nailing the nails down. The heart monitor shows the
beep getting slower and slower.
But if you look at it from God's point of view, nothing is impossible.
I'll never forget, in the second year of my marriage to Kay and we were still going through all
that early agony of trying to get to know each other and work out all our problems and we
were both pretty proud and didn't want to admit where we were wrong and we didn't want to
go get anybody to help us. We were afraid. I remember one night in my despair crying out to
God, "God! I cannot make this marriage work! But I believe You can, so I'm not going to give
up."
Accept responsibility for your part of the problem, your part of the marriage. Believe that
your marriage can change.
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C - COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES
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Galatians 6:9 "Don't get tired of doing what is good and don't get discouraged and give
up." It takes real effort to make a great marriage. Great marriages just don't happen; you
don't blissfully go through marriage with no problems, no transitions, and no tensions. They
will come at different stages in your life. A marriage is always either growing together or
growing apart. It's never standing still. Good marriages don't just happen. It takes effort.
It takes honesty. It takes humility. It takes a willingness to say "I was wrong. Please forgive
me." It takes a willingness to be frank and honest and look at your family background and say,
"Not everything was perfect there." And instead of defending it you see stuff that was totally
inappropriate, dysfunctional, and not helpful. It takes a willingness to change. It takes
persistence. It takes flexibility. And most of all to have a great marriage, it takes time. You
didn't get into your mess overnight. You're not going to get out of it overnight. Some of you
give up too soon. You check out, go find somebody new, and you never deal with the issues.
The problem when you go to that new relationship, you take you along. And you're half the
problem and those issues are still unresolved.
The truth is, it costs to have a great marriage. It costs a lot in time, effort and energy. But it
costs more to divorce. Ask anybody. Financial costs, emotional costs, relational costs,
physical costs, memory costs... You leave a part of your person with that person when you
divorce. You may divorce but you'll never be totally free because you gave them your life. If
you've got kids you're never going to be totally free from that person.
Yes, it costs. But it's far more worth the cost to save the marriage and let God transform and
make the marriage a miracle marriage than it is to just chuck it!
Some of you are thinking, "I don't feel like it. I don't feel like working on it any more. I don't
love him anymore. I'm dead inside. I've been hurt too much. I don't feel like it."
What do you do when you don't feel like working on your marriage? You pray and obey. Pray
and obey. You pray, "God, give me the feelings again." And obey: I'm going to do the right
thing whether I feel like it or not. Honestly, I don't care if you feel like it. Do the right thing
anyway. That's a mark of maturity. Immature people go around saying, "I do what I feel. ... I
don't feel like it." That's immaturity. Be a person of character. Do the right thing whether
you feel like it or not. Grow up! Most of the things that get done in the world are done by
people who don't feel like doing what they're doing. There are a lot of times I'd rather stay
home and watch football! Do it anyway! Show some courage. Have some class. Build some
character. Do the right thing whether you feel like it or not. And God will bless it. And He'll
bless you.
And feelings always follow action. It's easier to act your way into a feeling, than it is to feel
your way into an action. If you wait for the feeling to come to start being nice to your
husband/wife, it isn't going to come. Feelings follow action. When you start acting nice,
eventually you're going to start feeling nice. It is inevitable. It has to happen. It's the way
we're wired biologically. When you act loving eventually you'll start feeling loving again.
When you act sexy, eventually you'll start feeling sexy again. And in any other area. You start
acting kind you'll start feeling kind. Inevitably. Do the right thing. Commit to doing whatever
it takes.
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D - DEAL WITH UNRESOLVED HURTS
49
50
You do this by asking for forgiveness and by offering forgiveness. By asking for forgiveness,
51 James 5:16 "Admit your faults one to another." Some
first because you've hurt your spouse.
of you are married to an unbeliever. More than anything else you want that most important
person in your life to know Christ. You're headed in different directions. You want them to
know salvation. You want them to go to heaven. You want them to know Christ like you do.
You're well meaning but many of the things you're doing are actually pushing your husband or
wife in the opposite direction -- by being overbearing. Maybe what you need to do is back off.
Maybe one of the first things you need to do is go and ask for forgiveness. Apologize. "I want
to apologize to you. I want you to know God like I know God but I've been obnoxious about it.
I've been overbearing, pushy. Sometimes I've been self righteous. I want to ask you to forgive
me because Jesus wants me to learn to be a servant. Please forgive me." That can melt the
heart and open the door far more than all the little gospel tracks you roll up in the toilet paper
or the crosses you lay out all around the house or the praise music you turn up full volume or
all the Christian books you underline and leave open conspicuously for somebody to read. Just
back off. You don't push people into heaven. You serve them into heaven through love. Love
builds the bridge that Jesus Christ can walk across into their heart.
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Then you need to offer forgiveness for ways that people have hurt you. Colossians 3:13 tells
us "Be gentle and ready to forgive, never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you
so you must forgive others." You marriage is not going to make it without forgiveness.
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E - ENLIST SUPPORT FROM OTHERS
Help. Support. You need help. Your marriage won't make it if it's just you and your
husband/wife working on it. You need more than that. Everything in our culture works against
your marriage. The general attitude today in our society is, "If you don't like it, take a hike.
I've got to do what's best for me." That's pure selfishness. "I'm going to check out if you don't
meet my needs or expectations." What you need is some support that helps you stay together.
You need some godly advice to sort things out. Sometimes you need an objective third opinion
to help you in an area where you're batting heads and nobody can see what reality is. That
may be a good Christian friend who's mature and knows God's word, knows the Bible, won't give
you phony advice or won't tell you just what you want to hear. That kind of advice is
worthless. Or it may be a counselor here at the church. We have dozens of counselors here at
our church to help you. It may mean finding an older couple who will be marriage mentors to
you. Get a model of some people who are where you want to be and who are committed to
their marriage.
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The Bible says, "Get all the advice and instruction you can..." Pr. 19:20 (NLT) "It takes
wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong." Pr. 24:3
(NCV)
I have seen many marriages fall apart and just to be put back together again by Jesus Christ.
How many here have a testimony of that very thing. Almost ready to quit and give up…to throw
in the towel…couldn’t take it any more and yet God turned it all out for your good?
CONCLUSION:
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+
You may feel that your marriage is on the rocks, you may feel it's hopeless. You may not see it
ever changing. But with God nothing is impossible. With God, nothing is impossible! You say,
"But you don't know my marriage. You don't know how much I've been hurt. You don't know the
things we've said to each other in our marriage. You don't know what's gone on and the
unfaithfulness and the other things." Do you believe the Word of God when it says that nothing is
impossible with God!
Some of you are thinking, "I'd love for my marriage to work. I don't want it to be what it is. But
I'm so tired of trying. I've tried for years to make this thing work and I feel like I'm beating my head
against a brick wall. It's going nowhere. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I'm tired. I just want to
give up. I am powerless to change my marriage. Powerless!"
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My advice? Give it go God. The verse says, "God who is at work within you will give you the will
and the power to achieve His purpose." And God does not lie.
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What you need is Christ. "For I can do everything [that means even to love again somebody that
I hate] with the help of Christ who gives me the strength that I need."
The truth is, you may have made a mistake and you might have married the wrong person for the
wrong reason at the wrong time. What do you do then? Do you just chuck it? Do you just walk
out, divorce, and leave? God says "No. You made a promise. You made a vow. I want you to stay
with that person and I will change you and I will change them and I will do a miracle in your midst
and give you the marriage you thought you were getting but didn't get, if you'll let Me change YOU
and if your spouse will let Me change THEM."
I'm not telling you if you're being physically abused you're supposed to stay with him. I do not say
that. If you're being abused right now, you need to get out right now. You don’t necessarily need
to divorce. But you need to get out, get some help, get some accountability, get your life in
order, build up some trust and was worthy of putting that thing back together. But God will work
in your life. Also, remember what I said last week…some of us are living together and we’re
divorced already.
Take what you've got and give it to God. And let Him do a marriage makeover.