Reflections
by Alicia Roddy
Oh my gosh!” My thoughts are flying through my head as fast as the rope slides
through the rings on the horse’s stomach and front hooves. I am glued to the ground where
I’m standing and can do nothing but watch as first one hoof and then the other is held to his
belly as the horse fights with all of his strength. Cisco snorts and squeals, bucking on his
remaining back legs before he slams into the mud on his elbows. Fear shines from the
whites of his eyes as his nostrils flare and he again tries to use his front legs to stand. The
rope doesn’t budge, but holds his front legs firmly in place, leaving Cisco to flounder on his
back legs until he gives up. Cisco again rears up and almost seems to dance on his back legs
as he struggles for control, then, losing his balance, he hops and bounces off his front
elbows until he slams himself into the railings. After forty-five minutes of struggling and
fighting, a dazed and exhausted Cisco slowly rests his bloody chin on the ground, flares his
nostrils a few times, tilts his head, and flops onto his side. His body is still, except for the
quick rise and fall of his rib cage as he remains tense and anxiously aware of all that is going
on.
I slowly let the air out of my own lungs, although I have no idea how long I have
been holding my breath. I am so emotionally shaken that I could cry from the exhaustion of
just watching. Although my heart is crying out for Cisco’s pain and fear, in my head I know
why he must go through it, and I know, even if he doesn’t, that in the end it is the best thing
for him to regain trust in humans. Later on, as we talk as a group, I completely understand
how Julia can say that she feels that same heart-wrenching sorrow when she watches the
boys in the program struggle against everyone who is trying to help them. I may not have
watched helplessly as these boys struggled to work out their lives, but I have spent the last
two years watching George.
I met George the first day of band. Carrying his saxophone, his water bottle, and all
of the other required marching band gear, he walked into the band room just like everyone
else. However, it didn’t take my section leader very long to figure out that George was very
different from the rest of us. He was strong-willed, hated taking orders, and carried the
biggest chip possible on his shoulder. I don’t doubt that he did more push-ups than anyone
else did that week, but that’s not really what I noticed the most. I wasn’t the student leader,
so I didn’t really care if he was a walking attitude. What I saw was a boy with a big heart and
a wonderful smile who had built up so many defenses that he couldn’t let anyone in,
especially if they were going to take control away from him.
Having been shuffled around and finally ending up with his grandparents because his
parents had given up, George had never had much reason to trust authority figures. Unlike
most people who will trust until they realize they shouldn’t, George would put up a big front
to keep people away until he realized they were safe to let in. Instead of threatening George
with authority and punishment, I offered him my friendship as someone who would listen,
and he began to trust me. From that point on, every time he would make a choice, whether
it was skipping school or smoking cigarettes, I would gently state my opinion, and then have
to let him go. It broke my heart to see the outcome of his decisions sometimes, but I
realized that I couldn’t make them for him. If he decided to change, it would be because he
wanted it, not because I did. This past May when I graduated, I said goodbye to a George
who was slightly better at expressing himself, but was a second-year freshman, and looking
at round three.
I happened to run into him in late December at the movie theater where he was
working. As I approached, he put out the cigarette that he knew I hated, and we talked. He
had switched schools the past fall, hoping he could solve his problems by running away from
them, but they only got worse. He quit school in the middle of the semester and started
working as many hours as he could at the theater. Once again, all I could do was offer my
support and love as he made his choices, but apparently he had realized along the way that I
really care for him. He told me not to worry, because he was going back in January to the
same school we had both attended, and he was even going to try band again for motivation.
Now, after having observed EAC and seeing the changes that it can produce in boys just like
him, I only wish I could somehow offer it to George.
I don’t think anyone can truly understand equine-assisted counseling until they
observe or experience it for themselves. It’s so hard to explain when people ask me what I
want to do after I graduate. Saying “therapy with horses to help boys learn behavior
management” just doesn’t do it justice. Actually, it doesn’t do the horses justice, because
they are the ones who actually teach. People like me just help translate the lesson into
English. Wild mustangs are so similar to these boys that they act as mirrors, showing them
just how much attitude and fear they really have. Just like George, these horses approach
humans with fear and apprehension, scared that someone is going to hurt them. To protect
themselves, the horses try to maintain complete control over themselves and their
surroundings. George and these other boys come across as so big and tough because they
are really scared and trying to keep control of their circumstances. During the gentling
process, a horse willingly hands over the control to the trainer. There is no possible way that
a man can force a horse to do anything. Instead, the horse makes the choice at each step,
and learns to trust as each step remains painless and non-pressured. In the same way, these
boys need to learn to give control to people in positions of authority, such as their parents
and teachers. If they learn to take little steps, the trust will come when they see that each
step is for their benefit. However, just like the running W exercise with Cisco, sometimes
the sacrifices they are asked to make are extremely scary. Just like Cisco, they will learn to
trust when they are in the most vulnerable position possible and those in control make sure
they are safe. The boys and the horses are both on a sliding scale between fear and trust,
and must go through the same process to move along the continuum.
The wonderful thing about equine therapy compared to other forms is that when
people are on horses, they are vulnerable and insecure, and cannot help but show their true
nature. By putting five boys on horses in a ring together, the boys gradually let down their
guards and show their true colors. It’s very easy to see when a person is playing scared for
attention and working the situation for all it is worth. It is also apparent who is a natural
leader, who is caring, or who couldn’t care less at this point in time. Once a therapist sees
these traits, certain horses can be used to force the boy to work through it. Putting a very
stubborn boy on a horse that is equally bone-headed is not only amusing, but also helpful for
letting the boy see a glimpse of what it is like to work with him. It only takes a few sessions
of constant power struggles for him to learn that cooperation between the horse and the
rider is the only way for anything to get done. The end objective, of course, is for him to
carry this lesson into his own life and realize that by letting go of the stubbornness, he can
make it easier for everyone involved.
By putting five boys together in a ring instead of having each one work individually,
the therapist is giving the horses a chance to teach the riders a thing or two about teamwork.
When the goal of an exercise is to get everyone through an obstacle and one poor boy who
has never ridden before is stuck on the back of the laziest animal known to man, it takes the
entire group of boys working as a team to get the horse to go. Each must learn how to tap
into his own knowledge, no matter how little he thinks he has to offer. Each must learn
how to communicate effectively, how to be encouraging, and how to have genuine faith in
someone else. Group EAC can help boys tap into a self-confidence they never knew they
had, enabling them to face challenges that they never would have attempted before.
While this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of EAC, it is
easy to see that it is a unique, successful tool for working with adolescent boys. There is no
doubt in my mind that EAC would benefit George, yet he was not so far gone that he ended
up in a place like the Billie Hardee Home for Boys where it would be offered to him. I don’t
think it is possible that any boy could experience EAC and not learn something. Between
the mirror effect, the complex communication between horse and rider, and the peer
relations involved, EAC can be used to teach lessons about almost any circumstance that
becomes an issue. Whether it is working on communication or transitioning to a new
environment, EAC will apply. It’s up to the therapist to decide which of the many dynamics
to concentrate on that day. The horses will always teach; the people just have to translate.