The following articles are food for thought about the issues of competition and winning/losing.
You will no doubt agree with some of the ideas expressed and disagree with others...maybe even
within the same article. What do YOU think about these ideas?
THE GAMES ARE MEANT TO BE FUN
by David S. Awbrey
Kansas City Star, Monday, July 24, 2000, p. B5
Not among the best swimmers on the team, 12-year-old Brian was surprisingly leading the pack
at the final turn of the 100-yard backstroke.
His arms flailing wildly but his skinny body cutting through the water with unaccustomed power
and speed, Brian only had to keep his present pace to win his first blue ribbon, an amazing
achievement for a kid who had spent his life in the shadow of his more athletically talented older
brother.
His mother couldn’t contain her excitement. She broke from the spectators section and rushed to
the poolside. “Go, Brian!” she yelled. “Go! Go! Go!”
Discerning his mother’s voice above the churning water, Brian stopped dead in his lane. He
stood up, his voice panting with near exhaustion. “What’s wrong, Mom?” he asked. “Is there
something wrong? Are you OK?”
Disqualified, the judge ruled, because Brian’s foot had touched the pool bottom. The color in the
mother’s face, a moment before bright, vividly red in hopes that her second son would finally
gain some sports success, turned ashen gray. The crowd erupted in laughter, and the boy slunk
out of the pool, defeated and humiliated.
That incident happened in the mid-1960's when I coached a swim team in Hutchinson, Kansas,
and I recalled it after reading of the horrible incident in Massachusetts where a father beat
another dad to death after a dispute in a pee-wee hockey game. Fortunately, I only had to deal
with an embarrassed parent and a distraught kid, but it was in indelible lesson in how seriously
some adults take their children’s sports.
In the years since, I have spent part of my journalism career covering big-time sports, including
the Washington Redskins and Baltimore Orioles. Consistently professional athletes and coaches
told me that although parents should encourage their children’s activities, most truly gifted
athletes are driven to succeed on their own.
And as most Little League coaches know, many of the “stage mom” parents are less interested in
their kids’ future than in reliving their own glory days on high school ball diamonds and
basketball courts.
But something deeper seems to be going on today than merely frustrated parents forcing their
own dreams onto their children or basking in the reflective fame of trophy-winning offspring.
What once were considered merely kids’ games – the boys of summer imagery – have become
primary metaphors of modern life. From corporate board rooms to casual conversations, the
language of sports has become the common tongue among many Americans, suggesting some
intimate connection between heroic exploits on the playing field and the challenges of everyday
business and personal lives.
It’s no longer just a game. It’s training for future success.
Coaching swimming and covering sports as a journalist, however, taught me that few children
see athletics the same way adults do. Kids might daydream of becoming the next Michael
Jordan, but most of them have little difficulty accepting the inevitable of growing up too slow,
too short or too klutzy to ever be in a position to hit the winning jump shot at the buzzer. For the
99.9 percent of children who never will wear a college uniform, much less the colors of an NBA
or NFL team, the camaraderie of friends and the pure joy of athletics are enough.
Adults assertions that sports develop mental toughness and a “warrior spirit” carry little weight
with kids who would be happy if they could only hit the ball out of the infield. And who would
be even happier if mom and dad stayed in the bleachers – quietly.
IT’S NOT JUST HOW WE PLAY THAT MATTERS
by Suzanne Sievert
Newsweek, March 19, 2001, p. 12
Last Halloween my 5-year-old son entered a pumpkin-decorating contest at his school. He was
so proud of his entry – a wild combination of carvings, paint and feathers he had constructed all
by himself with his own kindergartner’s sense of art. He lugged it proudly to the school cafeteria
and we placed it among the other entries, a very creative bunch of witch pumpkins, snowman
pumpkins, scary pumpkins, even a bubble-gum blowing, freckle-faced pumpkin wearing a
baseball cap. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “The judges are going to have a tough time choosing
a winner.”
I guess the judges must have thought the same thing because they didn’t choose one. When we
returned to the school cafeteria for the annual fall dinner that evening, we saw that all the
pumpkins had been awarded the same black and gold ribbon. My son, eagerly searing to see if
he’d won, kept asking me, “Which pumpkin won? Where’s the winner?”
What could I say? “Well, it looks like everyone won. Look: you got a ribbon, honey!”
Kids are smart. That didn’t satisfy him, “Yeah, but who won?” he asked. I could sense his
disappointment as well. What’s the point of having a contest if you’re not going to pick a
winner?
I understand what the school was trying to do. The judges meant to send the message that all the
children had done a great ob and deserved to be recognized. I worry that a different message
was sent, one that said losing is a hardship that no one should have to go through.
I’ve noticed this trend a lot lately: adults refusing to let children fail at something. It’s as if we
grown-ups believe that kids are too fragile to handle defeat. Last year I purchased a game for my
son and his 4-year-old brother that I’d found in a catalog. It was touted as teaching kids to work
togther to reach an end goal, with lots of fun problem-solving along the way. “Great!” I thought,
and ordered it right away. The game arrived and I played it with my boys. The trouble was that
everyone won this game. We all arrived at the end together. This sounds great in theory, but
where’s the incentive to keep playing? We played that game twice, and it has sat gathering dust
ever since.
Without a potential winner, a game or contest loses its excitement. If there’s nothing to compete
for, the drive to do our best is replaced by a “What’s the point?” attitude. Competition is
symbiotic with motivation. It’s part of human nature to be competitive. After all, survival of the
fittest is the basis of evolution. A competitive spirit is the key to our success as adults, so why
shouldn’t we foster it in our children?
I’m not suggesting we pit our children against each other in fierce competitions in all aspects of
life. We should be wary of overzealous coaches who lose the spirit of good sportsmanship in the
heat of the game. But in the right situations, a healthy rivalry can teach our kids a lot about life.
While games and contests illustrated the importance of drive and determination, they also teach
our children how to lose. And with that comes over invaluable lessons – about learning from
mistakes, searching for ways to improve and finding the will to try again.
As a parent I know the easier route is to keep kids from losing at something rather than to face
their frustration when it happens. I’m guilty of purposely letting my boys win at Candyland, and
when we occasionally have to race to see who can get dressed first, I sometimes declare, “You’re
both the winners!” rather than listen to them taunt one another, “Ha, ha, you lose. I’m the
winner.” But when I do hear those taunts, I try to use them to my advantage. I once said to the
loser in a game we were playing, “Well, he may be the winner, but you are a good sport.” This
was a new term for my boys at the time, but when I explained what it meant, my “good sport”
was very proud of himself. And the next time we played a game, my other son deliberately lost
just so he could be a good sport, too.
Kids can endure failure. My son understood that he might not win the pumpkin contest. He
would have been fine if he hadn’t gotten a ribbon; he would have tried again next year. The
letdown for him was that no winner was chosen at all. I’m certain there were a lot of hopeful
entrants who felt unsatisfied when no one walked away with first prize. Too bad my
kindergartner wasn’t the judge. The following morning he asked me again, “Mommy, who
really won the pumpkin contest?”
“They didn’t pick one winner,” I explained again.
“Well, I think th snowman won.” he said with a nod. And then he was satisfied.
COACHES AND YOUTH SPORTS
Inview Newsletter, March 3, 2001. Vol. 23 (16) p. 3.
What makes a good coach? According to Charles Smith, professor of family studies and human
services, it depends on the age of the child.
With young athletes, the manner in which coaches relate to them and how the coach assumes the
role of a teacher is a determining factor. “I think the younger the child, the more important it is
that coaches view themselves as a teacher,” Smith said. “Teachers are developmentally focused.
They adjust what they do at any given age to help children develop the talents of teamwork and
personal initiative.”
In addition Smith feels the “attitude” of a coach is an important component. Far too much
emphasis, he said, is placed on winning as a sign of success for a child and losing as a sign of
failure or weakness. “The younger the child, I think the less significance should be placed on
winning or losing, but rather placed on the effort that’s put into the sport,” Smith said, “In fact, I
think kids have more to learn from being on a team that loses than they do on a team that wins.”
According to Smith, sports offer youth valuable life lessons such as discipline, teamwork,
thrilling moments, unforgettable memories, painful setbacks, great comebacks, how to win with
grace and lose with dignity. “With winning there are no obstacles, as opposed to those obstacles
associated with losing,” he said. “When you win, you celebrate, pat each other on the back and
you’re done. I think you learn more about youself personally when you’re losing and how you
react to that. It’s not how happy the parents are with winning or losing, it’s not the glory that
surrounds the coach by having a winning team. None of those things do anything for kids.”
Smith cautions while everyone likes to win and athletes should play to win, the message that
should be conveyed to children who are losing is that although winning is an admirable goal,
what really counts is teamwork and persistence.
“I would never suggest in all athletics that we remove the competitive side of the sport,” Smith
said. “I think competition with a talented and supportive coach can bring out the best in kids.
But all that has to be moderated by the coach.”
Smith said a losing team with a bad coach will be “utterly miserable,” as opposed to a team
where a “good coach” continues to value and uplift his downtrodden players. He said a team
runs the risk of bcoming very hostile toward itself if a coach fails to work on that.
“My heart goes out to kids who are on teams where the coach thinks he’s the next Vince
Lombardi and is harassing his players,” he said. “These kids are trying hard. Some of them may
very well give up and the lesson learned is not likely to be very good.
“A coach who continues to encourage and inspire his players to not just show up but to play their
hearts out, that’s a team I want to be rooting for. I’ll be on the sidelines cheering them on
because I know it’s a lot harder for them to do that than a team that has some exceptional talent
and is easily winning over everyone else.”
“If you ask parents, many would say winning is the most important think,” Smith said.
“However, I think parents who really care deeply about their child will expect a coach to help
their child reach a higher level of physical talent and self-confidence. If I had to put the words to
Aretha Franklin’s song RESPECT on a poster for coaches or put it on the side of a blimp, that’s
what I would do. You should expect excellence, but do it with respect; frame it in terms of the
person who is engaging the task. It’s not an abstract standard that you have to meet. It is
excellence in reaching a tiny bit beyond where you think you can go and when you do that, that’s
excellence. It’s not being the best or winning.”
DODGE BALL DILEMMA
by Maureen Fitzgerald
Kansas City Star, Monday, May 28, 2001, p. E1, 4
The 6th graders could hardly sit still on the gym floor in Riverton Public School. As a special
treat for trying so hard during their unit on dance, the Burlington County, NJ kids were being
rewarded with their favorite game: dodge ball. Two teams assembled on opposite sides of the
gym and threw soft, foam balls at each other, laughing and cheering and scampering to pick up
balls and hurl them back.
Dodge ball in its many versions, used to be a gym-class staple as familiar as jump rope and
jumping jacks to anyone who attended public school. But many school districts nationwide have
dropped the game in recent years as some physical educators have taken the position that it has
no value, can encourage violent behavior, and can lower the self-esteem of less athletic students.
While many gym teachers support the change, others see dodge ball as a harmless game that
students love and that provides a good aerobic workout. Rick Reilly, a Sports Illustrated
columnist, wrote in the May 14 issue that dodge ball is “one of the few times in life when you
get to let our your aggressions, no questions asked.” In his column, “The Weak Shall Inherit the
Gym,” he calls for more dodge ball, not less.
Kevin Schmidt, the principle at Hope Christian School in Independence, recalls discussing the
dodge ball dilemma at faculty meetings. But he has not considered banning the game. More
than five years ago dodge ball became an organized sport during recess, Schmidt said. Students
who want to start a game have to ask a teacher for permission, then the teacher watches the
players to make sure they follow the rules.
“Dodge ball has an opportunity to degenerate very quickly,” he said, “When a kid just runs up to
another kid and whacks him with the ball, it can get out of hand. But if it is done as an organized
activity, then the teacher can keep an eye on them. We have rules that say if you hit a child
above the chest, you’re automatically out of the game. Head shots are totally illegal, even if it’s
accidental.”
And Schmidt said he very seldom sees injuries from dodge ball. “It’s very hard to injure
somebody with a ball of sponge, “ he said, “The game itself is a good game for developing
throwing skills, developing agility, developing teamwork. I think it’s got some good points.”
But dodge ball has its opponents. Judith Young, executive director of the National Association
for Sport and Physical Education, said she had received hundreds of calls and “taken a lot of
heat” for denouncing dodge ball. “I don’t have a problem with the game at backyard picnics and
birthday parties,” she said. “We just don’t think it should be used in phys-ed class.”
Increasingly sedentary lifestyles, with children spending hours playing video games and
watching movies, have heightened the importance of encouraging physical fitness in gym class,
Young said. The association recommends group games that emphasize cooperation, such as
outdoor adventure games or activities such as fitness walking and throwing balls at targets, in
which students can work for their own improvement.
Rick Swalm, head of the Temple University program that trains physical education teachers, is
adamantly against dodge ball. He argues that the weakest athletes are the ones who are hit first
and then are out of the game, so they don’t get enough practice. He also think s it is wrong to
encourage children to throw things at each other.
Jack Hutslar, head of the North American Youth Sports Institute, said those who want to ban
dodge ball are paranoid. “Threats and guns, any kind of evil event in the school, and they want
to link it to dodge ball,” he said, “It’s ridiculous.”
Cindy Vanarsdall, a physical education teacher at Cler-Mont Elementary School in the Fort
Osage school district, agrees: “I don’t think it encourages violent behavior. I think there are
other factors that do that. I think there are other things that people need to be pointing their
finger at.”
However, Vanarsdall has not used the game in its traditional, red-ball format since her first year
as an instructor. That was 16 years ago. “The more athletic kids got the ball, and the other less
athletic kids didn’t get to play much,” she said. “It’s an elimination game. It’s not a lot of
movement, not enough exercise and not enough play. Kids need to play.”
In Vanarsdall’s class, kids are not the targets for this aggression: bowling pins are. And she
substitutes the red rubber ball with a softer, less stinging, Nerf-life-sponge ball. Vandarsdall
recently attended a workshop sponsored by a California-based educational company that believes
using kids as targets was not beneficial to the students. “You can play the game where people
can’t get out. If you play the game right, get enough modifications, get the kids moving, then
you reach the goal of physical education.”
At Riverton Public School, the children were unanimous in support of the game. “I like dodge
ball,” said Ashley-Kelley, 12, who had just finished playing with her classmates. “I can’t
understand why you would want to ban it. Why not get rid of football? If you get tackled,
wouldn’t that lower your self-esteem?”
Kelsey Sanderson, 12, pointed out that self-esteem can go either way in dodge ball. “If you get
his, you self-esteem might sink,” she said, “But if you hit the backboard and get your whole team
back in, your self-esteem feels pretty good.”
WINNING ISN’T EVERYTHING
from the Internet
A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics during a regional competition, nine contestants,
all physically and mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the
gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and
win.
All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times
and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. The slowed down and looked back. They
all turned around and went back. Everyone of them. One girl with Down Syndrome bent down
and kissed him and said, “This will make it better.”
Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood, the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there
are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know one thing: What matters in this
life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it
means slowing down and changing our course.