Deeper Commentary – A mini-lesson for improving R to L writing
Commentary - your explanation and interpretation of the concrete detail. Commentary tells the reader
what the author of the text means or how the concrete detail proves the topic sentence and/or thesis
statement.
(Note: When choosing concrete details, be sure to choose quotes or passages that
can be analyzed – in other words, choose details that are worthy of commentary.)
BASIC Level:
(Use sentence starters as prompts when you don’t know how to begin commentary.)
Sentence Starters for Commentary (basic level):
This means . . .
This shows . . .
This illustrates . . .
This reveals . . .
This highlights . . .
This exemplifies . . .
Examples using “sentence starters” (basic level):
This means the doctors knew all along that the surgery would not be permanent, yet they chose to
hide this important fact from Charlie and Miss Kinnian.
This shows that the doctors are selfish and unethical in their medical practices; they are willing to
risk Charlie’s life for personal gain.
This illustrates the difference between Miss Kinnian and the doctors. She truly believes the
operation will benefit Charlie, and the doctors know it will not.
This reveals that T. J. is a dishonest character and a poor choice of friends for Stacie.
This highlights the difference between T. J. and Stacie.
This exemplifies the importance of the land to the Logan family.
ADVANCED Level:
(After using sentence starters, try stripping away the starter and revising your commentary.
Notice that this often forces you to say even more, as in the last two examples!)
Examples removing “sentence starters” (advanced level):
The doctors knew all along that the surgery would not be permanent, yet they chose to hide this
important fact from Charlie and Miss Kinnian.
The doctors are selfish and unethical in their medical practices; they are willing to risk Charlie’s life
for personal gain.
Miss Kinnian is different from the doctors because she truly believes the operation will benefit
Charlie, and the doctors know it will not.
T. J. is a dishonest character and a poor choice of friends for Stacie.
The difference between T. J. and Stacie is highlighted by the different ways they treat their siblings.
The importance of the land to the Logan family is exemplified by the multiple jobs the adults take
to raise money to pay the property taxes.
A. Mattos – 8th grade mini-lesson; March, 2006
Commentary Activity:
(Read each fairytale passage and complete the directions that follow.)
1. The Big Bad Wolf knocked lightly on the first pig’s door and said nicely, “Little Pig, Little
Pig, won’t you let me come in?”
a) What can you say about the Big Bad Wolf’s behavior? What does this passage tell you
about him or his motives?
b) Now, turn your ideas into a single, thoughtful statement using one of the “sentence
starters” listed in the box on the first page.
c) Advanced level – Now, re-word your statement without using the sentence starter.
2. Although the first and second pig finished building their houses in two days, “the third
pig worked for an entire month and built his house of solid brick.”
a) What can you say about the pigs’ behavior? What does this passage tell you?
b) Now, turn your ideas into a single, thoughtful statement using one of the “sentence
starters” listed in the box on the first page.
c) Advanced level – Now, re-word your statement without using the sentence starter.
A. Mattos – 8th grade mini-lesson; March, 2006
3. For example, Little Red Riding Hood looked at her grandmother and said, “My, what big
teeth you have!”
a) What can you say about Little Red Riding Hood’s comment? What does this passage
tell you?
b) Now, turn your ideas into a single, thoughtful statement using one of the “sentence
starters” listed in the box on the first page.
c) Advanced level – Now, re-word your statement without using the sentence starter.
4. The prince stooped low on the castle steps, picked up a tiny glass slipper and said to his
servant, “Search the entire kingdom until you find the woman who wore this slipper.”
a) What can you say about the prince’s behavior? What does this passage tell you?
b) Now, turn your ideas into a single, thoughtful statement using one of the “sentence
starters” listed in the box on the first page.
c) Advanced level – Now, re-word your statement without using the sentence starter.
5. Goldilocks tasted Baby Bear’s porridge and said, “This one tastes just right,” and then
she wandered off to find a comfortable place to rest.
a) What can you say about Goldilocks’ behavior? What does this passage tell you?
b) Now, turn your ideas into a single, thoughtful statement using one of the “sentence
starters” listed in the box on the first page.
c) Advanced level – Now, re-word your statement without using the sentence starter.
A. Mattos – 8th grade mini-lesson; March, 2006