Operational definition of communication
Conventionally, it is a custom to define communication by differentiating it from
information.
One of the major functions of communications if not the most important is
“maintaining face” that means, the positive self-image you are trying to present to
others through language, attitude, clothing. Thus, communication has two main
goals: to share content and organize relations between the interlocutors. Here we
will talk about interpersonal communication in the life of a couple.
Interpersonal communication is the one which focuses on the interactions that
structure exchanges among people engaged in a procedure of communication at an
individual level.
It is made of words’ exchanging, glance, gestures, facial expressions, attitudes of
body displacement.
We build our remarks around two major points:
-The purpose of any act of interpersonal communication that means what should
be sought within the framework of this type of communication especially in the
couple.
I. Interpersonal Communication as daily lighting of sociology
There are several theories and models of interpersonal communication.
a) Interaction rites according to Goffman, the most important rule in the social
order, particularly in interpersonal relationships is that of maintaining face (of
which the contrary is to lose face). This rule is actually double, in any interaction.
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In all interpersonal communication one should avoid losing face. That is what
Goffman calls the rule of self-esteem.
Then comes the question of preserving the face of the other or others. This is
what the author calls “consideration”. It involves preserving someone’s face and
that of others. It is this rule that determines the realization of any interaction. This
is the possible condition of any interpersonal communication particularly that
concerning us in the context of all communication activity in the program "Good
Samaritan"
II. Successful interpersonal communication
-The protection of territories: or the role of partners in the structuring of
communication. Interpersonal communication responds the types of space that
structures it. This is what we shall see. Interpersonal communication is based on
mutual knowledge and appreciation.
-Through the knowledge of others: one must strive to appreciate its interlocutor,
to spare his sensibilities so that he does not lose face. Some modalities should
certainly be taken into consideration
a) the need of existence and consideration, it makes you feel safe or be taken into
consideration.
b) the need of integration, to feel included in the community (the couple), to have
a recognized place, to feel valued, the need for individuation; to be yourself and to
be accepted as such
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III. How to develop a better communication
1) EXPRESS MY FELLINGS TO MY SPOUSE
If I do not say what I feel, what I wish, he will not guess it even if he loves me.
2) DO NOT ACCUMULATE FRUSTRATIONS
If I accumulate resentment against my spouse, I may blast violently about nothing.
It is better to say things as they arise. One should choose the right time to talk to
his wife or her husband, for example in the evening when the children are asleep.
3) REMAIN OPENED
If I stay self-centered or I am focused only on my problem, I will develop the
attitude of accusation, justification or dumbness which is unacceptable for him or
her.
4) CHANGE HIS JUDGEMENT TOWARDS OTHERS
Trying to put myself in his / her place and see what is good. Do not always see the
negative side of another. Instead of seeing the negative sides (E.g. we are all tired,
so we will eat later tonight) one should fix his attention on positive reasons (E.g.
in the field we have worked well, at home the clothes are washed well.) This can
contribute to avoid anger and getting nervous.
5) LISTENING CAREFULLY TO OTHERS
Many people think they know how to listen, but also many complain of not getting
serious attention. "My wife reacts so quickly when I start talking that I decided to
keep quiet," complains the husband. "My husband is very concerned about his
work worries for me to inform him about the children," says the woman.
This is not surprising as true listening requires an inner attitude of unconditional
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acceptance of each other. I am ready to listen to anything my spouse wants to tell
me. I have to help him to express what he found hard to say and try to understand
what he thinks or imagines. To listen to my spouse, I have to stop listening to
myself. This inner attitude is accompanied by material conditions which allow to
be calm, to have time, to be actually available. Then if I have decided to receive
my spouse, I will have to control spontaneous reactions, which very often prevent
me from listening. I must show my understanding to help him / her express
himself / herself up to the end. This helps us to avoid misinterpretations and even
advance in solving problem. Listening to the other is to respect him / her, to trust
him / her, to help him / her to grow, to love him or her as he or she is.
SOME OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION
- Take quick judgment,
- Reassure or comfort by preventing the other to express what he / she feels,
- Find solution in the place of another for raised issues,
- Asking questions to satisfy his / her own curiosity rather than focus on the
person,
- Explain or interpret always what is said by the other in a negative way.
A GOOD CHOICE FOR A BETTER LOVE
We all dream to live happily in couple. We each have a deep desire to be loved as
we are, to love and make happy. But when comes the moment of commitment, a
multitude of legitimate and normal questions bounces that reveals our concerns:
fear of being wrong, fear of marital conflict, fear of losing his / her freedom, but
also fear of being alone, fear of family pressure: will he / she please my family?
Or being afraid of the family choice ... Living happily in couple does not mean
without conflict! It requires time to prepare and build life together so that it truly
responds to our desire to love and be loved.
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SOME PRACTICAL WORK FOR DIALOGUE
We can summarize issues about a couple by responding to small questions, we can
ask ourselves: “Where do we stand”?
A) OUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
- To live the life of a couple together I especially need:
sign of affection
kind words
to be seduced by the other
to please the other
to share
to do some activities together
Some concrete actions (surprise gifts, special meals ....
the presence of the other
to be considered
exchange of confidences ...
- According to you, what are the most important needs of your spouse?
- Are there some of your spouse’s expectations that you can not satisfy?
- Are you happy with your sexual relationship?
- Who takes the initiative? ......
B) OUR DIFFERENCES
- What are your spouse’s qualities that you appreciate the most?
- Do you know what make your spouse happy?
- Do you tell him what makes you happy?
- Do you have time alone without your children or friends?
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C) EACH ONE WORK
- Do you share together about your work?
- Do you feel the difficulties concerning your spouse’s work?
- Do you think that your working conditions generate difficulties for your spouse?
- Are you happy in your workplace as you are at home?
D) THE BUDGET
- How do you contribute to the family budget?
- Do you know how much does your spouse earn?
- Do you put everything in common, or do you keep some for you?
E) EDUCATION OF CHILDREN
- Do you collaborate in the education of children?
- Do you share tasks depending on whether you are the husband or wife in the
education of your children?
- Do you know the area and why each of you is more capable?
F) THE MENAGERE TASKS
- Which are the household chores performed by your spouse?
- Are you satisfied by the tasks’ assignment?
- Are household chores sources of conflict in your family?
- What suggestions can you make?
G) THE RELATIONSHIP WITH FRIENDS
- Does each of you have personal friends?
- Are they involved in the couple's life?
- What is your relationship with the neighborhood?
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H) RELATIONS WITH PARENTS
- Do you speak with your parents concerning difficulties in your couple?
- How often do you see your parents or his / her parents? What do you think?
- How do you assist your parents when they are in needs?
- Are your parents a source of conflict between you?
HOW CAN YOU PREVENT CONFLICT
- To prevent conflict, one must prepare his or her marriage, which means taking
time to know each other, to talk, or even allowing more time for interpersonal
communication and preventing the body from acting too quickly.
- Decide that whatever happens we will continue the journey together,
- Always say what is wrong to one to another,
- Use imagination to refresh the love in order to avoid the routine.
NOTE:
THE
COUPLE
IS
NOT
SOMETHING
PERFECT
WHERE
EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL, NICE, AND PINK. CRISES DO HAPPEN IN
ALL COUPLES. SOMETIMES, THE CRISES ARE SO HARD, STRONG,
THAT WE CAN EVEN DOUBT OF THE EXISTENCE OF COUPLE
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION
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