TEACHING TOOL
For the Companion Website
Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others
4th Edition
Authors:
Steven A. Beebe, Susan J. Beebe, and Mark V. Redmond
Prepared by Sue L. Stewart
Texas State University
San Marcos, Texas
Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................... iii
Chapter 1: Introduction to Interpersonal Communication ............................ 1
Chapter 2: Interpersonal Communication and Self .......................................5
Chapter 3: Interpersonal Communication and Perception ............................10
Chapter 4: Interpersonal Communication & Cultural Diversity: ..................14
Adapting to Others
Chapter 5: Listening and Responding ...........................................................18
Chapter 6: Communicating Verbally ............................................................23
Chapter 7: Nonverbal Communication Skills ...............................................26
Chapter 8: Conflict Management Skills ........................................................31
Chapter 9 – Understanding Interpersonal Relationships ...............................36
Chapter 10: Developing Interpersonal Relationships ...................................541
Chapter 11: Managing Relationship Challenges...........................................47
Chapter 12: Interpersonal Relationships at Home, on the Internet,
& at Work ......................................................................................................53
Test Questions ..............................................................................................57
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INTRODUCTION
This Instructor’s Manual with Companion Website Teaching Tool, prepared by Sue Stewart of
Texas State University, is designed to make the use of Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond’s
Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others, (4th ed.) simple, enjoyable, and effective.
Enough materials are provided to allow plenty of ideas to suit a variety of teaching styles and
classroom situations.
The purpose of this Teaching Tool is to help you integrate the Companion Website into your
own teaching style and classroom environment. The Teaching Tool is also designed to help you
connect the media assets on the Companion Website with the content your students are learning
through your lectures and their textbook. The goal of this supplement is to allow you to use the
website to its full benefit, for your teaching and your students’ learning.
WHAT IS THE COMPANION WEBSITE?
The Companion Website is an interactive site that provides students with an exciting new way to
learn course content. When your students buy a new textbook, they receive full access to the
Companion Website which contains media assets including web links, interactive activities,
journal suggestions, essay topics, and related resources.
TEACHING WITH THE COMPANION WEBSITE
The Companion Website adds variety to your course materials, motivating students to learn. It
also places course content into real world settings, helping students apply their knowledge to
different situations. The Companion Website includes learning objectives established by the text
authors for each chapter of the text. Media assets such as weblinks, flashcards, activities, and
practice tests are also ties to these objectives.
Assisting Students - Getting Started
If you have access to a computer lab, take the students step-by-step through the following
process. Have students access the homepage for the text at http://www.ablongman.com/beebe
and follow along as you access the site on your own computer. Remember that this a free, open
access site that does not require either registration or passwords.
If you do not have access to a computer lab, but have access to a computer and projection
equipment, demonstrate how easy it is to use the web site on your own computer. Take students
through a tour of the Companion Website, showing them all the features they can access.
If you are teaching in a lecture class and do not have access to a computer, you can describe how
students can easily access the site and what students might expect to see and do once they begin
using the Companion Website.
To ensure that all students are familiar with the process of accessing the Companion Website,
you might ask them to do one activity or one practice test from the site during the first week of
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class. Since all activities and practice tests can be e-mailed to the instructor, this is a good way
to confirm that each student has logged onto the site.
How to Use This Teaching Tool
The Teaching Tool will show you how to implement the Companion Website in your course. As
you plan your syllabus and lectures each semester, look to the Teaching Tool to provide
discussion starters, classroom exercises, homework, and even test questions. The Companion
Website should not be dismissed as a student supplement that they use at their own discretion.
Because it offers such a potential benefit to students, the Companion Website should be an
integral part of your course – as important as the textbook you chose to adopt.
In each chapter of this Teaching Tool, you will find teaching notes for a selection of media assets
on the Companion Website. Not every media asset is discussed in this manual. Entries may
include:
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Annotation. This briefly describes the media asset being discussed. For example, it might
describe the action of a video clip or the content of a website.
Learning Objective. Describes what the student will learn by reviewing the media asset.
Faculty Note. Explains the purpose for using the media asset and what particular concept the
asset will address. Often, it will include a page reference to the textbook that shows where
the concept is being discussed.
Activity. Suggests an activity that can be done in class, for homework, or as a long-term
project based on the content of the media asset.
Additional Resources. These are books, articles, or other websites that expand on the media
asset.
Test Question. Multiple choice, essay, and True/False questions are provided, so that you
can assess students' understanding of the media asset.
Test Bank. The test questions from each chapter can be found at the end of the manual,
aggregated to make it easier to prepare tests.
This information will help you use the Companion Website more fully in your course.
Good luck!
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TEACHING WITH THE COMPANION WEBSITE
The Companion Website adds variety to your course materials, motivating students to learn. It
also places course content into real world settings, helping students apply their knowledge to
different situations. Students however, cannot experience these benefits if they are not using the
Interactive Companion to learn. This Teaching Tool will provide solid instructional ideas to help
you integrate the Interactive Companion into your existing course structure.
Each of the media links take students to additional content related to key concepts in each
chapter of the text. Students will find activities, practice tests, and links to relevant websites. In
addition to expanding the content of each chapter, the links help get students involved in the
subject material and help them remember what they’ve learned.
For example, an ACTIVITY ICON leads a student to interesting activities to enhance or expand
their understanding of the material. Students may be asked to research, discuss, think critically,
review or respond to content within or outside of the textbook.
A WEBLINK ICON provides links to current websites about the specific topic being discussed
in the textbook. Weblinks are carefully monitored and updated by the publisher, Allyn & Bacon.
When students want to test themselves on the material being studied, they can select the
PRACTICE TEST ICON and complete a self-scoring practice test. This feature will prepare
them for quizzes and examinations while they cover the information in the textbook.
How will the Companion Website help my students learn?
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The Companion Website adds variety to course materials and studying methods,
motivating students to learn. Instructors can enhance student motivation to learn by
varying the modes of presentation and including interesting materials from outside of the
text. The Interactive Companion provides engaging multimedia with a variety of
approaches to help students absorb, retain, and review information.
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The Companion Website expands subject matter beyond an academic setting. By
connecting textbook material to sites on the World Wide Web, the Interactive Companion
helps students understand the relevance of what they study.
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The Companion Website provides students with frequent feedback. Practice Tests and
Activities give students immediate feedback on their learning in an enjoyable and nonthreatening way. Even though an instructor may not always be able to give constant and
immediate feedback to every student, the Interactive Companion provides a mechanism
for students to interact with and use the material they’re studying.
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The Companion Website helps in learning transfer. By providing opportunities for
students to understand how concepts operate in different situations, the Weblinks, Audio,
Video, and Activities provide students with the opportunity to transfer what they’ve
learned to other contexts.
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The Companion Website increases student’s involvement with new technologies. The
Companion Website inherently connects students with new technologies through the use
of the computer, which can often increase the students’ motivation to learn. The student
is motivated to spend more time with the subject area while learning how to use the new
technologies.
How can I use the Companion Website in my classroom assignments?
Here are some suggestions for incorporating the Interactive Edition into your classroom
assignments:
Individual Writing Assignments
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Have students create a journal. For every chapter, students can write in a journal about
their favorite website from among the Weblinks and explain why it is significant within
the context of the course. Many activities can also be completed as Journal Entry. In
addition, students can be encouraged to find websites of their own and report about what
they find.
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Use the Weblinks as the basis for essays or reaction papers. Assignments can be
created around Weblinks that bring current issues into course work.
Collaborative Writing Assignments
Group projects can reduce the number of papers the instructor needs to grade while encouraging
students to learn from each other. “Electronic communities” of students can be assigned an
Internet activity to complete cooperatively. Ask the students to communicate about their ideas
through e-mail. This allows them an opportunity to practice their skills in expressing themselves
clearly in writing and allows the instructor with a record of their individual participation. As part
of the assignment, have the students review the transcripts of their discussions and analyze what
helped them learn and produce the final product.
Practice Tests
Each practice test and activity can be emailed to the instructor from within the Companion
Website. Choose a few activities and practice tests in each chapter and have the students email
you their work so you can monitor their progress in the class.
To make the Practice Texts an important part of their learning, tell students you will select a few
questions from the Practice Tests for your own exams.
Research
A useful exercise on researching through the Web begins with a discussion of how to analyze a
website for reliability. Ask the students how they might evaluate web resources in the context of
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the five traditional print evaluation criteria: accuracy, authority, objectivity, currency and
coverage. Have them consider the following questions:
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Who is the creator of the site?
What is the authority or expertise of the individual or group that created the site?
Is there an evident bias in the site?
Do the web pages have many typos and grammatical mistakes that may indicate a lack of
editorial oversight and questionable accuracy of content?
Are the hyperlinks maintained and current?
Class Presentation and Discussion
One effective way to get students speaking in class is to organize the students into groups and
have each group present the major points from one of the chapters in the book to the rest of the
class. Students should be encouraged to use the media elements from the Companion Websitein
the presentations or as a part of the research to create a multimedia presentation integrating
electronic and print resources. Video and audio clips can also be used as a springboard for
classroom debates.
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Chapter 1: Introduction to Interpersonal Communication
This chapter introduces the student to the importance of interpersonal communication. It
compares and contrasts the definitions of communication, human communication, and
interpersonal communication, and looks at communication as action, interaction, and
transaction. It also looks at myths surrounding interpersonal communication and
identifies strategies that can improve communication effectiveness.
You can encourage your students to visit all of the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
National Communication Association
http://www.natcom.org/
Content: This weblink leads students to the homepage of NCA exposing them to the
variety of resources and activities provided by the association and its members.
Objective: To expand the awareness of students concerning the discipline of
Communication Studies.
Faculty Note: Many students are unaware of the diversity of our discipline. This offers
them the opportunity to visit the site, explore programs in communication, and take a
look at some of the areas of research.
Activity: Direct students to Research area of the site. Posted in that area is the survey
on How Americans Communicate. (If this section has been modified, there is always a
posting of current research.) Ask students to review this report and comment on some of
the findings shown below:
Most people realize that the lack of effective communication with others can lead
to serious problems in a person’s life: 44% of Americans believe that it "very
frequently" causes a marriage or a relationship to end, fewer (38%) say that
money problems "very frequently" get in the way of a relationship, some name
interference of relatives or in-laws (14%), others blame sexual problems (12%),
previous relationships (9%), and children (7%).
Weblink
intimacy
Dean Ornish says good health springs from love and
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_1/m1571/n12_v14/20442632/p1/article.jhtml
Content: This Weblink contains an interview with Dr. Dean Ornish, the Bucksbaum
Chair in Preventive Medicine at the nonprofit Preventive Medicine Research Institute in
Sausalito, California. Dr. Ornish discusses the powerful influences that love, intimacy,
and relationships have on our physical and mental health.
Objective: It will expand the students’ concepts of what intimacy might involve and
demonstrate how important these relationships are to our health and well being.
Faculty Note: This site offers an alternative view on the importance of intimacy and
connection. It will expand the students’ concepts of what intimacy might involve and
demonstrate how important these relationships are to our health and well being. Dr.
Ornish may be known to them from his appearances on television or through his books.
Activity: Have the students read the interview and work in groups to discuss how the
concepts of relationships, connection, and intimacy play a part in their lives. This may
address the areas indicated in the text on pages 9-11.
Test Question: What did the article reveal about the importance of belonging to a group
that met regularly or drawing strength from religious faith?
Weblink
American Communication Association
http://www.americancomm.org/index.html
Content:
This is the home site for ACA.
Activity:
Direct students to the Communication Studies Center to research different
areas of Communication Studies. Ask them to explore a research link in an area of
interest. (For example, if they select Business Communication, they will be directed to
research in the area of Collaborative Teams.) Ask students to research an area of interest
and report to the class.
Weblink The Basic Psychological Features of E Mail Communication
http://www.shpm.com/articles/internet/features.html
Content: This link features an article from John Suler, Ph D on the basic nuts and bolts
of E mail: typed text, no face to face cues, anonymity, asynchronous interaction, and
other features. It offers a brief discussion of why this type interaction may be more
comfortable for some, as well as some of the benefits and drawbacks of the ability to
remain anonymous.
Objective:
Students will understand why some people prefer interacting without
meeting face-to-face.
Faculty Note: Although many of your students may be familiar with the use of E mail,
this offers an excellent reminder that it may not be as private as they think it might.
Activity: Ask students to consider the best and worst features of communicating with
Email. Ask them to complete a Journal entry that describes their best and worst
experience with E mail. Some of these can be shared with the class during the next
period.
Test Question: What are some of the effects of being able to remain anonymous?
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Weblink Emoticons
http://www.windweaver.com/emoticon.htm
Content: This site gives you some common and not so common emoticons.
Objective:
Students will understand the use of emoticons and how they “stand in” for
nonverbal behavior in communication.
Faculty Note: This site will provide your students with ways to express their personality
or emotions with online communication.
Activity: Ask students to use one or more of these emoticons in an E mail. You may
also have them write their thoughts about how emoticons got started, how they might
change, any unusual emoticons they have seen, or to try and invent a new one to add to
the list.
Test Question: Which emoticon do you find the most expressive or useful and when
would you use it?
CW Writing Activity
communication
Journal of electronically mediated
Content: This activity asks students to keep a log of their electronic communication
during a one day period. By asking them to do this, they can become aware of how much
of our communication is now accomplished through the use of media.
Faculty Note: Not only do students take notice of how much media is used, it asks them
to consider how communication may be different from face to face. This allows you to
address the content and relational dimensions of messages, the importance of nonverbal
communication, and the importance of perception checking.
Activity: The students keep a journal of their electronic communication during a one day
period. They are asked to describe each incident, making note if there was a greater
emphasis on the content or relational portion of the messages.
Test Question: What are some ways of adding emotional content to a mediated
message?
CW Activity
Sending an Electronic Card
Content: Students can use this site to send electronic cards to their family and friends.
Faculty Note: This allows students to experiment with sending “e-cards” and in
communicating online. The experience of selecting and sending a card could also be
used as a Journal entry.
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Activity: Ask students to acquire the E mail address for a friend or family member.
They can then go to this site, select a card, personalize a message, and send an e card to
their recipient of choice.
Test Question: Name at least one appropriate use and one inappropriate use of e cards.
Weblink
Interpersonal Communication Skills Test
http://www.queendom.com/tests/relationships/communication_skills_r_access.html
Content: This is a communication skills test students can take online. The test takes 10
to 15 minutes and will be scored automatically.
Faculty Note: Although the test provides minimum feedback, it does alert students to
some of the habits they may have that interfere with effective communication.
Activity: Direct students to the website to complete the quiz. Ask them to select one
area they want to work on to improve their communication skills. In a Journal entry or as
a homework assignment, have them write about why the skills are important and how a
lack of them may cause problems.
Test Question: If you have something relevant to add to a conversation, what are the
effects if you interrupt the speaker?
CW Activity: Matching Concept Check
Content: This activity covers the main concepts from this chapter. Students match
concepts with their correct definition.
Faculty Note: This is an excellent opportunity to review important concepts. Using the
computer may be a more attractive method to get students to review.
Activity: Direct students to the companion website to complete the Matching Concept
Check on definitions of types of communication.
CW Writing /Journal Activity:
Objective:
Closing Thoughts
Students will apply the skills of being knowledgeable and other oriented.
Content:
This activity asks students to apply the skills discussed in this section by
applying the skills to a current relationship. They are asked to write about their plans and
the anticipated results.
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Chapter 2: Interpersonal Communication and Self
This chapter helps us understand the answers to the questions of “Who am I?”, “Why am
I here?”, and “Who are all these others?” By looking at how these attitudes develop, we
can understand how our self-concept was formed. Strategies are also identified that help
develop a positive sense of self-esteem. Two models of self disclosure are explained and
the five characteristics of effective self disclosure are discussed.
You can encourage your students to visit all of the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink National Association for Self Esteem
http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/journal01.shtml
Content: In this article, Dr. Nathanial Branden answers questions concerning
misconceptions about self esteem, including:
 Does Self-esteem mean feeling good about yourself?
 Can anyone develop high self-esteem or is it the prerogative of a fortunate
minority?
 Doesn't a focus on self-esteem encourage excessive and inappropriate selfabsorption?
 Can't one have too much self-esteem?
Faculty Note: These may be questions the students would be reticent to ask aloud but
the answers can do a great deal in helping explain the concept.
Activity: Ask that students address one of the questions posed and write their own
answer. For example, assign a different question to each group and ask them to share
their answers with the class or ask them to complete a Journal entry to address the
questions.
Test Question: What are some ways of maintaining a high sense of self-esteem?
Weblink
talk.
Self Talk: Dr. Beverly Potter discusses the value of self
http://www.docpotter.com/ww_self-talk.html
Content: This site features an excerpt on self talk from The Worrywart's Companion:
Twenty-One Ways To Soothe Yourself And Worry Smart by Dr. Beverly Potter, Wildcat
Canyon Press, Berkeley, CA.
Faculty Note: This site offers some excellent suggestions on how to begin to use self
talk. For those students who are not sure what it might “sound like”, this offers some
excellent suggestions on how to begin.
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Activity: Ask students to read the article and then write a few sentences on when selftalk has helped them in the past or when it might have been helpful. This could be
incorporated into a weekly journal covering new interpersonal skills they have chosen to
improve.
Test question: How would you define the concept of being a “smart worrier”?
Test Question: Which strategy for improving your self-esteem do you think is the most
helpful? Why?
CW Writing/Journal Activity Groups and Self Concept
Objective:
Students will understand the role groups play in developing and
supporting our self concept.
Activity:
Students can complete the essay on the Companion Website on groups and
self concept.
Weblink
“Rejected”
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_1/m1608/n11_v14/21240296/p1/article.jhtml?term=%22self+fulfilling
+prophecy%22
Content: This article from Men’s Fitness discusses how to deal with rejection and some
of the attitudes that may help or hinder your chances.
Faculty Note: This article offers a male perspective on rejection. Although it is
approached from a male perspective, the advice offered is applicable to anyone. This
may be an important topic for students in the early college years.
Activity: Ask students to read about the Self and Interpersonal Needs. How could some
of these needs be fulfilled through a romantic relationship? This could be done as a
group project or as a response paper to the article.
Test Question: What are some ways to separate your self worth from the perceptions
others may have of you?
CW Writing/Journal Activity Strategies for Improving your Self
Esteem
Objective: Students will understand and apply the strategies for improving their selfesteem.
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Content/Activity:
Students will complete an essay from the Companion Website that
asks them to use strategies for improving self-esteem and apply them to a current
situation.
Faculty Note: This is an excellent opportunity for students to journal or write about using
the skills on a real life situation.
CW Writing/Journal Activity
Levels of Self Disclosure
Objective: Students will understand and apply the levels of self disclosure and the types
of communication involved in each type.
Content/Activity:
Students will complete an exercise from the Companion Website
that asks them to create examples of appropriate self disclosure for each level of
interaction.
Faculty Note:
This exercise can be completed as a journal activity or assignment
and later brought in for class discussion. It will highlight the differences in appropriate
topics for individuals and how they are considered as being appropriate different levels.
Weblink We Are What We Think
http://ahha.org/articles/levitonP.htm
Content: This article by a Certified Hypnotherapist and Guided Imagery Therapist
explores the connection between our thoughts, emotions, even the words we speak, and
our physiology.
Faculty Note: By giving examples, this article points to such concepts as self-fulfilling
prophecy, visualization, and self talk.
Activity: Have the students read the article as an assignment. Have them write in their
journal or prepare a short response paper to discuss in groups. Ask them to address the
first stage, being aware of thoughts, our state of mind, our attitudes, and how these can
influence our bodies and general health.
Test Question: What are some examples of how the mind can influence your body?
Weblink
The History of Toys and Games
http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/toys/
Content: This site from the Discovery channel offers the history of Barbie, Lincoln
Logs, and an opportunity to test your “toy smarts”.
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Objective:
Students will be able to identify the cultural influence of possessions on
the material self.
Faculty Note: By asking students to remember these or similar toys they had when they
were younger, you can begin to address the concept of the material self covered in the
text. They can also relate this concept to the perceived importance of wearing the most
popular clothing labels, having the latest music, or the most impressive car.
Activity: Ask students to visit the website to read the history of several toys or to see
what others have nominated. Ask them to work in groups to address the following
questions:
Identify the material things that are important to their self-concept.
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Why these are important?
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How do these affect your self image?
Test Question: Which one of the “selves” do you feel is most important? Why?
Activity
Matching Concept Check
Content: This activity requires students to match many of the key concepts from this
chapter.
Faculty Note: This activity is scored automatically and provides feedback for areas the
student may need to review.
Activity: Direct students to the Companion Website to complete this matching exercise.
Weblink PFLAG: Parents, families, and friends of lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgendered persons
http://www.pflag.org/
Objective:
Students will be exposed to some of the challenges and support offered to
individuals involved in alternative lifestyles and the challenges associated with self
disclosure.
Content:
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) is a national
non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and almost 500
affiliates in the United States. PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through: support,
to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and
advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights.
Activity: Go to the Pflag site and investigate the position and challenges of parenting
and families faced by these groups. (Select Education and then Issues)
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What are the findings of the research?
What other support organizations are offered?
How might these be helpful?
CW Writing/Journal Activity
Thoughts on Self Disclosure
Objective:
Students will be able to articulate and consider the risks involved in selfdisclosure and reasons they have for accepting those risks.
Content:
Students use guidelines for appropriate self-disclosure from the text and
discuss measuring the risks and rewards.
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Chapter 3: Interpersonal Communication and Perception
This chapter demonstrates how our communication and interpersonal relationships are
affected by the way we perceive others and how others perceive us. It discusses the
reasons we may form impressions due to primacy and receny effects, our own beliefs
about the way people behave, and through attributing explanations to the behavior of
others.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
“Seeing, hearing and smelling the world.”
http://www.hhmi.org/senses/a110.html
Content: This website demonstrates how our brain recognizes people and objects by
making an educated guess, based on the information at hand and on some simple
assumptions. There are some excellent visual examples.
Faculty Note: This site offers four to five exercises in illusory perceptions and also has
links to additional perception sites of interest
Activity: Have students visit this site and review the examples of shifting perceptions.
Afterward, they may have a good concept of how visual perceptions may impact what
you think you see. Have them write in their journals about how impressions of others can
be distorted due to what we think we see or know about them.
Test Question: What is significant about the information you select to perceive?
Use your own examples to describe each category of the interpersonal perception
process.
Weblink “The ‘super-crip’ stereotype – Press victimization of
disabled people”.
http://www.journalism.indiana.edu/ethics/sup_crip.html
Content:
Mary Johnson’s article asks the questions: When you report stories about
people with disabilities, do you inadvertently victimize them by using stereotypes? How
should you handle these stories?
Objective:
Students will recognize the influence of stereotypes and the effectiveness
of not identifying people based on one characteristic.
Faculty Note: This article questions the use of stereotypes and how the media may use
them.
Activity: Ask students to read the article and compare it to their own biases.
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Can they think of a time when they have viewed a person in this manner?
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Weblink
Ask them to review other media coverage to form their own opinions of
how the media characterizes people with disabilities.
Ask students to consider personal constructs we might hold for various
groups in our society including the homeless, disabled people, politicians,
or members of a sorority
Attribution Theory
http://www.as.wvu.edu/~sbb/comm221/chapters/attrib.htm
Content: This site from WVU offers an explanation of attribution theory, exploring the
differences between external and internal attribution. Examples are used to demonstrate
how each is different and how each has the potential for a different long term outcome.
Faculty Note: This explanation also bring in the topics of self concept and self fulfilling
prophecies.
Activity: Have students read the article. Ask them to think of a particular personal
situation and answer these questions:
1. Why did this happen?
2. What attribution or explanation did I offer?
3. How is my future behavior dependant on the type of attribution I made?
4. What other attribution could I have made?
5. How might this have affected my future behavior?
This can be a journal assignment, an individual paper, or a group discussion.
Test Question: Which type of attribution may have a long term influence on habitual
behavior?
CW Writing/Journal Activity
The Perception Process
Content: This activity covers the concepts from the perception process and asks students
to use their own examples to demonstrate the states.
Faculty Note: Good opportunity for mid-chapter review.
CW Writing/Journal Activity Taking the perspective of others.
Content: The content of the online activity is shown below:
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In the scenarios below, identify specific circumstances that would lead to a
positive perception and specific circumstances that might lead to a negative
perception.
Example:
Picking up a hitchhiker.
Positive perception: Mary actually knows the person to whom she is offering a
ride. They have a biology class together. His car has been in the shop and Mary
is trying to help out.
Negative perception: Mary does not know this person and is making a
dangerous and stupid mistake. She is always taking chances.
Now it’s your turn: (Students are offered a variety of situations and asked to
provide an example of both positive and negative perceptions of the same
situation.)
Situation: A classmate who does not invite on of your friends to a party.
Situation: An older woman walking down the street arm in arm with a teen aged
boy.
Situation: A fiend who does not return your phone call.
Faculty Note: This activity asks students to decenter and attempt to take the perspective
of others. This is done through a series of scenarios that allows the student to understand
the concept and then apply their understanding.
Activity: Direct students to the companion website to complete this activity or assign it
as a journal entry.
Test Question: Which barrier or barriers to accurate perception might lead you to a
negative perception of these events?
Weblink
Faculty Perception of Student Honesty
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m0FCR/3_37/108836897/p1/article.jhtml
Content: This site from the College Student intends to investigate possible differences
in student and faculty perception on student academic honesty and also proposes to detect
possible differences in student variables such as year level and gender in view of the
issue, and faculty gender difference in prospect of the same concern.
Faculty Note: This site offers students an interesting perspective from instructors.
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Activity: Have students visit the website and read the article. Ask them to describe their
responses. Do they agree or disagree?
Test Question: How strongly do past experiences influence our perceptions?
Activity
Taking the perspectives of others
Content: This is a short 8 item test to raise awareness about perceptual errors. Students
are asked to read statements and mark them as being True or False. Statements include:
1. When I know a few things about a person, I usually fill in what I don’t know.
2. I don’t assume that everyone is like me.
3. When I make predictions about other’s behavior, they are generally accurate.
4. . I don’t form an impression of others until I have lots of evidence.
5. I don’t make assumptions about what others think based on their behavior.
6. I pay attention to people’ behavior when it might contradict my first
impression.
7. What I learn or observe about another person within the first few minutes of
our meeting is how I form most of my impression of them.
8. I make guesses about what people are like based on my observations but I am
willing to revise them.
Feedback is given at the end to identify when students have successfully identified
perceptual errors or where they may have some work to do.
Faculty Note: This ties in to the section on Identifying Barriers to Accurate Perception.
Activity: Ask students to go to the website to complete the activity. By answering the
questions they can become aware of perceptual problems or barriers they may have.
After completing the activity, ask them to read the section on Identifying Barriers to
Accurate Perception on pages 86-89 and the next section on Improving Your Perceptual
Skills on pages 90-92. After reading both sections, have them return to their answers and
write a short response about how those errors might have been avoided. What could they
have done differently?
Test Question: How do overgeneralizations pose barriers to accurate perceptions?
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Chapter 4: Interpersonal Communication and Cultural Diversity:
Adapting to Others
This chapter addresses how our culture influences our communication and interaction
with others, addressing such areas as interpretations of masculine and feminize behavior,
individual and collective achievements, how we tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty, and
our beliefs in concentrated or decentralized power structures. Barriers to communication
with people from cultures other than our own can occur due to ethnocentrism, language
differences, stereotyping, or prejudice. Suggestions for developing a “third culture” are
explained.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink Black/African American Minority Links for Media
http://www.census.gov/pubinfo/www/hotlinks.html
Content: This website contains U.S. Census Bureau information on Black/African
American, Hispanic/Latino, Asian/Pacific Islander, and American Indian/Alaska Native
populations. There are also links to current news releases concerning the latest census
figures for each ethic group.
Faculty Note: This provides students with a source for gaining information on several
ethnic groups and may challenge some of the information or stereotypical beliefs they
currently hold.
Activity: Form groups of students to research data on a specific minority. Ask students
to visit this site to gather basic information on an ethnic group that may be relevant to
your geographic area. They have the ability to view Census data from the last two census
reports and can track the changes in a particular segment of the population. Ask them to
select an ethnic group and gather some basic information to share with the class.
Research can be divided among the team members to address the following questions:
1. What is the change in population between the two census figures?
2. What is shown concerning the level of attainment of education?
3. What percentage of the population works in a specific occupation? (You may
ask students to research areas specific to their major. For instance, they may
research the number of Hispanics who are lawyers, social scientists, or
teachers.)
4. They may select any other areas of interest.
Test Question: What are three social characteristics that are reported in the census data?
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Weblink
What’s Your GQ?
http://www.yourculturecoach.com/quiz.html
Content: This site from Global Business consultants offers a test to determine your
“Global Quotient” or how aware you are concerning business practices in other cultures.
The questions cover Britain, Russia, Japan, and Mexico. A sample question asks, “If you
are an American female professional, what colors would you avoid wearing to a meeting
with your Japanese client?”
Faculty Note: Although this site does not offer in-depth information, it is an
enlightening look at how cultural differences may be relevant in business transactions and
how important it is becoming to be a competent intercultural communicator.
Activity: Ask students to go to this site, take the quick quiz, and then research the area
they found most interesting. For instance, the sample question (above) discusses the
importance of the color yellow. Colors may be significant in other cultures as well. Ask
students to research an area of interest and then to write out their findings. They can also
include a paragraph or two on what visitors from other cultures should know about the
same topic in our culture.
Test Question: What are three areas you should investigate before doing business with
another culture?
Weblink
Learning about “Time Budgeting”
http://intermundo.net/
Content: This site offers explanations of how time is used in different cultures. Topics
include monochronic and polychronic cultures, linear and circular time concepts, and
time budgeting. There area also sections on environmental issues such as space concepts.
Faculty Note: This site is from Intermundo.net, the Online Journal of Intercultural
Communication. It offers information in many areas including basics, language issues,
nonverbal communication, social organization, power, and control, and thinking and
logic. These areas can enrich your study of intercultural communication.
Activity: Ask students to visit this site to learn about time, particularly how
monochronic and polychronic cultures view and use time differently. Ask them to
choose an area (task handling, interpersonal relations, activity coordination, breaks and
personal time, temporal structure, work/personal time separability, organizational
perception) and journal about how these might pose problems in intercultural
communications.
Test Question: What is the difference between the monochronic and the polychronic
concepts of time?
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Weblink
“V” for Victory
http://www.getcustoms.com/articles/gestures.html
Review the meanings of some common gestures.
Content: This site reviews the meanings of common gestures that may be confusing for
new visitors to North American and Canada. The site covers gestures for “come here”,
“V” for victory (the peace sign), thumbs up, A-OK, and pointing.
Faculty Note: This can be an excellent source to have students begin to think about
gestures that are common to our culture but may cause confusion for others.
Activity: After reviewing this site, ask students to work in small groups to write a set of
instructions for visitors from another county (or another planet!). Their goal is to advise
the visitors about three to four gestures that are appropriate (or inappropriate) and when
they should be used. After writing their instructions, they can demonstrate for the entire
class.
Test Question: Name two ways the “thumbs up” signal is interpreted by other cultures.
Weblink
The National Forum on People’s Differences
http://www.yforum.com/
Faculty Note: This site gives you a way to ask people from other ethnic or cultural
backgrounds the questions you've always been too embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask
them.
Activity: Ask students to go to the site and review a question in the question archives.
These may include questions on gender, race, ethnicity, age, etc.
Weblink
The Human Diversity Resource Page
http://community-2.webtv.net/SoundBehavior/DIVERSITYFORSOUND/
Content
This page provides useful resource links for understanding the power of
human differences. Differences can challenge assumptions and lead to appreciation. The
basic premise of appreciation is understanding. Being open to a level of personal
understanding allows for differences to be noticed.
Activity: Go to the Diversity Calendar to study the events for the current month.
Conduct further research to learn the significance of the holiday as well as the history and
traditions that accompany it.
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CW Writing/Journal
Cultural Elements
Content: This exercise asks students to consider the cultural elements that are valued in
their culture.
Faculty Note: This allows students to “recognize” some of their cultural influences and
write about how they have influenced their own lives.
Activity: Direct students to the Companion Website to complete the Cultural Elements
essay activity.
Weblink
Executive Planet.com
http://www.executiveplanet.com/
Content:
This site offers information on international business culture including
business guides for doing business in other countries.
Objective:
Students will understand and utilize knowledge concerning cultural
differences in business transactions.
Faculty Note:
Take the scenarios from the IM and have students research them
further. (Activity 4.6: What to do?)
Activity: Ask student to take the scenarios from the Instructor’s Manual and research
them further using information from this site.
CW Writing/Journal Activity Closing Thoughts
Content: After studying this chapter, discuss the methods you could use to make
yourself and your host country more comfortable.
Scenario: Imagine yourself in a situation where you have won an all expenses paid trip
to China. You have never traveled to China before. You do not speak the language, wear
the same type clothing, or have the same cultural beliefs as most of the people you will be
around. What could you do to make yourself more comfortable during your visit? How
would you learn to interact and respond to others while you were there?
Faculty Note: This final exercise asks students to use the knowledge they have studied
in this chapter.
Activity: Ask students to complete the short essay. It will be forwarded to you via
Email.
Test Question: What do you think is the most important skill to learn when adapting to
others?
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Chapter 5: Listening and Responding Skills
Listening is the process of creating meaning from verbal and nonverbal messages,
including selecting, attending, understanding, remembering, and responding to others.
Listening styles vary, from being people oriented, action oriented, content oriented, or
time oriented. Barriers to effective listening include being self-focused, being distracted
by emotional noise, criticizing the speaker, wasting the difference between speech rate
thought rate, and being distracted by information overload. Listening skills can be
improved by using the simple steps of stop, look, and listen.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
International Listening Association
http://www.listen.org/pages/quotes.html
Content: This site from the International Listening Association includes some excellent
quotations about listening. Here’s an example:
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.
The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” — Ralph Nichols
Faculty Note: This site contains six pages of insightful quotes from famous and
infamous people.
Activity: Have students visit the site to read the quotes. Ask that they select one that is
particularly meaningful to them. It may represent an experience they have had with
listening, a memory from their past, or a listening goal they intend to work on. Ask them
to journal about what makes this quote meaningful to them by describing their
experience, feelings, or goals.
Test Question: The website asks that you “Give the gift of listening”. Why do you
think this would be a good gift?
CW Journal/Essay Activity
Responding with Sympathy and Empathy
Content: This online activity asks students to practice their skills using empathy and
sympathy by responding to various scenarios. Students are asked to create both a
response that demonstrates sympathy and one that demonstrates empathy. The steps to
effective listening are reviewed.
Objective: Students will be able to demonstrate effective listening skills and empathetic
responses.
Activity: Students should complete the Building Your Skills exercise on the Companion
Website.
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Weblink
“Lessons in Lifesmanship”
http://bbll.com/index.html?ch02
Content: This is an online E book that discusses how to improve and enjoy your
relationships at work and at home. Chapter 2 specifically covers listening from both a
public speakers and interpersonal perspective.
Faculty Note: This can be used effectively with the Building your Skills found in the
text on page 143.
Activity: Ask students to complete the Building your Skills questionnaire on page 143.
This will allow them to evaluate their own skills as a listener. After they have completed
the activity, ask them to read the online chapter on listening. In their journals, as them to
identify which listening skill mentioned in the article might be the hardest to master and
discuss the reasons this might be the case. Set a goal to try and work on at least one
aspect of learning that skill.
Test Question: How does Brian Bell define “pouncing?”
Weblink Poor Listening Habits
http://www.listen.org/pages/poor_listening_habits.html
Content: This site from the International Listening Association offers a list of poor
listening habits. Are you guilty?
Objective: After working with this material, students will be able to recognize and
improve on their poor listening habits.
Activity: This site quotes research published in Nichols, R. G. and L. A. Stevens (1957).
Are you listening? New York, McGraw-Hill. These findings came out almost 50 years
ago. What has changed? What additional challenges may exist now that were not a
problem when the list was published?
Test Question: What were any of the top ten poor listening habits?
Weblink Feature Articles from the Learning Resource Network.
http://www.speaking.com/articlesspeakers.html
Content: This article by Tony Allesandra, Ph. D. approaches listening from a public
speaking context. He offers the C.A.R.E.S.S. method to improve your skills as a listener.
These include concentrate, acknowledge, research, exercise emotional control, sense, and
structure.
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Faculty Note: It may be interesting to your students to see how some of the skills they
have studied in public speaking class can relate to the interpersonal context.
Activity: Have students read about the C.A.R.E.S.S. method. Working in groups, have
them amend this method so that it would work more in an interpersonal content. First,
have them discuss the differences between the two listening contexts. Next, they can
identify what they want to keep out of the method, and what they would like to add.
Each group could share their new method with the class.
Test Questions: What are the steps in the C.A.R.E.S.S. method of listening?
Weblink “The Author Talks About Emotions” - Interview with Daniel
Golman
http://www.sfgate.com/ea/holt/1018.html
Content: Daniel Goleman speaks about E-IQ concepts in his book, Emotional
Intelligence and the attention it's received in a San Francisco Chronicle article.
Faculty Note: You may want to expand your discussion on Emotional Intelligence or
assign some readings out of the Goleman book.
Activity: Have students complete Activity What’s Your Emotional Intelligence
Quotient? (Click on to Weblink: Take the E-IQ Test http://www.utne.com/azEQ.tmpl.).
After taking the test, ask them to write in their journal about the importance of EQ and
how it might benefit interpersonal and professional relationships.
Test Question: How might the skills represented by emotional intelligence be valuable
in your current or future profession?
CW Essay/Journal Activity
Timely Responses and E-mail.
Content: Here is the online activity:
Think about a situation in which you and your friend are working on a project.
He has sent you an E-mail to check on your progress. Rather than responding
immediately, you wait two days to send a return E-mail. This delay really slows
down his work on the project and he calls to let you know that he is upset with
you.
How does working with E-mail change the suggestions for well-timed responses?
How could a timely response be interpreted as opposed to one that is delayed?
What communication message might you be sending if you do not respond in a
timely manner?
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Activity: Ask students to complete activity 5.10 and respond to the questions asked.
This can be done as a short response paper or as en entry in their journal.
Test Question: What are the advantages and disadvantages of not being able to respond
immediately to an E-mail?
CW Essay/Journal
A Checklist for Listeners
Content: This checklist was first published in the International Listening Associating
Newsletter. Use the checklist to monitor your listening behavior for one full day.
Today I…..
Interrupted people ______ times.
Misunderstood other people _______ times.
Lost track of the conversation _________ times.
Stopped making eye contact with a speaker ________times.
Asked someone to repeat himself/herself ______ times.
Let my mind wander while listening to someone _____ times.
Changed the subject in the middle of a conversation ____ times.
Jumped to a conclusion about what someone was going to say ____ times.
Reacted emotionally to what someone was saying before he or she finished ____
times.
Tally your records and make at least TWO goals for yourself. Identify these goals
and write a plan for how you will put them into effect.
Objective: Students will recognize their ineffective listening behaviors and set goals to
improve them.
Activity:
Have students sue the activity from the Companion Website (or the text on
page 154) to complete this activity.
CW Essay/Journal Activity Essay: Closing Thoughts – An
Outstanding Communicator’s Award
Content: Online script is below:
Think of someone you know to whom you’d like to give an award as an
outstanding communicator. It may be the person you thought of in the beginning,
your trusted friend, a close family member, someone you’ve had a relationship
21
with since elementary school, or someone you have just met. Picture him or her
in your mind.
What are the defining characteristics that make your friend or acquaintance an
excellent communicator?
What skills can you work on that will help you become that excellent
communicator?
Faculty Note: Student responses will be sent to you via E mail.
Activity: Ask students complete the Closing Thoughts essay (Activity 5.12).
Test Question: Which communication skill do you think is the most important? Why?
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Chapter 6: Verbal Communication Skills
Words are power influences on our self-image and relationships. Meanings of words are
arbitrary – we interpret them based on the context and culture to which we belong.
Language both shapes our culture and, in turn, our culture is shaped by our language.
The words and language barriers you use can enhance or detract from the quality of the
relationships you establish with others.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink Symbols.com: the world's largest online encyclopedia of
graphic symbols!
http://www.symbols.com/
Content: This site claims to offer the largest online encyclopedia of graphic symbols.
Objective: Students will recognize other methods for using symbols and the arbitrary
nature of the symbols we choose.
Activity: Use the word index to research other ways of expressing thoughts, feelings and
emotions. Specifically, ask them to research the terms “have not understood”. Ask them
to discuss the logic of the symbol.
Weblink Webopedia
http://www.pcwebopaedia.com
Content: This site is an online dictionary and search engine for computer and Internet
technology. It offers a “term of the day”, the top 15 terms, and the ability to search for
technology terms that may be unfamiliar.
Faculty Note: This activity will tie in with the “For Your Journal” activity # 2 on page
184.
Activity: Have students visit this site to define the terms “link rot” and the term of the
day, (This may change depending on the day they visit the site), and one additional term
they want to share with the class.
Ask students to bring to bring these terms to class. Discuss with the class how these terms
may be reflective of our culture and it’s values, and how they may be different or
insignificant to other cultures.
Test Question: Define HTML. What is its primary use?
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Weblink
Avoiding Gender Bias in Pronouns
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/genderbias.html
How to use pronouns so that your writing is both gender free and correct.
Content: This site from Write Place, St. Cloud State University, St. Cloud, MN
discusses avoiding gender bias in pronouns. It offers five specific suggestions with
examples of how to avoid bias.
Faculty Note: This will tie in with the text on pages 185-187, “Biased Language:
Insensitivity towards Others” and “Avoid Sexist Language”.
Activity: Ask the class to bring in a newspaper article, magazine, book, or website that
reflects biased language. (As an alternative, they can bring in a source and discuss how it
could be re-written to demonstrate biased language).
Topics for discussion could include:
 How the use of this language would impact communication
 When does “politically correct” language go too far? (What do they think about
“person hole covers” or “gingerbread people”?)
 How would they communicate their discomfort to someone who used biased
terms?
Test Question: List two options for avoiding gender biased language.
CW Activity
Learning New Words
Content:
This activity asks students to go to the website for Random House to learn
new words and take a word quiz.
Objective:
Students will be able to demonstrate the influence of culture on language
and language on culture by identifying new words that are in the dictionary.
Activity:
Direct students to Activity Learning New Words on the Companion
Weblink
How to Express Difficult Feelings
http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm
Content: This page offers advice from Alan Nadig, Ph.D. on how to discuss feelings
rather than thoughts or beliefs. It offers guidelines and techniques for expressing
feelings, including the use of “I” messages and “ I feel” statements, as well as examples
of common mistakes when trying to express feelings.
Faculty Note: These concepts are covered in the text.
24
Activity: Ask students to read the web article, and then complete the Building Your
Skills activity on page 176, “Expressing Your Emotions”. This will allow them to
practice these skills in some realistic situations.
Answers can be discussed in groups or can be entered in the student’s journals.
Test Question: What are some common mistakes when you are trying to express
difficult feelings?
Weblink
University of Iowa: Assertive Communication
http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/asertcom.html
Content:
This site from the University of Iowa Counseling Service offers
instruction and information on assertive behavior.
Objective:
After completing this exercise, students will be able to discuss three
benefits of assertive communication.
Activity:
Ask students to read the article discussing the techniques and importance
of assertive communication. How do these recommendations compare to those offered in
the text? What behaviors do you recognize of your own? Identify at least two assertive
behaviors to practice (write about thee in your journal and makes notes on your progress.)
Test Question:
What are three possible outcomes from not being assertive?
CW Essay/Journal Activity
Practicing your Assertive Responses
Content:
This activity asks students to create assertive responses to several sets of
circumstances.
Objective:
Students will be able to formulate and practice effective and appropriate
assertive communication.
Activity:
Direct students to the Essay activity on the Companion Website Practicing
your Assertive Responses. Responses can be forwarded to you for feedback or brought
to class to be assessed as a group activity.
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Chapter 7: Nonverbal Communication Skills
Nonverbal messages are the primary way in which you communicate feelings, emotions,
and attitudes. In fact, if there is a contradiction between your verbal and nonverbal
messages, others almost always believe the nonverbal ones. Nonverbal cues may vary by
culture.
These cues can be studied to reveal the codes to our unspoken communication, including
the way we use eye contact, posture, gestures, facial expressions, personal space, vocal
cues, touch, and appearance. Three primary dimensions can be used to interpret
nonverbal messages, including immediacy, arousal, and position, power and status.
An important thing to remember about nonverbal communication is that it is more
ambiguous than verbal language. To enhance your skills of interpretation, consider the
context of the cues, as well as the clusters of nonverbal behavior. To verify your
impressions, you can ask whether your interpretation is accurate.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
The Small Business Knowledge Home page:
http://www.bizmove.com/skills/m8g.htm
Content: This article from Managing a Small Business discusses the importance of
nonverbal communication in the work place, especially is importance to effective
customer service. It covers the areas of categories and features (physical, aesthetic, sign,
and symbolic); static features (distance, orientation, posture, and physical contact);
dynamic features (facial expressions, gestures, looking, movement, eye contact, touch,
personal space, environment, silence, and time).
Faculty Note: This offers students another context in which to consider the importance
of nonverbal behavior.
Activity: Have students read the online article. In groups, ask them to discuss either a
good or poor example of customer service that was affected by nonverbal behavior.
What happened? What was their interpretation of the cause?
For those students who are currently working, ask them to relate this information to their
current position. What did they find interesting and useful?
As another option, have them work in groups to propose a training session for new
employees in their business in order to improve customer service and satisfaction. Have
students read the article and related parts in the book chapter
26
Scenario: As supervisors, they have been asked to conduct a short training session (1015 minutes) for all employees concerning the importance of nonverbal behavior when
working with customers and fellow workers.
After the scenarios have been planned, ask that groups share them with the entire class.
Test Question: What would you tell your employees about the use of space?
Weblink
Sending Signals Without Words
http://www.angelfire.com/co/bodylanguage/page6.html
Content: This site from the Body Language Training Center offers advice concerning
the importance of nonverbal behavior in job interviews. It addresses the areas of the
greeting, facial/head signals, the eyes, the head, the mouth, the hands, the feet and offers
seven signals for success when interviewing for a job. These are included for your
review:
The Seven Signals for Success
So far we have focused primarily on the pitfalls to avoid; but what messages
should be sent, and how? Here are seven general suggestions on good body
language for the interview.
1. Walk slowly, deliberately, and tall upon entering the room.
2. On greeting the interviewer, give (and, hopefully, receive) a friendly
"eyebrow flash": that brief, slight raising of the brows that calls attention to
the face, encourages eye contact, and (when accompanied by a natural
smile) sends the strong positive signal that the interview has gotten off to
a good start.
3. Use mirroring techniques. In other words, make an effort -- subtly! -- to
reproduce the positive signals your interviewer sends. (Of course, you
should never mirror negative body signals.) Say the interviewer leans
forward to make a point; a few moments later, you lean forward slightly in
order to hear better. Say the interviewer leans back and laughs; you
"laugh beneath" the interviewer's laughter, taking care not to overwhelm
your partner by using an inappropriate volume level. This technique may
seem contrived at first, but you will learn that it is far from that, if only you
experiment a little.
4. Maintain a naturally alert head position; keep your head up and your eyes
front at all times.
5. Remember to avert your gaze from time to time so as to avoid the
impression that you are staring; when you do so, look confidently and
calmly to the right or left; never look down.
6. Do not hurry any movement.
7. Relax with every breath.
27
Faculty Note: This offers a good opportunity to consider the importance of nonverbal
communication on forming that important first impression.
Activity: Ask students to review this web article and then discuss the importance of
nonverbal communication in a job interview situation.
Test Question: What part might your hands play in someone’s impression of you?
Weblink
Personal Space Invaders
http://www.salon.com/health/feature/1999/09/01/personal_space/
Content:
sane.
This article explores the concept that we need our own space to remain
Objective:
Students will be able to recognize how humans use spacial zones to
manage their interactions.
Activity:
Direct students to the article to read about the use of space. Here are some
of the revelations in the article:
Tom Lacey, a 32-year-old territory manager for a telecommunications company, has
noticed a distinction in intra-office space regulation that runs along gender lines. "At a
woman's cube I'll knock, but with a guy I'll just walk right in and slap him on the back.
There's a border between the sexes, as far as what's acceptable. Women are generally
more polite."
Kelly works in an open newsroom with no walls between work stations, so she uses
subliminal methods to hold space invaders at arm's length. "You learn to send messages
with your body language. You create invisible walls," she says. "If someone ignores the
message, you say, 'I'm on deadline,' and shoo them away."
As space in the workplace gets more and more scarce, some folks invent circuitous
methods to free up personal space for themselves. "Everyone in my company has cell
phones," says Adams. "If someone wants to make a private call, they just step outside."
Ask students to consider these methods. What are their comments and observations about
“space invaders’?
Test Question: What do they notice about differences in space as it is used by each
gender?
Weblink
The Center for Nonverbal Studies
http://members.aol.com/nonverbal2/
28
Content: This site features The Nonverbal Dictionary, a dictionary of nonverbal
symbols from Adam's-Apple-Jump to Zygomatic Smile.
Faculty Note: This site is compiled by David B. Givens, Ph. D. and has been reviewed
by the American Library Association who called it "A masterful piece of work . . ."
Most entries include nonverbal sign, usage, and research.
Activity: Assign students to groups with the task of preparing a short presentation on a
nonverbal term. Some terms that may be appropriate for this class are aroma cue, facial
expressions, deception cues, hands, Love Signals I (Courtship), posture, and taste cues.
Test Question: What fields of study might find nonverbal communication important and
why?
Weblink Cross-Cultural Communication: An Essential Dimension of
Effective Education
http://www.cs.unm.edu/~sheppard/proxemics.htm
Content: This study of proxemics looks at the use of colors, space, and how they are
used and approached in different cultures and situations. The authors take a look at some
popular restaurants and discuss their use of space and color.
Objective:
Students will be able to discuss the influences of color and the use of
space to impression formation.
Activity:
Direct students to read the article. Ask them to journal or work in dyads to
utilize information from the text as well as from the article to evaluate their favorite
eating place, your classroom, or their dorm or apartment. What conclusions can they
draw based on their new knowledge? What changes might they make in their own
environment?
CW Journal/Essay Activity
The influence of nonverbal cues
Content: This asks students to consider the same phrase and to determine the different
ways they could be interpreted based on the nonverbal emphasis.
Objective:
Students will understand and demonstrate the different meanings from the
same verbal message based on the interpretations of nonverbal behaviors that accompany
the words.
Activity:
Direct students to the essay on the influence of nonverbal cues.
29
CW Journal/Essay Activity Closing Thoughts on Ending a
Conversation
Content: This activity asks students to consider how they would use nonverbal cues to
end a conversation.
Objective:
Students will understand the use of backchannel and other nonverbal cues
to regulate communication.
Activity:
Direct students to the Companion Website essay on Closing Thoughts on
Ending a Conversation. Ask them to complete the cues they would use and the effect
they would expect them to use.
30
Chapter 8: Conflict Management Skills
Interpersonal conflict is an expressed struggle that occurs when two people cannot agree
on a way to meet their needs or goals. Many people hold myths about conflict, feeling
that is should be avoided, that it only occurs as a result of misunderstanding, that it is a
sign of a poor interpersonal relationship, or that it can always be resolved. In fact,
conflict can be constructive by identifying areas that need attention and change.
Rather than erupting suddenly, conflict is actually the result of a process that involves
prior events and continues after the conflict has erupted.
There are confrontational, nonconfrontational, and cooperative approaches to conflict.
Conflict management skills focus on managing emotions, information, and goals and
ultimately on managing the problem.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
CW Journal/Essay Activity
Words Associated with Conflict
Content: This activity asks students to generate a list of words they associate with the
term “conflict” and then to consider whether these terms reflect a positive or negative
association. They are then asked to think about what reasons or experiences might
influence their perception.
Faculty Note: This may offer an excellent way to start this study. By asking students to
examine some of their own perceptions about conflict, the instruction may become more
meaningful.
Activity:
1. Ask students to complete this activity as part of their Journal.
2. Terms can also be addressed as part of a group in-class activity by asking for
contributions from the class and posting them on the board.
Test Question: How can your experiences with conflict affect your perceptions?
CW Journal/Essay Activity
Myths from Your Culture
Content: Students are asked to write a short essay to address the following question:
As your text discusses, conflict may be handled differently in different cultures or
families. Write a description of how you think your culture views conflict. In what ways
is conflict expressed?
31
Faculty Note: You may ask students to take a broad look and write about general
cultural influences or you may focus on the family as the culture that helps determine
attitudes.
Activity: Ask students to respond to the question either in the online environment or as a
journal entry.
Test Question: What are the differences between expressive and instrumental types of
conflict?
Weblink
“Fifty Ways to Resolve Conflict Without Fighting or
Giving Up”
http://firms.findlaw.com/paulette/memo1.htm
Content: This site offers 50 suggestions for resolving conflict from Paulette Kohman,
J.D.
Faculty Note: This may offer students some practice in categorizing behaviors into skill
categories.
Activity: Ask students to go online to read the list of suggestions. Afterwards, ask them
to categorize them by conflict management skills:
1. Manage your emotions
2. Manage information
3. Mange Goals
Test Question: What are the three areas to manage when resolving conflict?
Weblink
Go Ahead, Say You’re Sorry
http://health.yahoo.com/health/centers/relationships/1380.html
Content:
This article from Psychology Today offers four basic motives for
apologizing:

The first is to salvage or restore the relationship

You may have purely empathic reasons for apologizing

Some people apologize simply to escape punishment

Others apologize simply to relieve themselves of a guilty conscience.
Objective:
Students will understand the motivation and the actions that are part of an
effective apology.
Activity:
Direct students to the Companion Website Go Ahead, Say You’re Sorry.
Ask them to evaluate the author’s four reasons and the description of the anatomy of an
apology. Some conclusions are drawn about the reasons. Do your students agree? What
32
other reasons might they offer? What do they consider to be the attributes of an effective
apology?
Test Question:
According to the article in Psychology Today., what are the four
reasons someone might apologize?
Weblink Building Family Strengths
http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/DE7265.html
Content: Information on this site was adapted from "Building Family Strengths" by Ron
Pitzer. This site offers an example for making conflicts productive, including areas on
characteristics on strong families, communicating, and dealing with your feelings. This
exercise offers students the opportunity to identify feelings associated with statements.
The example given offers the statement, “I haven't had a date for two months” and
explains it as expressing feelings of being frustrated, embarrassed, or anxious.
Faculty Note: The area on communicating includes a section on negative body language
(useful for referring to previous chapter), as well as a section to practice identifying
feelings.
Activity: Ask students to visit this site and complete the exercise called “Dealing with
your Feelings” in the Communicating section. For a list of words to express emotions,
refer to your text on page 194. Explain the significance of identifying your emotions as
part of the management process.
Test Question: What is the value in being able to clearly communicate your feelings?
Weblink
What’s Your Style When Arguing With Others?
http://www.psychtests.com/arguingstyle.html
Go to this website to take the Arguing Style Test.
Content: This site offers a 40-question test to assess argument styles. After taking the
test, the results are submitted for evaluation. Results are returned with general
information about arguing, indications about your specific score, and ground rules for
constructive fighting.
Faculty Note: This site indicates it should take from 20-25 minutes to complete.
Activity: Direct students to the CW Activity to complete this questionnaire. After
completing the test and reviewing their results, ask them to set two specific goals to
improve their conflict management skills.
33
These goals can be entered in their journal with additional comments entered as they have
an opportunity to practice their new skills.
Test Question: How does this article differentiate between conflicts and destructive
fights?
Weblink
Assertiveness Training
http://mhnet.org/psyhelp/chap13/chap13e.htm
Content: This site from MentalHealth.net offers steps and examples for practicing your
assertiveness skills, including explanations of assertiveness and “I statements”.
Faculty Note: This section offers helpful information in several areas: assertiveness
training (2 pages), “I messages” (1 page), expressing anger constructively (1 page). To
continue to move onto the next topic, students will need to select the “Forward a page”
option at the bottom of each page.
Activity: Direct students to Weblink 8.15 and ask them to read the sections on
assertiveness training and I messages. One section offers steps to using I messages,
including looking for opportunities to use them.
For this activity, ask students to practice formulating “I messages” by working with the
following examples:
Statements:
1. You are always late to pick me up.
2. You never clean up the kitchen.
3. You always ask to borrow my notes on the night before the exam.
Their answers can be shared with the class to demonstrate a variety of approaches.
The additional part of the assignment involves journal entries covering opportunities to
use “I messages” in everyday life. Ask students to journal about the opportunities,
including what their habitual response might have been, the I message they formulated,
and how this might have changed the interaction.
Test Question: Describe how to formulate an effective “I message”.
34
CW Essay/Journal Closing Thoughts – Identifying the type of conflict
Content:
Think about a conflict you have had in the past. It could have been over a
perceived shortage of a resource like time or money, it could have been over a
difference in ideas, values, or goals, or it could have been conflict of personalities.
What ever the reason, search back in your memory to see if you can determine
what the conflict was about and how the two people involved expressed their
feelings.
Faculty Note: This can be done as a homework assignment, class discussion, or journal
entry.
Activity: Ask students to revisit the opening scenario and write or provide a response.
Test Question: What are the three approaches described in your text for handling
conflict?
35
Chapter 9 – Understanding Interpersonal Relationships
An interpersonal relationship is a set of interconnected elements in which a change in one
element affects all the others. Whether they are relationships of choice (intentionally
seeking out a relationship) or chance (relationships that occur because your life overlaps
with someone), relationships are always changing.
Several aspects of interpersonal relationships are important. Trust is necessary for selfdisclosure and self-disclosure is necessary for intimacy. Interpersonal attraction
determines how much you want to form a relationship. Elements that influence feelings
of attraction may include physical appeal, proximity, similarity, complementary needs,
relationship potential, reciprocation of liking, as well as credibility, competence, and
charisma. Power also plays an important role in relationships.
Relationships also move through identifiable stages as they escalate towards intimacy or
move away from it. This development can be explained through social exchange theory
or dialectical theory.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
Dating Customs Around the World
http://www.factmonster.com/ipka/A0767654.html
Content: This site offers information on the ways teens date in other countries of the
world, such as Afghanistan, Australia, Central and South America, Europe, Iran, Japan,
and Korea. It also offers some explanation on the evolution of marriage through time,
including current information on marriage today.
Faculty Note: This will offer students a look at how interpersonal relationships may
have an opportunity to develop differently than the process that we all know. There is
also information offered in the text on page 291.
Activity: Ask students to visit this site and read about the dating customs in other
cultures. As a group, ask them to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these
different scenarios. What are the similarities that you see? How might this make your
life and relationships different? If you could adopt one custom from another culture,
what would it be?
Test Question: How are dating customs different in Spain from those used in the United
States?
36
Weblink
Interpersonal Attraction
http://www.nd.edu/~rwilliam/xsoc530/attraction.html
Content: This Weblink contains a written lecture covering interpersonal attraction. It
covers the areas of why it is important, who is available as relationship partners, norms
about initiating relationships, aspects of desirability, and some of the effects of
attractiveness.
Faculty Note: According to the website, this information is adapted from Michener, et
al; Handbook of Social Psychology; and Myers; The Social Animal, fifth edition.
Activity: Divide the class into small groups to discuss the following:
1. Why is interpersonal attraction important?
2. What role does it play in determining your friends and partners?
3. What are some of the factors that can influence interpersonal attraction?
4. How important is physical attractiveness?
5. How important are similar attitudes? What are some attitudes that would be
important?
6. How important is interpersonal attraction as the relationship moves closer to
intimacy?
After the small groups work to come up with their conclusions, these can be shared with
the entire class.
Test Question: What explanation does this article offer as the reason that physically
attractive people receive more self-disclosure from others?
CW Journal/Essay
Power in Relationships
Content: Reflect on your relationships with others. After going back to the explanation
of the different types of power, identify one person in your life to whom you give each
type of power. After you have identified each person, write a short paragraph about why
they fit the definition and offer some examples of how their power is used.
Faculty Note: This short essay can be completed online. The input from the students
will be sent to you via E mail.
Activity: Ask students to visit the Companion Website and complete the Essay on Power
in Relationships.
Test Question: How would you define reward power?
37
Weblink
Tiger Woods
http://www.tigerwoods.com/
Content: This website is from SportsLine.com and covers many aspects of the personal
and professional life of Tiger Woods.
Faculty Note: This website can be used in conjunction with the discussion of Types of
Power in the text on pages 297-300.
Activity: Ask the class to read about the sources of power on pages 299-300 and to visit
the site about Tiger Woods. While visiting this site, ask students to take a look at his
personal and professional accomplishments (“All About Tiger”) and also to visit the chat
area of this site. After reading, ask them to write in their journal or join a group to
discuss the types of power we give to successful athletes.
What types of power to we give to athletes?
What reasons can you offer for this?
What attitudes do you see indicated in the chat area when people write about
Woods?
How might these attitudes affect both the athlete and the fan?
Test Question: List and explain the five types of power found in relationships.
Weblink
Top 5 Keys to Mixing Work and Romance
http://featuredreports.lycos.monster.com/romance/mixing/
Content: This article from theMonster.com collection discusses their advice for romance
on the job and how it might all work out. Advice includes
Be Honest with Your Prospective Partner,
Think Twice Before Starting a Relationship with Your Boss.
Think 10 Times Before Starting a Relationship with Your Direct Report,
Keep It Quiet,
Have Fun
Activity:
Direct students to the weblink to read the article. Afterwards, ask them to
discuss in groups some of the pitfalls and opportunities about being involved with coworkers. How does proximity affect this?
Weblink
friends
When Friendship Hurts: Twenty one types of negative
http://www.whenfriendshiphurts.com/21.asp
38
Content: This book excerpt lists some of the types of behaviors that cause problems and
pain in friendship including the promise breaker, self absorbed, and the controller.
Activity:
Direct students to this site to read the brief article. After reviewing the
list, ask student to journal about ever having any of the types of negative friends. What
was the behavior? Describe the effects and the emotions that went along with it? How
did the friendship work out?
Test question: Identify 3 types of negative friends.
Weblink
Eight Ways to be a Better Friend
http://www.selfgrowth.com/topic-index.html
Content:
This site discusses the skill and practices of being a better friend.
Activity:
Direct students to the selfgrowth site. Here, they can search the online
articles in the friendships area for Eight Ways to be a Better Friend. After reading the
suggestions, ask students to comment or journal on the # 1 skill – that of liking yourself
before you can be a friend. There are also suggestions to “Sweat the small stuff”. Have
students make lists of how they might do this by engaging in everyday acts of kindness.
What do these bring to friendships?
CW Journal/Essay
Identifying Complementary Needs
Content: (This is what the students will see online)
Look on page 164 of your text to find the Building your Skills activity; Are your needs
complementary?. Make copies of the scale so one can be completed by you, one for a
friend, and one for your relational partner.
Compare the ratings for each person. Identify the areas where your needs are similar and
other areas where they are different. Explain the effect these have on the relationship.
(For example, do you enjoy your differences or are they a source of conflict?)
Activity:
Direct students to the website to complete the essay. This can be forwarded
to you or kept for the student’s journal.
CW Journal/Essay
Closing Thoughts on Attraction
Content:
Think back to that person to whom you were attracted – either at present
or sometime in the past. Assess that attraction by considering these questions:
39
1. How similar were you to that person in terms of temperament, values, personality,
and interest?
2. Was your attraction based on physical appearance? Sexual attraction?
Intellectual attraction? Attraction to their personality? Spiritual attraction? A
combination of these?
3. What kind of proximity did you have to this person? Did you have ready access
to him or her? If not, what kind of effect did that have on your attraction?
4. How complementary were your personality traits, abilities, and needs?
Write about your answers to these questions and what you have learned about how this
influenced your relationship.
Activity: Direct students to the Companion Website to complete this activity.
40
Chapter 10: Developing Interpersonal Relationships
People use a variety of skills and strategies to initiate, escalate, maintain, de-escalate, and
terminate interpersonal relationship. Effective initiation of a relationship can be aided by
reducing uncertainty through gathering information, adopting an other-oriented
perspective, observing and acting on approachability cues, identifying and using
conversation starters, following initiation norms, and appropriately self disclosing
Friends play an important part in our lives by providing support, helping us manage,
coping with stress, shaping our personality, and providing material help. As we move
through life stages, our friendships may change.
Romantic relationship differ from friendships in that we expect more, talk more about the
relationship, and are more passionate, committed, and intimate than with our friends.
Our relationships with lovers may vary according to these dimensions.
Relationship problems and endings can be handled in many ways, either in a constructive
or destructive manner, and either directly or indirectly.
You can encourage your students to visit all the weblinks or you may choose from the
following:
Weblink
Conversation Starters
http://www.myjellybean.com/flirt/convo.html
Content: This website offers suggestions for conversation starters and meeting new
people. Suggestions include ideas for conversation-starting questions you can ask your
date, when things get quiet. Just remember to give the person time to answer, and take the
time to talk about yourself as well.
Faculty Note: This can be used in conjunction with the first portion of the chapter:
“Skills for Starting Relationships”, pages 297-307. The “Building Your Skills” exercise
on page 301may also be helpful (Questions to Keep the Conversation Going During a
Date).
Activity: Ask students to make a chart that includes the skills for starting relationships
(as shown in the text on pages 297-307). Beginning with the suggestions and
explanations offered online, ask them to fill in conversation starters or appropriate
behavior for each of these skills.
This can be completed as a group activity or as a homework assignment. Results may be
shared with the entire class.
Test Question: List two suggestions from the article about being a good
conversationalist.
41
Activity
Singing About the Stages
Content: This activity asks students to choose popular songs to represent each stage in
the relationship escalation and de-escalation. A website is offered to search for song
lyrics.
Instructions shown for the activity:
For each of the stages listed below, choose a song that you think exemplifies that
particular stage. (If you are having trouble thinking of a song, visit the Lyrics.com
website to search by artist, song title, or keyword.)
http://www.lyrics.ch/index.htm
Stages of Escalation:
Pre-interaction awareness <input>
Initiation <input>
Exploration <input>
Intensification <input>
Intimacy <input>
Stages of De-escalation:
Turmoil or stagnation <input>
De-intensification <input>
Individualization <input>
Separation <input>
Post-interaction <input>
Faculty Note: This activity can be done in groups in class or students can do research on
their own to prepare for a group activity. It can also be completed totally online or as a
journal activity. Students seem to enjoy it! They must use their knowledge of the
relational stages in order to select an appropriate song. I have enjoyed some interesting
class discussions when groups offered and explained their choices of songs.
Activity: Ask students to complete this activity using the format you have selected.
Test Question: At which stage of the relationship will you be seen or identified as “best
friends” or “a couple”?
Activity
Scripts for Meeting Fellow Students
Content: This activity asks students to write their own script for an initial interaction
with a new classmate.
Instructions from the website:
42
See if you can write your own script for meeting someone during the first few
days of a new class.
Refer to the discussion of initiation norms and patterns of conversations in your
text.. After reviewing this section, write your own script for meeting and
interacting with a new classmate during the first several days of class.
<input>
What are your purposes for following this script? <input>
How could you use opportunities or information presented through this script to
expand or develop the conversation? <input>
Faculty Note: This activity can be completed online. The results will be forwarded to
you via E mail.
Activity: Direct students to the Companion Website to complete Activity Scripts for
Meeting Fellow Students
Test Question: What do you gain by following a script for initial interactions?
Weblink
The Basic Steps of Flirtation and Approach Behavior
http://friends-lovers.com/articles/basic.html
Content: This website from Dana Peach, M.A., M.Ed offers an explanation of the steps
of the “core courtship sequence” including the approach, the acknowledgment, the verbal
exchange, physical re-orientation, touching, and synchrony.
Faculty Note: This is an additional supplement to Section I: Skills for Starting
Relationships.
Activity: Ask students to review Section I: Skills for Starting Relationships and also to
read the web article.
The article explains this as a “creative process” rather than a script. Ask students
to write in their journal about the following questions:



How are these concepts different or similar?
Write a description of approach behavior and acceptance or rejection that
you have used or seen.
What made it successful or unsuccessful?
Test Question: How does the web article explain synchrony?
Activity
Reflecting on Relationships
43
Content: This activity asks students to identify different types of affinity seeking
behavior that may be seen in their everyday behavior.
Instructions for online activity:
See if you can identify affinity-seeking behavior in the world around you.
Review the discussion of affinity seeking behaviors in the text on pages 334-335.
After reviewing strategies, see if you can provide examples from your own
behavior in your relationships. Some of the examples and definitions in your text
may help you think of examples.
Control <input>
Visibility <input>
Mutual Trust <input>
Politeness <input>
Concern and Caring <input>
Other involvement <input>
Self involvement <input>
Commonalities <input>
Faculty Note: This can be completed as an online activity or a Journal entry.
Weblink: Self Disclosure and Openness
http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap13/chap13i.htm
Content:
This site discusses self disclosure, openness, and effective communication
by covering the purposes and recommending the steps involved.
Step 1: How disclosing am I/ About what? With whom?
Step 2: Prepare for disclosing. Handle the anxiety.
Step 3: Gradually develop more skill at self disclosing. Learn to express yourself
clearly and give useful feedback.
Step 4: Self disclose appropriately in well chosen situations. Encourage mutuial
disclosure.
Activity: Ask students to read the article and complete a self disclosure inventory using
the questions posed in Step 1. Ask that they complete this in class or bring it in as an
assignment.
Compare the levels and topics indicated among different people in the class. What
problems could arise as a result of these differences? How could those be overcome?
Practice the “here and now” talk.
44
Test question: How does the article describe “well chosen situations” for self
disclosure? What are some of the things you should consider when making this decision?
CW Journal/ Essay
Closing Thoughts
Content: This exercise asks students to consider the effects of confirming and
nonconfirming responses on relationships.
Faculty Note: This refers back to concepts taught in Chapter 6 and asks students to
apply them to interpersonal relationships.
Instructions for online activity:
Read the closing scenario and respond with thoughts of your own.
Opening Scenario:
There are many things we can learn about how relationships begin and end. Do
you know which factors influence whether you form a relationship with someone?
Do you realize there are patterns and strategies for how relationships develop or
end? Are you aware that culture could play a part in how this occurs? Bring to
mind a relationship you have with a friend or partner. Keep that relationship in
your mind as you read through this chapter.
Bring to mind the relationship you thought of at the beginning of the chapter (see
above). It could be a close friend, a partner, or even someone from your past. Think
about the part that confirming messages played or is playing in the relationship.
Write a few short paragraphs that address the following questions:
1. Think about a time when you put that person down verbally or nonverbally.
Describe what you did and what the response was from your partner. <input>
2. Think about t a time that you used confirming responses. Describe what you did
and what the response was from your partner. <input>
3. Think of two ways or opportunities you have in this relationship to offer
confirming messages and write them down. Considering what you have learned
about how it can influence the relationship, what do you think your friend or
partner will feel as a result of this supportive communication? <input>
Test Question: What are some of the benefits of a confirming communication climate?
Weblink The Love Readiness Test
http://www.testcafe.com/lov/?affil=
45
This “for fun” test helps you determine of you are ready for love by
looking at such factors as age, stage, history, family background, ability to compromise,
your need to control, independence, and friends.
Content:
Activity:
Direct students to the site to take the test. Although it may not reveal
anything that is significant, it does encourage students to examine some important areas.
.
46
Chapter 11: Managing Relationship Challenges
Relationship challenges can be overcome through strong resolve and commitment by the
relationship partners. Types of challenges can come from failure events that are
violations of understandings that exist between the people involved. These failure events
vary in their severity and impact on relationships.
Effective management of a failure event can lead to a clearer understanding and greater
appreciation of the relationship. Reproaches are messages that a failure event has
occurred while the account is the response to the reproach. Based on the account,
reproachers must decide if they find it acceptable and the issue resolved or if it should be
rejected.
Physical separation and distance also creates challenges. Social exchange theory may
help partners involved in long distance relationships determine if the costs of the
relationship outweigh the benefits or vise versa. Maintaining communication is probably
the most important factor in sustaining all strong relationships.
Relationships that challenge social norms may bring additional social pressure on the
relationship. Whether the concerns are over age differences, ethnicity, race, religion, or
sex, the challenges may involve the clash between the in-group and out-group members.
For interracial couples, their relationships have been found to go through four stages
involving awareness, coping strategies, the creation of their own identity as a couple, and
the maintenance of the relationship.
Homosexual relationships and nonsexual relationships may also face challenges.
Interpersonal communication may also be used in damaging, unethical ways. These
“dark sides” include the use of deception by omission, deception by commission, and
baldfaced lies. Feelings may also be hurt through the use of disconfirming responses.
People usually respond to hurtful messages in one of three ways: active verbal responses;
acquiescent responses of crying, conceding, or apologizing; and invulnerable responses
that ignore or laugh at the message.
While hurtful message are probably unavoidable in interpersonal relationships, we are
advised to be cognizant of our own emotional reactions to other’s messages and to the
emotions our messages evoke in others. A strong other orientation as well as
consideration of time are both necessary.
Aggressive and argumentative communication can also be hurtful. Some people may be
aggressive by nature while others use hurtful language as a way of gaining or maintaining
power over others or of expressing bottled up emotions or frustrations. Avoid
47
relationships with people who are verbally aggressive. Using constructive strategies to
let the other know they are valued may help if the cause is low self-esteem.
Argumentative communication is not always a bad thing as people with this skill appear
to have less violent marriages: they use words rather than fists to fight and stick to the
issues at hand. This trait may be seen as being detrimental when it is perceived to be
used incessantly and combined with poor listening skills.
Part of effective relationship management involves being sensitive to cues that signal
relational problems or change. Each stage in a relationship has unique communication
qualities, specific verbal and nonverbal cues can be used to help determine if a
relationship begins to de-escalate. If problems exist, options are to wait and see what
happens, make a decision to redefine or end the relationship, or try and repair it. Repair
depends on the degree to which both partners want to keep the relationship going.
The decision to end a relationship should involve a consideration of the goals. Breaking
up is difficult due to the extent to which we have become dependent on the other person
to confirm our sense of self. Breaking up is also different in bilateral dissolutions (the
decision of both parties to end the relationship) than in unilateral dissolution. In this
case, compliance gaining strategies may be used to get the other partner to agree or one
partner may simply leave the relationship.
A declining relationship usually follows one of several paths. It may fade away when
partners slowly drift apart or may end in an abrupt and unplanned ending defined as
sudden death.
Relationships usually end as the result of “faults” or personality traits or behaviors in one
partner that are disliked by the other; unwillingness to compromise, or the feeling of one
partner of being constrained. There are also specific behaviors that may lead to the end
of a friendship. Actions such as acting jealous, failure to keep a confidence, or not
volunteering to help in time of need may result in termination.
Duck’s model illustrates the stages in the ending of a relationship. Once a partner is
dissatisfied and considers ending the relationship, the person enters the intrapsychic
phase that focuses on the other partner’s behavior. If the partner moves from
contemplation to confronting their partner, the dyadic phase is reached. At this point,
partners engage in relationship talk, jointly assess the relationship, and decide whether to
repair, reconcile, or terminate. If they decide to end the relationship, it enters the social
phase where face saving information is shared with the public. During the grave-digging
phase, each partner begins their getting over activities and conducts a post mortem of the
relationship.
48
Different strategies are used for ending relationships. Indirect termination strategies
attempt to break up a relationship without explicitly stating the desire to do so. Direct
termination strategies may include negative identity management that directly states a
desire to end the relationship without taking the other’s feelings into account, justification
that offers reasons for the end, de-escalation that expresses the desire to lower the level of
intimacy involved in the relationship, or taking the positive tone of stating the desire to
end the relationship while affirming the other’s value.
Post dissolution strategies are used to address the grief and loss. Strategies suggested for
coping with nonmarital breakups include expressing your emotions, figuring out what
happened, be realistic about the relationship, prepare to feel better, expect to heal, talk to
others, gain some perspective and be ready to move on.
Weblink
Breaking Up
http://www.inlove.org/breakup.htm
Content: This site offers suggestions for how to end or survive the end of a relationship.
Faculty Note: This activity could be used as part of Section IV: De-Escalating and
Ending Relationship.
Activity: Ask students to review pages 342-352 in the text and to read the web article.
In their Journal, ask them to reflect on times when they may have used or not used the
suggestions offered and their feelings about that experience. There may also be
additional suggestions they may offer to this list. Ask them to bring those suggestions to
class to be shared with small groups or the entire class.
Test Question: List three suggestions offered by the article for ideas on how to break up
or survive a break up.
CW Journal/Essay
Apologies
Content:
This activity asks students to interact with material from the text to create
their own description of a “heartfelt” apology by including both the verbal and the
nonverbal elements. They are also asked to explain their answer and contemplate if their
position is shared buy others.
Activity:
Direct students to the Companion website to complete the activity.
CW Journal/Essay
Friends with a Difference
Content:
Think of a friend that is different from you in age, ethnicity, sexual
orientation, or religion. Answer the following questions:
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1. What was the attraction or beginning of the friendship?
2. What do you consider to be your most significant difference? How do you
overcome it?
3. What do you have in common?
4. How does this friendship compare to friendships with those that are more similar
to you?
Activity: Direct students to the Companion website to complete the activity.
Weblink
Breaking Up
http://www.inlove.org/breakup.htm
Weblink
Break up survival checklist
http://www.women.com/dating/split/articles/0,,266007_570376,00.html
Content:
Ideas on how to survive a breakup are offered from two perspectives.
Although one site (survival checklist) is primarily for girls, the suggestions and
considerations may also be appropriate for any situations.
Activity:
Ask students to review the two lists and find the commonalities. How
might suggestions from one help the situations in the other? How might they change it if
it were written for males? Why is there(or should there be) a difference?
CW Journal /Essay
Content:
Friendship Sins
This activity builds in information on page 338 of the text.
Activity:
Review the list of “friend offenses.” Review this list and then make you
own. How would you rate your “Top 10” reasons for ending a friendship? What is the
most important rule in being a friend? Explain why you chose this as your first choice.
Test Question:
List three “Friendship sins” and discuss why they are important.
Weblink Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples
http://www.buddybuddy.com/toc-cont.html
Content: This site establish to provide information for gay and lesbian couples is a
good source of information on topics of concern such as legal marriage, domestic
partnership, and parenting.:
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Activity:
Ask students to research an issue on the site. There are many to choose
from including legal marriage issues, parenting, adoption, etc. Ask students to consider
the challenges that are faced by gay and lesbian couples. Ask them to explore their
feelings and to contemplate how these feelings may influence their communication.
Weblink
How to Get Close When You Are Far Apart
http://www.rom101.com/storyview.jsp?storyid=730
Content:
If you find yourself apart from your loved one, here are some things you
can do to survive the temporary separation.
Activity:
Direct students to this site to read the article and try out some of the
suggestions. What is their reaction? What other suggestions might they offer?
The author also suggests that. “In reality, relationships where husband and wife live
under the same roof can essentially be long distance relationships if they have different
(or too busy) schedules and rarely spend time together.” Ask students to comment and
consider ways these suggestions might be used without going anywhere.
Weblink Inside the heart of marital violence
Provided by Psychology Today
http://health.yahoo.com/health/centers/relationships/1587
Content:
Research has shown that between batterer and batteree there is a
relationship, and a very powerful one. It has a dynamic that stubbornly defies what is
well known at the nation's 1,300 shelters for abused women: the vast majority of battered
women return to their abusers.
Activity: This article states that. “on the whole new picture of domestic violence that is
emerging, spouse abuse looks a lot like a very strange onion--the product of many forces
operating and interacting at many levels between an individual and his environment.”
Ask students to discuss what some of the layers of this onion might be. What are the
causes and issues that are contributing to this?
Other findings discussed are “Apart from the coercion, the relationship between batterer
and partner has a positive side. It is typically a highly romantic and deeply loving
relationship. Both are drawn by the fantasy and reality of having found acceptance for the
first time in their lives and feel their relationship is "special," a unique haven from an
outside world. "They are Hansel and Gretel," says Goldner, a faculty member at New
York's Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy.”
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Ask for student responses to this position.
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Chapter 12 – Interpersonal Relationships at Home, on the Internet, and
at Work
Communication principles and skills can be applied to interpersonal relationships at
home, at work, and on the Internet.
A family unit is made up of any number of people who live in relationship with one
another over time in a common living space and are usually, but not always, united by
marriage and kinship. One model for describing families considers family cohesion and
adaptability and the role of communication in affecting family member’s roles and
relationships.
There is no one best way to be a family. Here are four suggestions: Take time to talk
with other family members about relationship issues; listen to others; support and
encourage one another; and use productive strategies for managing conflict and stress.
Relationships at work can involve both the task and social dimension. The challenge of
workplace relationships is maximizing the satisfaction derived from such relationships
while minimizing any negative impact on work performance.
Effective communication at work is necessary to navigate the all-too-common “people
problems.” Business communication competence begins with an understanding of how
to relate appropriately to your boss, subordinates, peers, and customers. Leadership at
work is any behavior that influences, guides, controls, or inspires others. Followership
skills include active listening, providing feedback and suggestions, offering supportive
evidence for your positions, and not sacrificing your ethics.
A new context for interpersonal relationships is cyberspace or the Internet. People with
strong verbal skills have an advantage in using the Internet for initiative and developing
interpersonal relationships. Being other-oriented in your cyberinteractions will help you
adapt your messages and responses to maintain your interpersonal relationships most
effectively
Weblink Creating a shared journal: passed among family members or
dear friends, a journal can be the focus of a once-in-a-lifetime celebration or
a lasting reminder of the everyday events of our lives.
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m1041/11_81/109027070/p1/article.jhtml
Content: This article discusses the use of email journals to keep families close together.
Faculty Note: This offers a good opportunity for students to incorporate many of their
chosen journal entries into an exercise in self disclosure with their friend or partner.
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Activity: Think about the journal entries from this class that you would feel comfortable
sharing with your friends and family. Choose a relationship and formulate a plan to share
information. For example, relationship experts suggest that partners who are apart for
stretches of time find a method of self disclosing by sharing information in a mediated
format. Some find this less threatening and more easily accomplished than in a face-toface situation.
Test Question: What were the recommendations for the first step in starting a family
journal?
Weblink Expatriate Keeps in Touch Via the Web
http://www.december.com/cmc/mag/1996/aug/church.html
Content: This is an article from CMC Magazine by Sue Church describing how a
college student from Northern Ireland kept in touch with his family and his culture
through using the Internet.
Faculty Note: This site provides and interesting example and also offers several
weblinks to sites of interest.
Activity:
1. Ask students to read the online article and also the text pages on pages 393-396.
2. Assign a project for students to complete as research concerning how they can
gather information and stay in touch with their own hometown.
3. Questions they may research include:
i. Does their hometown maintain a website?
ii. Does their local newspaper maintain a website?
iii. Are there websites devotes to their graduating class (check
classmates.com)
4. Ask them to develop and use a plan to stay in touch with what is going on in their
hometown and journal about their results.
Test Question: What were three ways that Ray Wallace used the Internet to keep up
with his hometown in Belfast, Northern Ireland?
Weblink 5: Job Issues
http://www.ivillage.com/topics/work/jobprob
Content: This site from iVillage offers advice about romance and relationships on the
job.
Faculty Note: There are additional job related topics that may be interesting or helpful
in teaching this section: help and inspiration; office politics; managing people; and work
and family. These topics are accessed through the links on the left side of the page.
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Activity:
1.
2.
3.
Direct students to the website on job issues.
Select “Office Romance” from the selections on the left side of the page.
Select “Workplace Romance: 5 Smart Dating Tips”
In small groups, ask them to discuss the following questions:
What theory might predict a workplace relationship?
What are some of the benefits of a romantic relationship with a coworker?
What are some of the potential drawbacks?
Although this article is directed at women, would the same rules apply to
men? Why or why not?
What would be some good “ground rules’ to establish? Why?
How might this be complicated if there is unequal rank between the
participants?
Test Question: What are two things to consider before engaging in a romantic
relationship with a co-worker?
CW Journal/Essay
Family Rituals
Content:
The text defines family rituals as patterned interactions that take on special
meaning or symbolic significance to family members. Take a moment to think of rituals
associated with your family. What are they? Describe the history of the ritual and your
earliest memory of participating in it. If you do not have any that come to mind, identify
and describe a ritual you would like to begin. Explain your choice.
Activity:
direct students to the companion Website to complete the activity and
answer the questions.
Faculty Note:
Weblink
Read about family rituals on page 358 of the text.
Business Etiquette Quiz
http://quiz.ivillage.com/work/tests/bizetquiz1.htm?arrivalSA=1&cobrandRef=0&arrival_freqCap=3
Content: This quiz from iVillage offers students an opportunity to test their business
etiquette.
Activity: Ask students to go online to take the quiz. Ask them to bring their responses
to class. Have a discussion of the findings. What .principles did they find for those who
were classified as “gallant”? a “Goofus”? In what ways do they agree or disagree with
the article
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Weblink
Tips on E mail Netiquette
http://www.imaginarylandscape.com/helpweb/mail/polite.html
Content: This site offers tips on E-mail netiquette as well as information on E-mail files
and communicating with others via the Internet.
Faculty Note: This site is features in other chapters as a weblink. Whenever you get to
it, it still provides useful information. .
Activity: Ask students to read the suggestions on E-mail netiquette, the section of
Communicating with People, as well as the suggestions in the book. As a Journal entry,
ask them to respond to the following questions:
1. What are the most common netiquette mistakes you see in Email from others?
2. What netiquette mistake might you be guilty of? (Work on this one!)
3. What netiquette suggestions can you add to the list?
4. What is your impression of someone who does not use correct netiquette?
5. As E mail is used more and more frequently in business, what problems or
advantages can you see?
6. Is your Email address important? What impressions might it give?
Test Question: What are two suggestions offered concerning Netiquette?
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Test Questions:
Chapter 1:
1. What are some of the effects of being able to remain anonymous?
2. Which emoticon do you find the most expressive or useful and when would you
use it?
3. Name at least one appropriate use and one inappropriate use of e cards.
Chapter 2:
1. What are some ways of maintaining a high sense of self-esteem?
2. What are some ways to separate your self worth from the perceptions others may
have of you?
3. What are some examples of how the mind can influence your body?
4. Which one of the “selves” do you feel is most important? Why?
Chapter 3:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What is significant about the information you select to perceive?
Which type of attribution may have a long term influence on habitual behavior?
How strongly do past experiences influence our perceptions?
How do overgeneralizations pose barriers to accurate perceptions?
Which barrier or barriers to accurate perception might lead you to a negative
perception of events?
Chapter 4:
1. What are three social characteristics that are reported in the census data?
2. What are three areas you should investigate before doing business with another
culture?
3. What is the difference between the monochronic and the polychronic concepts of
time?
4. Name two ways the “thumbs up” signal is interpreted by other cultures.
5. What do you think is the most important skill to learn when adapting to others?
Chapter 5:
1. The International Listening Association website asks that you “Give the gift of
listening”. Why do you think this would be a good gift?
2. How does Brian Bell define “pouncing?”
3. According to the International Listening Association , what were any of the top
ten poor listening habits?
4. What are the steps in the C.A.R.E.S.S. method of listening?
5. Which communication skill do you think is the most important? Why?
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Chapter 6:
1. Define HTML. What is its primary use?
2. List two options for avoiding gender biased language.
3. What are some common mistakes when you are trying to express difficult
feelings?
Chapter 7:
1.
2.
3.
4.
What would you tell your employees about the use of space?
What part might your hands play in someone’s impression of you?
What are the differences in space as it is used by each gender?
What fields of study might find nonverbal communication important and why?
Chapter 8:
1.
2.
3.
4.
How can your experiences with conflict affect your perceptions?
What are the differences between expressive and instrumental types of conflict?
What are the three areas to manage when resolving conflict?
According to the article in Psychology Today., what are the four reasons someone
might apologize?
5. What is the value in being able to clearly communicate your feelings?
6. How does the article on arguing style differentiate between conflicts and
destructive fights?
7. Describe how to formulate an effective “I message”.
Chapter 9:
1. How are dating customs different in Spain from those used in the United States?
2. What explanation does the article on Interpersonal Attraction offer as the reason
that physically attractive people receive more self-disclosure from others?
3. List and explain the five types of power found in relationships.
4. Identify 3 types of negative friends
Chapter 10:
1. List two suggestions from the article about being a good conversationalist.
2. At which stage of the relationship will you be seen or identified as “best friends”
or “a couple”?
3. What do you gain by following a script for initial interactions?
4. How does the web article on the basic steps of flirtation explain synchrony?
Chapter 11:
1. List three suggestions offered by the article for ideas on how to break up or
survive a break up.
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2. List three “Friendship sins” and discuss why they are important.
Chapter 12
1. What were the recommendations for the first step in starting a family journal?
2. What were three ways that Ray Wallace used the Internet to keep up with his
hometown in Belfast, Northern Ireland?
3. What are two things to consider before engaging in a romantic relationship with a
co-worker?
4. What are two suggestions offered concerning Netiquette?
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