PWR/WRTG Dr. Fredricksmeyer
An Easy Guide to Identifying and Revising Passive Prose, and Accompanying Exercises*
The verb “to be” and passive verb constructions (see below) often serve important purposes.
However, we all have a tendency to over-rely on this verb, and write passively when active verb constructions would produce more economic and lively prose. The following sheet suggests easy ways to identify unnecessarily passive prose and how to revise it.
A. Identifying passive prose—
1. a. Circle: i. “is” and other forms of the verb “to be” (for example, was, were, will be, have been, etc.) ii. passive verb constructions, for example, “the ball is kicked by him” iii. prepositions—these are words always placed (-position) before (pre-) the words they modify, for example, in, of, from, by, etc. iv. active verbs, for example, “he kicks the ball”
b. A lot of (i-iii), and few of (iv) indicate passive prose.
B. Revising passive prose—
2. a. identify the subject—ask “ the sentence who ’s kicking whom”—and put it at the beginning of b. bracket (and review later) non-essential words
3. replace “is” forms and prepositional phrases (i.e., prepositions with the nouns they modify) with active verbs, and place this verb after the subject
4. identify the object—ask “who’s kicking whom ”—and place it next
5. review non-essential words and omit them if they are superfluous, or, if not superfluous, reduce them to as few terms as possible and reinsert them (sometimes in a different place)
Example sentence.
There is a good deal of circumstantial evidence in support of this scheme.
1. circle “is” forms, passive verb forms, prepositions, and active verbs: There is a good deal of circumstantial evidence in support of this scheme. Note that there are one form of “is,” three prepositions, and no active verbs.
2. a. identify the subject (and accompanying words) and place at the beginning of the sentence:
A good deal of circumstantial evidence ... b. bracket (and review later) non-essential words that accompany the subject: [ A good deal of] circumstantial evidence ...
3. a. replace “is” forms, and “is” forms combined with prepositional phrases, with active verbs, and place this verb after the subject: Circumstantial evidence supports ... (instead of “is ... in support of”)
4. identify the object and place it after the verb: Circumstantial evidence supports this scheme .
* Sections A-B of this handout draw from an instructive (yet dreadfully tedious and visually repugnant) film that we won’t watch, titled “Revising Prose.”

5. review non-essential words and omit them if they are superfluous, or, if not superfluous, reduce them to as few terms as possible and reinsert them (sometimes in a different place, though not in this case): Much [instead of “a great deal of”] circumstantial evidence supports this scheme.
Steps 1-5 produce: Much circumstantial evidence supports this scheme. (= 6 words instead of
13)
C. Practice sentence.
Avoidance of the use of electrical appliances in the bath is recommended by the majority of brilliant scientists from both America and England.
D.
Exercise 1
Please revise the following sentences (based on excerpts from Richard Lederer’s The World According to Student Bloopers ) to make them more active.
When appropriate, please also revise poor word choice, misspellings, mechanical errors, etc.
Eventually, the Geeks were conquered by the Ramones. Histrionics call people Ramones because they were never staying in one place for a very long time. At Ramone banquets, garlic was worn in the hair by the guests. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny whose poor subjects were tortured by him by playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the Middle Aged. The Dames were conquered by King Allfart who lived in the Age of Shivery. His troops were mustarded by King Harlot before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of
Arc was cannonballed by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, it was provided by the Magna Carta that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
In the Midevil Ages most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was
Chaucer, by whom were written many poems, and verse, and he also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
The Renaissance Fair was an age in which more individuals intimately felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling pupil indulgences. A horrible death was died by him when he was excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great interventions and discoveries. The Bible was invented by Gutenberg. Sir
Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he smoked cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Also, the world was circumcised by Sir Francis Duck with a 100foot clipper.
Exercise 2
From a newspaper, magazine, or some dull textbook, etc., copy down a short paragraph characterized by passive prose. Alternatively, create your own paragraph. Next, revise this paragraph to make it more active and forceful (and, in the process, more economical). As you revise, make sure not to change the meaning, or leave out important elements, of the first paragraph. Bring an electronic version of your two paragraphs to class (in which both paragraphs are visible on the page without scrolling), or store your paragraphs in a place (e.g., an email account) we can access during class through the internet. Be prepared to explain (1) exactly what made the first paragraph unnecessarily passive, and (2) your revisions.
Exercise 3
Employ the steps recommended in this handout as the last stage of each draft of your term papers. You will like the results, I promise!