Dear Di,
Why does everyone hate on the good old missionary position? I feel like it gets such a bad rap. The
problem is I love it but often my partners don’t. Call me lazy—I always feel really comfortable being on
the bottom in this position—but my partners often seem reluctant or don’t want to stay in that position
very long. What gives?! This old style is such a goodie, and I wish more of my partners were on board
with it.
—On a Mission
Dear OM,
Fun fact: Missionary was originally the only position in which Christian missionaries believed people
could engage in sex. I guess they didn’t get a copy of the Kama Sutra, because there's a much bigger
world of weird and wonderful ways to have sex.
But I’m with you all the way, OM: Just because there are a million and one ways to position yourself for
pleasure, it doesn’t mean missionary should be ignored. It's still the most commonly used position
today, despite its reputation as vanilla. The beauty of this position lies in its accessibility to both hetero
and homosexual partners. It also has lots of options for depth of penetration and stimulation, as well as
participation for both partners.
Let’s not forget, missionary is a pretty intimate position. There’s a lot of skin-to-skin and eye contact
involved. Depending on your level of intimacy, this may explain why your partners are shifting into other
positions if they’re feeling the heat a little too strong. It may also just come down to the fact that your
partner wants to try a little adventure and experimentation rather than the tried and true missionary.
Use a little body language—let your partner know that you want to take a turn controlling the speed and
rhythm in missionary. If you’re committed to pleasing yourself and your partner in this position, I doubt
your partner will object. You can also add in a few little twists to missionary like different elevations of
your partner’s body or the use of sex toys for some stimulation on the side. As Rebecca Archer put it in
her article “In Praise of the Missionary Position,” it's kind of like tofu: You have to add your own flavour.
So, get cookin’!
Love,
Di
Dear Di,
I have a really bad allergy to condoms. And I mean all condoms—I’ve been around the block trying
different fits, materials, styles, you name it. What else can I use? I’m running the risk of being lonely in
love unless I can come up with a way to keep my partners—and myself—safe in sex.
—Claritin for Condoms
Dear CFC,
Condoms are definitely a university student's best friend. Being allergic to them can seriously hinder
your ability to get safely laid, so I would like to loudly and proudly commend you on taking the
responsibility and initiative to have safe sex. There’s nothing sexier than caring for yourself and your
partners. So, let’s talk rubber.
Luckily for you there are both non-latex and non-polyurethane options, and some new condom
technology that has recently appeared in the market that should enable you to tango sans-allergy.
One option – and it may not sound as pleasurable as it will feel—is to try condoms made from lambskin.
These have a natural look, feel, and sleekness, but unfortunately do not protect against STIs. It could be
of benefit to you if you find yourself in a committed relationship with another partner and you’ve both
gotten the coital clearance. These condoms have a really low allergy rate.
Another choice is the polyisoprene condom, fairly new to the scene but still a solid option. These
condoms are made from a material like latex but that should prevent the irritation you’ve been feeling
from latex. Another bonus is its stretchy and snug fit. Lifestyles SKYN condoms are your best bet here,
and are comparable in price to your average condom.
Take a visit to some local sex shops. Some stores let customers do a touch test to check out different
condoms. You will also be able to speak to experts who are in the know and may have encountered your
sexual dilemma before. They’ll do their best to help you—no one likes a cock block!
Finally, watch for any condoms containing spermicide. This agent, often added to your rubber, is used to
kill sperm but also can irritate your genitalia. Best of luck in your search for the perfect condom option,
and here's to an allergy-free sex life!
Love,
Di
Distractions – Sex Researcher Profile
Getting the Goods: U of O’s own sex researchers
She’s known as the Love Nurse: Dr. Viola Polomeno is an associate professor in health sciences and
nursing. This sex researcher’s work focuses on the intimacy of parenting couples, and the relationship
between love, intimacy, and health in marriage relationships. She also looks at francophone parenting in
Ontario and training of healthcare professionals who work in sexual health.