Foot Flushing Fiascos
Do you flush the public toilet with your foot in lieu of your hand? Do you have a
habit of doing this? Then you are a foot-flusher, my friend. Yes, you will avoid
getting germs and nastiness on your hands if you are a foot-flusher. But are you
aware of the many hazards of flushing the toilet with your foot?
Take for instance, Mrs. Richard Theorc of Florence, MS. One day at work she
was finishing up her business in the restroom at her office. While foot-flushing,
her shoe dropped off her foot, falling into the swirling waters of the toilet. This
caused a very nasty situation. She had to fish her shoe out of the nasty pee-pee
filled toilet water before it went down the bowl, potentially causing an
embarrassing clog (the shoe happened to be a Skechers clog, by the way).
Antibacterial soap helped in Mrs. Theorc’s situation, however, foot-flushing can
be harmful or even fatal in some cases.
For example, let's take a look at Ms. Leroy, an employee at Network
Streaming in Madison, MS. She is a habitual foot flusher. While
attempting a foot flush recently, she raised her leg to flush with her
foot, and the heel of her shoe caught on the hem of her pants, causing
her to lose balance and fall backward; this resulted in a foot-flushing fiasco.
The action of the heel catching on the hem brought Ms. Leroy down in the
compact bathroom stall. She hit her head twice on the way down; once on the
stall door, and then once on the hard tile floor. She was rendered unconscious
and had to be taken to the local emergency room for stitches to her head and for
a CAT scan. Fortunately for Ms. Leroy, all she needed was the stitches to seal
the resulting cut on her head, and the CAT scan revealed a total absence of
felines in her brain. Ms. Leroy was very lucky.
Unfortunately, there have been some foot-flushing fatalities. Sadly, these rarely
make the news as they are so terribly tragic that the media feels the public will
find the stories too disturbing to hear. But we at the gnat want our readers to
know the chilling truth about the dangers of this seemingly mundane activity of
foot-flushing.
Case in point: Mr. L.K. Nohands of Terry, Mississippi. Mr. Nohands had eaten a
huge, Newk’s Favorite salad at lunchtime. At around 3 o’clock p.m., he headed
to the restroom to relieve himself of a bad case of salad-shooting syndrome
(better known in the medical field as SSS). When he was done with his
business, he felt better; however he was quite weak after such a relief from the
SSS. Striking the flamingo position, and leaning forward with his left foot aloft in
order to perform the foot-flush, Mr. Nohands lost his balance and fell face first
into the toilet, striking his head on the porcelain tank on the way down. The
resulting blow left him unconscious, face down in the toilet bowl. He was found
by a horrified co-worker, who was too grossed out by it all to try to help or
resuscitate him. Thus, Mr. Nohands drowned in the potty before the ambulance
arrived.
These are just a few cases of the hazards of foot flushing. Out of concern for our
readers, The Gnat has brought you these stories as a public service. Please, if
you must foot-flush, do so with caution. As an alternative, we highly recommend
using your hand covered with toilet paper.