Parenting Article No. 79
PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION
FOR DADS
After a marriage has ended your responsibility as
a parent continues. It can take time to adjust to
only seeing your children every other weekend
and being on your own with them. You may find
yourself solely responsible for the children
during access visits and relating to them in a way
that you have not done before. Separation can be
a difficult time for the whole family and you may
experience a lot of mixed up emotions such as:
anger, loneliness, grief, depression, jealousy etc.
All of these feelings are normal responses to
separation. Try not to let your emotions get in the
way of spending positive time with your
children. It will help them cope if you are able to
get on with your life rather than getting stuck on
self-pity, living in the past or continuing the
crisis. Your children will deal with their emotions
best if they are able to have regular contact with
both parents. If you are able to communicate
amicably and cooperate with your ex-partner it
will be easier for the children to have a close
relationship with you both.
Tips for part-time Dads that will help your
children:
 Ensure your children know that you still love
them (you’re not divorcing them).
 Try to help the children feel positive about
seeing you by making plans with Mum about
when and where you will see them.
 Don’t put pressure on your children to make
choices between Mum and Dad. You and
Mum need to be in charge of the organising
and decisions although you can listen to their
opinions too.
 Be positive about the other parent when
talking to your children and don’t criticise the
other parent in front of them.
 Try to stick to arrangements which you’ve
made so they children don’t get disappointed.
 Children hate it when parents argue. Avoid
conflict in front of your children.
 Try to make the time you spend with your
children enjoyable. This does not mean being
‘Disneyland Dad’ but children need some oneon-one time to feel valued by you.
 Especially in the early stages children can
show distress when returning from seeing the
other parent. They may feel sad about having
to leave one parent and go to the other even
though they love you both. Try to be
understanding and reassuring and allow
settling in time when they can have your
attention.
 Don’t interrogate your children about what is
going on at home or what your ex-partner is
doing.
 Try to make arrangements regarding access
when the children are not present.
 Make good use of your time together. You
maybe able to plan an enjoyable activity that
you know they won’t do with Mum. Be aware
that boredom can be a danger. Although a
Playstation may keep your children occupied
it is no substitute for time with you.
 Manage your emotions about your ex-partner
so they don’t have a negative impact on your
children.
 Maintain regular contact with your children.
Even if you aren’t able to see them every
week, phone or write to them if possible. This
tells children that you are thinking of them
and that you care.
Remember children need and want both parents
to love.
For a complete list of Regional Parenting Service articles go to the City of Greater Geelong website
www.geelongaustralia.com.au/community/family/services/article/8cbc84b53070368.aspx