Southerners On New Ground
COALITIONS AND ALLIANCES
REFLECTIONS ON CONDUCT
Below are some of our reflections and organizational guidelines around how to act and engage
in coalitions, alliance spaces, gatherings and meetings as leaders in SONG. The following are
baselines that we expect members, member leaders and staff to adhere too.
ROLE
The role of SONG leadership in coalition and alliance spaces is often first to listen and
synthesize what you hear. Our role is NOT to formulate premature opinions, especially
individual ones. Our individual opinions are part of the assessments we offer back to the staff,
but they are not the whole piece. We also work to hold up and support members who are also in
these spaces with us. We will not carry much weight at all in these spaces if we do not build
trust, relationship, and a reputation in the coalition and alliance for listening to others, being
honest, humble, working hard, and thoughtfully responding. After this building, we play another
important role when we are called on to lead by putting out ideas and proposals, or backing
other strategic ideas that others put on the table. In consensus building spaces it is also
imperative that we exercise blocks thoughtfully and with the intention of centering the collective
well-being of our work, groups, etc. We do not simply to block ideas because we didn’t generate
them and/or are they are imperfect.
PARTICIPATION
Limit the amount of times that you are the first person to speak in a meeting. Be conscious of
how much air space you are taking up. Make strategic comments. Listen to the verbal and nonverbal communication cues in the room. Be enthusiastic of others’ ideas when they are strong.
Don’t ask critical questions unless you have ideas, or can kick the ball to someone else who
might. Appreciate other leaders work at every single meeting with word and deed; a simple, “We
appreciate you,” goes a long way in generating goodwill. Part of our participation also means
we agree not to play into cliques or to spend all of our time with people we already know or just
SONG staff. Make small talk during breaks at meetings or at the beginning or end of a meeting.
Ask a follow up question about what happened in the meeting or a simple and open, “How did
you get into this work?” With new people this is a safe bet for opening dialogue.
ENERGY
It is important to be on time for events or to notify hosts if you will be late as a sign of respect.
We need to bring focused and productive energy to these spaces or it is difficult to justify why
we are present. It is important to agree that we will not be visibly hung over to any degree,
disheveled or otherwise unprepared. This also means we agree to be aware of our personal
boundaries with other members and allies. As a gender and sexual liberation organization we
have seen the harm to our people and relationships when we are reckless with our sexual
energy, words, intentions and actions. We agree to hold each other accountable about not
biasing the space or personal/political relationships due to our lack of personal boundaries. (For
example: don't openly flirt with members and allies in coalitional spaces)
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TONE
As representatives of SONG, we always want to set a friendly and welcoming tone in these
spaces. We agree to be disciplined and to not talk badly about other leaders or groups during
sessions and/or in mixed company at any time. We can vent, but we agree to do so with SONG
staff, or key members we trust and are co-leading work with. Even then, we will be careful and
thoughtful. We don’t need to prove how political we are by trashing others. When other leaders
are problematic we think about end game for our people. This compels us to try to problem
solve issues, to be clear about our boundaries and to move forward. Sometimes that means we
engage in open conflict, however, we do so in a thoughtful, discreet and direct way with the best
intentions for our work and goals and in a matter consistent with our values and not out of ego.
APPEARANCE
We do not believe that we always have to be ‘dressed up’ for all coalition and alliance events.
However, we do know that wearing clothes that are fitting for formal occasions, and overall,
taking care of our appearance is a sign of respect to each other and our elders. We will not be
in our lounge gear, wear jeans, winter hats, dirty clothes or otherwise informal clothes when we
meet with leaders that are new to us, donors, elders or funders. We affirm that we will all
individually self-determine how we present our gender, our personalities, our cultures, and our
style at all times! If you’re in doubt of when you will have formal ‘wear’ responsibilities, ask
another SONG leader rather than wonder!
LANGUAGE
In coalition and alliance space, much of what we are showing is our skills, generosity and
flexibility. While we know how to facilitate large sessions using 50% cuss words, when we are in
broader coalition and alliance space we show that we don’t have to and that we can use other
vocabulary to show our depth, passion and politics. We refuse to censor ourselves, but we are
willing to choose ‘common ground’ language that will mean more of us are receptive and will
help us liberate our people.
PRINCIPLED DISAGREEMENT
It is absolutely essential that we are able to engage in principled disagreement with other
leaders and organizations. We also understand that the majority of big disagreements are best
articulated when our organizational response is thoughtful and planned. It is easy to jump to
conclusions and lack context when we are angry. When we disagree, we agree to do some
background intel, formulate a strategy, and work our plan for how to push disagreement towards
productive outcomes--which could be polarization, reconciliation, neutralization, withdrawal, etc.
ORGANIZATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
At least half of why SONG is where it is now locally, regionally, and nationally, is because of our
organizational relationships, which are made up of large sets of one-to-one personal
relationships. No organizational relationship is so bad to deserve not being approached
thoughtfully--even if the result is actions that make the relationship hostile. The most important
key to building and continuing good organizational relationships is never acting like your
organization is better than others. The best approach is visualizing a movement team, where
organizations take up different roles, and conveying that in actions and in words. This doesn’t
mean we are neutral about other organizations and individuals causing harm, but it does mean
we lead with a path to trust when there isn’t any versus a path to mutual destruction.
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RECIPROCITY
Understanding the principle of reciprocity in coalition and alliance building work is critical. This
means that we don’t ask other groups or leaders to help build SONG as an organization without
offering to do the same for other groups in some ways. Ways we often ask others to help build
SONG or are asked to build other groups include: communications support, policy/legal support,
tools, leadership networking, etc. SONG is a loved organization nationally and this puts us in
danger of assuming that liberation-focused leaders all over the country are just waiting around
to help build our leaders and us. This is not the case. Leaders we respect the most respect
SONG (and are invested in its growth), because they see it as a vehicle towards broad
liberation movement building. Their interest in SONG is solely tied to our ability to move the ball
forward on those broad, shared goals. That means that they assume that when we need them
we will ask, but also that when they need us we will respond in kind and at the scale expected
for what they have done for us.
For more information on this tool contact
kindred@southernersonnewground.org
www.southernersonnewground.org