Funeral Service
In Memory of (Name of Deceased)
Note: A funeral or memorial is a very personal ritual. We provide here a generic model,
with elements and readings frequently used by the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism.
Many families will want to modify it to reflect their loved one and their family. Many of
the readings can be divided among two or three readers, or left as is. Following the
service are several other, alternative readings, as well as a note on the Kaddish. Use what
you wish and add elements meaningful to you.
Welcome:
We gather to honor the life and memory of (name of deceased), whom
death has taken from us. To be part of a gathering of a family, a
community, a group of dear friends, at such a moment is an act of
compassion, loyalty, love and integrity. On behalf of the family of
___________________ I thank each of you, family and friends, for being
here at their time of grief.
Leader:
There are no timely deaths,
Though some are more accepted than others.
There are no blessed deaths,
Though some are more peace-giving than others.
There are only unwanted deaths,
Uncontrolled
Unreasonable
Unholy deaths.
Reader 1:
Yet even as we peer into the heart of death and behold no answers, a
courage arises within us to face the truth of our ignorance with the light of
our love.
Though we cannot know the reasons for death, we can face the reality of it
with the best of human dignity, refusing to despair of life, even as life
seems to have despaired of us.
The pain we feel today is not the pain of failure, but of victory, arising not
out of our having acquiesced to death, but from our having risked to live at
all. We are triumphant in our suffering, for we have dared to love, dared to
lose, and dared to keep on living.
Courage is loving life even in the face of death. It is sharing our strength
with others even when we feel weak. It is embracing our family and
friends even when we fear to lose them. It is opening ourselves to love, if
even for the last time.
Reader 2:
One generation goes, another comes,
But the earth remains the same forever.
The sun rises, and the sun sets
And glides back to where it rises.
Southward blowing, turning northward,
Ever turning blows the wind;
On its rounds the wind returns.
All streams flow into the sea,
Yet the sea is never full;
To the place from which they flow,
The streams flow back again.
All such things are wearisome;
No one can ever sate them;
The eye never has enough of seeing,
Nor the ear enough of hearing.
Only that shall happen which has happened,
Only that occur which has occurred;
There is nothing new beneath the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:4
Reader 3:
Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every purpose
under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot
that which is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build
up;
A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to
embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to seek and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to
speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Leader:
The next readings are meant to evoke our memories of ______________,
her ideals and ideas.
Reader 4:
When I die give what’s left of me away
To children, and old men who wait to die.
And if you need to cry, cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms around anyone
And give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something,
Something better than words, or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have known or loved.
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on in your eyes
And not in your mind.
You can love me most
By letting hands touch hands
By letting bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go of children who need to be free.
Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So when all that’s left of me is love,
Give me away.
Merrit Malloy
Reader 5:
Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Musical Interlude
Song; “Zay-kher Tza-dee-keem”
Zay-kher tza-dee-keem, lee-v'ra-kha.
Zay-kher tza-dee-keem, lee-v'ra-kha.
Lee-v'ra-kha, lee-v'ra-kha,
Zay-kher tz-dee-keem, lee-v'a-kha.
[The remembrance of righteous people is a blessing to us.]
Eulogy
Other remarks (At this point invite others to express their memories of ____________)
Leader: Let us read responsively.
Those who taught us to laugh and to cry
We remember them
Those who held us and whom we held
We remember them
In the rising of the sun and its going down,
We remember them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We remember them.
In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring,
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
We remember them
When we seek advice that does not come,
When we are alone and afraid,
When we are weary and in need of strength,
When we are lost and sick at heart,
When we have joys we yearn to share,
We remember them.
So long as we live, they too shall live,
For they are now a part of us,
As we remember them.
All: May the memory of those we loved in life and still love in death bless our thoughts
and acts. The special grace of their years reaches out to touch our hearts and give us
hope.
Leader:
As the day wears on,
The wind rises,
The morning, eve past midday,
Was filled with works,
But now the sun lowers,
Shadows shift,
The cool pulls within.
Let the wind rise,
Let the sorrow be lean within you,
Let it move like lions roaring
In the garden
Amidst the forests of knowledge.
Let it go
Like a butterfly
Sailing past
A sleeping leopard.
Announcements
Additional Readings
Traditional Kaddish and Humanistic Alternatives
Note: Humanistic Jews do not generally recite the traditional Kaddish. We include it here
for those who wish to recite it as a matter of personal choice at a funeral or memorial
service.
Traditional Kaddish Prayer:
Yit-ga-dal ve-yit-ka-dash she-may ra-ba. Be-al-ma dee-vrah khee-roo-tay. Ve-yam-lich
mal-khoo-tay. Be-kha-yay-khan oo-ve-yo-may-khon oo-ve-kha-yay de-khol bayt
Yis-ra-el ba-aga-la oo-viz-man ka-reev. V-im-roo: A-mayn.
Y-hay she-may rah-ba me-va-rakh le-olam oo-le-al-may al-ma-ya. Yit-ba-rakh ve-yishta-bakh, ve-yit-pa-ar ve-yit-ro-man ve-yit-na-say, Ve-yit-hadar ve-yit-a-lay ve-yit-ha-la
she-may de-koo-de-sha.
Be-rikhhoo Le-ay-la meen kol bir-kha-ta ve-shee-ra-ta.
Toosh-be-kha-ta ve-ne-khe-ma-ta da-a-mee-ran be-alma
Ve-eem-roo: Amayn
Ye-hay shla-ma ra-ba meen sha-ma-ya ve-kha-yeem
Alehnu ve-al kol Yis-ra-el ve-eem-roo: Amayn
O-seh shalom bim-ro-mav, hoo ya-a-aseh shalom a-layn-noo ve-al-kol- Yis-ra-el.
Ve-eem-roo: A-mayn
Humanistic Alternatives:
We Remember
[This reading, also included in the above funeral service, has become a standard passage
of remembrance in CHJ services that include a memorial.]
Those who taught us to laugh and to cry
We remember them
Those who held us and whom we held
We remember them
In the rising of the sun and its going down,
We remember them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We remember them.
In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring,
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
We remember them
When we seek advice that does not come,
When we are alone and afraid,
When we are weary and in need of strength,
When we are lost and sick at heart,
When we have joys we yearn to share,
We remember them.
So long as we live, they too shall live,
For they are now a part of us,
As we remember them.
All: May the memory of those we loved in life and still love in death bless our thoughts
and acts. The special grace of their years reaches out to touch our hearts and give us
hope.
Other Humanistic Alternatives:
They are not dead who live
In hearts they leave behind.
In those whom they have blessed
They live a life again.
And shall live through the years
Eternal life, and grow
Each day more beautiful
As time declares their good,
Forgets the rest, and proves
Their immortality.
Hal'lu: Praise
Praise the world
praise its fullness
and its longing,
its beauty and its grief.
Praise stone and fire,
Lilac and river,
And the solitary bird
At the window.
Praise the moment
When the whole
Bursts through in pain
And the moment
When the whole
Bursts forth in joy.
Praise the dying beauty
With all your breath
And, praising, see
The beauty of the world
Is your own.
Marcia Falk, the Book of Blessings, 158
May our bereavement for our loved ones who are no longer with us lead to
An expansion of our compassion for all of life and of our passion for wonder in
our relationships.
May we pursue peace among the living.
May we find inner peace, Shalom, in the acceptance of our loss, cherishing the
memories of companionship which shall endure in us.
May our community be a source of sustenance and support to all who mourn.
[Adaptation by Rabbi David Oler]
Other Readings:
Death finally terminates the struggle, the wish, the fantasy. The grief and
joy, success and failure, are all ended.
Like children falling asleep over their toys, we loosen our grasp on earthly
possessions only when death overtakes us.
The master and the servant, the rich and the poor, the strong and the feeble, the
wise and the simple - all are equal in death.
[Adapted from Gates of Heaven prayer book]
With our tears
In our sorrow
We remember.
With our courage
And our strength
We do not forget.
Acts of kindness
Deeds of courage
Will remain.
Beauty created
Wisdom shared
Is not lost.
With our tears
In our sorrow
We remember.
[Rabbi Robert Barr]
Life Goes On
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower
Nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I am gone
Speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves
That I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So .... sing as well
[Joyce Grenfell]
Traditional Native American Prayer
When I am dead
Cry for me a little,
Think of me sometimes
But not too much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life.
At some moments it's pleasant to recall,
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace,
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.
Definition of a Successful Life
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
[Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Life and death,
A twisted vine sharing a single root,
A water bright green
Stretching to top a twisted yellow
Only to wither itself as another green unfolds overhead.
One leaf atop another,
Yet under the next
a vibrant tapestry of arcs and falls
all in the act of becoming.
Death is the passing of life.
And life is the stringing together of so many
little passings.
[Rabbi Rami M. Sharipo]
I Am Standing Upon The Seashore
I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says;
"There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she
left my side, and she is just as able to bear her
load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout;
"Here she comes!"
[Henry Van Dyke]
7/15/14 RG