Revising Workshop

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Mehr, Spring 2006, Rewriting Critical Essays
Lesson One: Thesis / Introduction
The introduction to a critical essay should grab the reader’s attention, clearly state the
paper’s thesis, and map out the argument’s main points.
Rough Draft of an Introduction:
“During the 1960’s black power movement, many strived to find their true
heritage. They searched with a hope of being completely fulfilled and erasing any
American aspect of themselves, when realistically American culture helped to develop
them. I feel that American aspect is always going to be a part of African Americans.
Alice Walker in “everyday use” does a great job in portraying the battle people fight to
find where they truly lay in life. She shows that fight African American’s have with their
American background. Walker portrays this battle through a family that has two
competing views of heritage. Each character within the story holds a different view of
heritage, and their personalities grow as the story progresses.”
Synopsis of the Paper’s Argument:
 Dee is material, while Mama is practical. Dee wants the finer things in life,
whereas Mama is focused on working hard in the tradition of her ancestors.

When Dee returns home for a visit, we learn that she has taken a sudden
interest in her African American heritage. At the time, the Black Power
Movement was rising in America, in which African Americans wanted to shirk off
white culture and oppression in favor of rediscovering their African roots; however, in
doing so, they neglected to recognize the generations of ancestors who had worked
hard to develop a culture in America.

2 competing views of heritage emerge: Dee is focused on preserving the past
and getting back to the family’s African roots. Mama, on the other hand, favors her
American heritage, which was built by people she remembers on hard work.

These conflicting views of heritage come to a head in the quilt scene. Dee
wants to preserve material goods; whereas, Mama wants Maggie to use them
practically, because that is the family’s true legacy—hard work and “everyday use.”
While Dee would preserve the quilts, Mama knows that eventually they will fall apart
anyway. Maggie is the best person to have them because she knows how to quilt,
and will pass that knowledge on to the next generation. Dee is so desperate to hold
onto and commodify her heritage through preservation that she forgets the true
meaning of heritage: to pass on your knowledge and abilities to future generations.
Rewrite the above introduction to improve clarity and effectiveness. The new introduction
should have a more complex and clearly stated thesis, and should specifically map out
Mehr, Spring 2006, Rewriting Critical Essays
the paper’s main points. Sentences should be clear and concise, moving from old to new
information (as we practiced last week). It should follow the conventions of the critical
essay, refraining from personal opinions and unnecessary use of the first person. It might
also be effective to summarize the story in one or two sentences.
Lesson Two: Close analysis of the text
When Harold Krebs returns home after WWI, he is a changed man. He feels alienated
and detached from society, especially the conformity required by his small town. His
family encourages him to get a job and a girlfriend, but he is completely unmotivated to
do so.
They all wore sweaters and shirt waists with round Dutch collars. It was a
pattern. He liked to look at them from the front porch as they walked on
the other side of the street... He did not want them themselves really.
They were too complicated. ..Vaguely he wanted a girl but he did not want
to have to work to get her...He did not want to get into the intrigue and
politics. He did not want to have to do any courting. He did not want to
tell any more lies. It wasn’t worth it...He did not want any consequences.
He did not want any consequences ever again. He wanted to live along
without consequences (299).
Closely analyze this passage, showing how it supports and ties in with the larger
argument. Here are some questions to get you going:



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

What do you make of the fact that all the girls dress the same?
What’s appealing about them to Harold, if anything? Why does he vaguely want one?
What does he mean by “complicated”?
Why does Hemingway use the words “intrigue and politics”? Can you think of
anything else in Harold’s experience that these words would apply to?
When he says “any more lies” what previous lies is he referring to? Why did he
have to lie then, and why would he have to lie to the girls? What would his goal be
in lying? Why isn’t it worth it?
Why does Hemingway repeat the word “consequences” three times in three
sentences? What is the significance of the word? What other connotations does it
have as he repeats it?
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